Chapter 145 - War and Fears

Trigger Warning: This chapter contains suicide thoughts if it would trigger you or you're uncomfortable PLEASE skip for me. Lots of love. 

When Liam got to the bedroom he saw Ying Sheng lying on the bed looking at the ceiling. He was scared she would do anything stupid but surprisingly she was too calm after her outburst.

"Ying Sheng…." He called out gently.

"Hmm?" Ying Sheng replied without looking at him.

"How are you?" Liam asked softly.

Ying Sheng chortled humorlessly. 

"You have been asking that alot lately."

Liam heaved a sigh, "Tell me what you are thinking."

"Nothing." Ying Sheng retorted.

Liam furrowed his brows. " Don't lie to me. If you don't want to talk about it just tell me." 

Liam said with his voice laced with concern.

Ying Sheng arched her brows and looked in his direction.

"Why do you care?!" She snapped at him bitterly, not missing the way his face contoured. 

Ying Sheng realized she was being rude and took a deep breath,

"I-I sorry, I didn't mean that." She muttered squeezing her eyes shut slightly.

"It's okay. I care because we are friend's." Liam whispered smiling softly at her.

Ying Sheng sucked in a harsh breath as she ignored the palpation of her heart slamming against her chest.

She blinked rapidly, ignoring the loud voices in her head but they were pestering her.

"Do you really believe him?"

"He would leave you. They all do."

"No one wants a wreck like you. Save the world of your existence.  End it."

"No one wants a lonely, pathetic girl. You know your body craves the sharp edge on your skin. Why fight it?"

"Do it, cut it, end it. If your death can help you escape this misery, then why don't you just…."

"Shut up!" Ying Sheng shouted as she held her head.

Liam panicked when he heard her. He rushed towards her and pulled her from the bed.

He shook her before she opened her eyes and stared at him.

"I'm a wreck, Liam. A wreck nobody wants." Ying Sheng finally spoke looking at the ceiling.

"Me. I tried to be happy, I tried to act like people's words and opinions had no effect on me but I'm tired Liam. So f.u.c.k.i.n.g tired."

Ying Sheng chuckled humorlessly, "I can't keep fighting for nothing. Right now, I really want to slice a blade across my wrist. Maybe the pain would finally fill the emptiness inside me."

Liam just stared at her without interrupting her. He knew this is her, opening up to him.

"Call me, weak but I don't want to hurt anymore." 

Ying Sheng snickered numbly.

"Everyday, I wake up to this depressed world and I wish I didn't." Ying Sheng whispered as tears began to pool at the back of her eyes.

"I can't do it anymore Liam. No one understands me. To them I'm just a disgrace or a pampered gangster ruining her life. But…."

Ying Sheng took a deep breath, "They don't know the war I have to fight against the voices in my head every f.u.c.k.i.n.g day. Now I'm loosing the war. I'm tired, I just wanna close my eyes and never wake up. After all, people finally show you love when you're gone."

Ying Sheng chuckled hysterically as tears broke out then laughter.

"I can't…. can't do this anymore." 

Suddenly Ying Sheng felt herself being engulfed in a hug.

Ying Sheng felt a lump in her throat. She has never told anyone this. Not even the therepist Lei Zhao hired for her. But for some reason she told Liam. 

"Shss.. it's okay. You don't have to be strong everyday. If you want to cry just cry. If you want to scream don't let anything hold you back. I will lean you my shoulders to cry on."

And just like that she screamed with all her might. Her tears flowed down her face like a river escaping a dam. The only time she would stop was to breath.

Liam had no idea how long he held her but when the worst of the crying was over, he pulled her away and looked in her eyes.

"You don't have to fight the war alone. Not anymore.  Even the strongest commander or leader doesn't win a war alone. It's the soliders that win the war; together as a team."

Ying Sheng blinked in confusion. 

"I promised you, I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. If you think you're losing the war just call me please."

Ying Sheng searched his eyes if he was saying the truth and she chuckled, "Cutie, if you act like this I would fall in love with you. Trust me I get attached easily. " She said sarcastically.

If it was any other day, Liam's heart would have skipped a beat but he knew she was joking.

"Also, they all said the same thing, why should I believe you?"

Ying Sheng asked, her voice cracking as she looked at him with pained eyes.

"Friends are always there for each other. Just….give me a chance."

Liam waited for her reply. He knew loneliness has been her companion for a long time so it would be hard to let someone in.

Ying Sheng smiled and nodded, "Alright, Cutie."

Liam smiled, " I will always be there for you, Baddie. I will be there to lean you my shoulder. I will be there to catch you never letting you go. You don't have to be alone."

Ying Sheng snorted. "Make sure you don't run away."

Liam chuckled and shook his head, "Never, so get used to me."

He wiped the tears on her face with his hands.

"Ready to go home?" Liam asked Ying Sheng.

"Yes, let's go." Liam smiled and nodded.

"I will go and check out."

The moment Liam left, Ying Sheng took a deep breath. It was really nice to have a friend who is always there for you. 

Suddenly, her phone rang snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Miss. Ying, good morning. I'm calling to remind you of your photo shoot tommorow."

A woman's voice sounded the moment Ying Sheng picked up the call.

"Alright, thanks."

Ying Sheng hung up and took a deep breath.

'New beginning.'

Author's Note:

I know Ying Sheng's story is a little depressing but it won't for long. So please patience.

Happy new months guys! Thank you for your support. Honestly I didn't think anyone would buy my privilege this month. Was so scared about it but then I saw the comments and I'm like oh?

Really appreciate it guys. Love.