Chapter 181 - Opening up

"How are you feeling?" Liam asked softly as he gave Ying Sheng a painkiller.

Ying Sheng looked up and shot him a grateful look.

"Hmm...okay." Ying Sheng sniffled as she mumbled.

"O-okay." Liam said as he rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't want to ask her questions since she just broke down. He was afraid he would trigger anything.

But he really wanted to know. Liam knew her parents had something to do with this.

What did they say to break her down like this? 

"Do you want to take a shower and sleep?"

Liam asked as the silence between them was torturing.

Ying Sheng shook her head. 

"I-I... don't you want to know why….I tried killing myself?"

Liam froze for a second before he nodded his head.

"I do want to know but I'm afraid... you would feel uncomfortable talking about it."

Ying Sheng shook head as she played with her fingers.  Her shoulders slumped in defeat as she tried to fight the tears that were threatening to come.

"When I got to the restaurant my mother was there too. We had an argument and I asked her why?"

Ying Sheng paused as she took a deep breath.

"I wanted to know why she hated me. Why she was never around and couldn't look me in the eyes."

Ying Sheng mumbled. Liam stared at her as he listened quietly to her. He knew every word she spoke was hard for her.

"I don't know why I'm telling you this Liam. I'm not someone to open up to someone. I'm afraid people would laugh at me when they see my vulnerability. I don't want to be called weak."

Ying Sheng's lips stretched into a sad smile as she said.

"Maybe it's because you're the only friend I have. So I can trust you."

Liam flashed her a smile as he patted her hair.

"When I was young my parents were never around. I remember my dad used to take me out for ice cream and to the park but one day it all stopped. My mother didn't even want to see me. Anything she did, she would yell at me and tell me to go away.

I always wondered why my mom hates me. I thought maybe she was going through a.d.u.l.t stuff once she sorted it out. She would like me. They say, when you criticize your children they don't stop loving you, they stop loving themselves.

I will always go to bed hating myself because I felt it's my fault my mother wasn't happy. Even though I was a kid I knew back then "

Ying Sheng said as her eyes once again began to well in tears.

"The people in the high society made it worse. They just wanted to be my friend because my parents were rich.

No one tried to know the real me so I pushed them away. I began to keep to myself and avoided them. I bullied some too so that they would hate me and not come close to me.

I started getting into troubles, fighting with other kids in school because I knew the school would call my parents but funny they never came.

It was my nanny who always came anytime the school called home.  My parents felt I was destroying their reputation in City S so they sent me away. I was only eleven at that time.

They sent a kid alone to a foreign country. I had no one at that boarding school. I thought if I did well academically my parents would be proud and they would finally notice me.

So I studied hard day and night, I remembered one day before our exams I collapsed due to how I was stressing my body."

Ying Sheng chuckled dryly. "The school called my mother that I had collapsed and I needed someone since they were worried about my mental health. Both no one came. I can still see the pitiful looks they were giving me. 

One day when I went to the school rooftop I saw a girl smoking. I was curious so I asked her why she was smoking?"

Liam couldn't help but swallow. He never knew she had suffered so much.

"She laughed and said it was a way of escaping from reality. The cigarette and beer healed her and survived every passing day. Then she removed the bandage wrapped around her wrist."

Ying Sheng's eyes darkened as she got lost in her story.

"To say I was shocked was understatement. Why would someone hurt herself? She said the feeling of the blood draining out of her makes her feel alive. It replaced the emptiness inside her. I thought she was crazy so I left her alone.

That was my biggest mistake. I realized she needed someone to just listen to her but I called her crazy and ran away.  Ten minutes later…...news of someone jumping from the rooftop spread through the school."

Ying Sheng stopped talking and Liam froze.

"I...killed her. If- I had just listened to her. If I had not call her crazy maybe she wouldn't have—"

"For days I tried calling my parents. I just wanted someone to tell me it wasn't my fault. That my harsh words didn't kill her. That there was nothing I could have done. No, no one was around. The guilt crawled inside my head slowly breaking me.

Years went by and I didn't tell anyone. I became the same person I called crazy. I started drinking, smoking and cutting myself. I realized she wasn't crazy…...no. She was just a sad broken girl who needed love. Wanted someone to understand her.

I was suffocating alone in that foreign country so I came back home. My need for parental love made me come back.

But nothing changed apart from me. I changed. I dyed my hair red, went for a tattoo and started rebelling. 

I didn't realize I was losing myself in the process. I was far gone."