CH 15

A Confession of a Secret Love (2)

Within happy is sad or within sad is happy

It was in this way that Julie and I established our presence in Fang Yu Ke’s off campus residence. Because my foundation was very weak, according to Fang Yu Ke’s words, I didn’t even have any foundation at all, I had no choice but to stay up all night to read my heavenly books. When Fang Yu Ke just began, he even scolded me with a few sentences of “Idiot”. Later, he felt that the simple repetition of scolding me with Idiot did not change my idiotic conduct at all. A majority of the time, as he would answer me with increasing depression, he would look up towards heaven and adjust his mood before he proceeded to find additional fault in my methods and straighten me out.

Julie, this girl, even while studying could still find time to scheme. How could she pretend not to understand the things that she actually did? After that, she would pretend to ask Fang Yu Ke while hanging her chin down every once in awhile and biting the head of her pen as she threw herself at him with big eyes, making a cute face. As for me, I had pretended that I understood parts that I didn’t understand to avoid inconveniencing Fang Yu Ke. But even if I scratched my hair into a bird’s nest, I still had big pieces that I was unable to make sense of.

方予可明显重色轻友。茱莉问他的时候，他都好言好语，给她从第一步说到最后一步；到我这里，就恶言相向，给我列几个关键步骤，让我自己思考去了。他的理由很简单：“脑子不转要生锈。坐享其成的事还是少做为好。”我可怜巴巴地吭哧吭哧做半天，解答完了，他又说：“你脑子还是有点沟壑的，做着做着不是逼出来了吗？”

Fang Yu Ke was obviously the kind to pay more attention to a lover than friends. When Julie asked him, he would use kind words and give her the first step to the last step. When he got to me, he would speak maliciously and arrange a few pivotal procedures to let me ponder over. His reason was very simple: “Your brain will get rusty if it doesn’t think. Thus, doing less of reaping where one has not sown is still the best.” I pathetically whimpered for half a day, but when I finished answering the question, He said to me again: “Your head is still like a ditch. After doing more, won’t it be forced out?”

这样无聊地在题海里奋斗了几天，茱莉终于忍不了，回家洗澡睡觉，准备第二天卷土再来。而我又冲到方予可的床上睡觉去了。这两天我睡觉的时间缩短到以前的一半。每次困得不行时，我就冲到方予可的卧室一睡不醒，醒来之后不洗脸不刷牙，直接看书。方予可被我弄得有点神经衰弱，也不敢在床上睡觉，怕我意识不清地躺他身上都不自知。一般他困了，就蜷在客厅的沙发睡觉。

In this way, I passed a few days, bored. Julie finally couldn’t endure it, and went home to bathe and sleep as she prepared for her second day’s examination papers to come again. As for me, I rushed up to Fang Yu Ke’s bed to sleep. These two days, the time I had for sleeping had been greatly cut by half as compared to my former sleeping times. Every time I was unbearably sleepy, I would rush up to Fang Yu Ke’s bedroom and sleep without waking. After waking up, I wouldn’t wash my face nor brush my teeth and immediately started studying. Fang Yu Ke had gotten a little mental illness because of me, and he didn’t dare continue sleeping on the bed, afraid that I would lie down on his body without even knowing. Whenever he got sleepy, he would huddle up on the sofa in the living room to sleep.

而熟睡的我不知道灾难就这么来临了。

The me who was sleeping did not know that a catastrophe was approaching.

我被一阵刺耳的尖叫声吵醒。我朦朦胧胧地睁开眼睛，看见茹庭捂着嘴一动不动地看着我。我头大地闭上了眼睛，希望这是噩梦一场。可是我听到了熟悉的嘶哑男声：“茹庭，里面肯定有误会……”

I was awoken by an ear-piercing screech. I hazily opened my eyes, and saw Ru Ting covering her mouth with her hand, motionless as she stared at me. I stubbornly closed my eyes, hoping this was a nightmare. But I heard a familiar masculine sound: “Ru Ting, there are definitely some misunderstandings in here……”

这回差点换我尖叫了。我猛地起身，没错，就是小西，他也傻傻地愣在一边。

This time, it was almost my turn to scream. I suddenly got up, that’s right, it was Xiao Xi who stood at the side, staring blankly.

我在慌乱中，还是习惯性地抹了抹嘴边口水。现在一定要镇定，镇定。本来就没什么事情，干嘛要慌？

Fang Yu Ke’s face sank and became very unsightly. I understood this rascal’s feelings. In any case, he was a man and could not stand this girl who was overly suspicious. I also realised that Ru Ting possessive nature was a bit too strong. It was as if a simple broken bed determined her life and death. I sympathetically looked at Fang Yu Ke and then looked at Xiao Xi, whom was hanging his head down.

小西才是这场事件的牺牲者，莫名其妙地看了闹剧，还莫名其妙地被人表白。而且我猜小西肯定在思考，我这到底是为了息事宁人，假模假样地演戏呢还是天时地利人和地真情告白。

Xiao Xi was the true victim of this entire event. He unexpectedly had to watch this slapstick scene and even more unexpectedly got confessed to by someone. I also guessed that Xiao Xi indeed had some thoughts, but he was a peacemaker at heart. His fake acting was indeed a gift from heaven that could indeed make people confess any truth to him.

I thought that since things had gotten this awkward, I had better say something to lighten up the atmosphere. So I looked at Xiao Xi and said affectionately: Xiao Xi, the things I said just now were real. It was not just to fool Ru Ting. I really do like you.”

Xiao Xi looked at me, looked at Fang Yu Ke and looked at me again, then even more unbelievably looked at Fang Yu Ke.

I could only more forcefully say: “I’ve liked you for a very long time. I’ve fallen in love with you. It’s a pity that in this drama, the conclusion is probably that our feelings are not mutual.”

这回换茹庭看了看我，又看了看小西。

Upon saying this, Ru Ting looked at me and then looked at Xiao Xi.

小西眼神里出现忧郁的样子：“何必呢？我把你当妹妹看。”

Ru ting timidly said: “ actually, I don’t know whether or not sister Yi Lian can even be counted as Xiao Xi’s girlfriend. Everyone knows she only has eyes for the vice president. It was only because of some incident that caused her to go looking for Xiao Xi.”

原来那个不要脸的享受小西宠溺的叫怡莲！

小西苦笑着说：“茹庭你这丫头说话怎么这么损啊？少说一句又不会死。不过我和她分了又怎么样呢？我的心里留了某些影子，这些影子大概这辈子都散不去了。我知道假装跟不爱的人在一起，对方会受到什么样的伤害。怡莲跟我在一起时，我清楚她还留恋着他，我都希冀时间长了总会好的。最后还不是我痛苦？林林，我不希望你跟我在一起时，让你尝到这种痛苦。你就死心了吧。”

So this shameless behaviour that enjoyed Xiao Xi’s help could be traced back to this woman called Yi Lian!

Xiao Xi smiled bitterly: “ Ru Ting, you rascal, how could you say such hurtful words? You wouldn’t die by speaking one less sentence. I understand how much pretending to be with someone that you don’t love will hurt the other person. In the end, aren’t I the one who’s hurting? Lin Lin, I do not wish for you to face this kind of hurt while you are with me. You should give up.”

我有些生气，你好歹有个机会尝试和怡莲在一起，却吝啬得连个机会都不给我？我嚷道：“不行，你要有影子，我就做阳光。总有一天，影子不见了，我们会相爱。”

I was a little bit angry. You had an open opportunity to try being together with Yi Lian, but are too stingy to even grant this kind of opportunity to me? I shouted: “ no way. If you need to have a shadow then I will be the sun. One day, when the shadow is gone, we will be mutually in love.”

一直没吭声的方予可走到厨房，拿出几罐啤酒，笑着跟说：“行了，有你们这样的吗？表白、拒绝、死缠烂打之类的都在我们旁边说，当我们空气呢？喝点酒，喝完你们就回去。还有周林林，你收拾下你的书，回去自己看吧。现在及格肯定没什么问题了。自己琢磨琢磨也许还能考个高分呢。再做不出来，你就直接问小西吧。”

Fang Yu Ke, who hadn’t spoken a word, walked into the kitchen and brought out a few cans of beer. He smiled and said: “ okay that’s enough, do people normally act like you do? Confessing, rejecting, and declaring your stalker-like intentions even while we’re around? Do you think we’re air? Let’s drink some beer, after you’re done you should go home. And, Lin Lin, pack up your books then go home and take a look at them. It should be no problem for you to pass now. Even if you ponder about them by yourself, you should be able to score well. If you really can’t, then just ask Xiao Xi directly.

方予可的脸色有些苍白，笑容里都是苦涩的味道。我不知道这种苦涩的笑容是不是因为家庭教师资格出让，让他happy里有sad了或是sad里有happy了呢？

Fang Yu Ke’s face was a bit pale. His smile was also slightly bitter. I do not know whether or not the reason for his bitter smile was because he had to give up his tutoring rights. Did this cause sadness in his happiness or happiness in his sadness?