Chapter 103: Florida Man Commits Suicide After Lamia Princess Offers to Share Bed With Him

While waiting for his turn in the private locker room, Felix took in the surroundings with a mix of curiosity and mild distaste. The architecture of the place was a nod to modern design, though it lacked the conveniences of the world he knew. Instead of electric lights, the dim glow of candles flickered in the corners of the room, casting long shadows that danced across the walls.The lockers, made of wood rather than the sturdy steel he was accustomed to, struck him as quaint but vulnerable to theft.

The air in the room was heavy and stale. Poor ventilation left the space thick with the unpleasant mix of carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide. Only a few small holes in the walls served as makeshift vents, doing little to alleviate the oppressive atmosphere. It felt like the room was slowly suffocating under its own weight.

As Felix inspected the wooden lockers, he noticed they seemed new on the outside, their surfaces smooth and polished. But when he opened one, he was met with a stark contrast—a dark, dried bloodstain marred the interior, and the sharp, metallic scent of old blood filled his nostrils. There were no belongings left inside, just the lingering evidence of some past violence.

He quickly shut the locker, deciding he had no use for it.

Sitting down on a rough wooden bench, Felix glanced at the time. It was only 7:30 AM. The first knockout round had started half an hour ago. With 28 matches scheduled, each averaging around 10 minutes, he figured he had at least four or five hours to kill before his turn came up.

To pass the time, Felix opened his inventory and began browsing through his gacha boxes, hoping to find something useful or entertaining to distract him from the dreary surroundings.

…

Mystery Crate (Class E)

This crate contains random tools, items, or system perks. Once opened, a new item will be unlocked in the Florida Man Online Store, allowing you to purchase additional Mystery Crates.

Possible items you can obtain:

- Mystery Crate (Class D) x 1 - 1%

- Mystery Crate (Class E) x 2 - 2%

- Phoenix Dawn Needle x 1 - 3%

- Dimensional Garden Permit - 6%*

- Essence Stones x 10 - 9%

- Elixir of Bone Reconstruction x 5 - 10%

- Emergency Call-In Beacon x 5 - 12%

- Supply Crate (Class D) x 3 - 12%

- Karabiner 98k Production Permit - 20%*

- Supply Crate (Class E) x 10 - 25%

*Note: These items are unique. Once you obtain them, they will disappear from the list.

…

Felix had ten gacha boxes left from his quest rewards. Feeling lucky, he decided to open one. As he did, a bright iridescent light burst forth, illuminating the room with a dazzling glow.

When the light dimmed, Felix peered inside and found a small red pin with a crimson feather attached to its bottom. A wry smile crept across his face as he hadn't expected to hit the jackpot on his first try.

…

Phoenix Dawn Needle

Description:

This feather needle was once a gift from Priscilla, the Foster Mother of the Great Transcended Singularity. She plucked her feathers during the shedding season. While this needle has lost most of its original power, it still retains a tiny fraction of an Iridescent Phoenix's energy. This is enough to either resurrect a mortal or extend a living person's lifespan by a thousand years.

Usage:

To use, simply stick the needle into the patient's skin. However, if the patient is suffering from brainrot syndrome or insists on calling themselves a "rizzler," it's recommended to apply the needle a bit more... forcefully, by shoving the feather up their "gyatt" to cure their ailment.

Effects:

- For a living patient: Heals all injuries and extends lifespan by 1,000 years.

- For the deceased (if dead for less than 24 hours): Resurrects the patient, heals all injuries, and extends lifespan by 500 years.

- For the deceased (if dead for more than 24 hours but less than 7 days): Resurrects the patient, heals all injuries, and extends lifespan by 100 years.

- For the deceased (if dead for more than 7 days but less than 49 days): Resurrects the patient and heals all injuries.

- For the deceased (if dead for more than 49 days): Heals all bodily wounds.

…

Despite being called a needle, it was an inch thick and three feet long.

It seemed rare and useful, so Felix quickly stored the Phoenix Dawn Needle in his inventory and eagerly began opening the other boxes.

His second attempt yielded 10 Class E Supply Crates. "Well, it's better than nothing," he thought.

On his third attempt, he got another 10 Class E Supply Crates. Felix narrowed his eyes, wondering if RNGesus was playing tricks on him.

The fourth box? Ten more supply crates. Now, it was getting ridiculous.

The fifth roll finally brought something different: five beacons. "A little better," he muttered, but he wasn't impressed.

By the sixth roll, Felix was back to square one with yet another batch of supply crates. He sighed, "Can't I get something more creative?"

The seventh roll brought, unsurprisingly, more supply crates. This was getting out of hand.

And then, on the eighth roll, more supply crates appeared. Felix stared at the pile.

"You've got to be kidding me!"

He stopped after this string of bad rolls and glanced over at Jessica, his AI companion, mentally calculating the odds of such bad luck.

"What are the chances, Jessica? Am I cursed?"

<0.03584%. Congratulations. You are cursed.>

"...Thanks for the confirmation. *SNIFF*"

With his expectations thoroughly crushed, Felix brought out the last two boxes. As he opened them, one emitted a shiny golden light, while the other shot out sparkling confetti.

*DING!*

<You have obtained Karabiner 98k Production Permit!>

<You have obtained Dimensional Garden Permit!>

Two limited items in one go. Felix's eyes widened in disbelief. He quickly checked the descriptions.

The KAR 98K, though slightly inferior to the Garand of the same era due to its lack of a semi-automatic shooting option, was still a solid hunting rifle and a favorite among collectors. Felix wasted no time activating the system skill, crafting a new KAR 98K for his collection. He pulled the bolt, fetched a mana bullet, and checked their compatibility.

It fit, but there was a problem—barrel deterioration. Felix estimated that the unmodified version of this rifle would only handle two or three mana shells before it cracked, just like the regular M1 Garand he often used as a disposable rifle.

Recalling the Garand he had handed to Saucon earlier, Felix snickered. That rifle was a test model he had used several times during private practice. He had even tried shooting mana bullets in semi-auto mode once.

The result? A cracked barrel, busted gas cylinder, and charred wooden parts. Felix knew the rifle would misfire on the next shot or explode on the second. That was why he had given two mana bullets to Saucon earlier—hoping the emperor would use them and accidentally kill himself.

Thinking of the half-broken weapon, Felix fetched the Garand he had used to kill Veetee and checked its condition. Upon disassembly, he found a slightly charred barrel and a tiny crack inside. Even though he had modified the gas block to use it as a bolt-action rifle to avoid a gas explosion, it was still damaged. Felix sighed and decided to discard the rifle, converting it into mana.

*DING!*

<You have extracted 100 mana from slightly worn M1 Garand.>

<You've reached the maximum mana limit. Please complete the main quest to unblock the limiter.>

"..."

Felix silently stored the new KAR 98K in his inventory, tidied up, and opened the quest menu to reread his new objectives.

…

Main Quest #8 - Yin Yang Harmony

Now that you've condensed a dantian for your aura and a mana heart for magic, it's time to establish the proper foundation for your growth—Foundation Establishment. The key lies in merging the mana from your heart with the aura from your dantian. Once you harmonize these two energy sources, your path to greater strength will open. Only when they become one can you truly advance.

Objective:

- Link your dantian with your mana heart.

- Harmonize the two energy sources using mana breathing techniques.

- Don't die.

Rewards:

- Increase your level cap to 40.

- Unlock Oil Refinery Add-Ons Feature.

- Unlock Oil Refinery Add-On Items in the Florida Man Store.

Note: There are six ways that you can achieve this. Choose one of your options, grading from the easiest to the most difficult methods:

1. Stab your heart or dantian using the phoenix down needle and use the Phoenix Breathing method to harmonize your dantian and mana heart. Searᴄh the ηovelFire.ηet website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.

2. Consummate with a female phoenix one time. Then, use the Phoenix Breathing Method.

3. Consummate with a female immortal of any species who practices water element three times. Then, use the Phoenix Breathing Method.

4. Consummate with a female mortal of any species who practices water element 69 times. Then, use the Phoenix Breathing Method.

5. Consummate with a female mortal of any species who can't use magic or doesn't practice water element 999 times. Then, use the Phoenix Breathing Method.

6. Harmonize your dantian and mana heart using the Phoenix Breathing method without relying on any item or helper.

*All choices yield the same result.*

…

Reading the quest details, Felix pursed his lips and glanced at the floating system windows, where a portrait of Jiji appeared. Despite being unable to see, Jiji could still read Felix's thoughts. She smiled gently and humbly offered her assistance.

"If you need to, you may use me. I'm willing to offer my body to you, my lord."

"..."

The offer was undeniably tempting, especially coming from Jiji, who was even more graceful and attractive than Diana and Zhu Xin Ci. But Felix quickly realized the downsides. Completing it 69 times within a few hours seemed impossible, and the excessive activity would drain his stamina, potentially crippling him for the tournament.

Suppressing his desire, Felix politely declined, though with some regret. "You're very beautiful and attractive, Jiji, but I need to focus on my performance in this tournament. I can't use guns, so I'll need every bit of stamina and mana."

"I understand," Jiji replied, still smiling as she bowed and gracefully accepted his decision.

Felix removed his clothes, anticipating another intense moment. He retrieved the Phoenix Dawn Needle and examined its sharp edge. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes, firmly grasped the long shaft of the three-foot feathered needle, and drove it into his left chest.