CH 10

In hindsight, I felt terrible, but I couldn’t go back on my words. I left Daisy, who looked troubled, behind and began proudly walking. The gate opened. As I headed towards my room on the second floor, maids, servants, and other workers greeted me. 

After taking off the uncomfortable corset that stricken my waist and the crinoline that helped to lift the skirt, I changed into something more comfortable. It felt like I was finally free from those that bound me down. Finally, I felt refreshed. I should’ve taken these off sooner. Tightening my waist to compete with others changed nothing in the end. However hard I tried, I still looked like myself to others. 

‘How others see me was truly worthless after all.’

That’s right. Before, I used to compare myself to other people’s standards, which felt like tightening my waistline with a hard corset. While watching out for what Kyles might think, even when he didn’t love me, I felt insecure. I tried my best to avoid Elise, who always bullied me. Moreover, I was afraid of the gazes from people who scoffed and criticized me. While trying to fit within their standards, I felt like I was going to suffocate.

But now, after promising to take revenge on them, I feel light. It was like this current state where I removed everything. Now, after accepting the hate inside me and deciding to move towards my dream, I felt much lighter. It was so good to be free. How did I manage to endure such a thing until now?

‘I was… a fool.’

While I was looking after Kyles, I gave a lot to my family. I used my limited time to help manage the estate, so my mother wouldn’t be disappointed. Additionally, I used the money that I could barely save by working more to help out the estate’s finances as my father had requested. I also didn’t spare any leftover money when using it for Kyles. Overwhelmed by self-pity, I was in a pathetic state.

Why did I try so hard to be good to my family and Kyles? I did whatever they wanted, even if I had to use less and sacrifice. But the return of such sacrifice was a hollow end to the relationship. Ironically, there was no Marina in my life. There was only a good fiancée and a good daughter. Did I not live for myself?

It was an easy question from the beginning. I never had any duty to sacrifice myself for Kyles or my family. From now on, I want to be a selfish person who only lives for herself, not as a good daughter or a good fiancée. What’s wrong with that? I have been living for others, so now I want to live for myself!

Maybe that loser Kyles might be regretting this by now. He lost the best doormat in his life. I’m sure he’ll miss that, but I am a bit concerned about my family. Can they manage the estate without me? Especially when it comes to my plants, they’re delicate and need extra attention. Maybe my family might not like the idea of me becoming a government official.

If I am to become a government official, I have to move to the capital alone. My parents will be worried. What should I do? Should I keep it a secret that I am preparing for the exam?

It was while I was deep in thought on my bed when someone burst the door open and walked in. I frowned at the sudden appearance of this mannerless guest.

“Marina! Is it true? Did you really break up with that snob Kyles? I heard he tried to make out with that angel-like Lady Schuteiner and got dumped!” exclaimed the guest.

The guest mentioned was my brother Harris. He was five years younger than me and had been stuck inside the estate due to his health issues. I took good care of him when he was younger, but now that he grew up, he became arrogant and nosy, making all the trouble he could without repaying me for my efforts. His nickname was Harry, but it felt cheesy to call him that out loud, so I only use it in my thoughts.

‘Words do fly, eh? The message already got here. Was a pigeon used for it?’

I was astounded that he was talking about an incident that happened just today. It did happen at the Harnen Estate, which is close to our estate, but shouldn’t it at least be tomorrow for the word to get out? So, I asked, “Did the pigeon give you that news?” 

“Gosh, silly. That’s not only it! The entire northern regions’ network has spread the message that Lady Schuteiner felt bad for turning down that pr*ck Kyles’s proposal. If the news came all the way down here to this countryside, I’m sure it would have spread to all of high society! Thanks to him, your name is gaining fame too,” replied Harry excitedly.

I frowned. That damn b**ch. I should’ve known. A beautiful woman had unintentionally made an engaged man fall in love with her. Then that woman tragically had to reject him while in a troubled situation.

While showing off her charms, she had successfully turned me into a fool who had lost her fiancé. A scandal involving a famous figure was the best way to quickly spread rumors over the entire country. Gosh, I can see how badly I irritated her.

“You’re done, sis. Why did you have to meddle with the precious daughter of the Minister of Foreign Affairs? Now, most nobles will try to stay as far as they can from you. And with your temper… Gosh, what should I do with you?”