CH 33

My heart, however, had died and stopped beating a long time ago. Even when a man, who is more similar to my first love than Kyles, and the Minister of Treasury Marquis’s precious son, Lynel, was saying that he became fond of me, my heart was dull. Maybe it’s because I was greatly hurt by love.

I faked a smile and replied, “Thank you, Secretary Lynel. But I’m not as strong nor wise as you would think.”

“It-it doesn’t matter. I just thought I wouldn’t be able to say it if I missed this opportunity… so I took the courage to ask. Thank you for your time.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve gained confidence thanks to you. Thank you for that.”

Then Lynel, whose face blushed by my smile, softly spoke, “My name is Cedric von Lynel. I hope you call me by my first name someday.”

Such a direct show of interest made my heart ache. Will there ever be a day when I call someone by his first name with love?

I loved him for five years after knowing him. But the first time he looked at someone with loving eyes was when he was looking at a beautiful woman he called a friend. I didn’t want to feel betrayed at that time and feel my small world collapsing around me.

Love… It was a worthless feeling. I honestly didn’t want to make any more mistakes due to such short-lived feelings.

On the way back home, inside my carriage, I let go of those bitter thoughts down and away below the carriage wheels.

***

By the next morning, I was able to blow the bitterness away by playing chess last night and was able to find my calmness before going to work. I got to work early and opened the door to the main office of the Operations Department.

“Good morning, Associate Harrant.”

“Good morning, Secretary Lynel. Good morning everyone!”

Seeing his face blush in response to my greeting made me happy from witnessing such cuteness. A man close to the man of my dreams… Well, the man of my dreams has always been the same as my first love, so I would say it’s the man that I want to protect. But as for Lynel, it feels like he needs someone stronger than me.

Anyhow, I didn’t want anything to do with love, which was pointless. But I did have good feelings toward Lynel. It wasn’t a man and woman thing, but more of an interest as a fellow human being. Thinking more about the reason made me realize that this was because he was similar to someone else other than Kyles or my first love.

“Secretary Lynel, could you go through this policy?” asked one clerk.

No one was goofing off even if they came early. Everyone was busy preparing their documents or reviewing their work. I also was busy preparing for the meeting by reading the materials. It was then, the clerk asked, and Lynel went over to him with a serious look and looked it over.

“Return this to the Administration Department. This kind of unreasonable tax increase will put a strain on the people. I will not allow such measures,” said Lynel.

“Yes, sir.”

The clerk who answered to him seemed to have some kind of respect for him in his eyes. That’s right, a heart for the people and kind leadership. He made me think of one person. My father, who I respect the most.

“Secretary Lynel,” I called.

“Yes?”

Lynel became puzzled by my sudden call. I smiled and added, “You’re the one who’s strong, not me.”

His face turned completely red, and he stuck his face into his desk. Then he began focusing on his work. I guess he likes that compliment. But who doesn’t like compliments? We all want compliments, right?

“Hey, Mari- Associate Harrant,” called a voice.

“Oh, Hello. Secretary Harsen,” I answered, realizing it was Rave.

He came directly to my desk, crouched, and placed his chin on his hand to look at me. Then he said, “You’re beautiful today like always. What do you eat to make yourself so pretty?”

I guess meaningless compliments coming from this guy is an exception.

“Can you stop this nonsense and get back to work?”

Rave began returning to his seat at my words, then noticed Lynel and began making a fuss. “What- Cedric! Why is your face so red? What did you eat?!”

It was the same question asking what one ate, that sounded so different. Rave sure was a magician of language.

“Oh, you’re just embarrassed to see your senior’s handsome face? Is that it?” asked Rave teasingly.

“No, I’m not!”

How can he think of something like that from just a face going red? He had some nerve. I mean, Rave was quite handsome, as long as he kept his damn mouth shut.

“Yeah, Cedric. You are actually quite cute too.”

“W-what are you talking about? Secretary Harsen, can you please ignore me?” asked Lynel.

“I know how you feel about me. But I already have someone in mind. A beautiful lady by the name of ‘Marina.’”

Just as Lynel became embarrassed and was trying to say something, someone jumped into their conversation and asked, “Is that true?”

Rave’s face became pale when he noticed who it was. He turned away, acting as if he had no business, then turned back. The person he was looking at was me.

“Is it true that you like me? If my uncle finds out about this, he would be very-”

“N-No! I was just joking! I have no intention of dating someone from work, alright? I was just trying to make a joke. Let’s not be so stuck-up, yeah?”