CH 96

‘No, not yet. It’s not the time to stagger. Just one more step. Just one more…!’

I managed to barely walk out with anger that was trying to eat me alive when someone held my hand. With warm hands and green eyes, my servant looked at me and said, “I’m your servant, my lady. I’m not helping you. I’m just doing my job.”

I felt like a fool to be relieved because of her words. I couldn’t be weaker than I was, but why were there so many people around me who made me weak?

“It’s okay. I’m fine.”

I refused her help because of that. After using some effort to walk, I was able to get into a carriage. As soon as I sat down, my legs went numb.

“Milady, are you alright?” asked Daisy.

I felt numb but acted as if I was calm and nodded, “I’m fine.”

I’m fine. That’s… just all in the past. Even if I regretted it, nothing would change. But why is that past still trying to drag me down? Even if I act right, my genuine actions don’t work. I’m saying I’m fine but… it’s getting tiring.

***

While people were smirking at me, I was alone in a large area filled with people. Even with those eyes that looked down at me with everyone laughing, I stood as if I couldn’t see or hear them and as if I was calm. But from the inside, I was hurt.

I didn’t do anything wrong, so why are you all looking at me like that? While I glared at them with such thoughts, I saw familiar faces among them. Kyles and Elise. You won’t hurt me anymore. When I glared at them, I saw others who were looking at me behind the two of them. They were my precious people. Because they were looking at me with such eyes, the inside of me cracked and shattered completely.

***

“AAAARGH!”

I opened my eyes with a scream. Cold sweat was all over my body. Oh, right. I fell asleep right after I got home earlier. So, it was a dream. It was a disgusting one.

“Damn it.”

I’m fine. It didn’t happen, nor will it happen. Wake up. I’ll become a failure if I become weak because of such things. I barely managed to calm my emotions, and my mind turned cold again. I got up from my bed and stood in front of the mirror.

‘I can’t look weak.’

I was relieved to see myself in the mirror with a bit of a stern and expressionless look on my face because it felt like I was back to my usual self. In an effort to wake my mind up from that lingering weakness, I opened the window. The cold and chilly early-morning air came in and cooled me off. At the distant floor of the sky where darkness hadn’t driven away, the bright sun was ripping through and soaring up from beneath. While looking at the sunrise, I wished that my weakness from within could burn away without a trace.

***

“Marina, you don’t look so well.”

I heard Rave’s energetic voice, but I didn’t deny it. The unpleasantness of last night’s nightmare still lingered, so I didn’t want to play along with others. I nodded with a stern expression and replied, “It’s nothing. I’m just a bit tired because I couldn’t sleep much.”

Rave then began to make a fuss, “What?! My dear Marina couldn’t sleep? Was it because you were thinking of me?”