CH 42

It’s a trivial matter that no one notices.

It has begun the moment I realize when and where it happens.

Now that it has started, it’s too late now. It flows just like a river.

I might have been happy if I didn’t notice it. I might feel better if I could stop it.

But I can’t stop it right away.

Once it has flowed, no one can go against it.

But as it goes by, it gets bigger. But I’m sure it’ll get drowned into the sea if I don’t do something about it.

And it’ll be too late once that happens.

Because it’s impossible to find what has drowned into the sea. It will only leave scratches at the end, eventually disappearing into oblivion…

If I can stop the flow in the middle…

Then that will mark a new beginning.

So no one notices it. When it ends, and when it starts. It will continue to smolder.

◇◇◇

“...That was interesting. But I can’t understand what is the implication. It bothers me.”

But I spoke to myself, holding down my stomach. Then I reflexively chuckled.

“Talking about the beginning, it happened at that time, huh.”

On that day, I forgot my wallet and my house key. It’s the first time that happened to me.

Even if I wanted to kill some time, I had no money to go anywhere. I didn’t want to stay in school since many people gathered there.

At that time, a boy from the same school gave me potatoes. He told me he was giving me something he would throw away. Yet despite all of that talk, the potatoes were still warm. That realization made me almost laugh.

No matter how I looked at it, he must have bought it for me.

However, I was suspicious of him at that time. All I thought was, “Ah, this happened again.”

And I wondered if he would demand something in return of this. I experienced that before…

Someone offered to help me carry a load at school, then he persistently pressed me to exchange contacts with him ever since.

That was just one of the examples. Many other men approached me with hidden intentions. I didn’t want to remember them…

So I was sure he was one of them…

That’s why I wanted to cut off my future worries. And I waited for him. If I was indebted at him, I should repay the favor as soon as possible.

But he refused. On the contrary, he sent me home since it was late at night.

That time, I gave him a chance to make me indebted to him on purpose. But the result was the same. He didn’t ask for anything.

How strange… I couldn’t understand his thoughts. Maybe he was aiming for something big? I felt a little scared of that possibility.

So I decided to go to his part-time job.

That way, I should be able to get a glimpse of his personality. Fortunately, it was far from school, and also a good place to study… Plus, the donuts were delicious.

But my father got angry every time I went home late at night. It was scary.

So I told him, “Don’t worry. Tokiwagi-san always sends me back.”

Father frowned, but he said, “Bring him here someday.” He then opened his newspaper so I couldn’t see his face anymore.

At that time, Mother was grinning behind me… I wonder why? I still wasn’t sure of the reason until now.

However, they hadn’t said anything since then. It probably meant my parents had approved of him. But Towa-kun was surprised when I told him that…

After that, he sent me every time he had a part-time job. And yet… there was no change.

At this point… I lost a little confidence. Maybe I wasn’t that attractive?

So I went to his home. I tried to show my cooking skills and tried to catch him off guard. My face would turn red in embarrassment every time I remembered how I did something bold that day.

Even though I acted with such courage… he still never asked for a reward.

So from that day, I tried to approach him by doing this and that.

Did I get closer to him? Have I shown him about me? What does he think about me?

And when I realized it, I was following him every day. My suspicions had changed before I knew it, and I was focused on him.

I couldn’t forget that feeling when I realized that. The hazy that annoyed me cleared up, and my face became hot at the same time.

But there were also times when I was sad. He tried to keep a distance from me…

But I know.

He’s really a kind person. He’s just more unfriendly and blunt than other people. I knew that since I had been with him every day. That’s why he should have a reason to put up a wall between us so I wouldn’t come near him…

So I would never leave him alone. No matter what he did…

I’m waiting for him to tell me the reason.

“Oh, I see. So it’s like that… Now I understand the meaning of this poem…”

I realized it by looking back on my recent self.

“This was a love poem, eh.”

Fufu, it might be perfect for me now.

I closed the book and looked up at the ceiling. I fanned my hot face again with my hands.

What is he thinking right now? What does he think of me? Is it possible that he likes somebody else?

Even if I thought about it, I couldn’t come to a conclusion. But I had decided on what to do.

“I’ll make you fall in love with me!”