CH 90

“May I talk to you for a moment?”

Rin smiles as she looks out at the ocean.

The wind blowing from the ocean ruffles her beautiful blonde hair.

Hair is usually messy when the wind blows, but in Rin’s case, her silky hair is just fluttering with the flow of the wind.

In fact, rather than being in disarray, it seems to play the role of accentuating her good looks.

This is Rin…….

It’s easy to forget when you’re nearby, but that’s the kind of person Rin is.

She looks like she’s loved by God, and the presentation she gives symbolizes that…….

I see it as a matter of course.

I’ve become so numb to it…….

I noticed Rin looking at me as I was getting sentimental again, and I cleared my throat with a cough.

“Don’t stare at me…….”

“That’s impossible.”

“No chance of denial ……?”

I sigh, pick up a fallen shell and throw it into the sea.

The sound didn’t fade away, it just disappeared into the dark sea.

Rin, perhaps watching the scene, slowly opened her mouth.

“The sea at night is wonderful, isn’t it? It’s dark, but sometimes the surface of the water glows……”

“Hey, Rin. Why did you suddenly want to go to the beach?”

Rin laughed sadly at my simple question.

Folding her arms behind her back, she looked up at the sky.

“It’s the end of summer, if we don’t go here, we’ll regret it.”

“We went to the pool, but not to the ocean, right?”

“Towa-kun didn’t like it.”

I apologize flatly for the slight sting in her words.

Rin was not angry either, but only chuckled.

“I decided on a less crowded night for Towa-kun’s sake, by the way.”

“Haha, thanks for your concern.”

That’s not the only reason.

I could see that, too.

Normally, she speaks in a flat, inarticulate manner.

But …… today her voice seemed to be trembling somehow.

It seems as if she is trying to make things comfortable and is looking for the right time to talk.

So—

“So what’s the story? You didn’t want to talk about the ocean, did you?”

I threw a few words at Rin, who seemed reluctant to talk.

I know what she’s going to talk about, and if she’s not that insensitive, she’s not a very perceptive person.

With the quirkiness of that day, you don’t have to like it to know.

Well, …… I tried not to think about it as much as possible…….

Rin muttered, “I guess so……,” and let out a small breath.

Then she gives me a sharp look.

It’s a look that seems to be saying, “I’m going to attack from here.”

I clenched my fists tightly so that Rin could not see.

“I’ve been feeling some distance between us lately, so I thought I’d take a crack at you.”

“Take a crack ……. Then we could have done it at home, couldn’t we?””

“I think an atmosphere is necessary. I feel more excited outside than at home, where I feel at ease. Besides, even if I get a little emotional, the sound of the waves will drown it out…….”

“Emotional, doesn’t seem like a word Rin would have much connection to.”

“Hmph. Surprisingly, not so much, huh?”

“I see……. that’s surprising.”

I have almost never seen Rin in an emotionally charged situation.

If I had to give one, it would be the day of the summer festival, the day she got mad at me for keeping my distance…….

“The reason why I chose this beach is for other reasons too.”

“Hmm? What else ……?”

“Yes. Because it is better for people like Towa-kun, who hide, try to hide, or try to escape from everything, to have no place to run away.”

“You’re a schemer. ……. Surely there’s no escape or anything here. ……”

Wide sandy beach.

Few people walking around.

Even if I wanted to run away, I wouldn’t be able to.

I would have to take the train to get home.

No matter how I think about it, the situation is deadlocked.

I guess you could say that.

Rin said, “I wanted you to hear me out properly, so please ……. I’m …… sorry for being like this,” she bowed her head.

“But if I didn’t do it this way, Towa-kun would have run away in a clouded state, wouldn’t he?”

“Hah …… really. As usual, you’re too perceptive…….”

“Fufu. That’s what I’m good at. That’s why I know what Towa-kun is thinking.”

“No, that’s …”

“By the way, right now you’re thinking of ‘a turnaround to what’s going to happen next,’ aren’t you?”

“Come on, what are you talking about?”

“I think anyone can see how you can fool around like you’re doing right now, don’t you? You make a lot of strange, thoughtful gestures, and you’re not a very good liar.”

Rin stares at my face and is awfully close to me.

If I move my head, I feel as if I might bump into her.

I sigh and drop my shoulders.

“Oh, come on, it’s fine. You’ve got a lot on your mind.”

“I didn’t say it was bad. It was cute to see Towa-kun pondering.”

“You know, Rin, you can’t say “cute” to a guy, okay? It doesn’t make me happy to hear you say that.”

“But Towa-kun has a rather baby face, doesn’t he? I think it fits the category of cute.”

“Ugh …… where I care ……”

I know, I know.

I’m not as tall as Kenichi and I’m proud to say that my face is rather young looking.

But the damage is far different when someone points it out to you than when you understand it yourself.

Incidentally, Rin’s smiling words hit me so cleanly that they left an indelible mark on my heart.

“Haaaaah ……”

“That was such a shock!?”

Rin, seeing me drooping, grabbed my shoulders and shook me in a panicked manner.

“Towa-kun! Please don’t be discouraged!!”

“No, it’s usually a depression…….”

“There’s no need for that! In my opinion, it’s totally okay!”

“Is that so?”

“Yes! I’m the kind of person who wants cute over cool! So that means Towa-kun is right in the middle of the strike zone! To put it simply, I like it.”

In the past, there would have been this kind of self-destruction followed by blushing ……, but I don’t see any sign of that at all.

She seems to be saying this with confidence.

The proof of this is making me somewhat excited …….

I’m in trouble…….

I can’t get over the fact that she’s being so direct…….

–It’s easy to pretend you don’t notice when someone favors you.

“Hmm? What did you say?” and deprive them of the embarrassment of having said it, and of the energy to say it again.

It’s a response that can be called disgusting ……, but insensitivity is easy.

If you are insensitive, you can pretend you didn’t notice.

That way, you won’t be hurt when nothing goes wrong.

If nothing is there, nothing happens.

That’s the world and that’s the truth…..

But in the end, it’s a cunning …… lousy idea that I don’t want to hurt myself.

I crouched down on the beach and let out a puff of air.

“Rin’s no longer willing to say it in an offhanded way…….”

“No. I found it best to do it this way.”

“I see…… I’ve been hit. Really …….”

Even the last time this happened, I could have used the excuse of a cold to get rid of what I had said and heard.

I could have told her something appropriate like, “I was feeling dazed.” and then turned it into a sterile argument about what I said or didn’t say……

It’s a strong move, but it would have made that day go away…….

“Are you sure you want to …… say that?”

“Why?”

“You’ll regret making choices you can’t take back…….”

“I don’t regret anything.”

“No. ……. People’s feelings really change from one place to another. …… If you let your emotions run away with you for a moment, all you will have is regret.”

“I guess you’re probably right. I won’t deny that either.”

I tilt my head and look at Rin’s face.

I thought she was going to tell me up front that it wasn’t true……

Puzzled by Rin’s lack of denial, the next words I would throw disappeared like bubbles and never came out.

“You look curious, don’t you?”

“Well, well. Too unexpected……”

“But feelings do change. It’s a natural thing. Just like when you leave something you loved as a child and become interested in something new, it’s a shifting …… thing, it’s a feeling, an emotion.”

“That’s right…….”

“Feelings might change, too.”

I feel like I’ve been told that, and my heart aches as if it has been grabbed by the eagle.

–I want to escape from this feeling.

But before my body can move, a soft and gentle smell envelops me.

Rin, who hugged me from the front, gently stroked my head.

“So, I’ve changed because of you.”

“I haven’t done anything about it……”

“No, it’s not. For Towa-kun, it may be “nothing”, but for me it is not.”

“I see……”

Love feelings are a disease.

It’s a mental illness.

Therefore, it will eventually disappear, and it will disappear.

When it is cured, it can even spite the disease.

It is an easy disease to catch, yet it is a nuisance, …… and once caught, it can eat away at the body.

I am the child of such parents.

I am the child of parents who can safely be called s*x-crazed.

So I’m afraid …… that even once I’m off the hook, I’ll end up like the person I’ve been hating.

I am not.

I will never be like that.

I want to think so.

But nothing in the world is 100%.

Something may happen and your dormant nature and instincts may show their face…….

–No, no, no.

I just don’t have the guts.

I just don’t want to get …… hurt by making up some lame excuses.

I know that.

I know it myself.

But …… I just can’t take the first step.

I’m pathetic, I myself…….

“People don’t change quickly. But they can change, just as …… I did.”

Rin’s words, as if she understood everything I was going through, made my heart throb in response.

“The Towa-kun I know is clumsy, brusque, sarcastic, and quick to look backward. Negative of negatives, you might say.”

…… That’s not a compliment.

I felt like salt in the wound, but that feeling was quickly retracted when I saw Rin’s expression.

Seeing that serious and yet endlessly kind expression…….

“But in truth, he is kinder than anyone else. He’s a hard worker,…… and he’s the loneliest person of all.”

“…………”

“That’s why I won’t leave, okay? Besides, you know what? I’m a pretty patient person. That’s why I’ll still be going to Towa-kun’s house when the new semester starts.”

“That’s Rin …”

“As I said before, I don’t know what other people think. If Towa-kun rejects me with all his might, gets fed up with me from the bottom of his heart, and beats me so badly that I can’t get up again, then maybe I can pull away from him.”

“……There’s no way I could …… do that.”

If I could be that ruthless, I would have done it already.

But I can’t do that.

It can’t be done.

If I could do that, I would have rejected the relationship early, cut it off, and resigned myself to a life of loneliness.

But Rin would never let me do that.

“As I told you on the day of the festival, I am not lying about these feelings. Even if you don’t understand, I will make you understand. If you refuse to admit it, I will try until you do. I will not run away no matter what!”

“Strong, really Rin is ……”

“Of course. Because a maiden in love is the strongest and invincible!”

Rin makes a powerful declaration.

I honestly thought it was cool.

I want to live such an honest and cool life …….

That’s what I thought.

If I move my head a little, I can feel my heart palpitating at the distance where our mouths are about to touch.

Rin looked like she was about to put her lips on mine, but she stepped away from me and gently placed her hand on my chest, smiling.