Chapter 307

307 I wish you had loved me enough

Lóng Wei woke up in the middle of the night and found out that Li Hua was sleeping peacefully. He quietly got out of bed, covering her with the quilt and putting her leg inside it.

He went to the dressing chamber where the maidservant before dinner had brought the robe which he would regularly wear during the working hours in the Governor’s office. It was a white silk robe with embroidery made from golden thread all over it.

He stroked his hand over the robe and decided to visit the chamber where his mother used to live once. Although he didn’t want to be in that place, it was important to go there.

He picked up the robe and left for the eastern palace, where all the King’s concubines’ chambers were, after taking a key with him. His mother, Yu Jun’s chamber was closed and used to be opened only on the day of her death anniversary every year. He walked through the corridors and clenched his right fist, which had a key in it.

The guards, who were guarding the Eastern palace, bowed at him. He walked ahead and stopped after reaching the chamber. He looked at the key in his hand and then unlocked the lock.

He pushed the door open and walked in, closing the door behind him. His feet trembled to take another step and his eyes filled with tears. The room had a slight illuminance as it was not considered necessary to keep the room without any light. The memories from that night appeared in front of him, and he stepped back.

His back hit the door behind him, and he found himself trembling. His hands were covered in sweat and he turned to leave, but then his inner voice stopped him.

‘You need to show her this.’ His inner voice told him as he looked at the robe in his hand. The robe, which only a Governor could wear!

He turned and walked ahead, and his feet again came to a halt. The white curtains stopped his way, and on the other side of the curtains hung the portrait of his mother. It had been so many years, and he never stepped at this place until today.

.....

He didn’t even attend any of the death anniversaries of his mother in those years when it was said that a child should come to pay homage to his dead mother or father.

He pushed the curtain away and finally looked at the portrait of his mother in front of him. There were two tiny lanterns on both sides of the portrait and a tiny cauldron which had incense sticks in it. The maidservant on duty might have burned them in the evening.

However, Lóng Wei’s eyes fixated on his mother’s eyes.

“You called me a nobody. You called me a mistake. I had promised myself not to ever come here, not to ever look at you, but it was important today,” Lóng Wei affirmed and controlled his tears. He didn’t let them fall down.

He looked at the robe in his hand and continued, “I became Governor of Qinping. I don’t cause trouble anymore. I wish you had loved me enough so that I would not have picked up my sword and killed you. I would not have been called a sinned prince.” He chuckled and again looked at her.

“You must be sad that I am still alive. You must be mad to see me happy,” he stated.

‘You aren’t worthy of any of the royal titles. You are a mistake which should never have happened.’ Yu Jun had told him this every single day. He heard those words every day from her. How could a mother hate her own child so much? He got the answers when he killed her and was ready to accept death too. But his father was too generous to him. He spared his life despite committing that sin.

???????????????? ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????? ???????????????????? ???????? ????????????????????-????????????.????????????

He looked at the lanterns and thought to blow them off. His mother spread darkness in his life, so she didn’t deserve any light in her afterlife if it existed. He stepped up and picked up the lantern. He opened the window to blow off the kerosene lamp inside it when a hand stopped him.

He was numbed to feel that soft hand. Li Hua came forward and her eyes met his. She shook her head and said in a low voice, “Don’t do this, your highness.”

“You should not be here,” Lóng Wei said, and instantly put the lantern on the long table. He grasped his hand to take her out of the room when Li Hua pulled her hand back and withdrew it from his grip.

Lóng Wei glanced at him in bewilderment when she turned her back to him. She got on her knees as she showed filial piety towards Lóng Wei’s mother. She bowed, and her forehead touched the floor beneath her, and she did this three times.

“You aren’t supposed to give any bow to her.” Lóng Wei never respected his mother and wanted the same from Li Hua. But she didn’t listen to him and completed the three bows before Yu Jun’s portrait. She did three more on behalf of Lóng Wei.

What she heard a moment ago from Lóng Wei, made her realize that he was angry at his mother.

No! She should say that it was more than anger. It was hatred, but there was love for his mother too, which Lóng Wei denied all the time.

She stood straight and found Lóng Wei was next to her.

“Your mother is beautiful. You inherited some of the handsome features from your mother,” Li Hua said in an impolite tone. “She must be regretting never having faith in his son,” Li Hua murmured and peered into his eyes.

“Shall we go?” Lóng Wei didn’t look comfortable. It was evident from his facial expressions and eyes. She wanted answers from him. She wanted him to open with her, and for some reason, she found it the perfect place.

But she was worried if Lóng Wei recalled the day he killed his mother. For some reason, she still believed that he hadn’t killed his mother. But Lóng Wei always accepted that it was him.

“Did Prince Lóng Wei really kill his mother?” Li Hua questioned him.