Chapter 62 Little Lunatic Wei, famed for his double entendre

When Wei Xiao woke up, it was almost eleven o’clock.

He stretched, and looked to the left out of habit. What entered his gaze were dark and heavy blinds…

Eh?

Where was the captain?!

Oh, that wasn’t right, this was the captain’s bed!

Wei Xiao’s short hair exploded and stood on end. He was shocked to discover that he’d switched beds.

Wasn’t this the captain’s bed? How come he was sleeping on the captain’s bed?!

Sleepwalking again?

F*ck!

Wei Xiao patted the top of his own head.

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He’d really been too tired yesterday. He’d played hard yesterday to rank in the top three on the scoreboard, and in order to win the training match that evening, he’d put in 200% of his energy. Additionally, the fact that the boss and the captain were actually the same people had greatly stimulated him, and then he’d indulged fully and happily in soloing all the way until 3AM…

All kinds of things could be listed out and added up. It would’ve been more strange if he hadn’t sleepwalked!

Many years of experience told him that once his spirit and body were tired out at the same time, there was no way to avoid sleepwalking.

Oh shit…

What had he done last night?

Had he climbed into the captain’s bed again?

He hadn’t done any beastly things, right?!

He was still in a state of fear and panic as he got up to wash up, and he felt uneasy even as he brushed his teeth.

Wei Xiao was very clear about his own sleepwalking bad habits.

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He would desperately hold onto people and cling onto them exactly like an octopus.

Fortunately, it was the captain. If it was a girl, he would have to take responsibility, get married, and have children!

This scene was too terrible. Wei Xiao shivered.

After quickly washing his face, Wei Xiao sent Lu Feng a message, “Captain, last night…”

F*ck, he didn’t know what to say, so he’d sent the message just like that!

Lu Feng replied to him a while later, “You’re awake?”

Wei Xiao stared at these two words and read them again and again, but he couldn’t tell if the captain was angry or not.

Wei Xiao closed his eyes; his heart seemed to flatline, and he tossed out, “I didn’t do anything disrespectful to you last night, right?”

If the captain felt like he’d been taken advantage of, then he’d…

Let him beat him up?

Lu Feng set down the document in his hand and raised his eyebrows, “Disrespectful?”

Wei Xiao gave him a general explanation, “For example, hugging you, touching you randomly, kissing you, or something…”

Lu Feng: “…….”

Wei Xiao stressed, “I don’t remember anything!”

Lu Feng suppressed the heat that rose up in his chest, “Do you do these things whenever you sleepwalk?”

Wei Xiao was worried he’d scare Lu Feng and quickly explained, “Never. But I can’t be certain that my sleepwalking hasn’t upgraded or mutated… oh…” He finally got it, “It seems like I didn’t do anything!”

Lu Feng’s fingers trembled very slightly as he typed out a line of words, “It can’t be considered nothing.”

Wei Xiao: “!”

Lu Feng thought about the youth whose breath had been right next to his ear yesterday and said, “… You kissed me on the face.”

Wei Xiao: “…………………………”

He was dead. At this moment, guest room number 666 held a Little Wei Corpse.

The dying Wei Xiao tried his best to save himself, “Captain!”

Lu Feng’s lips curved, “Mm.”

Wei Xiao: “I didn’t mean to QAQ.”

Lu Feng: “Oh.”

Wei Xiao stared at these two single tone words and thought of something amidst his nervousness!

He quickly poked out the words, “I know why, I must’ve thought that you were Soybean. I love holding onto it when I sleep at night, and kiss its doggy head quite often…”

After sending it out, Wei Xiao belatedly realized what he’d said.

He’d compared the captain to a dog!

He’d actually treated the great demon king like a husky!

He……

Lu Feng: “Wei Xiao.”

Wei Xiao: “Captain QwQ.”

The great demon king sent him three cold and ruthless words, “Sleep earlier tonight.”

Wei Xiao fell apart with a crack and toppled onto the bed.

Wuwuwu, there went that night’s solo!

A super big solo session that would last a whole three hours had flown away right in front of his eyes!

When Bai Cai came to find him to go and eat, Wei Xiao transferred his anger onto him, “Old Bai!”

His voice was gloomy as could be.

Bai Cai was scared by his tone, “You-what do you want!”

Wei Xiao hauled him into the room and slammed the door shut.

Bai Cai really turned into a little white cabbage then. He was shocked, “What the hell are you doing!”

Bandit Wei approached him step by step and forced him against the wall.

White Cabbage Bai: “You-you…”

There was a thump as Brother Vegetable stuck himself against the wall.

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Wei Xiao lifted up the clothes hanger he’d prepared a long time ago, “Confess to your crimes and I’ll be lenient, or suffer punishment if you resist.”

Bai Cai exploded, “What the hell is wrong with you so early in the morning? Since you have so many plays to act out, why don’t you just join the entertainment circle!”

Wei Xiao poked his chest with the hanger, “The captain told me about it last night.”

Bai Cai: “!”

What did he talk about?

For Wei Xiao to act so crazy now, what else could it be.

Captain, you’ve sabotaged me ahhhhh!

No matter what, if Brother Vegetable had known this would happen even one second earlier, he wouldn’t have thrown himself into this net!

Bai Cai, who had a strong desire for survival, was clear-minded and quick-tongued. He shrewdly and immediately told the whole story of what had happened at the time, “I didn’t sell you out! I absolutely didn’t! Even if I have the heart of a thief, I still wouldn’t have the guts! It was an accident, the whole thing was a f*cking accident. At the time, you made a review video for Little Ning, and I was watching it after I received it. The captain just happened to hear your voice…”

Wei Xiao was stunned for a moment, but he still felt that Bai Cai was ‘resisting’, “I only stayed with the captain for three days and three nights. Two years later, he was able to recognize me just by hearing my voice?”

Bai Cai: “How the hell would I know? You just prattled a couple of sentences, and he asked if it was Wei Xiao. I was almost scared to death, okay!”

Wei Xiao saw that he wasn’t lying, “Really?”

Bai Cai swore fiercely, “I swear by all the money deposited across my three bank cards!”

Wei Xiao: “……”

Brother Vegetable had a clear conscience and asked, “If what I said wasn’t the truth, then I’ll clear them all out to zero overnight!”

Wei Xiao believed him. This oath was crueler than simply taking Old Bai’s little life. It seemed that he wasn’t lying.

Bandit Wei tapped the hanger lightly against his own palm, “This isn’t all your fault.”

Bai Cai was relieved. He was really scared that Wei Xiao might go crazy. What if this brat revealed his identity as the Gossip Emperor? Brother Cai would really become a wilted vegetable then.

Wei Xiao carefully went over the facts, “Alright, in my final analysis, it’s also because I’m too charming.”

Bai Cai: “……………”

Wei Xiao was delighted, “I can make the captain unable to forget about me even after being separated for two years. I’m really a man with deep sins.”

Bai Cai: “………………” Screw you!

Wei Xiao felt that his position in Close’s heart wasn’t much worse than Brother Cai, and he was in a great mood. He found Bai Cai much more pleasing to the eye as well now. “Let’s go eat.”

Like hell did Bai Cai still want to eat! He was full from sheer fright!

As the two of them headed to the restaurant, they ran into Ning Zhehan.

Little Ning’s curiosity sprang up and ran wild as soon as he saw Wei Xiao, “Brother Xiao!”

Wei Xiao was in a good mood, and the tone of his voice had also cheered up, “Hm?”

Ning Zhehan laughed cheekily, “If you have a girlfriend, why not show her off a little!”

Wei Xiao: “……”

Bai Cai stumbled and almost died right there in the corridor!

Ning Zhehan was quite interested in this, “I heard Brother Cai say that she’s very beautiful, and she’s already started working.”

Wei Xiao glanced at Bai Cai and gave a superficial smile, “Mm. They’re very beautiful, especially beautiful, the kind where you can’t move your legs with a glance.”

Ning Zhehan was shocked, “Are you for real? Are they a star?”

Wei Xiao described a few details, “They look even better than a star; they don’t make any less money than a star, and they’re very good at taking care of people. It’s just that their personality is a little cold…”

Ning Zhehan admired him, “Amazing, Brother Xiao, you managed to find such a top notch girlfriend!”

Wei Xiao waved his hand, “There’s nothing that can be done about things like fate.”

Ning Zhehan was even more admiring, “It seems like the two of you have a great relationship.”

Wei Xiao thought about how favored Brother Cai was and was jealous for a moment, “Of course, they value me the most!”

Bai Cai understood him too well, to the point where he couldn’t understand where the scent of vinegar in these words came from!

Wasn’t it a given that Close thinks highly of you? What are you staring at me for? Do you think I dare to fight with you over the captain?

Ning Zhehan couldn’t tell at all and sighed emotionally, “How great.”

Wei Xiao was modest, “It’s alright.”

Bai Cai: “……”

Last night, he’d thought that he could see Little Lunatic Wei end up in an embarrassing position, but facts showed that he was still too young and inexperienced!

When they arrived at the restaurant, they ran into Gary again.

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Gary had also just arrived. He noticed Wei Xiao at a glance, and his eyes started to spit out fire. He really wished he could skip the meal and have a fight with Wei Xiao first.

Wei Xiao shot him a greeting, “Good morning.”

Gary used his crappy Chinese to reply, “Murning!”

Wei Xiao thought of Old G’s excellent playing yesterday, and his heart was itchy, “Continue to work hard today!”

He still really wanted to play against L&P. After losing several times to them, Wei Xiao wanted to get even at least once.

Gary thought about how he’d worked hard yesterday, and he was really angry today. “I don’t believe you anymore!”

This tone was like a little wife who’d been cheated by a scum man.

Wei Xiao coaxed him, “Yesterday was an exception.”

Gary: “You’re a liar!”

Wei Xiao: “I really do want to fight with you.”

Gary got angrier the more he thought about it. “You’ll get strong by going back on your words!”

Wei Xiao: “… It’s getting fat by going back on your words.”

If one could really get strong by going back on one’s words, many people would be cheating others every day.

Gary couldn’t figure out these idioms, “In any case, I won’t be fooled again!”

“It’s like this…” Wei Xiao gave him advice, “Old G, you should wash up and change clothes, burn incense and worship Buddha before you start free matching…”

Gary: “???”

Wei Xiao felt that this was an amazing move, “… Give yourself a full set of buffs ahead of time, and you might be able to end up in a match with FTW’s starters in the afternoon.”

Gary didn’t keep up with him, “I want to play a team game against you!”

Wei Xiao’s eyes were full of care for a little fool, “As long as you can match up with us in the afternoon, you’ll be able to hammer our FTW into negative points. If you get first place for L&P, wouldn’t you be able to do whatever you want with us?”

Old G: “……”

Bai Cai and Ning Zhehan who were listening from the side, “……”

Even if they admired nothing else, they had to admire him. What a genius of logic!

Yuan Ze, who was smoking a cigarette outside, could almost feel flowers blooming in his ear as he listened.

Gary: “It seems to make a little sense…”

Old Dog Yuan picked up his Big Fool G, “Let’s go.”

Gary: “Eh……”

Yuan Ze’s brain hurt, “If you say another word, you can kill soldiers for six hours.”

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Gary: “…………”

Wei Xiao encouraged him, “Work hard!”

Gary turned his head and said nothing.

Yuan Ze looked at the other team’s jungler, then looked at his own jungler, “……”

FTW had really picked up a treasure demon this year!

While eating, Bai Cai, who always liked to go for the fine and fancy things, moved his chopsticks very slowly.

Wei Xiao glanced at him, “What are you doing?”

Bai Cai felt like his headache was splitting his head apart as he read his private messages.

Wei Xiao leaned over.

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Brother Cai was editing a Weibo post. There were huge chunks of text, and it looked like a discussion post.

Oh, it was Gossip Emperor’s daily CP.

Wei Xiao was very curious, “Who are you doing?”

He glanced over it briefly and was shocked!

“Old Bai, don’t you feel disgusting?”

Bai Cai: “……”

Little Ning was across from them. Bai Cai was afraid of being exposed and poked him with a WeChat message, “Shut the hell up!”

Wei Xiao was also afraid that Bai Cai might commit suicide. He shut up and typed, “Aren’t you shameless? What the hell is Feeding Vegetables CP? Can’t you respect yourself a little and not push your own CP?”

Bai Cai thought to himself, as someone who went into business to push themselves, don’t you feel embarrassed judging me?!

Bai Cai continued to type, “Who told you to end up in the limelight yesterday? You 艹ed me up into the hot search!”

Wei Xiao replied, “Pay attention to your use of words. Things between us are clean and innocent.”

Bai Cai scalp tensed up inexplicably, and he clicked to withdraw the message––the captain could never see this sentence. If he saw it, Bai Cai would be done for.

The Weibo post that Bai Cai was editing was a short article about Quiet and White.

Last night, FTW’s official blog had officially announced their new jungler Quiet, and Wei Xiao’s name was now known by everyone.

Therefore, the Feeding Vegetables CP was born and almost instantly took over the hot search.

Wei Xiao and Bai Cai’s past was something that people wouldn’t know about unless they looked into it, but once they did, they fell in love!

The rookie king from two years ago, an immortal jungler who was so amazing he could fly up to the sky, had taken his own little support to go and fight against all the major clubs.

Unfortunately, the rookie king disappeared, and the little support fell.

Two years later, the two of them reunited in FTW, and their dreams set sail once again!

There was really both fluff and knives, and it was super exciting to follow.

Not to mention, Wei Xiao had hammered Zhou Xingfei into pieces last night, and the sentence ‘apology not accepted’ was simply alpha-like enough to explode, instantly converting countless fans.

Bai Cai’s eyes had been obviously red when he stepped down. That scene when Wei Xiao protected him also pricked the hearts of countless girls.

There was no heavenly reason for the Feeding Vegetables CP not to become popular!

Early in the morning, Bai Cai really felt a bit of an urge to go die when he saw that pile of private messages.

He didn’t mind pushing his own CPs. After all, he often took advantage of Close’s popularity and had become thoroughly shameless a long time ago.

However, this Feeding Vegetables CP was something he really didn’t dare to push. He wasn’t scared of Wei Xiao; he was scared of the great demon king!

It wasn’t easy for Brother Cai to make a living in FTW. He didn’t want to end up on the streets at all!

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However, the entire internet was already this fierce about it. As the glorious Gossip Emperor, it would be too strange if he didn’t push out relevant content––

The ‘marketing wizard’ who dared to engage in pushing all sorts of CP, suddenly didn’t dare to push the Feeding Vegetables CP?

Why was that?

Bai Cai was afraid that the shrewd netizens would then find that there was a vegetable stalk lying there under the Gossip Emperor Weibo.

So, Brother Vegetable could only push it, and he had to do it seriously.

He tried hard to pretend to be sincere and then secretly hint that there was garbage hidden behind this CP, and the little angels should quickly run away…

Life was too hard. Who the hell knew how many brain cells Bai Cai had wasted on fixing up this short post!

Wei Xiao took out his cell phone and flipped through it for a long time. The more he looked, the angrier he became, “What happened to Laozi’s Seclusion CP!”

Gaining momentum hadn’t been easy, but it was all over now.

Even his Seclusion CP fans had gone over the wall to join Feeding Vegetables.

To hell with feeding a damned vegetable!

Was Brother Cai’s popularity even 1/1000th of the captain’s popularity?!

Wei Xiao took a look at his own fan count, then looked at Brother Cai’s fan count.

Brother Cai’s fan count wasn’t even as high as his own!

This was no good…

There was no point in two weaklings relying on each other. He wanted to hug a big thigh!

Wei Xiao asked, “Have you seen the captain?

Speak of the devil, and the devil would appear; Chen Feng and Lu Feng had just finished a meeting and had come downstairs to eat together.

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Wei Xiao’s sharp eyes caught sight of them, and he beckoned to the two of them, “Coach, captain, over here!”

Lu Feng looked over.

Wei Xiao was taken by surprise when his eyes met the captain’s, and Wei Xiao felt a rare moment of shyness.

Hey! To hell with being shy, proper business was pressing.

Lu Feng came over, and Wei Xiao gave Bai Cai a push.

Bai Cai: “?”

Wei Xiao: “You’re full right? Make way for the captain.”

Bai Cai: “……………”

Wei Xiao sent Bai Cai a WeChat message from under the table, “… If this matter succeeds, I’ll forgive the matter of you betraying me.”

Bai Cai looked at ‘this matter’ and his heart was full of grass and mud horses!

Lu Feng had only just sat down when Wei Xiao shot him a sunny, bright smile, “Captain, give this a try. It’s very delicious.”

He’d used a clean fork to hold up a piece of celery near Lu Feng’s mouth.

Feeding Vegetables CP?

He would let them all see what real feeding vegetables was!

There was a click as the expressionless Brother Vegetable snapped a photo of this scene.

xiin: *facepalm*