CH 123

Only after returning to the manor did they know that Shu Qing had escaped. At the time, he had been in a hurry to save Shen Jue, so Xiahou Lian had forgotten that Shu Qing could shrink his bones and that he couldn’t be tied with rope. Shen Jue and Xiahou Lian were both very heavily injured, and only Chi Yan had been slightly injured. When the medicine was being applied, Shen Jue had told a doctor to take Xiahou Lian’s pulse, but his diagnosis was still the same, and he hadn’t gotten better at all. Shen Jue didn’t say anything and had laid down, falling asleep, though he kept having nightmares about Xiahou Lian.

He used the pretext of being injured to rest at home for several days in a row, while he continued to send people to search for famous doctors. Despite this, documents were still sent out from the palace in a steady stream, piling on his desk. He couldn’t get up, so he asked Shen Wenxing to read them to him at the side. The Linbei Marquis Manor was deserted and the unrest in Liaodong still hadn’t been suppressed, so many things needed him to make a decision.

Xiahou Lian didn’t let Shen Jue know about the matter of scattering his mother’s ashes. Shen Jue wouldn’t go to the ancestral hall in a while anyway, so he would conceal it for him for as long as he could. He had cavalrymen send Shiqi’s coffin back to Hangzhou, wrote a letter of explanation, and then sealed all of his own savings in it. The coffin carriage set off, disappearing in the depths of the vast and ashy loess path. Xiahou Lian suddenly had a feeling that perhaps one day, he would step on this kind of journey home. 

Upon returning home, Shen Jue was in his study reading documents, so Xiahou Lian went to find Chi Yan. Shen Jue told Chi Yan to choose a courtyard himself to live in, so that guy had chosen the most remote one and had been staying inside the courtyard, not coming out for four days. Just when he stepped into the courtyard, he saw Chi Yan squatting below a willow tree and feeding a cat. He didn’t know where he had lured so many wild cats from, but there were black, white, and yellow ones. They crowded around his feet, and one with mixed fur had even climbed onto his shoulder.

Chi Yan was even poorer than Xiahou Lian. Two days ago, Lian Xiang had been wiping her tears as she came to find Xiahou Lian, saying that Garan was too much of a bully. There wasn’t even half of a copper coin in such an obedient child’s pouch, and on his entire body, he only had Shana that was worth a bit of money, not even having a change of clothes. Saying this, she took away all of his clothes, and Xiahou Lian was helpless and could only ask Shen Jue to borrow some clothes.

Perhaps because he had a foolish disposition, Chi Yan was exceptionally liked by women. Yesterday, Shen Jue had gone to his courtyard to visit him, and had seen a few maids competing to feed Chi Yan. Chi Yan had been holding a colorful cat and sitting in the winding corridor, watching them pull each other’s hair. His expression was a little panicked, as he had clearly been shocked; he probably hadn’t expected that women were even fiercer than assassins when they went mad.

Shen Jue was so angry he practically wanted to vomit blood, and with a wave of his hand, the people serving the courtyard were all changed to men. He had originally wanted to have a private conversation with Chi Yan, as he was his brother-in-law after all, so he had to have good manners. The two of them sat opposite of each other, staring at each other for a while, before Shen Jue returned to his room to revise documents.

When Chi Yan saw Xiahou Lian, he put down the leopard cat in his arms. The two of them sat at the stone table under the flower stand, gazing at the garden filled with begonia flowers, and didn’t speak for a long time.

“Have your wounds gotten better?” Chi Yan asked him.

“Almost,” said Xiahou Lian. “Are you used to living here? I’ll take you to our house tomorrow, it was left to us by our mother.”

Chi Yan said indifferently, “Okay.”

Xiahou Lian turned his head to glance at him. “You still haven’t told me, how did you return to Garan? At the time when you were in the North, why did you go missing?”

Chi Yan didn’t answer and merely asked, “Xiao Lian, are you afraid of death?”

Xiahou Lian looked at him quietly.

“If you are not afraid of death,” Chi Yan reached out and caught a begonia flower petal that was drifting down, “then I can tell you.”

Six years ago.

The dense winter snow enveloped the entire world, and the snow on the ground was very deep, enough to submerge one’s calves. There was no one in the early morning, and the alleys and streets were empty, with only the whooshing of cold wind. 

A wave of xun sounds drifted over along the cold wind, and someone opened their window, poking their head out. The xun sound was hidden on the backs of snowflakes, flying toward a very distant place. People listened under their quilts, and inexplicably felt that this xun sound was very cold, as dull and heavy as a cold pond in winter. The xun sounds drifted aimlessly, and as if blocked by snow, it whimpered a few times in the middle, like tossing sobs of a widow.

The song ended, and Shi Xin put down the xun, saying to Chi Yan, who was next to him, “This is the last song I teach you, Chi Yan.”

They were sitting under the eaves of someone else’s house, and the charcoal fire in the furnace next to them that had been fumed pitch-black sizzled. Kind people would put a stove in front of their doors for passersby to warm their hands.

“I’ve already drawn the map of Xue Mountain onto your back, this is the fruit of secret surveys by several generations of Garan’s abbots. By following it, you can avoid all of the soldiers on Xue Mountain and find the Yama’s location.” Shi Xin said slowly, “Just remember, the medicine I gave you can only sustain you for less than five years, you must hurry.”

Chi Yan looked at him, his jet-black pupils reflecting his sad smile.

“A true sharp blade must be cast with hatred and forged with blood. I’m the last drop of blood for forging Xiao Lian.” Shi Xin brushed off the snowflakes on Chi Yan’s body as he said, “When you hear news of my death, go to Qixia Temple to look for him, the person with bandages on his head will be him, you’ll recognize him. Go to Xue Mountain together, and by accompanying each other, you won’t get lost in the vast and heavy snow.”

“Will you die for certain?” asked Chi Yan.

“Chi Yan, Duan Jiu has too many eyes and ears, you two must go to Xue Mountain only after leaving Garan. In order to clean up the people hunting you down, most of my people are already dead. To send Xiao Lian away, only I can lay down a path of blood. It is also only by winning against me that Xiao Lian can have the qualifications to challenge the Yama.”

“I am enough by myself.”

Shi Xin touched Chi Yan’s head. The silent young man’s hair was soft, like a child’s.

“You don’t want me and Xiao Lian to die, right?”

Chi Yan nodded.

Shi Xin smiled and turned his head, pointing at a gray shadow that stood tall outside the window and snow. “Chi Yan, look, that is Xue Mountain, the resting place of Garan’s ancestors, the location of Garan’s true saber graveyard. Our ancestors advanced wave upon wave, some alone and some with companions, yet they were all buried in the heavy snow in the end, with no one surviving. Their names have already been forgotten by everyone. Even I only remember the twenty-sixth Garuda, Su Mo, the twenty-fifth Gandharva, A-Rina, the twenty-third Mahoraga, Zhang Xiaolian… I am old, and the old wounds on my right arm make it so that I can’t pick up Bushenglian anymore. Chi Yan, you and Xiao Lian are our last hope.

“You must remember, when you enter Xue Mountain, the souls of Garan’s ancestors will protect you two to reach your destination. When you step onto the long road to the netherworld, I, Qiu Ye, Xiahou Pei, Du Xin… All of Garan’s ancestors will be keeping watch on the opposite shore, illuminating the lights to return home. Death is not traveling a long journey, it is returning home.”

Chi Yan lowered his eyes and murmured, “Returning home…”

“Yes, returning home.” Shi Xin smiled as he replied. He helped Chi Yan pull up his black hemp scarf to cover his mouth and nose, then helped him put on a gray cloth hood, only revealing his dark eyes. “Before going to Qixia Temple, go into the mountain and hide. The Yama is colluding with the Eastern Depot in the North, so the search for Garan assassins here is a lot looser. When you go outside, don’t show your face, much less expose your money, use the money I gave you sparingly. If you encounter a woman you like, you can talk to her, but don’t sleep with her.”

Chi Yan nodded lightly.

“I’m leaving.”

Shi Xin stood up and walked toward the vast snowfield outside the small town. His jet-black figure was like an old, lonely, and skinny pine tree, a little striking among the expanse of snow-white.

“Will we meet again?” Chi Yan asked from a distance. 

Shi Xin paused in his steps and lifted his head, gazing afar at the hazy distant mountain amid the wind and snow. He said, “We will not. If Xiao Lian cannot defeat me, then escape, Chi Yan, and do the things you want to do.” He turned his head back. His smile was vague amid the snow, and it was even a little transparent. “Just do not be afraid, Chi Yan. All farewells in the land of the living are for reunions after death.”

The crow feathers of memories grew distant along the wind, and Xiahou Lian looked down at his own palms. The spring sunlight wasn’t intense, and it filtered through the flower vine shelf, separated into many bright lights that shone on his body. The wounds under his bandages were numb and itchy, which were symptoms of healing.

“I see. I knew it, how could that old bald donkey have been so kind-hearted, it turns out that we were the two sabers he left behind Garan all along. Duan Jiu still didn’t understand him well enough.” Xiahou Lian smiled indifferently. “I didn’t see you at Qixia Temple, were you cut off on your way?”

Chi Yan said, “The abbot estimated the wrong time for the effect of the medicine. I took it two years earlier than you, and the effect only sustained me until the third year. The disease took effect for the first time when I was in Zijing Pass, and I fell unconscious on the snowfield. Baili picked me up.” Chi Yan said in a low voice, “She gave me Bliss Fruit and took Shana. I did not have a saber, so I tried many other methods, but I could not kill her.”

“Baili Yuan used Bliss Fruit to delay the effects of Mid-July?” Xiahou Lian said, “Does it use the method of increasing the dosage of the azalea flower poison, fighting poison with poison?”

Chi Yan nodded. “Bliss Fruit can temporarily give us stronger bodies and delay the poison again and again. But Bliss Fruit is almost useless now. My health is declining, Xiao Lian.”

Xiahou Lian said in a low voice, “Is it like burning life? The fiercer the fire burns, the sooner the firewood is burnt out.” He turned his head to look at Chi Yann. “Our disease is hopeless, right?”

“Are you afraid, Xiao Lian?”

“I’m not afraid.” Xiahou Lian looked down at his own toes.

He was only afraid of leaving Shen Jue alone in the world, solitary, how unbearable. He had already made him stay alone for ten years, and with this separation, they would probably never meet again.

“How long will taking it once last?” he looked up and asked.

“At the beginning, half a year. Later, it is three months, and later it is one month.” Chi Yan lowered his eyes. “Now, it is seven days.”

“You’re addicted, Chi Yan.”

“Mn.”

“When do you plan to set off?”

Chi Yan shook his head and merely said, “The sooner the better, I do not have much time left.”

Xiahou Lian was silent for a long time before asking, “Do you have Bliss Fruit with you?”

Chi Yan took one out from his pouch and pushed it to the center of the table. It was a small jet-black pill, like a termite mark on the table, deeply hiding boundless darkness.

“Have you decided?”

“Baili Yuan’s grip on the North can’t be underestimated, and the imperial court can’t have two battlefronts.” Xiahou Lian gazed at the tiny pill. “Since I don’t have long to live, I’ll naturally use this life on a blade. At least, I can make it so that the young master can be at ease in the future when he goes out and strolls on the streets.”

“Is the little young master your new brother?” Chi Yan asked him.

“No, he’s my wife. You have to call him sister-in-law. How about it, he’s beautiful, right, it’s very dignifying to take him out.” Xiahou Lian smiled faintly and reached out, patting his shoulder.

For a time, Chi Yan didn’t react and looked at him blankly, sinking into a long stagnation.

Xiahou Lian picked up the Bliss Fruit and walked inside, waving to Chi Yan with his back facing him. “Guard the door for me.”

He closed the door and sat in the streaks of sunlight that shone in through the window grids. He put the Bliss Fruit onto the crescent table and stared at it for a long time. The orange sunlight coated golden edges on it, and the luster flowed, as if hiding an unknown dreamland. 

He had thought more than once, Does the bliss that Buddha spoke of really exist? And what does bliss, that golden dream, look like? He had heard that people who took Bliss Fruit would see the things they most wanted to see in this life. The world turned into phantoms and souls transcended their bodies, ascending into boundless bliss, and in that instant, one wouldn’t have any worries.

Some people said that Bliss Fruit was the remnant treasure that Buddha had left in the mortal realm, and that it gave people in the land of living the chance to glimpse the Land of Bliss. People who witnessed it, without an exception, would walk toward their own doom.

Forget it, death is everyone’s home. Xiahou Lian poured a cup of water and swallowed it into his stomach with the Bliss Fruit. He merely walked a little faster than ordinary people.