Volume 8 - CH 5

P. 196

(1) What I wish to forget

<London, Choir>

The Christmas carol that was being sung by the children could be heard throughout the park surrounded by the desolate, wintery groove of trees.

The boys and girls were wearing the same new winter coats and singing enthusiastically. The audience could tell from their unsteady voices rising up to soak into the cloudy sky that they had practiced diligently for this day.

Ever since this morning, ladies and gentlemen had gathered under the fir tree that stood out in the open space to listen to the singing children.

"Lord Ashenbert."

Edgar’s name was called and so he turned around.

His eyes found a lady wearing a fox-fur scarf and a pearl brooch walking towards him and so he greeted her with a warm smile.

The lady looked up to glance at Edgar’s golden hair and blushed at the cheeks. She lowered her eyes down in embarrassment however keeping a smile on her lips and in a cute manner, folded her hands together.

P. 197

"My lord, thank you for participating in this donation. Thanks to you, the children from the orphanage will be able to spend a warm Christmas."      The ones who were singing the song with all their heart were children without parents. And the ladies and gentlemen who had gathered here today were people who came to make a donation for Christmas.

Yes, today was Christmas. Perhaps due to the sense of guilt they felt from their daily lives, there were a multitude of private charities and philanthropies happening, and the people in the upper class who lived their lives normally in great extravagance tried to satisfy their guilty conscience by giving away a small amount of money.

Of course that was not a bad thing. It enables everyone to spend their Christmas in peace and comfort.

"I’m glad I could be of some use, Lady Emily. In fact, I was more touched in your devotion to this charity."

"Oh no, this is nothing…., what I can do for the children is limited. All I really have done was occasionally pay a visit and read books to the children. But even if that’s all I can do I still feel that there must be something more I can do for them."

"You are a saint."

When he narrowed his ash-mauve eyes and appeared like he was touched from the bottom of his heart, Ms. Emily’s rosy cheeks turned even redder.

Edgar was well aware how he appeared in front of others. He was blessed in looks and knew the right timing to show his noble upbringing and education in his art of conversation.

P. 198

He felt there didn't exist a woman who wouldn't find him pleasant on their first encounter, and it wasn’t that difficult for him to stage himself so that would happen.

It hadn’t been that long since he came to know this heiress, but it seemed like she was infatuated with him. And that didn’t make him feel unpleasant, so he was able to put on a show as it was needed.

"Um….., would you care to stop by the tea party that will be held after this? There is a small show planned."

"Yes of course."

To his answer, she made an innocent smile filled with joy.

He liked young woman who had their guard down. From here it would go according to his wish which gave him a good feeling.

When a young lady brought up in a good family was educated to not give a second glance to a man from a different class would change her attitude upon hearing that he was a noble, he found it funny but adorable.

She had no idea what Edgar had done in America.

"Oh Lord Ashenbert, I had no idea that you were interested in saving the children less fortunate."

To the interrupting voice, Ms. Emily made a face like she woke up from a dream.

The one who appeared was a lustrous noblewoman who carried a rose aroma about her. She was the flower of society, who captured everyone’s eyes with her shining beauty that stood out even in the cold atmosphere of the trees.

P. 199

To the appearance of such a woman, the younger lady drooped her head as if she yielded to the more powerful, and lightly bowed and left.

"I happen to like children."

"Oh, even boys?"

"Marchioness Lady Blanwick, please don’t twist around my pure words. Today is Christmas."

"If you truly love children, then you should hurry and marry."

"Yes, as soon as my bride is chosen."

"Then I must have interrupted you. That young lady just now, was she your target?"

"Who knows?"

When Edgar feigned ignorance, she brought her slender fingers hidden under white gloves and brought them up to her red lips that made a smirk. She was a noblewoman who couldn’t help but attract the attention of men around her by just one of her natural movements.

So for a woman like her to begin a conversation with a young earl who had dazzling good looks and was the center of scandals regarding his female acquaintances, it was no surprise that they became the center of attention of the people around them.

However those gazes were shifted to the children to applaud them for finishing their carol song. The two of them started to walk off to get away from the crowd of people.

"That was Ms. Emily from the Postner family. She is diligent in her charity activities, a young lady who wants to do what is right to the point of moral cleanliness. I’m sure she wouldn’t allow any ugly vices like adultery."

P. 200

"I’m a man who prefers to have her jealous. Having a wife that is too tolerant is not my taste."

"I wonder if it ends with just jealousy."

"That is the problem."

Ms. Emily kept on peeking over to them as if worried. Pretending not to notice, Edgar made an elegant smile toward the marchioness.

"Shall I verify that for you? You can find out if her love for you will vanish instantly or if she is so infatuated about you that she becomes jealous."

They stopped their tracks by a bush and she turned around to face Edgar.

She drew her face close to Edgar like lovers would and whispered into his ear.

"Or if she isn’t the woman you are after then wouldn’t it be the nice thing to do by telling her that she has no hope?"

"Is that for my sake? Isn’t it because you wish to drive away your young lover that you grew tired of?"

Besides Emily, Edgar had been feeling a different pairs of eyes watching him. The young man who had been recently rumored with Marchioness Blanwick was following their every move from the corner of the park.

He was the only one who had a look of despair on his face while there was laughter and excited voices coming from the center of the park where warm milk-tea and Christmas presents were being passed out to the children.

P. 201

"Is that wrong of me?"

He didn’t hate married noblewoman who enjoying romance like a game because he would be able to play along with that game as well.

If the two of them pretended to be romantically close and showed off a kiss or two then that poor young man would realize that the Marchioness’ favor had completely faded from him.

As a game it would surely be delightfully enjoyable. And it was clear as day that she wanted someone to play around with, so if he were to give in to her invitation he wouldn’t be bored at all tonight.

A one-night-love with a beautiful woman without any after-trouble.

It wasn’t bad.

However if Edgar were to continue doing such things he came to the idea that Lydia wouldn’t return to him.

Edgar’s fiancée or the woman Edgar wanted to marry wouldn’t believe him even when he promised that he wouldn’t cheat and so she asked for her Christmas vacation and returned to her home countryside.

He wondered what she was doing in Scotland right now.

He was trying not to think about her but he couldn’t help it.

"I appreciate your offer, my lady, but I believe I couldn’t live up to your expectations."

"Oh how unfortunate."

P. 202

She replied in a tone that didn’t sound like she was disappointed at all.

"Then I shall ask for your help on another occasion, Lord Ashenbert."

She seemed so indifferent. That’s why Edgar wanted to argue that having a relationship with women like her shouldn’t even be considered cheating but Lydia would not be convinced with that.

<Scotland, Fairy Rocks>

In a small town south of Edinburgh, there were enormous rocks that stood on the ground behind the rows of clergy houses next to the church from the past.

Lydia had spent much of her childhood there and played around in those grassy fields.

She heard that those lonely rocks which stood in the grassy plains were remains from the prehistoric times and the rocks weren’t only placed on the grass plain but existed at the outskirts of town or hilltops but since the grassy plain rocks were the closest to her house it was the perfect playing ground for Lydia when she was a child.

There were always small fairies mingling around the rocks. There was a mysterious energy that lingered around that area which connected the fairy world and the human realm together and it appeared like the rocks were mitigating the natural warp or distorted power that remained in that location. 

Long ago, there was someone who recognized that distortion and if that was the reason they placed these powerful stones here, Lydia was put at ease at the thought that someone like her wasn’t peculiar at all. 

P. 203

Thanks to that, she could believe she was someone who was absolutely needed to the human world even though she was able to see fairies that were considered fantasy in human society and possessed the ability as a fairy doctor to communicate with them. 

But before she found out that the number of people who could see fairies was extremely low, Lydia had been playing around with fairies thinking all children were did so. 

Apparently when she would go out to play, she would step slightly into the fairy realm and would fade out of view from people’s eyes and was told by her father later that he went around desperately searching for her. 

If it was her mother Lydia was found immediately and she wondered why that was as a young child but she realized that the world she and her fairy doctor mother could not be seen by her father and the townspeople a few years after her mother passed away and became mature.

Remembering that, Lydia came to the same place today. It was Christmas morning, and she came by the grassy plain since she had just gone to nearby church with her father and listened to the sermon.

It must be the time when the small fairies were sleeping, or perhaps they were hiding because it was Christmas as she couldn’t find any small fairies about. Lydia walked in a circle to the back of the rocks and rested herself against the stone wall.

This place was indeed peaceful and relaxing. When she came here she would feel like this world was accepting of her. 

This enormous planet was so motherly and magnificent that it felt it was engulfing her along with the human world and the fairy realm and made her worries seem so small and insignificant.

My worries…

P. 204

The root of Lydia’s worry was the engagement moonstone ring that was on her ring finger and her eyes would always be led to it. She was still engaged to Edgar due to his whim and now she could not take it off.

The ring shouldn’t appear to the human eye due to fairy magic but now she wished that they used their magic on her so she couldn’t see it.

Since I’m not Edgar’s lover.

When she was with Edgar in London she felt accepted as a fairy doctor so much that she had forgotten about these rocks. She wanted to forget about that as well.

"Hey, no one is here."

Lydia heard a voice and moved her head around to face it. She hadn’t noticed until now but saw that there were two people, two young men standing on the other side of the rocks.

It seemed like they couldn’t see Lydia who was in the shadows of the rocks from their side. Or perhaps they couldn’t see her because she had stepped into the otherworld already.

"That’s strange. Mr. Carlton said to bring her back and we’ll find her somewhere around here."

Who is it? thought Lydia as she leaned her head to the side.

It seemed like the two men was asked by Lydia’s father and came to look for her but she never saw them before. 

P. 205

Lydia’s father should be at the clergy house. The pastor was one of her father’s friends and her father had stopped by to greet him but their conversation looked like it would take a while so Lydia decided to take a walk.

"Hey, what kind of girl is this Lydia? Is she good-looking?"

One of the men asked the other, so she felt hesitated to go out to meet them now. 

"Hmm, maybe she might not?"

What? thought Lydia as she unconsciously made a frown under furrowed eyebrows.

However that would make the young man who just spoke an acquaintance of Lydia. She leaned out once more and quietly took a peek at them. 

"But Andy, you haven’t seen her for quite some years now right? If you met up with your childhood friend, normally you’d wish she had become really beautiful right?"

Andy? Which means, he was the third son of the pastor family. 

"You say childhood friend but it wasn’t like we got along or were close or anything."

After she made a good hard inspection at him, she realized that his face which looked back at everything like he was bored and his halting way of speaking was familiar.

She remembered hearing that he entered a boarding school far away and so it had been a while since she saw him in town. He might have returned home for Christmas a number of times before but the two of them were not close that they would make the effort and see each other.

"She is a strange girl so she didn’t hang out with the others in town."

P. 206

"What do you mean strange?"

The unfamiliar other man seemed to be curious about Lydia and he looked like an energetic young man with distinct facial features. 

"She claims she can see fairies. Her mother came from a very rural part of the country and did things similar to a magician."

Not a magician, she was a fairy doctor.

"So what are you going to do if she was pretty?"

"What do you mean what I would do?"

"Your life in a school with only men is still going to go on. The only time you have to spend with a woman is during the holidays. The girls that we saw at the church service just a while ago who I thought looked good all said they were engaged. Anywhere you go, the pretty ones are going to be taken away quickly. But this girl you’re talking about, if she is who you say she is, is probably not sold yet. Andy, if you aren’t interested in her, then lend her to me. You can’t take back your word after you find out that she was pretty all right?"

"Guy, were you not listening to what I was saying?"

"Even if she was a little slow up here, it would be fine as long as she was pretty."

"But she’s really plucky."

"Stupid and plucky? Even better."

P. 207

"It’s not something nice like that. When there was a family who was going through a long time of bad luck, she said it was because they cut down the tree in front of their gate. Isn’t that a little creepy? The landowner didn’t publically criticize or slur her because she was the daughter of the renowned Carlton family, but she was a little troublemaker going around saying stuff like that."

Hearing the conversation of the two, Lydia was finally starting to feel aggravated and so she jumped out of the rock shadow. 

"Andy Millar! I will have you know that I have no recollection of ever causing you any trouble!"

As she gave Andy a glare she also made a threatening glance to the other. 

"And besides, I am not a stupid and plucky girl!" 　

P. 208

(2) What to remember

<London, Christmas cracker>

"What a peaceful Christmas. Don’t you think so, Raven?"

On his way to the Bostner residence, Edgar asked his valet as she watched the scenery go by outside his carriage window. His valet, a young man with bronze skin, who sat next to him, replied "Yes" in his usual calm and indifferent tone of voice.

The houses on the street corners were decorated with holly trees and mistletoe. The window displays of the shops and the people who were looking at them as they walked by looked happy as they smiled even more than usually. 

The last time Edgar experienced this kind of Christmas was before the incident 9 years ago when his parents were killed. 

The last Christmas he spent in England according to his memory was at the family manor house where there was a large Christmas tree decorated with sparkling Christmas ornaments. There were also countless candles placed around the whole manor which had bright ribbons and flowers decorating the candle base and a mountain of presents were stacked below the tree. 

They had ginger cookies and mince pie, roast turkey and Christmas pudding. From the large cut glass bowl there was the sweet smell of stewed fruits punch. 

P. 209

What surrounded all of that was the smiles from his family and friendly acquaintances. Even his father, who was usually stern and serious seemed like he was smiling. 

The band to perform the music and a stage with the puppet play and all the festive and merry things could all be prepared by the present Edgar now. 

However the people from his memories no longer existed. The only person who remembered that sight was Edgar. 

"Last year’s Christmas was horrible, wasn’t it?"

"…..Yes."

Edgar was captured in a prison cell and waiting for his execution and Raven was trying all he could to rescue Edgar. 

Out of all his comrade friends, the only ones who survived were Raven and Ermine. 

"When you think of it that way it’s really quite unbelievable. I can’t believe this is reality."

He felt that way probably because Lydia wasn’t by his side. 

Because Lydia, who had offered her hand in helping Edgar become earl, wasn’t here he was felt like his position was an illusion. 

"The girl named Lydia, I wonder if she really exists. I worried if the time I spent with her was all my imagination."

P. 210

"It is reality, Lord Edgar."

Being told that flat-out by Raven he felt relieved. However Edgar was thinking about the possibility that Lydia would not return at this rate. 

If she were in Scotland, she wouldn’t be involved in the troubles Edgar would bring with him. She wouldn’t have to be put through the danger that would arise if she participated in the battle between Edgar and his nemesis. 

He just had to remove her from the position as the private fairy doctor of the Ashenbert family. Lydia probably wouldn’t even complain and accept it even if it was an unreasonable discharge. 

From the beginning it was like she was forced into being hired against her will.

Edgar kept thinking that he needed to make a commitment, to solidify his resolve. 

"Raven, don’t you think that the young miss Emily of the Bostner family we are going to visit has feelings for me?"

He tried to change the subject, but that didn’t mean he stopped thinking about Lydia. 

<Scotland, Christmas tree>

The man named Guy Nash apparently attended the same boarding school and was the roommate of Andy. 

He didn’t return to see his family during this Christmas holiday and Lydia wasn’t in any position to know what his reasons were in visiting his friend’s house, but she was told by her father on their way home that his family relationship was very complicated. 

Even so, what was the meaning of calling someone stupid?

Lydia couldn’t let go of her dragging bad temper as she held the wrapped goose meat in hand walking to the riverside a distance away from the town. 

As Lydia came near the water, the water surface moved and rippled and a black horse appeared from the river. 

"Hey, looks like it’s been a bad day for you."

The kelpie murmured in an irritated tone as he stuck out his head out of the water surface. 

"It’s Christmas. To us humans, this is a wonderful day."

"To me it’s horrible. The sound of the bell is so annoying and if I even try to get near the town, there are those holly trees or mistletoes or disgusting charms that get in my way."

P. 219

To kelpie, who was an unseelie court fairy, everything that was going on during Christmas. 

"But I brought a Christmas present for you."

Lydia held out the wrapped goose meat. 

Kelpie transformed into his human form and walked up to the riverside where Lydia was standing and carelessly took it. 

"Hey it’s dead. I’d rather eat it when it was alive."

"Don’t complain."

"Well, I’ll still take it. See you."

Surprisingly, he took it without a fight and returned back into the river. It looked like Kelpie really didn’t like the Christmas air. 

Darn, I thought I could have a chat with him just for a bit. 

Feeling slightly disappointed, Lydia turned around to walk back on the trail by herself. 

Christmas is a wonderful day. But every year, since the fairies would go into hiding, Lydia would feel a little lonely. 

Even the seelie court fairies didn’t come out of their hiding places that much. 

In the end, Lydia wasn’t able to get refreshed by a change of pace and so returned to her family home. 

When she walked through the kitchen from the back door, she smelled someone baking a pie. For the Carlton family Christmas dinner, their female chef was working so busily. 

P. 220

There was white steam rising up out of the large pot with warm pudding in it which filled the kitchen in a white fog.

Since the Carlton family house usually was empty, the housekeeper and chef who they hired to come and work for a few days were preparing the Christmas feast for their own families as well. Because of that, there was an unbelievable amount of dishes and drinks that a father and daughter could not possibly eat.

It was like they were preparing for a grand party.

It was a peculiar thing, but the smell of delicious food had the effect of calming one’s emotions and so simply, Lydia was starting to feel better.

"Lydia, is that you?"

She heard her father’s voice and so she headed towards the drawing room.

"Yes, Father, I’m back….."

However she stopped in her tracks without thinking at the doorway because she saw a man who was not her father, a young man in the room. 

It was Guy.

The root of Lydia’s bad feeling turned to face her and innocently said "Welcome home."

"You, you! What are you doing here?"

P. 221

"He was kind enough to carry in our Christmas tree."

In the direction her father pointed there was a fir tree that stood so tall it was nearly touching the ceiling standing in the middle of the room. 

"Since there is only a young daughter in the Carlton family, I heard that you wouldn’t have prepared a tree that requires quite a lot of strength to carry. That’s why I brought an extra one from a clergy house."

Indeed it had been a long time since her family had prepared a Christmas tree. It was impossible for Lydia alone to bring one and her father had just returned from his job in London two days ago. 

"If you don’t hurry up Christmas is going to be over. You should help out with putting on the ornaments."

I understand now what his business is here, but help out? Who does he think he is?

"I wonder how many years it has been since there was a tree in our house. Lydia, don’t you think this Christmas is going to be a festive one? You should thank this young man."

Even if she was told so by her optimistic father, Lydia was still vexed. 

"Oh, thanks is not necessary."

"The tree ornaments, those should be stored in the back shed. Let’s go and search for them. Lydia, could you make some tea for Mr. Nash."

Most likely, her father must think that there weren’t any men in this town who would deliberately get close to Lydia with any ulterior motives. It was true that all her life, there wasn’t anyone who approached Lydia who was rumored to be the town oddball. 

P. 222

That’s why his attitude seemed to be saying that Lydia, who didn’t have any close human friends, should get along with Guy. 

When her father didn’t waste any time to walk out of the room, Guy smiled at Lydia who remained standing in the room frowning as if he was trying to soothe her temper. 

"I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t mean to say anything bad about you. In other words, this is my gesture of apology."

"Thank you very much for the tree. But we can’t have Pastor Millar and his family’s important guest waste his precious time helping us out. I will do the rest, thank you, by myself."

"Oh, so you are upset? But you know, the one who said all that was Andy, and it wasn’t me right? I didn’t know what kind of girl you were so I was just responded to make conversation."

That might be true.

"You know I always thought that Andy fellow didn’t have a good eye in women, but now I know that he didn’t have good taste ever since he was a boy. He had such a cute neighbor like you but he was so stupid in not getting along with you."

This man is sure full of himself isn’t he?

He reminds me of someone, thought Lydia. 

"You’re not going to follow your friend’s advice? I might be a crazy girl who is out of my mind."

"Then explain to me how you are out of your mind. I am interested."

P. 223

"I have no responsibility to satisfy your curiosity. I am not a giraffe or elephant."

"That wasn’t my intension…., well, gosh."

He looked like he was troubled. That part of him was a little bit more cuter than a certain someone who would talk someone into something and left no room for mistakes.

"It’s just that, well, I wanted to make sure what kind of girl you were with my own eyes."

P. 230

He was the only fairy who would participate in the human's Christmas celebration.

Thanks to Nico who was like that, the Christmas which was originally going to be celebrated by father and daughter would usually become quite festive and loud but when a cat who would use a knife and fork at the dinner table would participate, it was natural that they weren't able to invite other people.

Of course, Lydia wasn't the kind of person who want to invite other people to her Christmas which her father was normally absent, and her father wasn't the type of person to come up with the idea of inviting since he enjoying a quiet meal.

"Oh yeah, that pastor son, he sure is strange,"

said Nico, as he perked his ear to listen to the talking voices coming from the front door.

"What do you mean strange?"

"He told that younger sister of his that a fellow named Guy is most likely at the Carlton's house trying to flirt the daughter of that family. He even advised her that she should go bring him back as soon as she could."

"Nico, you were listening to their conversation?"

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and waved his gray tail from side to side as if to say it was involuntary.

"I had no intention of it turning out like that, but humans who can't see us fairies don't even pay attention to the fact that we are right there and go on starting a conversation as they like so I can't help it."

That was true.

"The reason why Guy shows any interest in me is just curiosity. So Andy must have wanted Guy to not come to our house so often for his and his younger sister's sake."

P. 231

"They why would he bother and come all this way to say sorry about the trouble?"

"Maybe he was just taking Father in regard."

And so, from a young age he would tactfully be able to make the adults think of him as "a perfect child."

"That's what I don't understand. In the end, he just personally feels nervous about you right. And yet, he's more troublesome and worse than the humans who say bad things to your face because he would do those kind of things when there were teachers or adults around. And yet when it was just you kids, he would go around the adult's back and call you an oddball and strange."

Because Nico would hear those things and let her know about it, Lydia had never felt confortable about Andy since long ago. 

Or else, she would have thought he was just someone who didn't like her or hate her, but was just someone indifferent about her situation or character. 

However, it wasn't like she couldn't understand why Andy would feel unconfortable about her. 

Because their first encounter was horrible.

From a young age, he was the type of boy who feared to a point of fixation about the sin of corrupting to the temptations of the devil, more because of his own personality more than the fact that he was born as a pastor's son. 

During a certain occasion, his parents had nearly found out he had done a childish prank, and he was fighting against the temptation that he didn't want to be scolded and the feelings of guilt about telling a lie.

P. 232

Andy was thinking about what he should do as he entered the grassy fields that spread out outside his family's yard and approached the stone ruins. However Lydia was there and apparantely she had tried to place a curse on the young boy who had played a prank with a horribly terrifying face.

From Lydia's point of view, she was just playing with some fairies and Andy suddenly walked in on them. The fairies who were dancing in a circle were suddenly interrupted with a boy stomping in and ruining their circle had turned on him by started to climb and pinch all over his body and so she just tried to scare them away.

Since Andy was just a child, he had felt the pain from being pinched by the fairies and on top of that he was able to see the brownish shadows that were jumping around Lydia.

He believed that Lydia was a witch and become horrified and cried for the Lord's mercy and scurried back home. 

Lydia had no idea until what age he continued to believe that she was a witch, but as a boy who was calm and good-mannered in front of adults, he couldn't accept the fact that he was scared by a girl the same age as him and went running home and so he must have thought it better if she was a witch.

At the same time, by thinking that Lydia was a crazy, strange child, he must have come to the conclusion that there was no magical powers to be scared of. 

That must have been why he went around spreading the rumor about how crazy Lydia was to his friends and didn't want them to come in contact with Lydia.

P. 233

And apparently it was Andy who was the one to make one of his friends write a love letter as a prank to Lydia.

"Well, he just hates me, so there's nothing I can do about it."

Lydia stood up.

The voices who were talking by the front door had stopped, and since she heard the sound of the door closing, she thought that Andy must have gone home.

"Is that some sort of charm spell?"

However, he was right there. From the other side of the garden plants, he was peering down at the ground that Lydia had covered back over with dirt with suspicious eyes.

".....Yes, that's right."

He was looking down at the ground with such a deep frown that one would have thought he was going to make a sign of a cross with his hands on his chest any moment. 

"Weren't you talking to someone?"

"Yes, with a fairy. Do you have a problem with that?"

Nico was already done on all four feet and pretended to be a cat and scurried off and so Lydia came up with the best response she could.

Andy glared at her with a look of scorn and pity at her.

"Fairies, huh. I see you haven't grown up at all."

"I see you also haven't changed from how you talk bad about others."

P. 234

He must have become disgruntled since he went silent.

"You shouldn't believe what Guy had said. That fellow says what is convenient for him and is like that to everyone.”

“Why don’t you say that to your sister and not me?”

“……Well, that’s true but you look like you aren't used to being told stuff like that.”

What? Because I don’t look like the type of girl who is used to being approached by men? Does he mean that I would jump to believe that what he said was true?

Instead of losing her temper, Lydia stared at him because she was dumb-founded.

Why must I be told this by him?

Even though that might be true.

She was twisted around Edgar’s finger because she wasn't accustomed to a man’s approach.

But she didn't have to be told to not take what he said seriously. 

She knew that and yet she was nearly on the verge on believing him and becoming scared of that, Lydia asked for a holiday vacation and escaped to Scotland.

He would take Lydia’s hand like it was natural, kissed the locks of her hair and speak sweet words to her. He gazed at her with such soft, warm eyes and smiled gently to her and would take any opportunity when she lowered her guard to embrace her closely.

When she was approached with that much persistently, then she couldn't blame herself to think he might serious, but if she just exchanged a few routine remarks with someone, she wouldn't become conceited and pretentious.

P. 235

There weren't that many men around who would be convincing enough that she would like to believe in him for even a second.

Besides Edgar……

Unconsciously, Lydia let her eyes fall down to the moonstone ring. 

It was a ring that Edgar put on her finger. And now it became an engagement ring that only he could remove.

Its glistening brightness always reminded her and did not allow Lydia to erase Edgar’s presence from her daily life even though they were far apart. 

“You have nothing to worry about. I have someone I am seeing.”

Andy opened his eyes wide with his mouth falling open.

She wondered why he would be so surprised like that, but Lydia gradually came to realize what she had just said and turned into a panicked state as she felt herself turning bright red.

“Um, uhh, when I said seeing I meant, we still aren't, I was just asked…”

“Is that true?”

On the contrary to Lydia’s flustered reaction, Andy was able to regain his calm. He looked like he was suspicious of her. Like she was just coming up with lies.

“What? Yes, it’s true. Um, …..he’s a villain I met in London….., no I mean, anyway it’s true!”

P. 236

From bad to worse, he looked like he became even more suspicious.

“Are you just being pompous?”

Oh, this man is really annoying.

“It’s not a lie!”

Lydia couldn't stop herself from becoming adamant. Putting aside what Edgar was really trying to do, it was true that he proposed to her.

“Hmm, well good for you then. I should go inform Guy.”

Andy left after ending their conversation with a tone that he didn't believe her the least bit.

Lydia was left with an embarrassing feeling lingering in her chest.

(3) What to wish from the heart

<London, Christmas dinner>

“My lord, your guests have arrived,” announced the butler who appeared at his office at 2pm. 

Edgar didn’t like how the letter he was writing was coming out and he rolled it up into a ball and lifted his head up.

“The dinner preparations are complete. We can begin anytime you wish.”

“Tomkins. From an objective point of view, don’t you think that Lydia is an attractive woman?”

The butler was completely used to his master suddenly bringing up the topic about a woman out of the blue and so he didn’t show any signs of surprise. He straightened himself by stretching his round body as tall as he could and spoke.

“Yes, I do agree.”

“Lydia thinks that she doesn’t suit any man’s interest, but I think that there is no such thing.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Even if she says she was called an oddball in her hometown, there might be a man or two who might secretly have feelings for her.”

P. 238

“If there were, it would not be a surprise.”

“Which means, the reason why she hadn’t been romantically involved with anyone or asked to be was because there could be a man who was interfering with that.”

“Like my lord?”

"Me? When?”

“You had accidentally lost the Christmas card you were handed by that gentleman at that near-by park who was an acquaintance with Ms. Carlton.”

“Ohh, that was just a bad wind that blew the letter out of my hand and made it fall into a puddle, so it wasn’t like I lost it. Although his writing has surely faded.”

“……I see.”

“Anyway Tomkins, that shameless man who is in Scotland might fall in love with Lydia who returned home after a long while all over again and might want to suddenly tell her his feelings. That might just happen.”

Edgar had been thinking if he could find out by writing to her if she had been approached by any man, or invited to stand underneath a mistletoe but he couldn’t stop from writing like he was full of jealously or possessive over her and so he gave up.

P. 239

Even if he discussed this with Tomkins there was no answer to his problem, but he didn’t want to bottle up all those negative thoughts he couldn’t stop thinking about.

“Then what kind of reply would Lydia said. If she decides to court that man, then I would completely be heart-broken. On top of that, I might be abandoned by Raven.”

“Raven, sir? Why would he turn his back on you, my lord?”

“He said that he wants to serve Lydia.”

“I would agree with him completely.”

“I know, could you and Raven go and talk to Lydia. So that she would marry me.”

“My lord, my family the Tomkins have served this earl family for generations and have loyally protected one rule of our house. It is we must not refuse the order of the earl. If I am given an order that is impossible, then I must ask you to allow me to quit.”

Tomkins said that to him in such a serious tone no one could laugh. In other words, convincing Lydia was impossible to accomplish. 

“…..I’m kidding, Tomkins.”

Edgar was only left to take back his suggestion. 

“I was aware, my lord.”

P. 240

His butler who made a devilish smirk seemed to be joking as well.

Edgar combed his fingers through his golden blond hair and slumped down lifelessly back onto the back of his chair. 

Suddenly it became so hilarious that he started laughing by himself.

It was useless to think about Lydia who was in far-away Scotland. 

Edgar did not have any resolve to put distance between Lydia on his own, but if he were to be heart-crushingly rejected, then that might be a chance to give up and move on from Lydia. 

If it were something that was going to happen in an undeniably far location, there was no way he could do any futile resistance or interfere. 

“Let’s start the Christmas party.”

Edgar stood up.

In the beginning, he didn’t have any idea if he had the resolve to keep Lydia by his side or instead, he was all right if Lydia would feel disgusted and walk out on him.

The Christmas dinner was going to start from lunch. 

And today the guests who had gathered at the Ashenbert house were bachelors who had nothing to do on Christmas. 

Those who didn’t have family, or those who were estranged with their family members, or those who were lonely nobles from overseas. So it was those rogue outsiders who Edgar had been well-acquainted with on a regular basis from the ton that had gathered for today’s gathering.

P. 241

Even Paul, who was Edgar’s friend and a painter and not from the upper-class, was also participating.

Since it was just a gathering of well-acquainted friends, once the eating started, it started to feel like a home-party more than a formal dinner. 

By the time they put the knife in the turkey, there were quite of number of wines that had been opened, and when the meat juices along with the nuts and dry fruits that were boiled together started to pour out, the adults started to holler out in loud voices like giddy children. 

Their discussion about what was best, gravy sauce or cranberry sauce for the roast turkey never ceased.

The Christmas dishes that were by the recipe book brought out his childhood memories.

He believed that the Christmas table that was the same every year would always continue. 

“Hey, Edgar, let’s do a party at my place next year.”

“No, Lord Ashenbert, my cook is quite impressive, if I say so myself.”

“You two, are you planning to be bachelors next year as well?”

“Of course. If you were to make the mistake of getting married, we would never be able to attend such a swinging party. I would never want to be cowering in the corner at my wife’s family house.”

“Then you just need to marry a woman who has no family,” said a female guest.

“So someone like you?”

P. 242

“Oh my lady, if you wanted to marry me you just had to say so.”

“I was suggesting to Lord Ashenbert,” she replied.

“Oh my, looks like you have been rejected. What will you do, earl?”

“It sounds like a good idea, but your son is making a forbidding look.”

“Son? Well, I don’t have any memory of giving birth to one, besides he is 6 years older than me.”

“Your son-in-law, Mother.”

When everyone burst out laughing, Paul, who was sitting next to Edgar, was the only one with a puzzled look on his face. 

Edgar whispered into his ear that those two are lovers, but he must have been drunk and couldn’t think straight as he smiled while saying “Oh marvelous.”

There was plenty of liquor poured onto the special Christmas pudding and lit with a candle fire. 

When there were small blue fires placed on the table and filling the room with a sweet smell, the party became even more lively and mirthful. 

In the middle of all that bustling and boisterousness, Edgar decided to have the serving waiters go stop working early. 

Christmas was a day that was special for everyone. There was sure to be a party for just the servants only in the corner of the house from now. 

“By the way Edgar, I heard that there were a number of families that wanted to invite you to their party, but why did you refuse all of them?”

P. 243

By the time they switched from the dining room to the salon, everyone was already acting relaxed like they were in their own home and were indulging a cigar to their liking. 

The vast plates of dishes and sweets that couldn’t possibly be eaten were probably going to be completely consumed as everyone was going to enjoy drinking throughout the night. 

“They are all families who have young marriageable daughters. It would be unfair of me to just choose one, right?”

“I see, if it were a bachelor earl who had no family, then there was plenty of reason to want to become family with you. “

“So, earl. Who is your main target? We are all placing a bet. On who was the girl who made you serious about her to make you break up with all of your playmates and clean your act.”

“Hmm, so who are you betting on?”

“Now we can’t say that in front of you. Oh, I know, Paul, let’s have you join the bet as well.”

“What, oh no, I’m fine….”

“Why is that? You can join with just one pound. We already have more than 20 people betting. Wouldn’t this be a little earning opportunity for you?”

Paul already knew who Edgar’s target was and that his relationship with her was encountering a dangerous point. He couldn’t be blamed if he didn’t want to waste his money on a useless bet.

P. 244

“Then let me bet on Paul’s behalf. On Miss Lydia Carlton.”

Edgar tossed a one pound silver coin onto the table. 

“Who is that?”

“Hey, is there anyone who bet on that girl?”

“No, no one.”

“Edgar, is she your main interest?”

“Wait, everyone. This is Earl Ashenbert we are talking about, he’s surely planning to have some fun by twisting around our bet. You always leave us in the dark.”

Edgar made a sour smile and stood up. 

“Then let me excuse myself. I’m going to drop by the servant’s party,”

he said as he left the room thinking in a sloppy attitude that if he could win that bet, then he wouldn’t mind giving everyone a present of 20 pounds each.

Normally, the simple and plain butler’s private room had become the party location for today. 

He started to hear the cook’s violin performance that was slightly off-key. The singing voices and clapping hands and the light dance steps that echoed through was more of an old town and cocky feel. 

Ermine noticed he had come and walked over to him. Even she seemed like she was having fun more than usual.

P. 245

“Lord Edgar, please enjoy watching the dance in this seat.”

“Thank you. By the way, it seems like Raven isn’t here.”

“Yes, he seemed to not be that enthusiastic about a party and so he decided to retreat to his own room.”

Raven would gladly do any kind of job if it was for Edgar, but it seemed like he didn’t think that it was necessary to deepen his relationship with his fellow workers.

“Shall I go call him?”

“No, today, everyone should be where they keep most comfortable.”

“Yes, sir.”

As Edgar gazed at Ermine’s carefree, child-like smile, he thought he never imagined he would be able to spend another Christmas with her like this ever again.

She had given up her own life once before and so she might not be smiling from emotions from the bottom of her heart, but he was fine as long as she never had to go through another sad, tormenting experience again.

In order for that to happen, Edgar wanted to do everything he could. 

“Ermine, let’s dance.”

He took her hand and walked out into the middle of the dance floor.

When they were in America, the parties they attended with the people from the older, dark province of town were always like this. Even the dance styles that the upper-class would consider improper and vulgar felt endearing to Edgar.

P. 246

When they smoothly danced the steps in the lower-class dance, there was a cheer that erupted from the servants. 

The cook’s violin’s tempo built up more speed. The young maids as well as the experts joined and left the dance circle in turns. 

When everyone started dancing, the floor became packed with people that is was a little difficult to move around smoothly, but no one was bothered about that. 

No one cared if their steps and turns bumped into other people or they stepped on other people’s feet. 

Edgar eventually left that lively area quietly and walked downed the grand staircase of his palace home by himself. 

He did all the things for Christmas that he needed to do. 

But there was one thing that was missing. 

Lydia wasn’t here, by his side. 

There was nothing that could be done about that. But as he thought so, he took his coat and opened the front door. 

The sky was completely dark now. 

The fog that was faintly hanging over the city was extremely cold and immediately cooled down his forehead that was sweating from dancing around so many people. 

He pulled up the collar of his coat and quickly walked out into the main street, picked up a carriage and had it head to the Carlton house that was near the university.

P. 247

Lydia and Professor Carlton were in Scotland. He was well aware that there was no one there, but he couldn’t stop himself from coming.

He got off the carriage at the corner of the block and took a little walk on the street.

There was only one residence that didn’t have its window lit up so he was able to tell which house was Lydia’s immediately.

Their resident housekeeper must have taken time-off and was visiting her own family.

The window to Lydia’s room was black and empty, and when he imagined the possibility that her room won’t be occupied and her window lit ever again, he felt a pain in his chest.

He was terrified by the thought that Lydia might leave. But he couldn’t go and try to bring her back.

He was more petrified at the thought that she might become unhappy or become a victim because of him than her not being by his side.

But even so, he couldn’t throw away his wish to have her in his arms reach. 

When he approached the stone-steps in front of the entrance door, the mistletoe wreath that was hanging above the door swayed when a soft, cold breeze blew by.

P. 248

<Scotland, Christmas wreath>

Even though night had fallen and it was completely dark, the candles that decorated the tree helped brighten the room and the fire in the hearth was burning warmly.

Lydia had spent a lovely dinner with her father and Nico, and was now resting comfortably in her mother’s favorite rocking chair as she listened to her father who was reading a book.

Nico had enjoyed a belly-full of the holiday meal and completely drunk was now snoring on the floor by the warm fireplace.

His slobbered mouth was hanging wide open and the rest of his body lay sprawling out over the floor, but this sloppiness was very like Nico, who normally tried to act like a gentleman. 

Every so often, his whiskers would twitch. He then would lick his lips. Lydia grew tired and sleepy as she watched Nico’s happy-looking face as he seemed to be having a dream where he was eating something.

The cozy, rocking sway of the rocking chair was also relaxing and she recalled that her mother would often take a nap on this same chair in the past.

Lydia was filled with soothing warmth like she was sitting on top of her mother’s lap.

When she closed her eyes, her heart returned to when she was a little girl.

When her mother would start to doze off, her father would immediately notice and he would softly cover her with a warm blanket.

Sometimes, her mother would only pretend to fall asleep and waited for her husband to bring a blanket for her.

P. 249

Her father would then slowly tie-toe out of the room and then her mother would open one of her eyes to have a peek.

“Why?” asked the young Lydia.

“Because I want to make sure that I’m loved more than his rare, precious rocks.”

*

“Lord Edgar.”

P. 257

P. 258

Hearing Raven’s voice, Edgar felt his conscious being woken up from his slumber and opened his eyes. 

There was a black-haired young boy of a man who was inspecting him with worry as he lay sitting down on the stone steps of the Carlton family’s London home. 

“Are you all right, Lord Edgar?”

“………Raven, you came to get me.”

Even if he may be wearing a thick overcoat, that couldn’t stop him from shivering from the bitter cold and even when he stood up he felt his body whine with a squeak.

When he counted the rings of the church bells, he found out not much time had passed, but the miserable, gloomy feeling that forced him to come here was gone, and he felt surprisingly relaxed.

“How did you found out I was here.”

“Lord Edgar, I don’t mind who ever she is. I will serve the lady who you have chosen.”

Raven suddenly said that in a terribly formal tone, so he must have pitied Edgar who was left with the only option of coming to Lydia’s empty family house to think about her. 

He smiled sourly as he figured out he was sympathized.

Even as he said he loved her, he wasn’t able to go see her or bring her back, and so Raven had been in a bad temper when he saw the cowardly Edgar who tried to distract himself with another woman, but if Lydia were to leave him, then Raven must have decided he would forgive his pathetic master. 

P. 259

“I was having a dream. I have a feeling like Lydia was in it. I might have tried to kiss her.”

“Did she throw her hand at you?”

“I don’t know. I was dreaming just now, but I can’t seem to remember how it was.”

Only he was sure he saw Lydia’s golden, green eyes at a very close distance. He might have been slapped by her, but he had a feeling she didn’t close her eyes that easily for him. 

Even in Edgar’s dream, Lydia was like herself.

He thought as he departed from the Carlton residence.

Raven had said he would give up Lydia if she were to leave, but for Edgar to give up on Lydia felt much more difficult than Raven or he himself had ever imagined.

“Oh, but I love a woman who doesn't let her guard down.”

*

When she inspected the post box, she found that another letter had arrived from Edgar today.

Picking up the letter that was arriving every day since she took time off of work, Lydia thought he sure doesn’t get tired of doing this, but deep down she felt relieved that she hadn’t been forgotten by him. 

P. 260

When she threw her eyes towards the front gate, she spotted the Christmas mistletoe branch that was left hanging on the gate arch even though it was Boxing Day after Christmas. 

As Lydia stared at it, her heart suddenly felt in disarray and her heartbeat started beating madly. 

The memory of the dream had completely vanished so Lydia had no idea why. But that unknown also brought a peaceful, gentle sensation along with it. 

“Hello, Miss Carlton.”

When she turned to face the voice, she saw Guy was waving at her from the other side of the hedges surrounding her house. 

“Oh, hello. Thank you for yesterday. Thanks to you we were able to spend a wonderful Christmas.”

When she honestly told him, he looked back at her in a surprised face as he smiled.

“I heard you have a lover?”

The lie she told Andy must have been told to him, she thought as she didn’t give a direct reply back.

“I was told by Andy that he has radiant blond hair and he’s supposedly very good-looking so I don’t have a chance.”

“Oh, I see…….”

“That tree, it was actually something that Andy wanted to bring to your family’s house.”

Lydia had no idea what Guy had suddenly said so she tilted her head to the side in confusion.

“Apparently he cuts down one extra pine tree than the number he was asked to every year. The pastor always asks him why there is one extra left, but Andy must have been worried because he knew the reason why your family wasn’t able to decorate a Christmas tree. But every year, he wasn’t able to deliver it to you.”

P. 261

“But Andy doesn’t want to deal with me, so he goes around calling me strange and an oddball…..”

“That’s where he’s wrong and he can’t think straight. Since he lost the opportunity to become friends with you during childhood, maybe he didn’t want anybody else to become friendly with you?  That’s why he was feeling quite annoyed with my attitude deep down. But last night, he said he was going to take a walk by himself and no one could stop him, so I thought that he finally decided to apologize to you, but he must have given up very quickly as he came home right away. And so, he came to give me a warning that the Carlton daughter was unavailable.”

“Uh-huh.”

The Andy that Lydia pictured always had a look of boredom and looked at her like he saw something evil. But since that was his only reaction towards her, she was able to believe what Guy said about him immediately. 

“That twisted personality of his won’t be fixed that easily, but it seems like he’s decided to fight off people like me for the sake of you and your blond lover from now on, so please forgive him.”

That was Guy’s last words as he walked off looking satisfied.

“Did I ever tell Andy that Edgar was blond……?”

As Lydia leaned her head to the side again, she pulled up her shawl to protect herself from the icy, cold winds and turned around to head back into the house.

P. 262

From the trunk of one of the planted evergreen trees, small fairies started to come outside. 

They picked up the silver coins and walnuts that Lydia had left in the ground the night before, and they formed a line and headed towards the grassy fields with happy, lively voices.

The laughter of the fairies that sounded similar to the rustle of the tree leaves, eventually mixed with the sound of the wind and gently reached Lydia’s back as a rustling sound from the swinging mistletoe wreath.