Chapter 148: Impossible to Subdue

“What is it you need me for?” Sophie asked.

“You’re not happy with enjoying a nice day in the delta?”

They were strolling along an embankment road, Jason setting their meandering pace.

“It’s not terrible,” Sophie conceded. “I’m just not sure why you need me to join you on the hook.”

“You know about fishing, but you didn’t know about rain?”

“I probably heard someone mention it, but it isn’t something that really comes up.”

“Seems like it would be,” Jason said. “Delta merchants, sailors. And you weren’t born here, right? Didn’t you come to this city on a ship? Surely that got rained on.”

“Who told you that? Was it Belinda?”

“Don’t recall,” Jason said. “One of the Berts, maybe?”

“I don’t really remember anything before Greenstone,” Sophie said. “I was very young. My earliest memories are of my father working for the Silva family.”

“My dad’s done a lot of work for the government,” Jason said. “That’s worse than working with criminals, believe me.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Sophie said. “Humphrey warned me about that.”

“Teenagers,” Jason said, shaking his head. “No discretion.”

“That’s rich coming from you,” she said. “This whole plan is formulated on people believing that you would make a huge spectacle of yourself. Which they did.”

“Sorry about the whole ‘you do what I say, woman,’ thing. I was kind of leaning into the villainy.”

“That seems to be your first reaction,” she said. “I’ve seen the recording of that ridiculous fight.”

“It was pretty over the top, right? I was just looking for a way to win. That meant killing a bunch of teenagers, so going movie monster seemed the natural choice.”

“Why do you do that?” she asked.

“Do what?”

“Make reference to things you know people won’t understand. Is it part of the whole crazy persona you have going?”

“No,” Jason said. “Well, yes, probably. Where I come from they call it a weirdness coupon. If people expect you to do strange things, then they accept it when you do. Have you ever noticed how people don’t expect me to respect authority or adhere to ordinary codes of conduct?”

“I’ve been waiting for someone to kick the crap out of you for that.”

“It’s happened, once or twice,” Jason said. “But I get away with it, more than not. How many times have you seen me doing something and have someone tell you ‘oh, that’s just Jason?’”

“Quite a lot, actually.”

“And there you are,” Jason said. “I’ve never been good at fitting in, so I’ve learned how to do standing out the right way. I admit that I’ve taken it pretty far, here, but magic and monsters make everything… bigger. Bigger personalities, bigger dangers. Half measures don’t work and you have to find a way to either make your mark or fade into the background. Getting caught in the middle will just get you chewed up and spat out. Go big or go home, as they say where I come from.”

“So all this strangeness is just an act?”

“Not at all,” he said. “There’s method to the madness, sure, but there’s also madness to the madness. It’s about leaning into your strengths and working with what you’ve got. A lesson you could very much stand to learn.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“Look at your circumstances before Clive and I came along,” he said. “You and Belinda, scrambling from one problem to the next. Every escape dropping you into a worse situation, the city tightening around you like a noose. You know why that is?”

“Because life sucks.”

“You’ve had some rough circumstances and no mistake,” Jason conceded. “You went at them the wrong way, though.”

“Is that so?”

“I told you that you have to stand out or fade away, or you’ll get chewed up in the middle. You got chewed up pretty good. I’ve learned a fair bit about what you’ve been through and what you did about it, and it’s plain to see what happened.”

“You think you know me?” she asked.

“I’m starting to get there,” he said. “You kept choosing to fade into the background, but everything you did was about making your mark. You’ve been telling yourself you’re doing one thing while you’re really doing the opposite.”

“So, you know what I really should have done?”

“Not at all,” Jason said. “I haven’t lived your life or faced your circumstances. Compared to you, my life has been sunshine and rainbows. But you have to realise that you’re never going to fade into the background. It’s not just the way you look, although that’s certainly a thing.”

“You have a problem with the way I look.”

“Of course I don’t,” Jason said. “I’m a straight man with eyes. But the way you look is a perfect reflection of who you are. Your hair, your clothes; you choose them for practicality. They shout to the world that you want to do your thing and don’t want anyone to bother you. But they can’t hide what you are.”

“And what’s that?” she asked, voice thick with challenge.

“Fierce. Arresting. Indomitable. If you asked Cole Silva or Lucian Lamprey why they chased after you, they’d probably say it was because of the way you look. Maybe that’s how it started, but it’s not why they kept chasing so hard for so long. They’d be lying, especially to themselves. A certain kind of man is insecure about his power. If he senses a challenge to it, he has to possess or destroy whatever is making him feel challenged.”

“Is that what you think? You’re reading too much into a pair of sleazy guys used to getting what they want.”

“That’s the whole point of what I’m saying,” Jason said. “They didn’t get what they were after. I might have come along at the end but Lamprey was chasing you for months. Silva for years, from what I’ve heard. If you weren’t captured by my resourcefulness and dashing good looks, you’d probably still be out there.”

“Wasn’t it mostly Clive who caught us?”

“I did most of the fighting and chasing.”

“Like a minion, while he did all the set up. Like a boss.”

“Wouldn’t that make you Belinda’s minion?”

“I’m alright with that.”

“That’s actually really nice,” Jason said. “That level of trust.”

“You don’t have people you trust?”

“Actually, I’m thick with them,” Jason said. “I didn’t have a lot of friends, back home. Someone hurt me, made it hard to trust people. I did a lot of getting chewed up in the middle, of being to afraid to embrace what I really am.”

“A nonsensical loon?”

“Yes,” he said. “This world forced me to answer new challenges. To be more than I was and find people I could trust and rely on. I could have stayed quiet, worked my way up as another unremarkable iron-ranker. But you know what? I am remarkable. For good or ill.”

He gave her a wry smile.

“So are you, whether you like it or not. Most people, faced with your circumstances, would capitulate. Endure to get by. You didn’t. You took extreme measure after extreme measure, even as you told yourself you were trying to lay low. You’re so bad at taking the quiet road that you followed it right into a storm of politicians, crime lords and adventurers. You can’t hide because you burn too bright. Until you accept that, you’re just going to keep getting chewed up.”

She didn’t respond, thinking as she threw him wary glances.

“What does ‘indomitable’ mean?” she asked, finally.

“Impossible to subdue,” Jason said.

“I’m your indentured servant.”

“Are you, though?” Jason asked. “If you wanted to be gone, could I have stopped you? I don’t imagine for a second that Belinda hasn’t figured out how to slip that tracking bracelet. You probably got something on your person right now that will let you do it if you need to.”

They walked in silence for a long time.

“You still didn’t answer my question,” she realised out loud.

“What question?”

“Why do you need me out here with you.”

“You’re easier to track,” he said.

“And you’re not easy to track?”

“Nope. I have a power that makes it hard.”

“No actual skills, then.”

“None whatsoever,” he said, pumping a fist in the air. “Magic powers for the win!”

“Why are you so proud about something you didn’t earn?”

“Pride is an easy lever to pull,” Jason said. “You should never let people know what you’re actually proud of.”

“Are you ever not manipulating people?”

“We all manipulate the people around us,” Jason said. “We all show different faces to friends, family, colleagues. Enemies.”

“You think that’s the same thing?”

“You think it’s different? You think my friends don’t see past the bombast and the bluster? Do you think Jory doesn’t know how I feel, healing people in his clinic? That Humphrey doesn’t know my pride, helping protect a village from monsters? That Rufus doesn’t feel my triumph when I push my abilities a little bit further and grow that little bit stronger?”

“Aren’t you just making it harder for them?”

“We all make it hard. Rufus can be rigid when he needs to be flexible. Humphrey can be short-sighted when he needs to look deeper. Jory needs to be more ambitious before he can truly accomplish the things he wants to. As for me, well, I’m the worst of the lot. I’m constantly causing trouble a little politeness would avoid. I pick fights I have no business being in, make enemies that would overlook me if I just learned to keep my mouth shut. I’m prickly, manipulative. Completely lacking in deference.”

“If you’re so self-aware, then why not fix all that?”

“Because they aren’t problems,” Jason said. “They’re part of who I am, and I’m happier with that now than I ever have been. I told you, this world needs you to be bigger. Maybe it takes an outsider to see that clearly.”

He gave her a smile.

“I don’t know what you are but you need to stop hiding, because I know a hider isn’t it,” he said. “I’ve been lucky to find people willing to put up with me, good and bad. Figure out what you are, and be the ever-living crap out of that thing. Then find the people willing to put up with it. You know it’s what Belinda has been waiting for, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

“She knows what you are better than anyone,” Jason said. “Better than you do. My guess? She’s been waiting for you to come into yourself for years.”

“She’s not just some addendum to me, waiting for me to get it together,” Sophie said. “She’s brilliant, inquisitive. If she didn’t keep tying herself down with me, she could accomplish incredible things.”

Jason burst out laughing.

“You think that’s funny?” Sophie asked angrily.

“Yeah,” Jason said. “I’d bet money that the two of you have been pushing each other along, both thinking you’re pulling the other back. Wexler, this is your chance. Hers, too. You get those essences she’s after and then both of you find out what you’re really capable of.”

Sophie stopped, throwing our her arms.

“What is with you, Asano?” she asked. “This whole thing. Getting us out from under Lamprey. Essences, adventuring. The speeches about making something of myself. No dismissing the question, no hiding behind a mouthful of nonsense. Seriously. Why?”

Jason also stopped, turning back to look at her. The perpetual, smug, half-grin fell from his face. His eyes, normally twinkling with some joke only he seemed to know about became clear and sharp.

“Because I could,” he said. “You needed it, I could do it, so I did it.”

“Why us?”

“Why not you? Jory wanted to help you and I have a soft spot for people railing against authority when the smart move is to give in. It’s one of the things people hate most about me.”

“Just like that. You put yourself in the path of Cole Silva and Lucian Lamprey because your friend wanted to help us?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s my friend.”

“You’ll go that far for a friend?”

“How do you think I made so many great friends?”

“You’re serious.”

“Unless I’m just manipulating you.”

“Gods damn it, you’re obnoxious.”

“I’m just saying,” Jason said. “Honest vulnerability can be a powerful tool.”

“Didn’t you tell your lady friend that it was only a tool of seduction?”

“I was lying. You know what I’m like.”

“Do you ever stop?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Yes!”

“Really?” he asked a grin creeping onto his face.

“Shut up,” she said and set off again, marching past him along the embankment road. Jason looked at her, shaking his head and then followed.

“Such a tsundere.”

“I heard that!”

“Do you even know what that means?”

“Shut up!”