Chapter 784 Land

⟬ One week later. ⟭

⁆ Captain's Log, Date XXXX. ⁅

⁆ So there I was... in the middle of the deepest, darkest forest on the gods' green Realm. ⁅

⁆ I thought the oceans were a scary place-- but I knew the oceans. There was only so much down there. You had your Leviathans, your Abyssal Sea Wolves, the odd Coral Boy-- and really not enough hot mermaids to go around. ⁅

⁆ Mina kept all the baddies away. Good girl, that Mina. ⁅

⁆ But on land-- land was shite. ⁅

⁆ It wasn't just bugs and spiders crawling in the trees. There were acid-spitting, zombified hornets half-the-size of Elle. There were spiders made of metal that were there one moment and gone the next. ⁅

⁆ I was hoping for some good eatin' being out there-- something like cowardly deer and little bunny rabbits. Yeah, no. The antlered f*cks stood up on two legs and made Bob look like he was suffering from severe malnutrition. I saw a rabbit kill one of the Coral Boys-- ripped his stony throat out. No amount of seawater could fix that. ⁅

⁆ The fact that it could laugh was f*cked enough... but it was the kind of sound he could only imagine in his nightmares... ⁅

⁆ And then the trees... the trees looked like they wanted to f*ck me, then murder me-- not necessarily in that order. They had faces in the bark with... teeth and burning eyes. They had... warts on them. They screamed in pain when Catshit took a whack at one. ⁅

⁆ They bled. ⁅

⁆ Trees were gods-damned terrifying. The things were hundreds if not thousands of years old... full of secrets-- biding their time for when the moment was ripe. And one of them... for gods-damned sure... one of them was going to attack when they least expected it. But Krysaos, Captain of the-- ⁅

« These trees won't attack you, Krysaos. »

"Oh, yeah?" Krysaos turned to glare at his Lieutenant, "Well, forgive me for my ignorance, landlubber."

Facing Tycon's glare, Krysaos immediately held a hand up, "No. Wait. Sorry-- not in a good mood, LT..."

"Granted," The LT sighed deeply. "I shall take no offense... This *is* an abysmal place. Remain vigilant."

Elle-- the big woman, was keeping close to the guy, watching her head to avoid the medium-high branches, "Tychon... just why do the trees have faces?"

"Our minds recognize patterns when there are none," The LT answered calmly.

"And the... 'warts'?"

"They're fruit," Coraline squeaked. "And their 'blood' per se, is their juice... Still a good idea to steer clear of 'em, though. The fruits are the main diet of Six-Eyed Ravens and they're... territorial, to put it nicely."

⁆ Elle and Coraline were the two newest additions to the crew. ⁅

⁆ ...More or less, anyroad. ⁅

⁆ Elle was Lieutenant Tycon's girlfriend. Real sweet, she was-- and even though she was as tall as Petty Officer Bob, she seemed pretty young. Tycon gives me the stink-eye if I try to talk to her for more than two sentences. I get it, though. If I were him, I wouldn't trust a girl around me, neither. ⁅

⁆ Coraline was... probably the most tolerable elf I've ever met. She said she was raised around humans-- which was probably why. She was a bit weird in the head, though. She had two modes: sea cucumber vomiting out information and... crippling depression. ⁅

⁆ Them and the rest of the crew: Reliable. Trustworthy. Didn't complain more than expected. It's leagues better than my last one last one-- the bastards that threw me off the original Sugar-Titted Siren by order of that bearded twat, the sea god. ⁅

⁆ It took us about a week to travel to the Tree God's Forest. We followed streams and rivers so we could have fresh water to drink and keep the Coral Boys from drying out too much. Granted, we still had to use sea water if anyone got hurt too bad. ⁅

⁆ Wonderboy found that out, nearly dying more than once... and since Mina was conserving her mana hidden inside the Master Sword, there was no one around to feel bad for him. ⁅

⁆ Everyone's got a use. That's why I make pals with anyone I can. The smart folk, you have them talk and you listen to them. The LT and Coraline, they fell in that category-- probably Elle, too. The stupid ones-- you get them to do your dirty work. ⁅

"Cap'n?" Stickyfingers put his hand on Krysaos' shoulder.

"WhaaAAAt?!" Krysaos snapped.

"We uh... we'z uh..." The Coral Boy lifted up his sack. It was bleeding.

Krysaos looked past the guy... looking into the trees for the anomaly.

"Empty night," Tycon cursed.

Krysaos felt a twang of pain go through his head, right behind the eyes. That's when he saw it. Some of the trees looked like... regular trees. That is... without their bleeding warts.

⁆ Most of the crew-- Wonderboy and Stickyfingers included... they belonged to the second category. ⁅

⁆ The crowing and cawing set on like a storm all around us. Everywhere I looked, there were eyes and feathers, razor sharp talons and toothed beaks. There were hundreds of the flying f*cks, if not thousands. ⁅

"Ooooh, we'z really done it 'is time," The pale Coral Boy chuckled, "Whaddya say, Cap'n? We leg it?"

"Don't be a fockin' coward, Stickyfingers," The massive Bob growled as he hefted a two-handed battleaxe over his shoulder. "We stand. We foight."

"I agree with Petty Officer Bob's assessment," Tycon shrugged. "Running would be disadvantageous, considering the thick foliage above and the thorned, on the ground."

"I'll take care of the south. Glad it's not the dry season," Coraline held her hands up, her forearms lighting up with fire. "Wake up, Beatrice!"

"Everyone keep close to me!" Elle yelled, holding out the weird, green shield-thing on her arm. "I'll use my shield to block the first charge. By my side, Gaheris!!"

Krysaos grit his teeth. He wasn't about to be shown up by the two new chicks.

He wrapped his hand around the hilt of his rapier, the Heart of the Ocean, "Well, I have a summon with a funny name too."

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