CH 17.1

A quiet light shone on the tranquil alley. Cocaine leaned against the high wall, fiddling with his mask. The white feathers on the mask fluttered in the wind. On top of that, his breath crumbled. Jang Sejun looked his way with a slightly perplexed face. The quiet gaze approached him with a great sense of weight. Cocaine couldn’t stand it and looked at him. Then the other’s gaze quickly fell away again. It was Cocaine that broke the silence.

“It’s been 10 years.”

The voice seemed to revolve in the distant past. How Jang Sejun recognized him, he did not ask how he did it. It was a communion only for those who shared the past. He guessed that he died as Yaba said or, if he was lucky, he entered the facility. When the stranger hugged him earlier, when he found out that he was Jang Sejun, he wanted to run away from the spot.

“Where have you been all this time?”

“… I’ve… been around… As I wandered, I saw various trees… And I kept looking for Chaewoo…”

“I never thought… hyung would be a gardener. Moreover, working at this place…”

Jang Sejun said in an unnatural tone as if reading a book.

“I… worked for a gardener I met by chance and became independent… It hasn’t been long since I came here…”

“Where is your home? Are you staying here and taking care of the garden?”

“I live in the place closest to the sky.”

The place where Jang Sejun pointed with his finger was a hill full of shabby houses in the distance. He lowered his hands and his gaze overlapped with times of innocence. He still hadn’t erased his puzzled expression. He looked as if he were about to hug him like a thunderbolt, but he kept a distance of a step away. It was like a believer standing in front of a revered priest.

10 years ago, when Jang Sejun was chasing Cocaine to sing, he had those eyes. He continued to speak respectfully to a person who was far younger than him. The tone was slurred, but communication was not as difficult as it used to be. Even though Sejun and him lived next door, they hardly ever saw each other. His mother did not allow him to sing for free.

When Jang Sejun wanders around the house, Yaba… Sejin would always grab his back and drag him away. Autism requires more delicate skill and time than cancer, so it was difficult to see a noticeable effect after hearing it a few times. In fact, it must have been only a couple of times that Jang Sejun had listened to Cocaine’s song. Once at Yaba’s house, once without his mother on condition that he didn’t chase after him. And Christmas Day was the last. No, he couldn’t remember whether or not Jang Sejun heard the song that day. The only things that were clearly engraved were the smell of the slaughter and the scream. The scene he had pressed so deep was about to come out. Cocaine felt suffocated.

“Your younger brother… was also there. How… is he doing?”

“He’s gone…”

For the first time, Jang Sejun’s face, which had been overwhelmed with emotion, was distorted for the first time. Black eyes wandered far away and returned.

“I was surprised that Chaewoo was gone… My brother too… was gone. People dear to me… disappeared all at once. Christmas is a day when people all over the world receive gifts… But I was the only exception…”

The conversation was cut off again. Should he tell Jang Sejun first about Yaba, or should he tell Yaba about meeting his brother first? Cocaine was at a loss as to where to start and how to talk. He wouldn’t want to tell his brother about his current situation with Yaba’s pride. Yes, it would be better to inform Yaba first. At that moment, a gangster who got into a van from the other side of the alley honked his horn briefly. Cocaine took a step back, clutching the mask.

“I must go now.”

Jang Sejun hurriedly caught him.

“Where do you live? When are you coming again?”

There was nothing Cocaine could answer.

“… When are you coming back?”

He asked with desperate eyes. Cocaine averted his gaze and answered.

“I don’t know. If the madame looks for me again, I’ll come back…”

“She will call you again. Chaewoo’s song… If you hear it once, you won’t be able to stand it without hearing it again… Next time we meet, there is something I want to show you.”

“…”

The facial features of Yaba were buried in his face, but the eyes were much milder and clearer. He shouldn’t have such an ordinary conversation with him. He was a piece of memory that he does not want to bring back. Encounters with the past that he wanted to avoid, chewing the cud of nightmares, as witnesses and perpetrators of that day 10 years ago…

***

“You. How can you run into the madame’s room like that? The madame was very surprised.”

“Sorry.”

Jang Sejun entered the garden with an expressionless face. The butler had a uncomfortable expression on the mechanical apology.

“I didn’t know you knew the young man earlier, but is he a friend from your hometown?”

“Not friends. There can be no such thing. That person… He is the one who saved me.”

“Well, sometimes you say strange things.”

The butler’s face was wrinkled. Jang Sejun put on his work gloves and started the work he had stopped. He wrapped the garden tree in straw and he put bricks around the small flower bed. The butler looked around the garden and said,

“If you have this skill, many places will seek after you, but wouldn’t it be better for you to settle in one place too? Find a good woman and have children. Oh, by the way, didn’t you say you were looking for two people before? That’s why you were going around the country. Who is it? Is it a brother or a family member? Or is it someone who stole money and ran away?”

Jang Sejun said, aligning the corners of the bricks like a knife.

“One is my God.”

A sanctuary that cannot be touched, a divine being…

“The other one is my lover.”

Again, he placed a brick next to it and muttered quietly.

“If you take either of them, I will kill you.”

***

A black van drove fast in the dark alley. Cocaine called Imsoo and canceled all reservations. He felt sorry for his colleague, who depended on him for most of his income, but today he exhausted all his energy due to an unexpected meeting. Cocaine rested his heavy head against the car window. He impulsively pressed the call button. A low-pitched voice was heard from the other side. It was Cha Yiseok.

— How was it?

“How do you think it was?”

Cocaine continued.

“First of all, I thought the client was disagreeable because he sent a grown man to his mother and didn’t come to visit her. Second, I thought that the madame’s son was very indifferent. She wouldn’t have gotten so bad if he showed a little interest…”

— Can you fix her?

“Illnesses of the mind are harder to heal than those of the body. It will take a long time, but I’ll give it a try.”

― There aren’t just a couple of doctors who gave up because they got tired of that lady, so you’ll have to be prepared.

“Are you intimidating me before I even do it right?”

— You can do it.

The heavy head was cleared by the voice of trust. Cocaine bit his laughter.

“Can you buy a meal instead?”

It was such a provocative voice.

— It’s difficult because I’m meeting someone right now. When do you have time?

Cocaine smiled bitterly at the reply. Somehow today, he wanted to whine more than necessary. Then that man would come running with his characteristic mischievous smile. Cocaine himself may be the one who was changing.

“Please buy me something expensive in return.”

Instead of clinging to it, he was satisfied with the sound of his own neatly crafted voice.

***

A jazz melody spread through the wine bar overlooking the city night view. On one wall were wine bottles and screens, and instruments waiting for a jazz performance lined up between order and freedom. A black-and-white film moved silently over the two men sitting side by side at the bar. Men with deep intaglio fit well with this jazz bar, like a scene from a movie.

Cha Yiseok ended the call with Cocaine and put his cell phone on the table. He asked, holding up his drinking glass.

“Is it Cocaine?”

“He said he was on his way home after finishing.”

“That guy would probably heal the Director’s mother. He’s excellent as a healer, but he’s also very good at reaching out to people’s hearts. Cocaine is a natural healer.”

Kang Giha spoke.

“But are you okay? If Cocaine comes and goes in and out of your home and catches Chairman Cha’s attention…”

“He doesn’t even come to his house except for family events, it will be fine. Even if he encountered him by chance, it’ll be difficult to recognize him wearing a mask. Of course, if Chairman Cha doesn’t go crazy and attack to see the face of Cocaine.”

Cha Yiseok continued the conversation that had been interrupted for a while.

“When did you open the store?”

“About 10 years ago. His father did phonetics research. By chance, he discovered that there was a miraculous voice that heals the body and mind, and he devoted himself to research. My father died during the study, and the sample also committed suicide.”

“You have taken over the business.”

Kang Giha raised an eyebrow and answered.

“The man only knew how to do research, but he didn’t know how to turn it into money. The first time I heard about Cocaine was after my father passed away. Somewhere, there were people who can do miracles with songs. Just in time, an investor showed up and seized the opportunity that was almost disintegrating.”

“Aren’t you the owner of the store?”

“Not now, but soon it will be mine.”

Kang Giha confidently raised the glass. Cha Yiseok looked at Kang Giha and bit a cigarette.

“It seems that he also liked fantasy quite a bit. Believing in the existence of a healer and even investing in it.”

“I heard through his agent that there was a sick person in the investor’s family. Isn’t it the human heart to want to hold on to even the hem of a shaman’s skirt when you’re in a corner? Most of all, Cocaine proved that it wasn’t nonsense.”

Cha Yiseok turned the glass round and round with an achromatic smile.

“But it was too late.”

He murmured as he watched the liquid pouring into the crystal glass.

“Yes?”

Kang Giha asked. Cha Yiseok kept the red wine behind the roof of his mouth without answering. The thick body feeling wrapped around his tongue was like Yaba’s tongue.

“Then why castration?”

Kang Giha answered, tilting the glass of wine to his lips.

“That’s because the healer loses his power when he undergoes puberty.”

“Then why did you even do that to Yaba if that’s the case.”

“When you go through a period of transformation, your voice gets thicker. Wouldn’t it be better if the tone of the voice was unified when accompanying Cocaine?”

Cha Yiseok glanced at Kang Giha, who smiled fishily, with one eye. And he said indifferently.

“Well, it was nice to hear.”

“It is said that in medieval Europe, it was forbidden for women to sing. Castrato castrated his boy to take the place of the female part to preserve their voice. My father believed that a man’s clean voice could heal body and soul. In particular, in the belief that the pure and holy male voice without secondary sexual characteristics can wash away the filth. He even proved it to be true…”

Kang Giha’s voice was interrupted by the clinking of the well-carved ice cubes.

“After years of scouring the country, I found Cocaine with much difficulty. But from there, things went awry. The kid who came to Cocaine house that day was mistaken for Cocaine and caught. He ratted on Cocaine, and now I have Cocaine. Of course, I admit that I am half responsible. Didn’t you ask who is responsible for the other half before?”

Kang Giha’s eyes shifted from the moving screen of a black-and-white movie and came to Cha Yiseok.

“It was Yaba who gave me Cocaine. Cocaine who Executive Director Cha loved.”

Cha Yiseok faced Giha with unreadable eyes.

“Oh my.”

Suddenly, Cha Yiseok’s lips let out a sound of a wind deflating.

“You mean that was half responsibility as you said before? His life was messed up because he made the wrong friend.”

“Well, the feeling of betrayal that Cocaine felt…”

“You know, Yaba.”

Kang Giha shuts his mouth at the sudden words. Cha Yiseok said, leaning his upper body on the chair.

“Half, huh… It’s too much of a burden for a child. Isn’t it unreasonable to expect loyalty from a child who has been bitten by fear?”

“At that time, Yaba’s eyes were no longer a child’s. He had eyes full of malice rather than terrified.”

“You remember it in detail even though it’s been quite a while.”

“Because it was memorable.”

Kang Giha said with glazed eyes at the recollection. Cha Yiseok curved his eyes and smiled coldly.

“I think it’s good. Isn’t it easy for you to find Cocaine thanks to Yaba? But I keep thinking.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you gain by keeping Yaba out of my eyes?”

Cha Yiseok’s facial features covered with arrogance made a strong contrast with the soft lighting. Although Kang Giha’s nerves were sharp, his voice was calm.

“I was just stating the facts. As a companion on the same boat.”

Cha Yiseok waved a glass of melted light and put it to his lips.

“Even so. Try increasing the curfew. I don’t care, but that guy doesn’t listen to me. Have you ever really messed with Yaba’s head? Like a location tracking chip…”

Kang Giha widened his eyes and smiled.

“Surely you don’t believe that bullshit? Of course, listening to Yaba can be confusing at times, so I understand, but I didn’t think you were naive enough to believe the words of a guy who wasn’t in his right mind. I warn you in advance, but if you believe everything he says, there will come a day when you will be hit in the head.”

“Yeah, the drug you gave him must have played a big role. It’s the drug that makes even a normal person dull.”

“I fed it to him to save him.”

“What kind of bullshit is that?”

Cha Yiseok asked, raising his eyebrows slickly. Kang replied.

“Because his life is like that, he hurt himself at some point. He set fire to the dormitory several times and became a dangerous hazard. He threatened his comrades with a weapon, and to stop it, I had to feed it to him.”

“He’s a troubled guy.”

At Cha Yiseok’s words, Kang Giha responded by raising the tip of his lips.

“I don’t have an answer. Because of Yaba, singers have suffered countless absurd things, and there have been many instances of him being rude to customers and damaging the image of the store.”

“Then give him to me.”

Cha Yiseok threw it out in an indifferent tone. A light flashed in Kang Giha’s eyes and then disappeared in an instant. Cha Yiseok observed the subtle fluctuations without missing out. Kang Giha replied with a smile pretending to be relaxed.

“How many times have I told you the kids upstairs sell only their voices? If you want someone to play with for a while, I’ll get you something decent.”

“I want to play with the cat…”

Cha Yiseok whined like a child. Then, his fishy eyes stared at Kang Giha without hesitation.

“No need to say much, just suggest a price.”