Chapter 43 - 38

In black I dressed 

With sorrow deep in my chest

It held onto my soul 

Slowly building a nest

Like a bird it sings 

Every morning when I wake

Bringing back the pain that stings

And makes my heart break

Angelica put the pen down after writing the poem. She placed her hand on her chest. Her heart was still bleeding but writing down a few words helped a little. Now she understood why Lord Rayven wrote so many poems. 

She blew the candle and went back to bed. Hopefully now with her heart a little less heavy she could sleep. She would force herself to enjoy this moment before she woke up to another nightmare. She knew things would only get worse from here on. 

When the morning came sooner than she hoped she went down to have breakfast. William was seated at the table and was only eating fruits. 

"You don't want breakfast?" she asked as she sat down. 

"I guess there won't be any breakfast for us for a while." He said. 

She frowned.

Eva came to the table and served her tea. "My Lady. No one lets us buy anything from them. We have no food to make breakfast." 

Angelica sighed. "I'll take care of it." She said standing up. 

"I'll come with you." Her brother insisted getting up as well. 

"It is not safe, My Lady. It seems like the rumors got worse. People are upset." 

"I'll be alright." Angelica assured. "William, stay here." 

Angelica took Thomas with her to the market to shop for some groceries, but she didn't realize how bad the situation was until she stepped out of her house. Everyone scrutinized her as if she had killed someone. They whispered about her and one of the few men standing in a corner spat in front of her when she tried to walk past. 

"You can come to me now when your father is dead, beauty." Another one called, and the rest laughed. 

Thomas was about to go teach him a lesson but she grabbed his wrist to prevent him. "Ignore them." She said. 

When she arrived at a shop, the seller wrinkled his nose upon her arrival. "No need to bring the Lady. I told you I am not selling you anything." He told Thomas. 

Then he acted as if they didn't exist and continued with his work. 

"Do you believe in God Sir?" She asked him. 

He looked at her confused. "I believe in the Lord." He said. 

"Does your Lord punish people for sins they have not committed?" 

He frowned. "Don't be smart with me Young Lady." 

"I am not Sir. I asked a simple question. If your Lord does not punish his people for the sins they have not committed then why are you?" 

She was trying to remain calm, but she was angry. She knew she would be punished, and this was only the beginning. 

"Listen young Lady, even if I wanted to I can't sell anything to you. People will stop buying from me and I have children to feed." He explained. 

"I have a little brother to feed as well." She said. 

"I can't help you." He insisted. 

Angelica couldn't believe it. She looked around and found that people had gathered to watch her. Suddenly she felt small under everyone's scrutiny and just wanted to go back home. 

She began to walk away and came by the same men again. This time they came to stand in front of her to harass her in daylight. 

"Get out of the way." Thomas said, coming to stand in front of her. 

"I just want to talk to the lady." The man said, holding his hands up as if he meant no harm. 

Han leaned to the side so he could see her standing behind Thomas. "I could buy those groceries for you, My Lady. What do you say?" He asked. 

"And I guess you would want something in return." She said. 

His lips curved into a smile and he looked at his friends. "She is smart." He told them before looking back at her. "I just want to hold your hand once." He smirked. 

Angelica looked down at the coins in her hand and then at her hands. She would let this filthy man hold her hand? She might have but she knew this was more than just holding her hand. 

"Think about it. You want to feed your brother. I think it is a fair deal." He said using her brother to make her feel guilty. "I'll get to touch a noble Lady's hand." He then told his friends excitedly. 

"Let's go My Lady." Thomas said, sounding angry. 

Pushing the men aside he created a path for her and she followed him. "Next time you will agree." The man called after her. 

Next time? There would certainly be a next time. 

They tried to go by a few other shops but all of them denied selling her anything and even added insults along the denials. 

Angelica fought hard not to cry until she reached her home. She went quietly into her room and cried alone in silence. When she got some of the pain off her chest, she wiped away the tears and decided to think of a solution. 

Putting her pride aside, she thought for a moment to go see Sir Shaw. But she knew him all too well to know that he wouldn't be interested in her now when she was a traitor's daughter. He cared about his reputation, so she decided to go see her friends in a desperate attempt. 

"I am sorry Angelica. I wish I could help you but my parents won't allow me. Here take this." Hilde gave her a basket of fruits and bread. 

Veronica and Vesna gave her some money before they shut the door on her face. Angelica stood there with the money feeling like a beggar. 

Natasha was the only one who invited her inside and took the time to speak with her. Angelica knew Natasha was the most cunning, so she was probably going to help her in some twisted way. 

"You should get married before things get worse." She told her. 

"Who will marry me now?" Angelica asked. 

"A man who has his own disadvantages. Someone who won't easily find a woman." 

Of course. Natasha was probably enjoying this, offering her to marry such a man. But Angelica couldn't discriminate. She had no other choice. 

"I don't know of such a man." Angelica said. 

"I will help you find one." 

Even though Natasha wasn't doing it out of kindness, Angelica was glad to get some help. 

"Thank you," she said. 

"Don't worry. I will also send my maid with food every day until I find someone for you." 

"That is very kind of you." 

"What are friends for?" Natasha smiled.             

Angelica went back home, feeling a little more relieved. But the pain in her stomach didn't go away. Who would Natasha find for her? She was probably trying to find the worst kind, but as long as he would take care of her and William financially, she could endure the rest.