Chapter 83 - 67 Part 4

Angelica sat quietly on her trip back to the place that was her home now. She was tense and nervous about what would happen once they arrived. Lord Rayven was also tense but for other reasons than he was before. He kept staring at the road and looking focused. He looked like he was ready to fight rather than run. 

"Who is Lucrezia?" Angelica asked. 

She didn't believe in the whole cousin thing and since the green-eyed woman had left things had been tense between the Lords. They kept exchanging looks without saying anything. 

Lord Rayven turned to her. "It is better you don't know." He said. 

"And the enemies? Are we in some kind of danger?" 

"Yes. I have many enemies who want revenge." 

Lord Rayven, the fierce warrior was tense because of enemies. She guessed that the enemy must be very powerful to make a man like Rayven so tense.

Once they arrived home he quickly got off the carriage and took her hand to help her down. The sky had gotten dark during the trip and Angelica was exhausted after the long day. But who knew what awaited them this night? Would she be able to get sleep or would she have to face what she dreaded?

Lord Rayven had told her to be on her side of the castle and not touch him but he could come to her side of the castle and touch her. The rules were for her not him. Or maybe for tonight, there would be no rules. 

She swallowed the large lump in her throat and tried to calm her loudly beating heart. 

William got off the carriage and Angelica became even more stressed. To leave her on her wedding night would look good and to not leave her, didn't feel good. This night, she wished her brother wouldn't be here. 

Still holding her hand, they went inside the castle. At the hall, Lord Rayven halted and turned to William. "Good night then," he said and then pulled her away. 

Angelica followed him feeling knots in her stomach as he led her to his side of the castle. When they finally came to his chamber he pulled her in then released her hand making her stumble forward ahead of him. The room was dark and only lit by the moonlight coming through the large windows. 

Feeling shaky she turned around as she heard the door close and Lord Rayven leaned against it. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then exhaled before opening them. 

His dark eyes fell right on her and Angelica's heart leaped to her throat before she swallowed it back down. 

Lord Rayven pushed himself away from the door and began to take off his coat, impatiently. He threw it aside before reaching for his vest. Angelica watched in horror and fought hard not to create distance between them. 

She knew the first time would be painful and with this man who didn't know that she was untouched, nor seemed to have any patience, and just looking at the size of him made her head spin and her stomach turn.

Lord Rayven threw the vest aside as well and pushed the boots off his feet as if they bothered him. Once he did that, he sighed loudly and ran his fingers through his hair to push it back before looking at her. 

His eyes met hers before slowly traveling down her body and up again, lingering a little longer on her neck and lips. He pressed his lips into a thin line before he spoke, "you should take your dress off." 

Her dress? As much as she wanted to get rid of the corset that was making it difficult to breathe she wanted to hold on to her clothes as well. 

Why did he have to do it this way? She felt belittled being told to undress while he watched. 

Angelica lifted her shaking hands to the straps on her dress. 'Now, undress for me' the words echoed in her mind. Her hands turned cold and she avoided looking at him as the straps came off and then the dress. Once she was only left with her undergown she felt lightheaded. The ground beneath her feet seemed to sway and then the room began to turn upside down. Angelica realized she was falling but before panic hit her she was caught by a strong arm. She looked through the haze to see Lord Rayven's face. How did he get to her side so fast? 

He put another arm under her knees and lifted her up before taking her to bed. Once he lay her down her vision became clear again. Looking worried he sat beside her and loomed over her. 

"Are you alright?" 

Angelica noticed that the only time his face softened was when he was concerned. 

"I am alright," she breathed. 

She didn't want to worry about it another day. If it was going to happen anyway, she wanted it to be over soon. 

As if not believing her, he searched her face. "Today was a long day. You must be exhausted." 

Was he letting her off for tonight? 

He grabbed the blanket and covered her. Why was he doing this? He was confusing her with his back and forth behavior. 

"Sleep." He told her and then tried to stand up.

She panicked and grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. Was he going to leave her in his room alone? She didn't like this room. It had an eerie feeling and she felt like some creatures were watching her from behind the shadows. Perhaps the bats. 

Lord Rayven stared at the hand that grasped him. He looked puzzled and Angelica slowly released him, afraid he would misunderstand her actions. 

But he didn't. To her surprise he sat down again, the unscarred side of his face revealed to her. He stared ahead at the window while remaining quiet. 

"Thank you." She whispered. 

"Don't thank me." He clenched his jaw. "Of all the bad things I have done, I feel today was the worst." He looked disgusted and rubbed his hands together as if trying to get rid of some unseen dirt. 

"I thought you behaved well today." She told him. 

He shook his head. "Today I feel worse than him." 

"Who is he?"

"Demos." 

Why would he compare himself to that horrible man?

"That man plundered and mass murdered his people. The worst kind of people are those who prey on the weak. You are nothing like him." She said remembering how he took care of the dog. Also how he allowed her into his home when he didn't have to. 

He chuckled a sad sound. "Are you not clueless Angel?"

That 'Angel' again. She wanted to know what made him call her that sometimes. It sounded more intimate than she wanted it to be. It was almost like a caress on her skin. 

He turned to her. "They say eyes are the window to the soul. What do you see in my eyes?" 

Angelica looked into his eyes. They were like an endless abyss of darkness.  They were cold and lifeless. 

He looked away again as if not expecting an answer.

"I don't know about your soul, but I don't think you have a bad heart." 

He chuckled again. "I don't have a heart." 

"Everyone has a heart. Even bad people."

Suddenly he shifted his whole body to face her. He grabbed her hand and placed it on his chest. 

Looming over her, "do you feel a heartbeat?" He asked. 

Angelica could not feel anything under her palm. She moved her hand in case she was touching the wrong place but there was nothing. 

It couldn't be. 

She kept touching him all over his chest trying to find a heartbeat until he stopped her by grabbing her wrist. 

"You won't find anything." 

Angelica shook her head in disbelief. "Maybe your heart is very silent." She said. "You can't … be alive otherwise. Right?" 

"Who said I was alive?" He whispered.

Even though she had a hard time believing him, a part of her already did. The part that panicked and made her move before she could think but Lord Rayven pinned her in place, holding her arms at the sides of her body.

"Now you are afraid." He said. 

"I am not and you are alive." 

"Are you telling me or yourself?" 

"I know you are alive and you have a heart." 

'I need your heart to get mine back.'

No. He couldn't have meant it literally. 

He nodded and released her. "If it makes you feel better." 

Angelica pushed herself up to sit. "Lord Rayven. Don't frighten me because now… I am beginning too." 

He looked deeply into her eyes for a long moment. "You need not be frightened. Sleep now." He said and oddly she believed him. 

Angelica lay down again and pulled the blanket over herself. She wouldn't be frightened. She had no reason to. 

"I can't sleep without reading. Could you not read for me, My Lord?" 

He clenched his jaw. "No." 

She sighed. "My mother used to read for me. Now, I only read for others." 

Lord Rayven sighed loudly as if frustrated before he leaned over and opened the top drawer on the bedstand. He pulled out a book before closing it. 

"Only a few pages." He said. 

Angelica smiled and got ready to listen. 

Lord Rayven opened the book looking like he wanted to tear it apart. Then clearing his throat he began to read as if he was in a hurry. 

"My Lord. I can't sleep if you read like that. It has to be calm and slow." She directed him. 

He glared at her as if he was ready to kill her but went back to read instead. This time slower. 

Angelica closed her eyes and listened to his voice. It was the things that she had felt drawn to from the beginning. Dark, deep, and husky. If he wasn't rude, she wouldn't mind listening to him talk all the time. 

Lord Rayven stopped after a while of reading and Angelica was floating between sleep and being awake. 

"Are you asleep?" He asked. 

Angelica was too far gone to reply even though she wanted to ask him to continue reading. But when she felt him shift she became afraid he would leave. The fear of bats pulled her back enough to make her speak.

"Don't leave." She mumbled before letting go and falling into a deep slumber.