Chapter - 532 Refusing to Acknowledge Zhang As Husband (9)

Listening to the lyrics of this song, Zhou Zhiruo's hand, which held his slightly trembled. In a low voice she said, "Zhang Zhenren brought me to Emei Pai. He had my well-being in his mind. But if he, Senior, took me under his wings on the Wudang Mountain, letting me be a disciple of Wudang, everything today would be entirely different. Ay, it is not that En Shi [benevolent master] was not good to me, but … but she forced me to make that evil oath, wanted me to abhor the Ming Cult, wanted me to hate you and harm you, while in my heart … in all honesty …"

Zhang Wuji was rather touched to hear the sincerity in her voice; he understood she indeed have many difficulties, all sorts of vicious matters, mostly because she honored Miejue Shitai's last words. Seeing that she was also very scared, his compassion to her grew one layer deeper.

The night breeze blew gently on the mountain road, transmitting faint fragrance of wild flowers around them. It was early summer, the night was clear. With a beautiful girl pouring out her heart so close to him, Zhang Wuji could not stop his heart from beating faster. Moreover, when he helped her driving out the poison on that little island, they were flesh-and-skin close. She had shown him kindness in the past, and she was engaged to him once. All of these had made his heart confused and he was at a loss.

"Wuji Gege," Zhou Zhiruo continued, "In Haozhou that day, when you were just about to get married to me, why did as soon as Miss Zhao bid you, you immediately come with her? Do you really love her with all your heart?"

"I was just about to tell you what happened that day," Zhang Wuji replied, "Why don't we stop and sit for a while?" He pointed to a big rock by the side of the road.

"No," Zhou Zhiruo said, "At this moment, my heart is in turmoil, I won't be able to listen to you. Let us walk quietly for a moment longer before talking about that."

Zhang Wuji nodded. He followed her wander around, seemingly aimlessly. Zhou Zhiruo led him through a small path and walked for four, five 'li's before she finally said, "All right, you can tell me." She walked toward a large mountain rock in front of a clump of bushes. The two of them sat side by side.

Thereupon Zhang Wuji told her how Zhao Min had in her hand a bunch of Xie Xun's golden hair, which leave him no choice but to walk away, and everything else that happened afterwards. Zhou Zhiruo listened from start to finish, and then for half a day she did not say anything.

"Zhiruo, do you blame me?" Zhang Wuji asked.

Choking, Zhou Zhiruo said, "I have done so many wrong things, I can only blame myself, why would I blame you?"

Zhang Wuji gently stroked her shoulder and said in a tender voice, "In this world, mistakes arise out of circumstances. Things are difficult to anticipate. You must not be excessively heartbroken."

"Wuji Gege," Zhou Zhiruo raised her head to look at him, "I have something I want to ask you, I want you to answer me sincerely, you must not have the slightest degree of concealment."

"All right," Zhang Wuji said, "I will not conceal anything from you."

Zhou Zhiruo said, "I know on this world there are four women who love you with all their hearts. One has gone away to Persia, Xiao Zhao. One is Miss Zhao, the other is … she …" She was going to say 'Miss Yin', but she did not have the courage to utter that name out of her mouth. After pausing for a moment, she continued, "If all four of us all alive and well, and right now we are by your side, which one of us do you really love?"

Zhang Wuji felt a burst of confusion rising in his heart. "This … mm … this …" he stuttered.

Even since that day, when he was on the boat floating aimlessly on the ocean with Zhou Zhiruo, Zhao Min, Yin Li and Xiao Zhao, certainly more than once he had thought about this matter. "Each of these four women loves me very much, what should I do? No matter which one I marry, I will deeply hurt the other three's hearts. But in the end, in the deepest part of my heart, which one do I really love?"

Since it had always been difficult for him to decide, he told himself to just evade the question altogether. Sometimes he thought, "The Tatars are not driven out yet, our country [orig. 'he shan' – river and mountain] is not being recovered yet, the barbarians [orig. 'xiong nu' – a general term for nomadic people] are not destroyed yet; how can I build a family? In the end, what reason do I have for having sons and daughters?"

Another times he thought, "I am the Jiaozhu of the Ming Cult. Anything I say, goes. I am responsible for the prosperity and decline of not only our Cult, but the Wulin world as sell. I am confident that in all my life, I had done nothing to be ashamed of. Yet, if I let myself indulged in female charms, not only I will invite the ridicule of the heroes of the world, I will also spoil our Cult's reputation."

Yet another time he thought, "Just before she died, my Mama earnestly exhorted me that beautiful women are most capable of deceiving people, warned me to be extremely careful all of my life. How can I not heed Mama's last words to me?"

Actually, arguing every way he liked, in the end he was no more than deceiving himself. Deciding which young woman he loved most would not necessarily hinder the great undertaking of recovering his country. It would not in any way affect Ming Cult's reputation. He only thought that this one was very nice, that one was also good, and thus he did not dare to think about them too much. His martial art skill might be strong, but his natural disposition was actually indecisive; all things considered, he preferred to let nature take its own course. When forced to make decision, he would rather sacrifice his own desire than disagree with other people's wishes. Take the Qian Kun Da Nuo Yi, for example. He trained it because of Xiao Zhao's encouragement. By right, he had held the authority to become the Cult Leader of the Ming Cult; yet he needed Yin Tianzheng, Yin Yewang and the others to push him before he agreed to them. His engagement with Zhou Zhiruo was because he was honoring Xie Xun's request. He did not bow to the Heaven and the Earth with Zhou Zhiruo because Zhao Min compelled him. That day, if Jin Hua Popo and Yin Li did not use force, but persuaded him nicely to come with them to the Lingshe Island, he would most likely go with them.

Every once in a while, though, he could not help but think, "If I can spend the rest of my life with these four women, living together harmoniously, won't I have a happy and carefree live?" After all, it was the end of the Yuan Dynasty; whether it was a scholar, a merchant, a Jianghu warrior or an outlaw, it was not uncommon for a man to have three wives and four concubines. On the contrary it was extremely rare for a man to have only one wife. It was just that the Ming Cult originated from Persia, where the followers were encouraged to live a frugal and hard-working life, so that taking a concubine in addition to a single wife was unusual.

Zhang Wuji was a mild-natured man. He had this idea that no matter which girl he married, it was to his greatest good fortune. Supposing he took more than one wife, he felt he would be unfair to the other. Consequently, as this thought keep flashing in and out of his head, he always tried to suppress it. Whenever he remembered it, he would immediately rebuke himself, "One must always be content with whatever one has; yet I always indulge in this kind of thought. Won't that mean I am a despicable man? Shame on me!"