CH 5

The robot vacuum cleaner “Noresoba” (a cheap product made in a certain country), which has a round disk with optional cat ears on top, moved back and forth on the wooden floor, sometimes juking to the side and moving in a zigzag pattern, and sometimes, it would make a three and a half turn rotation, before leaping up…… or so I was thinking, but just like those Hong Kong movies with their mid-air action scenes conducted with wires, the thing stopped mid-air and started moving vertically, in a way that was remarkably contrary to the laws of physics. 

And in an attempt to get the dust out of the back of the refrigerator, it made a direct attack with a sideways rotation————

“Hyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!?”

It seemed like it had been struck back by a huge spider that was lurking in the house, and although it hurriedly ran away while shrieking like a cat, it caught up with it in no time and tried to shake it off by jumping around while letting out a hair-raising scream.

[……The shape of the noresoba and its disappointing state look like something I’ve seen somewhere before————]

I thought about it for a moment and remembered.

[Ahh, the British Comedy’s ultimate weapon, the Panjandrum.]

I muttered to myself as I sat at the table, watching the robot vacuum cleaner bouncing around like a spider cricket.

Also, she’s become one heck of a grasshopper…… Just kidding.

“Don’t look at me with that refreshing smile on your face, as if you thought of a good dad joke, and help me out here!”

I think I can hear a woman’s voice immediately reproaching me, but I naturally ignore it, as there’s no point in caring about auditory hallucinations, and concentrate once again on the part-time job information sheet that is still spread out on the table.

Incidentally, that robot vacuum cleaner……

[This product is an unauthorized product manufactured by a certain country via a third country in order to obtain foreign currency, so let alone reliability, there’s no manufacturer’s warranty, let alone reliability. Are you sure you really want to buy this!?]

The sales clerk reminded me that it was an imperfect product, but when I started it up, I found that it had the same acrobatic performance as an off-road RC———– I don’t know the point for having that function in a  vacuum cleaner———– but when I was able to witness the performance of this machine, I was secretly satisfied and thought I had a bargain.

The only problem is that …….

“Why~~!? Can’t that thing stop~~!!!?”

My delusion has taken a step further, as I saw the translucent wet woman sitting on top of the vacuum cleaner holding her knees, and she was turning the relaxing cleaning time into an unpleasant sight.

She was utterly troubling. Because I was still half-asleep early in the morning, I was seriously considering Mary-san’s words as much as a random google search, wondering if she really was an Earthbound Spirit, but calmly thinking about this, there’s no such thing as ghosts, so I might as well go to a psychiatrist or an ophthalmologist in the near future.

In fact, that hallucination didn’t seem to be visible to a third party, as when I asked Caretaker-san to check the leaky ceiling, she only exclaimed at the stain on the ceiling that looked like a person was sprawled on the ceiling, but never mentioned the translucent woman crawling around on the ceiling like a cockroach, giggling to herself with that twitching smile, before unnaturally averting her gaze……

[————-No problem. That has always been the case from the start. Eh? Hallucination?! 　Hohohohoho, I- I wonder what you’re talking about…… I don’t see anything though. Yes, not at all. Student-san, you must be possessed (tsukareteiru).]

————and she denied everything.

Also, I feel like the accent of that “tired (tsukareteiru)” is a little strange, but since city people and country folks have subtle differences in pronunciation, I’m not going to fuss over it.

[……Hmmm. Unlike the countryside, there are so many options that it’s hard to know which one to choose. I also have to take some lectures, so I have to make time adjustments.]

If possible, I would like a part-time job that is quick, efficient, and pays well, but I guess that’s asking too much.

“Ahhh~~, it finally stopped. Hmmm? Let’s see, part-time job? ———Hmmm, how about this?　It’s a little Consulting Job for 3,000 yen an hour.”

The self-circumscribed…… robot vacuum cleaner “Noresoba,” which came back before I knew it, peeked over my back at the job magazine I was looking at and pointed to an advertisement that was discreetly written in the corner.

Well, it’s just my hallucination. It’s probably just the imagination of a modern kid like me who unconsciously anthropomorphized a robot vacuum cleaner, and can no longer distinguish between anime and manga and reality. ……

[Fumu fumu…… Confidentiality, personal information handling, and secrecy. Alibi manufacturing, wiretaps, and in some cases, the use of force.”

Are they recruiting mercenaries, covert operatives, or assassins?

When I got curious and searched online using the contact’s phone number on my phone, the first site I saw that said “revenge agency and curses” appeared in my eyes.

“Uwaaahh……”

The translucent wet woman started looking awkward.

As I quietly closed the website, and just as usual, Mary called me.

>【[email protected]_of_incompetent&foolish_adventurers】

For someone that’s getting raised by others, this brat sure is getting impudent……

As soon as she saw who was calling me, her face twitched and giving the robot vacuum cleaner “Noresoba” a thump to change direction, the translucent hallucination woman hurriedly fled the scene.

Just like that, the delusion woman who was sitting on top of the fleeing “Noresoba” quickly dissolved into the air like smoke and disappeared.

I was relieved that I finally wasn’t hallucinating anymore, but as soon as I picked up the phone……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I could feel the presence of that thieving cat! Don’t tell me, that low-class Spirit is still taking refuge in your room!? Just like a wife who sensed the presence of a mistress in her husband’s life while she’s away from home, Mary-san is here to inspect with my kitchen knife in hand……!!!”

Mary-san’s yelling voice resounded, having a different tension than usual.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the room, I heard my auditory hallucination pleading desperately, saying, “I’m not here! Tell her I’m not here!”.

And so, I told her the truth, which is that “there’s no one else in this room”.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. If you lie, it can be and will be used against you in court. If you lie, like pretending like she’s the legal wife and showing that she can clean the house, or cunningly wear cat ears, I will beat you both with a vase, stab you both to death with my kitchen knife, skewer your hearts out with the tip of the knife, and perform the kappore dance……!”

“Gyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

Immediately after, a screeching resounded from around the ceiling.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I heard something……!”

[Might just be your imagination. I’ve been alone all this time, just browsing through a part-time job magazine.]

“Part-time job……?”

""

[Yeah. People have to work and get paid for food and entertainment.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I know that much …… I mean, Mary-san is already working. She’s an independent woman……”

Acting really superior in every word of her tone, Mary triumphantly boasts on the other end of the phone.

[Ahhh, you did say you’re in the Adventurers’ Town, right?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m now working as an Adventurer……”

Most of them would probably just be made up with smile clerks who just sit around on their desks or meat-and-bone mincers who just pound the discarded organs and bones of the animals they caught. I guess they’re just being cajoled into a position that wouldn’t be a hindrance to others, while trying to make said job sound important.

“In just half a day, I’ve already made 5 million AC. It’s the same as a salaryman’s annual salary……”

(T/N: AC = Arkham Coin)

[No way———-!!!]

I mean, that’s 5 million yen for half a day’s work. While I’m here shying away from a dangerous part-time job that pays 3,000 yen an hour…… Mary-san’s options as a useless human known as Adventurers, for such a stupid child whose way of life is as random as a little otter, to have actually eclipsed someone with important life skills by a tremendous margin…… If that really is true, we’re as good as done for as humans!

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I’m not lying. Moreover, I’m not just acting like other people’s helper. I’m officially registered with the Adventurers Guild and properly took their examination……”

[How crude is this world’s Adventurers Guild!?]

However, after listening to the explanation carefully, it seems that that organization is more organized than I thought, as when she registered———–

① Presentation of Proof of Adult Status (if the applicant is a minor, a guardian’s written consent is required)

② Criminal Record (if the applicant or a second-degree relative has committed a felony, they aren’t eligible for application)

③ A deposit of 300,000 AC is collected at the time of registration (interest at 7.5% per month in case of installments).

At the very least, they have to clear these requirements.

[No matter how I think about it, isn’t ① and ② impossible for you……?]

Heck, that 7.5% per month interest is nothing short of outrageous.

“That’s what I thought too, so Mary-san brought another adventurer as my witness and applied as a baby-faced 21-year-old woman. I’m still dressed as a kindergartener but……”

[That lie actually got through!?]

Putting aside the one who speaks out those outrageous lies, what the heck is with these guys believing her!?

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. And with that, I became an adventurer, and when I put my hand on the magic crystal that measures Status and aptitudes, an Adventurer’s Card with my information was created. It seems like Mary-san is the 59630th adventurer in <Strong NEET Town>……”

It’s a number that seems to have promised failure from the start.

(T/N: Not sure what that means. I think it’s talking about bug#59630)

However, since more detailed personal information is automatically copied to the Adventurer’s Card by the magic crystal, which most probably is an upper-ranking item version of the Appraisal Skill, it makes the card a reliable form of identification, and from a practical standpoint, it can also be used to charge AC and make shopping easier.

[If you lose that, is there any danger of someone using it without permission or viewing your personal information?]

“That should be no problem. The first step is to use a magic crystal to read the individual’s psychic and magical powers. The magic crystal first reads the individual’s SP and MP, so no one else can see its contents……”

[Heehhh…… In a way, it has a better system than the ones in this world.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. And then, when I checked Mary-san’s Class with the magic crystal, I found out that it was <Hero>……”

[We’ve got quite a bug here!]

Moreover, it was a deadly bug!

[Rather, can we stop with all these unexplained situations without any foreshadowing at all!?]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Don’t you know what that means? Aren’t you a sharp-minded modern child……?”

[That’s not what I meant! No, in the first place, is “Hero” even a Class!? What kind of criteria do they have for something to be considered a Class……!?]

I’ve always wondered about this in the past, when I see them brought up in novels and manga.

Isn’t the title “Hero” something usually given by a third party, praise for something said person has accomplished? In that case, how the heck could someone just be called Hero from the beginning!?

“That is because I am chosen by God. Incidentally, this is the details of Mary-san’s Status.”

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Mary-san   Decapitation Doll (♀)   Lv 7

Class: Hero

HP: 12

MP: 31

SP: 11

STR: 8

INT: 1

END: 9

MND: 13

AGI: 9

LCK: -29

Skills:

Spiritual World Communication

Unlimited Kitchen Knives – <Sashimi Knife, Carving Knife, Noodle Knife>

Attack Resistance 1

Stat Ailment Resistance 1

Equipment:

Pink Smock Dress (For Kindergarten Girls)

Kindergarten Hat (Yellow)

Rubber Shoes

Kindergarten Bag (Yellow)

Tulip-shaped Name Tag

Blessing: – Blessing of ●纊aU●God:【纊aUヲgウユBニnォbj2)M悁EjSx岻`k)WヲマRフ0_M)ーWソ醢カa坥ミフ}イウナFマ】

[The characters are all jumbled up, oi!]

Is that really a God’s blessing? Considering what she has done so far, I feel like Mary-san is closer to the devil than to God……

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. God’s will cannot be measured by man-made devices……”

………….

Well, whatever. This is just one of them isekai stories anyway.

[Ahh, and how did you make 5 million in half a day?]

Did she get some sort of remuneration from the government because she’s a Hero?

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I just did my job as a Hero. Specifically, Mary-san and my gofers went to the mansion of a merchant who was reputed to be making easy money, and randomly opened up treasure chests……”

Policeman, it’s her! She’s one of that mysterious thief group claiming to be a Hero!!!

Having such a thought in mind, I almost called the police for Mary-san’s story again.

[I mean, were you even allowed to do all that!?]

“Of course, the merchant understood when I punctually talked to them. At first, he made a big fuss, but when he found out that Mary-san was a Hero with the <Blessing of ●纊aU●God>, “Kukukukuku, you are a bad girl too, young lady. If you had told me that from the beginning, I would have offered you any amount of money you wanted.”, he said with a smile and even gave me a souvenir to take home……”

Hmmm, I guess that should be something considered when it comes to another world. The piety for God of the people over there must be different from the people here.

“We shook hands at the end and parted ways. He also gave me a polite salutation, saying “Now may be a time for us to remain in obscurity, but we will eventually bring the hammer of judgment of our Great God upon these foolish people!”……”

That definitely doesn’t sound like a member of a proper religion! No matter how I look at it, doesn’t that guy look like someone from an evil secret organization!?

Heck, are there no decent people in that world!?

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I worked hard at my job today, so I’m now going to have a snack and take a nap. Work is important but……”

[Yeah, unnn. You’re right.]

Before Mary-san could finish saying her salutations, the call from Mary disconnected.

Looking at the screen of my phone, which had now been turned off……

[……There will definitely be damnation coming sooner or later. Unnn, let’s do a proper and honest job.]

Vowing that in my heart once again, I returned my attention to the part-time job magazine.

Work is important after all.