CH 11

It was almost time for lunch, and I was wondering whether I should go out to eat or cook for myself———– Come to think of it, the eggs were about to expire———–  when Mary-san’s phone call rang.

[Good grief. Calling when it’s about time to eat……]

Still hungry and feeling a bit low in tension, I picked up my phone.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. There’s something I wanted to confirm, so I called……”

[……Ahh, I’m not feeling very excited at the moment, so please say it in a tsundere style.]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. I- It’s not like I care about your opinions or anything, but I suppose I’ll listen to you out of pity……”

[Alright! That’s a good seasoning for my lunch. I could eat alongside seven bowls of wheat porridge. Ask me anything!]

“Are you idiots ……?”

The translucent wet woman, who was cruising around the room on that cleaning robot, looked at me and my phone with a fed-up expression on her face.

Thinking that there would come a day when I would smack this woman, even if she was just my hallucination, I urged Mary-san to continue with her story.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. My carriage is stuck in the swamp right now, what should I do……”

[Is it stuck because the horse’s feet or wheels got caught in the swamp?]

“I’m not sure. I wanted to go to the beach, so I tried to take a shortcut through the purple swamp, taking a road that for some reason no one ever takes, but the horse got tired on the way, and Olive got so pale that she lost 1 HP with every step she took, before she finally collapsed……”

Unnn, that definitely sounds like the Stat Ailment: Poison.

Mary-san has her Stat Ailment Resistance 1 (※Even if you get sick, you can’t be aware of it! If you don’t go to the hospital before your sickness becomes irreversible, you will die! At Rank-2, you would be so high that you can’t distinguish between reality and hallucination. At Rank-3, you would burst open like a candle before it burns out!), so if she were to look at her Status, she’s definitely losing HP. Rather, get the heck out of there!

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Oh, now that you mentioned it, there was a skull mark on my Status Display, and before I knew it, my HP was down to 5 remaining……”

[Turn back, you fool!!!]

Mary-san   Calamity Doll Girl (♀)   Lv 11

Class: Hero / Bum

HP: 5/19

MP: 37

SP: 20

STR: 10

INT: 1

END: 15

MND: 16

AGI: 13

LCK: -56

Skills:

Spiritual World Communication

Unlimited Kitchen Knives – <Fillet Knife, Carving Knife, Noodle Knife, Sashimi Knife>

Attack Resistance 1

Stat Ailment Resistance 2

Swordsmanship 5 

Milk Magic 1

Secret Art:

Kitchen Knives’ Wild Dance (new!)

Equipment:

Embroidered Taffeta Dress (Children’s Formal Wear)

Bolero (Red)

High Socks with Laces (White)

Loafers

Kinchaku Bag (Dark Blue)

Neko-san Pajamas

Bewitched Holy Sword <Empera Sword II> 

Licenses:

License for Full Mastery of 1st-10th Class Destruction (Leaving things to Others)-style Swordsmanship (Correspondence Course)

She who Repulsed a Dragon

Blessing: – Blessing of ●纊aU●God:【纊aUヲgウユBニnォbj2)M悁EjSx岻`k)WヲマRフ0_M)ーWソ醢カa坥ミフ}イウナFマ】

Looking at her Stats like this, it seems that the fact that she had somehow increased her level and HP has paid off.

Following my instructions, Mary-san turned the necks of the heaving horses back and traced back the way they came, and it seems that Mary-san and the others somehow managed to escape the poisonous swamp just in time before they died.

“Ah, the horse died……. Can’t be helped, we’re going to have to wait here…….”

[That was a close call. Good grief……]

Relieved, I asked Mary-san to check her Status.

[Speaking of which, what’s with that “Kitchen Knives’ Wild Dance”?] 

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. You see, I can produce 1 kitchen knife every 30 minutes, right? And if I keep the knives I don’t use, I’d have over 100 knives before I knew it, so I seem to have acquired this Secret Art……”

[Hoh?]

“Well, the general effect and appearance of that Secret Art is like G*te of Babylon or Unl*mited Blade Works. It makes it so that over a hundred different knives would simultaneously attack the target……”

[————–I’ve always wondered about this, but where the heck does your inclination with weird knowledge come from?]

“From the Internet……”

[……Should’ve known.]

This is why people say you shouldn’t let your kids have unlimited access to the Internet. They will learn some bad knowledge and become idiots. This is a living example.

“There was a pig or boar that went savage in the middle of the road, so I gave it a try, and it was amazing. The way the pink, slimy tentacles were summoned out of nowhere and attacked with the knives each tentacle holds, following Mary-san’s will, that was indeed like G*te of Babylon itself……”

That’s totally different! What you’ve learned is some sort of sinister technique!!!

“As expected of the internet that connects the world. It’s convenient in many ways. The latest trending topic is that case of a slave trader who mistakenly ordered 5,000 slaves when he was supposed to order 50, and then put out an emergency stock sale on social media, but ended up being flamed as a staged performance instead……”

[Who the heck would make that sort of mistake!? They definitely intended to make it a topic of conversation from the beginning and sell out! Of course, people would find out and criticize them for it!]

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. That “being flamed” part isn’t metaphorical, as they were literally burned. A slave rebellion occurred and set everything on fire. That’s the story of Spartacus. As expected of the internet……”

See, look at that! Even I’m starting to get negatively impacted! Rip up the Internet connection immediately! At least put an age limit on it! Half-knowledge is worse than ignorance!

“Mhmm. That criticism certainly has been around since Odin failed when he gave Frey unlimited internet access. After the incident where “Freyr got addicted to porn sites, which caused their loss in the Ragnarok”, this has been a problem in the industry……”

Of all the cases to cite, you seriously had to cite the most egregious precedent.

Incidentally, In Norse mythology, All-Father Odin had Hliðskjálf, a “throne from which he could see the whole world”, so frankly speaking, he had unlimited Internet access, but when Freyr, the handsome youth God, asked him to use it, he ended up falling for a girl he saw, Gerðr.

He shouldn’t have let go of it. They can’t win against Ragnarok without it! Because he sold his ultimate weapon, the treasured sword Freyrnir, for the sake of meeting her, as expected, the Gods perished in the Ragnarok from the attack of a suicide bomber. It was quite a stupid incident.

“That was quite a tragedy……”

Mary-san sighed with a knowing look on her face. However, you definitely weren’t alive back then, were you?

“Anyhow, even though I said all that, the Internet is only as good as how you use it. Mary-san also looks at the news sites distributed by my friends and pays attention to what’s trending in the industry. They were originally distributing it through paper newspapers, but they’re recently been publishing them as e-books as well. ————Speaking of which, they consulted me about this since their quota was apparently tight, so I forwarded her your address the other day and applied for a regular subscription. Don’t worry, it won’t cost you anything. Every time you read it, it would shorten your lifespan though……]

[What’s with that scary newspaper!?]

That sounds scarier than a phishing scam.

“That newspaper is useful in a lot of ways though. Perhaps, you may even find out some of Mary-san’s naughty secrets……”

[———–And up to the Blocked List you go.]

I immediately added the sender to my Blocked List and deleted and emptied my Trash while I was at it.

While we were talking like that, it seems that the fainted Olive “Deep Sorcerist” Tusa woke up.

“Ugh! The stars twinkle and my Spirit Eyes sting……! This is……? Fuuu, it looks like I survived the Jihad yet again and made it to Elysium. ———–Wait, the heck is that big sphere!? It’s warm!”

Sphere……?

“I picked it up in the swamp a while ago. It looks like some kind of egg……”

“Egg!? Now that you mentioned it…… Wait, it’s a meter and a half in diameter, but as for creatures that could an egg…… this…… big……? Don’t tell me……”

I guess she had imagined that gigantic monster they had just recently encountered just like I did.

I could imagine Olive’s astonishment as she looked at the giant egg, trembling slightly in her heart.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. It’s a pity we didn’t get to see the precious moment when the turtle lays its eggs, but we still got a chance to eat one of its eggs……”

“Eh!? You plan to eat a Dragon’s egg!!!?”

“That’s obvious. This is an other world dish. It would definitely be a fulfilling dish……”

Olive was momentarily taken aback by Mary-san’s unhesitating attitude but……

“……Well, the food that we usually eat may have been propagated by those who were reincarnated or transferred from modern Japan, but the ingredients are locally procured.”

She nodded in understanding.

I see. So that’s the reason why there are stores and dishes with names I’ve heard before there.

This was the moment when the mystery of the other world was solved for a moment.

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. Fortunately, we have pork, so I think katsudon would be good to bring good luck on our journey hereafter……”

“Ahh, that sounds like a good idea. Regular katsudon is good, but the katsudon with egg once in a while is good too.”

Hearing Olive’s interjection, for some reason, Mary-san became speechless.

Thereupon, she responded with the most indifferent voice I have ever heard.

“…… ———–Wait a moment there. “Regular katsudon” are katsudon with egg on it. Don’t tell me, you think that heretic katsudon with sauce is the basic katsudon……?”

“Heretic……? What are you talking about? “Sauce katsudon” is just another name given by those who were clearly clueless. In the first place, the most delicious way to eat katsudon is when the katsu is freshly fried! Soaking in broth and covered with an egg, what’s so delicious about that soppy “katsudon with egg”!?”

“Don’t be silly! It’s already sacrilegious enough to put Worcestershire sauce on a tonkatsu, just eating it only with white rice is pure torture! If a sauce katsudon is brought out in an interrogation room, it would definitely be a case where the offender will resolutely keep their silence……!”

No, katsudon being served in an interrogation room is just an urban legend————-

“Hello, it’s Mary-san. You called……?”

The urban legend herself puzzledly asked.

“When it comes to katsudon, it has to be with the sauce! My grandpa’s family is from Niigata and my grandma’s is from Hakata, but both sides have a wide variety of differences in their sauces and the way they dip it in! Compared to that, katsudon with egg doesn’t have the same repertoire!”

“Idiot, you’re an idiot! The best way to eat katsudon is to eat cold katsu with warm miso!If you want a hot katsu, just eat it with tonkatsu sauce like normal……!”

“You’re the idiot! The first katsudon was a katsudon dipped with sauce, invented because a restaurant wanted to offer a “European-style” meat cutlet in 1913! It’s a historical fact that the katsudon with sauce is the original!”

“Even though it was invented later, it was the katsudon with egg that was widely known all over the country! That sauce katsudon is just a minor specialty in some areas!!!”

“What did you say!?”

“Oh, is the old woman wearing dowdy sweatshirts as casual clothes saying something……!?”

“Why the heck am I getting dissed for my casual clothes!?”

” ” Alright, this calls for war————!!! ” “

Some sort of war suddenly broke out.

If I present the nikomi sauce katsudon here, I’m afraid it would spark another argument here.

Anyhow, I’m hungry, so I’m going to prepare my meal.

Silently making my way to the kitchen, I planned on cracking an egg and make a sunny-side, but alongside the sound of Olive and Mary-san yelling behind the call, I suddenly heard the sound of the huge egg cracking……

“Fugyaaaooo~~!”

It was the first cry of a creature I had never heard before.

It seems like the idiots around are increasing huh……

Even though it was already late, I had finally confirmed this fact.