C290

The image of Xiao Ying couldn't be dismissed from my mind, but the sweet memories of the two of us just surfaced at this moment. The more I thought about it, the more sad I became. I also couldn't forget that when Jiang Yan gave birth, I was anxiously waiting outside the delivery room. When I heard that my son and daughter were born, I was so excited that I went crazy. What I will never forget in my life is my son and daughter's boundless joy and the pride and joy of being a father to me, as well as the feeling of being happy in my own life.

I thought back to when Xi Er and Mei Lian were still a full moon. I raised up my son and let the brilliant sunlight shine on his body. He is the son of I, Fan Li! My, Fan Li's, eldest son! The Fan family will have a successor! " I held my son in my arms and caressed him. " "Wow, wow!" The child began to cry. Somehow, he had urinated, wetting my clothes and letting the urine flow down between my palms and between my palms. I laughed heartily and shouted, "Did you see that?! My son knows everything! He had to pee a lot! Haha! Xi Er, you are truly naughty! Daddy loves you! "Haha!" Xi Er and I pressed our faces together.

Naturally, I also showed my precious daughter to all the guests, and I myself was admiring my beautiful daughter and enjoying the congratulations of the crowd. I couldn't be any more proud and happy!

I also thought of Cheng Er. When he was born, I couldn't be by his side, and what was even more despicable was that I actually suspected that he wasn't my son! I, I. Sigh! He was extremely regretful!

Xi Er and Mei Lian started to have a strange feeling about me. At that time, Xiao Ying said to me, "Li Li, when you're not at home all the time, I'm afraid that once you're gone, the young Xi Er and Mei Lian won't even know about you, your father!" That's right! I have not been able to stay with my son and daughter for a long time. I have not been able to do my duty as a father, and I do not know what they like or dislike. When they are troubled by growing up, I cannot help them; when they need me, I cannot be with them. When I think of the word father, I feel ashamed and I insult the great word.

Furthermore, Madame Jiang and Xiao Ying's mother are my mother-in-law. I have the responsibility to filial piety towards them, not to mention that they had given me the love I had lost for a long time, making my life colorful. Sigh! The more I thought about it, the more I hated myself.

I was extremely regretful. How I wished that my wife and children and my two mother-in-law could return to my side. I just sat on the ground in a daze. I didn't know what to do as I looked at this lifeless world.

Time flew by. In the blink of an eye, two months had passed.

Ha!" Haah! "Haha!" Drunk, I poured the wine down my stomach. Liu Lin, who was sitting next to me, was pushed to my side by Liu Yan's "debt forcing" and "beautiful care" since Xiao Ying had already left. Besides, I wasn't sure if I'd really had that thing with her, and I was too distracted to think about anything, much less want to think about it. "Liu Lin looked at my furrowed brows and sighed. I could see from her starry eyes that she was very conflicted.

"Ugh!" "Ugh!" I kept burping and raising the jar to pour, but when I poured a few drops, only a few of them came off, I cried out, "Wine! Wine! "Bring me some wine!" "This..." The attendant hesitated. I stretched my eyes and shouted, "What are you still standing there for? Bring me some wine! "

Liu Lin could not help but let out a sound, and said: "Hey, don't drink anymore! You drink too much! Too many! "Drinking too much will hurt your body!" Ha, ha, ha! "Hahahaha!" I laughed hysterically. "Wounded?" Haha! Without Xiao Ying, without Xi Er, Mei Lian, Cheng Er, what meaning did I have in this world? Right now, I am just a zombie! " I kept shaking my head and sighing, feeling helpless about living in this world. " No! No! "Li, you still have me!" Liu Lin revealed his true feelings, Liu Lin was evidently regretting his actions.

"Huh?" My eyes were staring straight at Liu Lin, but Liu Lin was not even the least bit afraid of my scrutinizing gaze, as she met my gaze head on. Hehe! "Haha!" Laughing foolishly, I screamed at the heavens, "Heavens! The heavens! I hate you! I hate why you always close your eyes, do not smell, do not look, do not ask, make the people who truly love each other more than can not be together, can only let as if the sea of love, infinite true meaning everything will be blown away with the wind, into a bubble! It gave people a taste of endless pain! Ha, ha, ha! "Hahahaha!"

When I smiled bitterly, my tears flowed, and I opened my arms to the heavens like a madman, and cried out: "When I look back, my emotions are still there, my memories are still there, but I have already separated. I can only bear the weight of love day and night, the weight of love so heavy that it makes one gasp for breath! It was accompanied by endless regret and regret! Why? I've worked hard for more than ten years, but I'm going to end up like this? Infinite suffering, I can not frown, but I can not tolerate my wife and children, one family after another away from me! I can't lose them! I can't! What do I have to do to get all my loved ones back to me! What am I going to do? How can I do it!? "

"Crack, crack …" Liu Lin shed two streams of tears, she wanted to swallow them down, she raised her head to look at the sky, her heart feeling helpless: "Father, you made me come to his side to give him a good beating, to let him continue to be dispirited! And tell me never to have feelings for him! But, but these two months, I can't help but. Sigh! Father! His daughter was really difficult to deal with! "Father!"

I put four fingers of my left hand on the opening of the jar, lifted it, opened my mouth wide, and poured a great deal of wine into my mouth. I don't want to think about anything now, I just want to go on living through this drunken waking, at least not when I'm drunk! Yes! I only want to get drunk! He was too drunk to wake up!

Ah!" So bitter! So bitter! "Why is the wine so bitter!" After I poured the wine for a while, my face showed pain as I screamed out loud. The gloominess in my heart was always vented by some action. I held the jar of wine with my left hand and shouted again, "Drink! "Haargh!" Throw the jar of wine away! Instantly, the wine jar shattered into pieces, and the wine inside the jar was drenched all over the floor.

When the squire heard me speak of bitterness, he frowned, for he was the one who went to fetch the wine, and the wine he brought could not be bitter. So he bent down and gently touched his finger to the wine in the big pieces and then put it to his mouth and said, "It's not bitter! It wasn't painful at all! "My lord …" He looked at me with concern. He understood that I was suffering, too much, too much! No matter what he drank, it was always bitter! His heart was still sore and in unbearable pain!

"Fourth brother!" "Little brother!" Li Xiong and Fan Ju came in. I looked at the two of them blurrily and asked, "Big Brother, Giant Brother, did you guys find Xiao Ying and the others?" I ran to them, eager for them to answer that I had found him. Li Xiong and Fan Ju looked at each other, then violently shook their heads. Seeing this, my heart was completely cold.

Fourth brother, you can't do this anymore!" You are in a state of panic because you are addicted to liquor and disregard politics. There was a flurry of discussion outside saying that you only valued women and not national affairs! This does not seem like something a dignified prefecture overseer would do! " Li Xiong bluntly advised. Fan Da also said worriedly, "That's right! You were a god of war who would never admit defeat in the hearts of the soldiers, but now you have become like this for a woman. The way you are now is a source of gossip, and the drought is not over yet. There are still a lot of displaced people, and they still need you! You can't give up on yourself again!

"Hehe!" "Sigh!" I understand Li Xiong and Fan Ju's intentions and I know that the two of them are doing this for my own good, but I have lost all hope now. I am no longer the Fan Li from two months ago who could shake the world with his words. I didn't want to embarrass them too much, so I said, "Come on! Bring the wine! I want to have a good drink with Big Bro and Big Bro! "

"Fourth brother!" If you go on like this, you will lose your morale, your people, and you will lose everything you've taken! "How can you be worthy of those brothers who died for you?" Little brother! You have to think carefully about what Xiong has said! " Li Xiong and Fan Ju called out to me at the same time. I don't want to hear any more warnings, because these things will only stimulate me even more. I'm a selfish person. I just want to live with my family. I don't want to lose them.

"Ha ha!" I laughed bitterly. However, just as Li Xiong and Fan Ju were about to open their mouths to advise me again, I shouted loudly, "Don't say anymore! Stop talking! Am I a person too? People will always have emotions and desires! I just want to be happy with my family. What's wrong with that? Do you think I wanted to sit in this position too? No! I don't want to! Sitting on it, there was too much helplessness, too much pain! If I didn't sit on this person, Grandpa Liu Jian, Uncle Yu Bai, Liu Ba who died for me, Pei Yuanshao who died in battle, Zhou Xin and the others might not have died! It won't die! What makes me most uncomfortable is that I personally ordered my men to kill Uncle Yu, who have been serving me since I was young, to kill me just because I was sitting in this seat that went against my wish! If it were not for the cruel power struggle, Liu Ba would not even need to die! They don't even have to die! "

Li Xiong and Fan Ju stared at me in pain, not knowing how to persuade me anymore. Liu Lin bit his lips tightly, his brows knitted as he looked at me with eyes filled with admiration, filled with emotion. Li Xiong and Fan Ju looked at each other, they knew that in my current state, there was no use in saying anything, so the two of them had no choice but to take their leave.

I didn't want to hurt my brothers' hearts, but there was nothing I could do. I poured another big bowl of wine into my stomach, and my heart ached, and I couldn't help but shed tears. I looked sadly into the distance and asked loudly, "Is it really so that I can only be the one who has lost the one I love so dearly, without the one I love by my side? So what if he held the endless mountains and rivers in his hand? It's not as good as having you by my side! "

"Xiao Ying! Xiao Ying! " I shouted loudly, shouting out as loudly as I could, "Xiao Ying! You know what? If I can make you return to my side, even if I have to bow my hands in respect to you, just to make you smile, I won't hesitate at all! Let all the people sing our love! A love that would never change its mind! This is something that has been passed down through the ages! "

After Liu Lin heard my sincere cry, she couldn't help but be deeply shocked. Her pair of eyes that flowed with the ripples of autumn, stared fixedly at me. It was hard to hide the jealousy and jealousy in his eyes towards Xiao Ying …