Volume 2 - CH 14

Chapter 14: Solace

“Ah, finally done.”

“Yeah… Was really hard this time.”

When the sun started to set, I had already finished my work and now Hashimoto and I were just sitting, completely exhausted.

“Every meeting they tell us to do something that wasn’t in the initial contract.”

“They should increase our salary then… If they don’t do that, they certainly don’t value us at all.”

Usually, Hashimoto didn’t complain about his job, but this time he muttered with irritation.

“Well, at least we managed to complete it. Good work!”

“You too.”

We picked up the canned coffee I brought and opened them at the same time.

Today was the deadline. We were tense from the early morning, but now we were finally able to relax.

The phone in my pocket vibrated.

“Huh?”

Who could be messaging me at this hour? I took it out of my pocket and looked at the screen. It was a message from Sayu.

「 I invited home a senpai from work. But he’ll leave before you return. So don’t worry. 」

“A senpai from work…”

The message felt strange.

Is it Asami? I don’t think so or else she would have just written “Asami.” If it isn’t Asami, then her last sentence would definitely worry me.

I don’t mind if she invites her friends home. Asami comes when she wants to, and in that case, Sayu usually doesn’t message about it.

Thinking about it, I remembered a conversation with Asami that we had a couple of days ago.

There’s this one nasty senpai.

How can I say this… In general, he’s a manwhore.

I immediately got up from the table.

Hashimoto looked at me in surprise. Gotou-san, sitting in the distance, also shuddered and looked in my direction.

I sat down again immediately, but the unpleasant feelings continued to sting my chest.

“Yoshida, did something happen?”

Hashimoto asked worriedly. Thoughts were spinning in my head.

The order is completed. Testing and writing a report were the only things left. There was nothing they needed me for.

Thinking quickly, I put on the jacket hanging from the chair and spoke to Hashimoto.

“Sorry, I need to go. Can you handle the rest?”

“Why so suddenly?”

“I’ll explain everything later.”

“…Okay, got it. I can handle it.”

Hashimoto grinned and waved it off.

“I don’t know what happened, but it looks like you should hurry.”

“Sorry again and thanks!”

I put my laptop in the bag, checked my phone, took the wallet, and immediately ran out of the office.

Behind me, I heard Gotou-san say, “What happened with Yoshida-kun?!” and Hashimoto replied, “He said his stomach hurts like he’s giving birth!”

*

No matter how much I am in a hurry, the train didn’t get faster. It quietly swayed, but I was really worried, so I sent Sayu a message.

「 Are you okay? 」

But there was no answer.

Anxiety intensified, I got off at my station and ran. But even though I ran as fast as I could, it seemed like I didn’t get any closer.

When I got home, I turned the key and opened the door.

First of all, an unknown guy caught my eye. I looked at Sayu, who was pushed up against the wall.

“Sayu!”

I shouted breathing heavily, she opened her eyes wide in surprise and then sighed powerlessly.

Her hair was tousled, the clothes were also disheveled. And in front of her was this unknown guy. I felt my body temperature rise. It was anger.

However, there was a reason why I didn’t immediately jump on him.

“Sayu…”

I looked into her scared eyes.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

The answer was obvious, but I had to ask anyway. Because it was my and Sayu’s house, it’d be wrong to kick out the person she invited.

Even from a distance, I could tell that Sayu’s eyes were wet. She didn’t say it out loud, she just shook her head.

I nodded and asked something else.

“So, is it fine if I throw him out?”

The tears ran down the girl’s face as she nodded.

“Alright then.”

The moment she gave me an answer, my body moved like a spring.

“Hey, w-wait!”

“Move, asshole!”

“Hey, don’t be so violent!”

“I said get out!”

I grabbed him by the collar and pushed him out. Fortunately, he was frail, so I could easily do this, even though I haven’t trained for a while.

I closed the door, locked it, and stared at the guy.

“Who are you?”

I asked and released him. He smiled and told me his name.

“Yaguchi. Kyouya Yaguchi.”

“You’re Sayu’s senpai from work?”

“Haha, so that’s how she introduced herself to you. But you know, when we first met, she told me her name was Miyuki.”

“Miyuki?”

“She stayed with me a few months ago. Unfortunately, only for a couple of days.”

After hearing those words, everything made sense to me.

He allowed Sayu to stay at his place… and used her body as payment. Now they met again. That’s why her message said, “Don’t worry.”

“So yeah, I’m that senior she mentioned. I asked to come over and she agreed.”

“I already knew that. She sent me a message.”

“Oh, that’s why you rushed back here. So you’re a worry-wart, huh?”

Yaguchi was clearly showing his hostility towards me. But that was to be expected since I also wasn’t really friendly.

“What were you doing?”

I asked directly. At first, he was surprised but then grinned and answered my question.

“Wasn’t that obvious? We were about to have sex.”

It was as if something exploded inside me, but I still tried to control myself.

“Quit joking around!”

“I’m not joking. I’m pretty serious right now. And what about you, you really haven’t laid a finger on her?”

“Of course I haven’t. She’s a high schooler!”

“Well, yeah, I know that…”

Yaguchi smiled and pointed his finger at me.

“You lived with a JK for two months and didn’t do anything to her, so of the two of us, you are the weird one. You risked bringing her home. And what did you get from it?”

“It’s not about what I got—”

“No, no, no!”

Yaguchi interrupted me.

“People always do something to get something in return. You may make beautiful speeches, hiding behind this facade, but don’t you dare blame me.”

“You better shut up! You’re an adult… And adults have no right to do this to a child!”

I was furious, but Yaguchi just looked at me and sighed.

“Well, it looks like it’s useless to talk with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, you’re exactly the same.”        

“Huh?! Same as who?”

“Same as me.”

After that, I just couldn’t follow his words anymore. How am I the same as this guy? What is he talking about?

“When the high school girl asked for help, I helped her by taking her in, just like you. And although she didn’t mind living with me, bringing her home without parental consent is a crime.”

“So what? Since you’ve already committed a crime, you can do whatever you want with her?”

“Hey, that’s not the same as rape. Since the girl herself offered her body as payment, why not enjoy it?”

“You’re crazy…”

“The crazy one’s you.”

Yaguchi muttered.

“So you allowed her to live with you, at your place, in exchange for doing the housework. Decided to play as newlyweds, huh? I don’t know why you decided to help, but it’s not normal to let her in for free for two months, and even allowing her to earn extra money.”

“She didn’t want to go back home, so I didn’t force her.”

“Ahaha, you really don’t get what I’m saying, do you?”

Yaguchi laughed again and stared at me coldly. The deceptive smile suddenly disappeared and it felt like he grabbed my heart with his bare hands.

“So are you going to take care of that girl for her entire life?”

The question made me choke.

“What about university? And what about work?”

I wanted to answer, but couldn’t find words.

“See? How irresponsible…”

Yaguchi said and chuckled.

“As I said, you’re the same. You’re not having sex with her, but you’re using her. It looks like you enjoy saving that girl, but as soon as she becomes inconvenient for you, you’ll just get rid of her. It doesn’t matter what you think now. After all…”

He suddenly slowed down.

“You’re not her parent.”

Yaguchi’s words caused my stomach to tighten.

I knew it all along. But even so… I just wanted to help her. Was there anything wrong with that desire?

“Even so…”

I clenched my fist.

“Even so!”

I looked at Yaguchi.

“I don’t ever want to become someone like you, an adult, who distorts and hammers messed up values into the head of a little girl.”

What Yaguchi said was right. I can’t object. But I don’t think that it justifies his actions.

These words came straight from the heart, and these were my real feelings.

Yaguchi stared at me, as if I were an alien, then looked away and scratched his head.

“…What a sad human being. I’ve had enough of you.”

Looking annoyed, he turned around and walked down the corridor.

“Hey!”

I stopped him, and he reluctantly turned around.

“What?”

“Don’t you dare mess with Sayu again.”

I said, and he sighed with irritation.

“Just thinking about having to deal with you, an idiot, who has such an annoying sense of justice… It makes me want to throw up. I won’t bother her anymore. I promise,”

He started walking again, but then he suddenly stopped and turned around,

“You know that it would really suck if you throw her out right away after these bold claims. Just so you know.”

Yaguchi spoke with mockery.

“I didn’t even think about throwing her out.”

“That’s easy enough to say… But if Miyuki-chan quits her job, I’ll count it as your loss. Good luck!”

He walked down the corridor. I watched until he disappeared and then leaned against the wall. Yaguchi’s words were spinning in my head

It looks like you enjoy saving that girl.

What’s wrong with helping someone?

I don’t know whether I was angry or sad. The emotions were swirling inside.

What’s wrong with helping a helpless child?

“Fuck…”

All of you are only talking about benefits and problems.

Adults must protect children.

Nobody.

“Fuck!”

Nobody helped her. Why did nobody lend her a hand? And why can’t I do this?

“Not a single one of you helped her…”

You all just inflicted more irreparable wounds on an already hurt child. And after that, without taking any responsibility, simply threw her away.

“Even if you tell me not to help her, it would have been better if any of you did!”

Feelings inside me that were about to explode, burst out from my mouth.

I was breathing hard. Everything started to distort before my eyes. It took me a few seconds to realize that I was crying. I was sitting in the corridor, trying to catch my breath when suddenly the next door opened.

There lived a seemingly kind woman.

“Did… Did you scream just now? Are you alright?”

I haven’t spoken to her before. She looked at me with a confused expression and I was embarrassed.

“Sorry… for the noise. I’ll go home now.”

“No… There’s no need for an apology… Rather I’m glad that everything is alright.”

“Yeah…”

After this strange conversation, she closed the door.

I sighed trying to calm down a little. When I came to my senses, I remembered that Sayu was at home. Indeed, currently, she is much more important than my anger.

I pulled the handle, there was a click, but the door didn’t open. I forgot that I locked it with a key. Putting it in and turning it, I opened the door.

“Sayu…”

I entered the living room and she was still sitting on the floor. Her shoulders were still quivering.

She was crying.

“Sayu, I drove him off.”

“…Yoshida-san.”

Sayu raised her head and looked at me. The tears were flowing from her eyes.

“What… What have I done…”

I came closer and sat down. Then I took her fragile hand.

“I used to… Used to do it with him.”

My chest hurt. I imagined it for a moment before the image disappeared.

“There was nothing wrong with that. It felt normal.”

“Sayu.”

“We’ve done it so many times.”

“Sayu, enough.”

“Done it…”

Sayu’s voice trembled. She squeezed my hand.

“I thought about doing it again… But I suddenly got scared.”

She hung her head.

“Yoshida-san… What’s wrong with me?”

These words caught my breath.

“I can’t do the things I could do before. I don’t understand what’s going on with me…”

“Sayu…”

When I noticed, I was hugging Sayu.

“It’s okay! That’s completely normal!”

“But before getting here, I always did it, so why did I suddenly…”

“It’s okay. If it’s scary, be scared. It’s alright.”

“Uuu…”

I held Sayu tightly and heard her voice, she was crying on my chest.

Why? Why did things turn out like this?

Holding Sayu, I felt helpless.

This happened at the time when I thought that Sayu stopped with her self-sacrificing behavior.

Looks like I was wrong.

Not entirely wrong. Nevertheless, she has changed a little.

She was able to refuse a man she wasn’t attracted to. And she didn’t think that it was a wrong choice.

Although I can’t confirm it.

Everything wasn’t that bad after all.

I bit my lip and felt a faint taste of iron.

“Everything’s alright now, Sayu. You rejected him. Well done.”

I said and stroked her back. Trembling, she spoke to me.

“But because I refused… He can tell everyone about my past… And if the manager finds out, he’ll call the police, and it’ll cause problems for you, Yoshida-san.”

“Don’t worry, it’s me who allowed you to stay here, so that’s my responsibility.”

“But that’s­—!”

She raised her head and looked at me. I don’t know what she wanted to say, I really wanted to hear it, and yet…

“Please!”

I interrupted her and almost screamed.

“You should think more about yourself!”

Sniffling, Sayu looked at me with confusion.

“Why… Why are you neglecting yourself… Why do you constantly sacrifice yourself? If you don’t value yourself… No one will be able to protect you!”

I tried not to cry.

I felt the room vibrate with my voice. It seemed that the silence that followed felt strangely prolonged. The only sounds were the sound of Sayu sniffing and the noise of a fan.

The girl looked at me, tears flowed down her face when she said.

“Why, Yoshida-san… Why would you go so far to protect me?”

The question startled me.

If you’re too nice, you won’t be able to get what you really want.

Mishima’s words.

But as soon as she becomes inconvenient for you, you’ll just get rid of her.

Yaguchi’s words.      

They were spinning in my head.

“I don’t know…”

I didn’t notice that I said it out loud.

“I don’t know it myself…”

I let Sayu live here. I compromised our cohabitation by filling in my loneliness and giving her an escape route.

But I hated seeing Sayu suffer.

I don’t know the reason. I don’t know who benefits from this cohabitation the most: me or Sayu.

The confusing “reality” squeezed my neck.

Hanging my head, I suddenly felt warmth enveloping me. It was Sayu. She hugged me.

“Yoshida-san…”

She said with a stuffy nose.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“…Thank you.”

“You sure have changed after all.”

Not wanting her to see how I was holding back tears, I lowered my head even more. Sayu’s chest was pressed against my face. I immediately thought how soft she was.

“Yoshida-san… It was you who changed me.”

Without choosing too many words, I simply replied.

“I want you to become a normal high school girl.”

“Mm.”

“I want you to be able to go to school, make friends, study, and grow up.”

“…Mm.”

“Seeing that you are unable to do that… This painful feeling… I know it’s selfish.”

“…Mm.”

I squeezed Sayu’s shoulders, her arms weakened and she let go of me.

“I don’t even know if it’s for your sake or mine…”

I then looked into her eyes.

“But I want you to value yourself more… That’s what I know for sure.”

She listened to me, and her eyes became wet. She nodded endlessly.

“Sure, got it!”

An unexpected soft smile appeared on her tear-stained face.

“I’ll do my best.”

I thought I knew which path she chose, but it appears that I didn’t even have the slightest clue.

Still…

Her gentle smile… It was beautiful.

Sayu sniffed loudly, wiped her tears with her sleeve, and took a deep breath.

“I’ll go make miso soup!”

“Huh?”

“I cried a lot, so I need something salty!”

“O-Okay…”

Saying this, Sayu stood up and headed to the kitchen.

Looks like her nose was still stuffed up, so she was sniffing while pouring water into the pan. Seeing her like that, I was relieved.

If I were a little late, she might already be on the verge of despair. And I would have nothing to help her. At least, I managed to save her this time.

However.

I remembered the “reality.”

I’m not Sayu’s parent. I will have to return her someday.

I already felt this vague reality creeping into the back of my mind.

Nothing has been resolved.

I should not forget that.