Volume 3 - CH 7

Chapter 7: Hotel

5 minutes until business hour ends.

It looks like I can finish my tasks and go home on time today as well.

Hashimoto is already packing his stuff, seemingly ready to stand up and leave as soon as office hour ends.

“This week is fantastic. We get to go home on time every day.”

Hashimoto said that as if he noticed me looking.

“You’re right, it’s always better to go home on time.”

“Man, I want to let last year’s Yoshida hear you say that.”

“Shut up…”

Until Sayu showed up, I had no reason to go home on time. I took the initiative to help other colleagues with large amounts of work left.

“Got to thank Sayu-chan… That Yoshida, who overworked no matter what I said…”

“Just shut up… You just want to tease me by saying that…”

“Who’s Sayu-chan?”

Both Hashimoto and I jumped at suddenly being asked and looked behind us.

Standing behind us was Kanda-senpai. Looking and comparing our startled expressions, she giggled.

“Aren’t you guys too surprised?”

“Well… we didn’t notice you were coming…”

“Yeah, yeah.”

She giggled once more as we nodded.

“What are you doing over here?”

Kanda-senpai was responsible for another project and was seated further away from us. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t have any purpose.

Hearing my question, she nodded and pointed a finger at me.

“Yoshida, do you plan to go home on time today?”

“Um… As you can see.”

I nodded and said as I pointed at the PC which was already shut down. She glanced at my desk.

“Your desk is messy.”

“Pfft!”

I lightly kicked Hashimoto, who let out a laugh. I looked again at Kanda-senpai.

“Well, you didn’t come here to talk about my desk, did you?”

“Yeah, sorry, sorry! It just caught my eye.”

Kanda-senpai glanced around my desk and showed a smirk. Is my desk that messy?

“I was just wondering if you’re leaving on time since I am too. Maybe we can grab some dinner?

“Huh…? Dinner?

My mind blanked out at the sudden invitation. Then, I looked towards Hashimoto before I thought any further.

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

Hashimoto opened his mouth in surprise and shook his head.

“Well, my wife’s preparing dinner… Wait, did you just invite me?”

Hashimoto said as he laughed half-heartedly and looked towards Kanda-senpai, who showed a vague smile.

“Are you not coming?”

“Haha… I’ll pass.”

Hashimoto moved his arm strangely as he purposefully looked down at his watch.

“Time to leave. I’m going home…”

He announced in a loud voice as he waved to me and left the office.

“Thank you for your work…”

As I watched him leaving, I slouched on my chair and relaxed.

“So, what about you?”

Kanda-senpai asked as she looked at me and tilted her head.

“Um…”

I scratched the back of my neck even though it wasn’t itchy. Getting invited to dinner by an ex-girlfriend. What exactly does this mean? I felt troubled but I immediately thought about Sayu. She must be preparing to make dinner around this time. I’d feel a little bad for her.

“It’s been a while. How about a little chat over dinner?”

Kanda-senpai attempted t persuade me over my thoughts.

“We can go another day if you have other business to attend to…”

“No, it’s not like I have anything I need to do…”

“You don’t want to have dinner with me?”

“No, it’s not like that…”

I finally let out a sigh.

“Alright… I’ll go since I don’t have anything I need to do. I also want to talk too.”

“Yeah? Then let’s go. Let me go get my stuff.”

Kanda-senpai grinned and returned to her desk.

Letting out a sigh, I took out my smartphone. I messaged Sayu that I wouldn’t need dinner since I’ll have dinner outside, and added a few words of apology.

“I’m going home.”

I announced to my colleagues and walked towards the exit. I met Mishima’s gaze on the way out, but she turned away quickly. It’s rare for Mishima to stay after business hours end.

As I waited in the corridor, Kanda-senpai came out within a minute.

“Okay, shall we go then? Are you fine with any place?”

“Yeah… Um… I think we should find a quiet place without any noisy college students.”

“That should be fine as long as it’s not some super cheap izakaya.”

Kanda-senpai chuckled and walked ahead first. The way she doesn’t match the pace of other people hasn’t changed.

As I absentmindedly gazed at her profile, the elevator chimed, signaling its arrival.

*

“Oh yeah, Murouchi, the ace batter of the baseball club, I heard that he’s a father of 3 already. 3, you know, 3! It’s amazing how he’s the same age as me. Heard he married at 23.”

“Hmm… Marriage at 23 and a father of 3 at 27…”

“His wife sure is healthy, huh? I can’t even imagine giving birth once… Not much time between births too…”

Kanda-senpai, aided by alcohol, talked non-stop about what her high school classmates are up to. I’m struggling to give responses, as it seemed like there’s a lot of talk about marriage and giving birth. The beer decreased fast as I took a drink whenever I tried to evade response.

“Excuse me, give me another glass of beer.”

“Me too, Yamazaki[1] on the rocks.”

We added on after passing our glasses to the waiter who passed by. I glanced sideways at the waiter walking away and opened my mouth.

“Your choice of alcohol… How should I say it… is cultured…”

“What? Really? I just like whiskey.”

Kanda-senpai let out a carefree laugh before picking up a grilled miso chicken heart with her chopsticks and eating it. Her eyes wandered as she chewed. This habit of hers hadn’t changed either since last time.

The Kanda-senpai in front of me resembles my memory of Kanda-senpai from high school too much. It felt so surreal.

As I look at her while having these thoughts, our gazes match up.

“Yes?”

Kanda-senpai tilted her head. The sight of her captivated my eyes. I promptly looked away.

“Nothing… Why… did you invite me today?”

At my question, Kanda-senpai exhaled through her nose, and lightly shook her head.

“There’s no particular reason. It’s just that it’s funny to meet an ex again at work, and I thought why not meet up to chat… Aren’t you the same, Yoshida?”

“…Well, I guess so.”

As I nodded, Kanda-senpai giggled as she playfully tilted her head again.

“So… after that, did you fall in love with anyone else?”

“Huh?”

At the sudden question, my mouth was left open. Kanda-senpai smiled and repeated the question.

“After we stopped seeing each other, did you fall in love with anyone?”

“Why are you asking me that question?”

“Why not? I’m just curious.”

Kanda-senpai looked excited as she waited for my answer. I didn’t get it. Letting our relationship evaporate in thin air, and getting curious about what happened afterward. I looked at her eyes, hoping to find her intention, but she kept her head tilted and waited for me to answer. I don’t think I’ll get anything.

“Thank you for waiting. Here’s your beer and Yamazaki on the rocks.”

“T-Thank you.”

The waiter left the drinks on the table. I put the glass of whiskey in front of Kanda-senpai, and let out a sigh.

“I did. Or I should say, I am.”

“Hmm… Someone from the company?”

“Well…”

“So it is someone from the company! Hmm… I wonder who…?”

Kanda-senpai continued asking some sharp questions. I know it’s useless to continue hiding against someone asking like this, as the truth will eventually come out. I let out a sigh and drank my beer. Then, I said it clearly.

“It’s Gotou-san.”

“…Oh, Gotou-san.”

Hearing my answer, Kanda-senpai showed a smile that had some hidden meaning and drank her whiskey.

“…What’s up with that reaction?”

“Hmm? Nothing. She’s a pretty woman, Gotou-san.”

Kanda-senpai smirked and grabbed a heart with her chopsticks.

“I see. That’s your type huh, Yoshida.”

“My type?”

Kanda-senpai ate the heart and chewed it, letting out an “Mmm…” Swallowing down her food, she shrugged.

“It’s like… Someone who exacerbates her cowardice… She’s pretty but highly defensive…”

“Cowardice… is it…”

“Well, I think maybe guys won’t get it.”

Kanda-senpai giggled as she said so.

“I see, I see. So it’s Gotou-san, huh?”

She said again, then looked up and stared at me.

“Are you already dating?”

“N-No… We’re not dating.”

“Not dating… huh?”

Kanda-senpai had a mysterious look on her face as she repeated my words. She then picked up the glass of whiskey with about 1 centimeter left and gulped it down in one go as she tilted her head backward.

“…Glug.”

“That’s a surprising way to drink…”

“I really like this feeling of pain in my throat… ugh.”

“Aren’t you choking though?”

Kanda-senpai had her hand on her throat, showing a smile while looking like she was in pain. She picked up the glass of water provided and drank, then let out a deep breath.

“Ha… So, Yoshida.”

“Yes?”

Kanda-senpai looked up and stared at me. I felt like getting sucked into those deep eyes of hers.

“Let’s go to a hotel together.”

For a moment, I sat there stunned, not perceiving her words. Immediately after, along with a sigh I said.

“What?”

“‘What?’ I said, let’s go to a hotel.”

“Huh? I mean, why?”

“What do you mean why?”

Kanda-senpai looked surprised at my question as if she was saying “Why are you asking such an obvious question?”

“Because it’s been a while and I feel like doing it with you?”

“No, no, no.”

I adamantly waved my hand. Kanda-senpai looked at me with a vacant expression. She was obviously drunk.

“You’re drunk. You surprised me when you said that all of a sudden.”

“Well… I’m definitely drunk, but…”

Kanda-senpai smiled loosely as put her elbow on the table and rested her head on her hands.

“Even if I wasn’t drunk, I think I still would’ve invited you.”

“No, no, no…”

“You aren’t dating anyone right now, right? So isn’t it okay?”

“No, I can’t do that with someone who isn’t my girlfriend.”

“Then should we date?”

At those words that came out of Kanda-senpai, I felt my blood boil.

“That’s enough.”

Hearing that, Kanda-senpai tilted her head while still resting on her hands.

“Don’t talk about dating like it’s some light thing. Besides, you don’t even like me that much.”

“It’s alright… We’ll fall in love with each other after we started dating.”

“N-No… What if we don’t fall in love? If you offer your body to me so easily, and then we break up, you’ll be filled with regret. You should value yourself more.”

“Ahaha… There it is, Yoshida’s specialty.”

Kanda-senpai chuckled at my words. Then, with a cold look in her eyes, she looked towards me.

“That thing of yours… it hasn’t changed as well.”

“…W-What do you mean?”

“All I’m saying is, I want to have sex with you, that’s all.”

Kanda-senpai asserted as she slid her index finger across the glass in front of her.

“If you were really thinking about me as your number one, you just have to follow your instinct and take me, without restraint.”

“No, that’s…”

“I didn’t say a thing about taking care of me in the future.”

Kanda-senpai said that and smiled.

“You don’t have to worry about responsibilities. So let’s have sex.”

“…No.”

Kanda-senpai’s voice bewitchingly reverberates in my mind.

“Even if you don’t love me, I think my body isn’t bad. Remember?”

I remember. Her seductive voice, and her unbelievably soft skin.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“…Coward.”

I felt something snap in my head at her provocation.

“So I really won’t take any responsibility?”

“I don’t mind.”

Kanda-senpai continued her provocative stare.

In my mind, past images of her naked body floated around. It might just be the alcohol. But, I was excited.

She’s saying it’s alright, so I thought, it’s fine for things like this to happen.

“Then…”

Let’s go.

As I was about to say that, what appeared in my mind, was Sayu’s face.

I left Sayu, who was probably preparing dinner, at home and came here. Usually, if I couldn’t eat the dinner she made, I tried to eat it the next morning, but if I stayed overnight, I wouldn’t be able to do that either.

Of course, preparing meals is one of the conditions for Sayu to stay at my place, and doing so is for her own good. But rather than her doing it out of obligation, I feel that she may be doing it for my sake. I don’t think I’m misunderstanding this.

Not appreciating something made for me like that is definitely not a good thing.

My heated-up thoughts slowly cooled down.

“No… Let’s not do it.”

As I said that, Kanda-senpai’s face showed a disappointed expression.

“…In the end, you’re a coward.”

“No, I don’t plan to stay overnight today. I don’t like to do it quickly in 1 or 2 hours.”

I explained my feelings, hiding my true reason, yet not telling a total lie.

Recently, I feel like I’ve become good at hiding what I don’t want to stay while not telling lies.

I think that’s not a bad thing.

Hearing my explanation, Kanda-senpai lets out a sigh and nods.

“Well, I guess if you don’t plan to stay, it’s too hurried.”

“Yes, plus…”

I slowly breathed in and spoke my thoughts.

“I can’t have sex with someone I’m not dating either. Plus, if I were to date, I want it to be with someone who can think all the way to marriage.”

Kanda-senpai listened to my words with a vague expression.

“So, even in the future, I won’t do it with you, Kanda-senpai. If you really want to do it, please find someone else.”

After I finished saying that. Kanda-senpai looked at me with her mouth opened for a few seconds. Then she laughed.

“Ahaha… Really, you haven’t changed.”

Kanda-senpai giggled, lowered her tone, and continued.

“That’s right, you’re… Right…”

Kanda-senpai looked away, with an expression as if she was looking at someplace far away. Her profile looked familiar, yet, I couldn’t recall when it was that I had seen it before.

“I got a little carried away.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Alright, let’s go home.”

Kanda-senpai swiftly changed her expression and smiled. She took the bill.

“Let me pay the bill today. I took your time anyway.”

“N-No, that’s not right.”

“It’s fine. I’m saying that I want to pay the bill.”

“But…”

I still feel bad, letting a senior I haven’t met in a while pay the bill. While I argued, she let out a chuckle.

“Yoshida, you’ve changed in many places. But at the core, you really haven’t changed.”

“W-What do you mean?”

“Um…”

Kanda-senpai looked up towards the ceiling, scratching her nose.

“You pretend to take an interest in people, but your behavior makes it clear that your affairs are your priority.”

Contrary to how she hesitated at first, she continued clearly.

“Well, I’m not exactly saying that’s a bad thing.”

She waved her hands in a hurry.

“I think it’s a good thing that your principles haven’t changed, but…”

She took a breath and looked away from me.

“In the end, you’re just taking action based on your thoughts, but you’re believing that it’s ‘for the other party’s good.’ I think that’s your bad habit.”

I wanted to say something back, but the words wouldn’t come out.

I’m not taking action ‘for the other party’s good’. That’s what I wanted to say, but thinking back about my response, the words stuck. In the end, I didn’t want to have that kind of relationship with Kanda-senpai right now. But what was it that I said earlier?

You should value yourself more.

That’s what I said.

I was, subconsciously, believing that my choices were made ‘out of consideration for the other party.’ Was I choosing words that satisfy both myself and the other party?

Thinking up to that, I suddenly felt strongly that I was a person filled with hypocrisy.

“Yoshida.”

Hearing my name, I was startled.

Kanda-senpai, who was sitting in front of me, was calling me.

She smiled and tilted her head.

“I’m not criticizing you for anything.”

Holding the bill, she stood up.

“So, let me pay the bill today.”

“…I understand. Thanks for the food.”

“Hehe, you’re welcome.”

The sound of her heels rung as I watched her back. I let a sigh and got up to follow her.

*

“Oh, right.”

Leaving the izakaya, we made small talk as we walked to the nearest train station. Passing the entrance, Kanda-senpai exclaimed as if she remembered something.

“What is it?”

“Well, I don’t know anyone from this branch yet, so if I have any problems, I’ve no one to rely on. So if it’s alright, can you give me your contact info?”

“Ah, I see. Sure.”

“Really? Thanks!”

Kanda-senpai let out an innocent smile as I nodded, and took out her smartphone. She opened the messaging app that I use as well.

“Yoshida, do you use this?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Oh, you do? That’s kind of unexpected…”

I felt like I got a rude response even though she was the one who asked. Paying it no heed, I opened my messenger app. Having experienced the process of exchanging contact via QR code with Asami before, I smoothly opened the QR scan page, to which Kanda-senpai widened her eyes.

“I imagined you’d be unfamiliar with stuff like this, I guess people do change.”

“Well, I started using things like this just recently too.”

“I see… Was there some kind of reason?”

“No, not really. Just naturally, I guess.”

“Naturally, huh? Pfft, what’s this? ‘yoshida-man’?”

“I just picked it at random… Yours is normal…”

We exchanged contact quickly, and the name “Ao” was added to my Friends list.

However, her icon didn’t show a picture of her, but a man wearing a white shirt taken from behind. I felt like I’d seen it before, and tapped on the icon to enlarge the picture. Then, I was stunned.

“What…”

I unconsciously let out a word. Kanda-senpai tilted her head beside me.

“What’s the matter?

“N-No… it’s nothing.”

I hurriedly closed the messaging app and put my smartphone in my pocket.

“Well, as long as I’m not asleep I think I can reply any time. So don’t hesitate if you have any problems.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Kanda-senpai smiled and turned towards the stairs leading to the platform opposite my platform.

“You’re going the opposite way, right?”

“Yep.”

“Well then, that’s it for today. Thanks for accompanying me.”

“You’re welcome. See you at work.”

Bidding farewell, I walk towards the stairs leading to the platform. It’s only been a few hours since I was invited to the dinner, but I was exhausted as if it had been a lot longer than that. I wanted to sleep as soon as I reached home.

Thinking along those lines, I walk up the steps.

“Yoshida!”

“Whoa, what?!”

Kanda-senpai stood right behind me, without a sound from her heels. I almost missed the step.

I looked down at her feet, then at her hands, confirming that she was holding her heels.

“W-What are you doing?”

“Hehe, were you surprised?”

“Of course I’m surprised. Getting sneaked upon without any footsteps…”

“My heels are too loud, getting noticed isn’t fun.”

Kanda-senpai looked satisfied at my reaction, nodding in delight at herself.

“Even so… You don’t have to go as far as to take them off…”

I pointed at the heels in her hand, and she smiled as she shook her head.

“You really don’t get it, Yoshida. I wanted to go that far, just to surprise you.”

“Hmm…”

“You really should listen more to what the other person is saying.”

“I’m listening. I listened, and what I want to say is whether surprising me is something important enough to take off your heels.”

“No.”

Kanda-senpai dropped her heels to the ground and tried to drill her foot in.

“That’s what I call not listening. I wanted to surprise you. For that, I had to get rid of the sound of my heels. That’s why I took them off. From what I said, you should already know the reason I had to ‘go to that extent.’”

Having worn her heels, Kanda-senpai stuck out her tongue.

“Yoshida Filter, always on! Right.”

“Yoshida Filter…”

“Well, in the end, we’re only ourselves. It’s impossible to listen to people without the filter all the time.”

Kanda-senpai slapped my shoulders. Even though it was forceful, it wasn’t painful at all.

“Yoshida Filter is thick with a strange shape!”

“What does that eve—”

“Exactly what it means. You should make it thinner, that’s what I think. Alright, see you!”

Saying what she wanted to say, she walked away with one hand up. This time, I watched her as she started climbing the stairs to the platform. It didn’t look like she would come to surprise me again.

A let out a big sigh.

Yoshida Filter, huh?

I recalled the words Kanda-senpai said.

Humans, more or less, have values that are shaped and built by all the experiences and thoughts they have had since they were born. And these values cause them to be unable to listen to other people flatly. Is that what she was trying to say?

As she said, I think there’s a problem with the way I listen. But still, Kanda-senpai’s words sound like jokes in the first place.

Taking off her heels outdoors and sneaking up on me, just to scare me. I can’t imagine someone serious doing that.

“Yoshida!”

“Whoa, what?!”

“Surprised?”

“That’s enough!”

I never imagined. That she would do it twice.

Looking back even as I almost stumbled, Kanda-senpai had her heels in her hands again, laughing hysterically.

[1] A brand of Japanese whiskey.