Chapter 44

44 iii. Malavar

“That’s why I can’t possibly work for their company. There is no way in this world I can face Dominus again,” Mary frustratedly sighed as her best friend listened to her rant.

Mal has listened to this story so many times before, but he knew Mary would still eventually apply to one of the Saito companies.

Mary is in a hard place right now, she needs money for her mother’s chemotherapy and writing chapters for a webnovel hardly pays the bill.

Mal hugged her, unable to hear more of her rants. “Why don’t you just give it a try? You know he is the CEO of the company and not some random employee you might bump with on the elevator. You won’t even be sharing an elevator with this guy much more a floor. Plus, it has been so long since that happened. Do you think he would even recognize you now?”

Malavar is the best friend she never knew she needed. At first, she was determined to build her defenses around him. But he has been so insistent in knocking her defenses down.

Soon, they were spending more time together than she realize. He was a chef in a cozy family restaurant to which she dropped by often.

Mal really was easy to be with, softhearted, and kind. With wavy vibrant hair the color of sapphire and a pale complexion that matches hers.

He is easy on the eyes, the classic Oppa- look everyone seems to be into at the moment. He is understanding, comforting, a stable presence in her life.

He confessed to her a year ago, but she had to reject his love. In her heart, he will never be able to replace Dominus. Even when she wishes for things to be different the reality is, it is only Dominus she can love.

.....

What Malavar hoped to be comforting words were just like a dagger in Mary’s heart. He does have a point, how can someone like Dominus even cross paths with someone like her?

Even if they work in the same company, the CEO will never cross paths with a mere employee like her. The distance between them is wider than an ocean, so to speak.

“You need the money for your mother’s chemotherapy, you know. You might have to apply for this job or end up doing something really embarrassing like selling yourself in the red district,” Mal intended it to be a comedic relief but for a moment even that possibility crossed Mary’s mind.

“Baka, don’t even think about it,” Mal gave her a disgusted look to which Mary just snorted.

She looked at the advertisement again, the company is looking for new employees to work for their marketing department.

She does have the grades to apply, though lack of experience might be a problem during the interview.

How will she justify that writing a webnovel is all she had been doing after she graduated from college because she was hiding from someone who in this case is the owner of the company?

No one understands her fixation to write about that medieval world and the knight and queen who fell in love and got separated by destiny.

No one will understand the underlying pain she feels as she equates the story of the queen and her knight with hers and Dominus’s tragic love story.

She shook her head and stared at the advertisement again, she was about to tear it down when her mobile phone rang.

She answered it after her mother’s contacts appeared. Hearing her mother’s voice was comforting for her and also heartbreaking.

Her mother again insisted she be brought home, saying she is fine when they both know she is dying. Her mother just wanted to save money knowing that even their house is already mortgaged with the bank.

Mary felt her tears stream down her cheeks as she assured her mother they have the money for her hospital stay. She assured her she can pay for the mortgage and there is nothing for her to worry.

She even said she already got accepted into a new job. She held the newspaper in her hand as she forced out a peal of laughter and fooled her mother into believing she is doing just fine.

Nowadays, lies come so easy to her, she probably should apply as an actress instead, she berated herself.

She knew what she have to do. She has to close the book that has long ended. She needs to close it and face a new reality that the only relationship possible between her and Dominus right now is as a CEO and his lowly employee.

They for better or worse, will never meet again. Even if they are in the same building, Dominus and someone like her will never meet.

Whether she accepts it or not, Dominus and her ended years ago. If she can be honest with herself, the reason she feared applying for the position is once she does, she will be faced with the reality that there is nothing left between them.

When the call ended she hugged Mal as she cried into his arms. The latter tried to soothe her as her shoulders shook from her sobbing.

“You still love him after all these years, I know. You don’t have to hide your pain from me. Cry as much as you want but after that, you need to move on. You need to face the world again, Mary. If not for you, then for your mother’s sake,” Mal caressed her hair as he gently reminded her of the reality.

“I know, it’s just. It hurts too much to accept it all. It hurts so much, Mal. I still love him so very much. Knowing and accepting are two different things. Knowing but choosing to not accept is better than facing the reality. It hurts, not to be his. It hurts to accept that I have lost him for real and there is no way we can be together again,” she sobbed and held on to his arms.

“Do you regret it? Do you regret asking his grandmother for help and complying with her conditions? Do you regret turning your back away from him and ending the relationship you had?” he asked, his heart clenching over her agony.

How he wished to share her heartaches, and to wipe away the sadness she always bore. To him, loneliness is simply a choice she has embraced.

If she can finally accept it is all over, then her healing can finally start. Her heart can finally be mended and maybe start to love again.

And maybe, maybe then she can finally be set free from the constraints she placed on herself. That is all he ever wanted. To be there for her when that happens.

“I don’t and never can I regret saving the life of the only man I ever loved. I can bear everything except existing in a world without him. So I don’t regret it at all,” she smiled at him as tears fall down her cheeks drowning her sadness away.

“Then live, go back to the real world. If you truly do not regret saving him and letting yourself be painted as the one at fault, live freely. Regain the strength to live the life you lost when you parted ways with him. Show the world you regret nothing, that you are not ashamed of what you have done,” he kissed her forehead as she raised her head and looked up at him with gratitude.

“I will try, I will try to live again,” she assured him, wiping her tears away and trying to look brave.

“Do you know how long I have waited to hear that? Finally, you came to your senses, Mary. I am happy,” Mal’s face lit up as he held her close to him. To him, at least in that instant, he can pretend she will finally move on.

Maybe this is the closure she needed, to finally start the healing of her shattered heart. Maybe then she can finally see him as more than a friend.

Maybe then, he can replace her ex’s place in her heart. That is all he ever wanted. To take care of her, love her, and heal her broken heart.

He so waited for the opportunity to arrive but she has always closed her heart shut. But now, it seems he can finally hope.

Maybe now he can hope for a future with her, one where she can forget her heartaches and build a life with him. He will take care of her then and never break her heart. No, he will be a better man than he ever was. He will never let her suffer again.

Dominus never searched for her the way he should have. He never begged her to return to his life. He never pleaded, demanded to be with her no matter what.

For him, it shows that Dominus is not as worthy as she painted him to be. To him, it shows the cowardice of the man she has given her heart to. And because of that, he doesn’t deserve the loyalty she has shown during all these years they have been apart. Surely, he will be a better man.

Mary closed her eyes and let herself be comforted by her friend. But even while resting in Malavar’s arms, she couldn’t stop thinking of someone else.

That someone else she never once forgot. The only one who still holds her heart. She wondered if he even think of her even once.

Did he also cry himself to sleep thinking about her at night? Did he also feel that soul-shattering pain that seeped through her heart?

Or has he forgotten her? Did he hate her now, or worse was she so inconsequential he simply doesn’t mind her existence?

She finds herself crying once again, like the hundreds of nights she has mourned for their love, this night is no different.

She knows that no matter how hard she pretends to be okay, there is simply no way for her to move on. Her heart won’t let her forget about him.

There is no one else, that is simply how it has been all these years. She gasped for air as she felt the indescribable sorrow that came with the memory of him.

The memory of what they had and what was almost theirs for the taking. How can a love so beautiful ever be replaced by anything else?

She smiled bitterly at herself. She is hopeless. Deep inside her heart, she knew, that even if she had the choice, she will never willingly forget him.

Dominus. He simply is irreplaceable to her. But to face him or not is something beyond her control.

Fate seemed to be playing with her, pulling strings unseen to the naked eyes. Like a great puppeteer orchestrating a play.

If she only knew what is to come. If she only knew what is in store for her, would she have foolishly run towards where she is being pulled? Or would she have run the opposite direction, this time saving herself?