Chapter 134

134 iv. Their Sufferings

“What happened? Why did I bleed last night?” her voice was faint, almost just a whisper, but he heard her loud and clear.

“It doesn’t matter. It is over now, you are safe. That is what counts,” Dominus tried to reassure her even when his heart felt like it was being torn into pieces.

“Tell me. You have to tell me, Dominus. You have to at least tell me, I beg of you,” she pleaded, trying to ignore the feeling of doom that suddenly brought chills to her entire being.

“I shouldn’t. We shouldn’t. Let us not focus on that my love. We are together, and you are safe now. I will never let you be harmed again. I swear it on my honor, I will never let any one hurt you again,” he whispered, afraid of being forced to say more.

“I am not a child anymore, Dom. I need to hear it. I need to know what happened to me last night. Tell me the reason now please,” she tugged on his arm, as if she was clinging to him for her dear life as she pleaded for him to tell her what he seemed to be insistent on hiding from her.

“If you do not tell me what happened last night, I will have to look elsewhere for answers. And it will hurt me a hundred times more to hear it from someone who doesn’t care at all about my feelings,” she said, the desperation in her voice making him feel helpless.

How can he deny her the truth? And if she should find it from someone else will they even make a mockery out of her feelings?

He held her tightly in his arms and looked into her deepest set of blue eyes, “My love, my queen... you have had a miscarriage.”

He can barely say the words, he can barely contain the feeling that haunted him upon finding out about it. But now that her eyes reflected his pain just as well, he wanted to take it back, wanted to tell her how it is not true at all.

.....

But deceiving her is beyond him. Making her believe in a fairytale that does not exist will hurt her even more. To him, it doesn’t matter now. As long as she is safe and in his arms, he will be satisfied.

“What? What do you mean I had a miscarriage?” Mary’s horrified screams pierced his heart as he stood beside her, his facial expression even more gloomy than hers.

“That is what the doctors said, the cause for the bleeding,” he explained as his fingers gently cupped her cheeks.

“No, you are lying to me! Stop this cruel joke of yours right now,” she begged him, her painful howl echoing into his heart.

He kept silent, holding her tighter, pressing her into him for the desperate wish of giving her any amount of comfort. She is his, and he has failed to keep her safe.

If at all anyone is to be blamed, it is him. He knew this. He is guilty for all the hurts she has suffered and will suffer in the future. And yet he couldn’t let her go.

Even now that she trembled in his arms and wailed desperately, even when pity filled his heart. Even now he is selfish.

A selfish man she should just hate. He knew it deep within his soul. He was never deserving of her. He has caused her death several lifetimes ago. And in every reincarnation, he is sure to be blamed.

But even knowing all this, he couldn’t let her go. And so he did the only thing he could do. He kissed her forehead and wrapped her in his arms as she trembled and sobbed desperately for their unborn child.

“This can’t be possible. I never knew it, I never realized it. I was carrying our child all along. The gods hate me for my wrong actions. My evil nature killed our child. I am worthless, ultimately a worthless fool,” she cried in his arms, clenching her palm until her nails embedded themselves in her skin.

“Darling, listen to me. That’s not true. You are not to blame for this. You did nothing wrong. Blame me instead, I failed to protect you. I am the one who is at fault,” he caressed her cheek, wiping her tears away as he looked into her glassy eyes.

“How can you say that to me? How can I not be the one responsible for it? I didn’t even know I was carrying our child. If I knew it, I wouldn’t have been so foolish as to invite

“I’m sorry. I am so sorry. I hate myself. I hate that I am a worthless fool who can’t bear your children. I hate that I even lost the baby we waited so long for me to conceive,” she felt like she was losing her mind over the pain and disappointment that rushed through her.

She caused this. She caused them to lose their baby. If not for her desire to be close to that woman’s child, she would not have lost their baby.

The child they have waited for so long is gone all because of her carelessness. Surely he must be disappointed in her, surely he must hate her.

“Don’t say those words,” he said firmly. “Listen to me and listen really well. I do not care about having heirs. Whether you bear me a child or not is of no consequence. I love you. I love you more than anything and anyone in this world. There is nothing I would like more than to be with you and to keep you safe. That is my life’s goal and not anything else.”

She shook her head, her mind couldn’t accept his words. How can he say these things? How can he pretend not to care for their unborn child?

“Don’t say those words. Don’t say those words ever again. Don’t make it seem like our child doesn’t matter to you. I’ll give you a son. I promise, I will give you a son. Let’s try again. We can try again, right?” she tugged on his collar and desperately kissed his lips.

He separated himself from her and held her by her shoulders, “We will, in due time yes. If it is what you want. If it is what will make you feel complete, fulfilled, happy. We will try again for a child. But not now my love, not now. You need to recuperate, these feelings you feel inside of you, you need to heal from all of these.”

“How could you pretend to know how I feel? You do not know of it! You couldn’t fathom the depths of my despair because you have a child. You have a child with that woman, the woman who was the reason for all this. That’s why you could never understand me,” she said each word with emphasis.

She didn’t want to be vicious but she felt like saying those hurtful words to him would lessen her pain. She needed to wound him as much as she is wounded.

He didn’t even show any remorse or emotions for their child. It is in her mind only indicative of one thing, he never cared for their son because he already got an heir.

“What are you saying? How can you say these words, my love? I am not the enemy here. I loved our child, wanted a child to bond you even more to me. You know of this. You know of my desire to have a family with you,” he was furious and yet he tried his best to curtail his anger.

He knew she was speaking out of her own frustrations, she was fast spinning with her wretched emotions. He knew this, and so he tried to understand her, tried to look beyond what she was saying.

“Are you not my enemy? Tell that to me, you who have failed to protect me! You who have married another on my stead, begotten a son with your dear wife while I lay barren, a mistress sought by you for your comforts,” she hissed, angry over everything and everyone.

“You know that was not the truth. You were the one who begged me to marry and I have explained countless times the circumstance of his birth. You know of this, my love, so please stop this. I am barely unable to stop my wolf now. Don’t say more of these woes,” he warned her, his voice almost turning into a growl.

“What? You couldn’t control your wolf? Is he so angry now at my words? It is right, he should be angry because I am telling the truth. You are a weak alpha, and that wolf of yours is no different. If not for that useless wolf of yours, we wouldn’t be in this situation,” she laughed bitterly while she looked at him with disdain.

He hurriedly left the room, pushing the child who happened to re-enter the room at the same time. Without looking back at either of them, he slammed the door hard and ran towards the forest, even in his desperate situation he was trying his best not to hurt her.

A howl in the woods was heard that night as his wolf came out and took over his being. His anger and desperate loneliness have fueled the wrath of the alpha’s wolf.

In the morning they will find the remaining carcasses of several wild bears, lions, and cheetahs, a family who had camped in the wild, and the alpha’s body covered in blood not his own.