Chapter 29: Into The Woods

Chapter 29: Into The Woods

I entered the woods not giving a damn. Yes, danger lurked in every shadow, but so what? Danger lurked in every sunlit meadow, too. Five steps in, and my attitude started to change.

Unlike the last time I was here, this time I was much more aware of the surroundings. Without the disorienting confusion of finding myself in a strange world and the shock of seeing a real live ogre, I was able to appreciate the full dank grandeur of the forest. The scuffling going on behind shrubs, the scuttling around my feet, the dark shapes disappearing up tree trunksit was all creepy as fuck.

Hey, wait up! called Maurice from behind me.

I turned and realised it would be easy to get lost in this place. If Maurice hadnt been heading towards me, I wouldnt have known which direction I had come from. I took out my spike and gouged a mark in the nearest tree trunk. We would have to leave some kind of trail to follow back.

The others congregated around my location and watched me carve an arrow into bark.

Do you really think its a good idea to be in here? asked Maurice, clearly implying it wasnt.

Probably not, I answered. What other option do we have? If we carry on as we are, were going to end up stuck in Probet forever. We need to take a chance and hope we get lucky. Or at least thats what I intend to do.

Okay, said Claire, but can we not go all the way back to town if we have to run?

Sure. If someone says Run, then we go to the little stream we passed on the way up. If they yell, Ruuuuuuuuuun, that means big trouble, we go all the way back.

They nodded their agreement.

We moved around, trying to spot anything unusual but nothing stood out. Where had we come from? Had we fallen out of the sky? Im not sure what I hoped to find. A magic wardrobe that led back home would have been nice. Not that I had much to go home to. No loved ones distressed by my sudden disappearance, no luxurious lifestyle to reclaim.

To be honest, the idea of travelling to a strange fantasy world to fight monsters and find treasure would be the kind of thing I would love to do, but not like this. If I had landed with special skills and an OP weapon, cheat mode on, fair enough, Im down to play. But trying to navigate this place as the lowliest scrub with a stick in one hand and a metal spike in the other was way too hardcore.

Shit! cried out Maurice.

What is it? I looked around for signs of trouble.

No, its shit. Lots of it.

I walked over to him and saw the shit he was talking about. A large area was covered with a light brown crust. It had been a lot darker when it shot out of the ogres rear end, but being baked by the sun had turned it to the colour of fresh bread. It had also expanded so it was high as my knee. A giant turd muffin.

Ah, said Flossie, is it supposed to move like that? She pointed at the area nearest her which was trembling. A bubble began to form.

Its probably the sun warming up the gas inside. We should probably get back, I said. I dont consider myself an expert in these matters, but it seemed a plausible explanation.

We all stepped back as the bubble grew bigger and bigger. It reached beachball proportions and then it popped, and a rabbit jumped out.

It looked like the rabbits we hunted, except for one thing: the long horn growing out of the centre of its head.

Fooking hell, said Flossie. Its a bunny unicorn!