Chapter 147: Back Once Again For The Renegade Master

Chapter 147: Back Once Again For The Renegade Master

Speedrunning a video game is something you can only do if you really know your shit. You have to not only be familiar with the basics of the game, you have to know when to fight, when to dodge, and which mobs you can ignore altogether.

Hardcore boss that requires twenty minutes of button-bashing and perfect timing on your backward roll and flip to beat? Jump over this wall, shimmy across a ledge not even the game designers knew was there, and save yourself the frustration of having to press the same button-combination fifteen times in a row.

You might think, whats the point of rushing through a lavishly-designed level without engaging with all the content available? The answer is very simplebecause someone decided you should do things in a certain order, and fuck them.

I slid into the water feet first and gave no thought to clawing my way back to the surface. I crossed my arm, pointed my toes down and took a deep breath as the green-grey sheet swallowed me, and let momentum do all the work.

When my descent into the depths slowed, I cleared my mind and reached out to contact Wyndam. No time for gentle probing or polite requests. My thoughts were clear and precise.

Wyndam? Wyndam Song-Master? I come bearing the great songs of my people to share with you. Gifts of music never heard outside my realm.

In my mind I began singing.

Having been here before, and suspecting Id be here again, I had actually put some thought into what I would sing this time around. What Id decided on were the musical stylings of Francis Albert Sinatra.

You might not peg me for a Frankie fan, but thanks to YouTube and an addiction to illegally downloading music (hes dead, Im not depriving him of one penny from him), I am more familiar with The Chairman of the Board than people three times my age.

Not the young, stick-like crooner with the pure crystal pipes, I love the old man in a toupe who more often than not had an uncooperative nightclub manager in the trunk of his Cadillac, and sang like a New Jersey longshoreman. Start spreading da nooz...

My own personal favourite of his was Strangers in the Night which I belted out, if thats possible during a mental rendition. I got to the doobie doobie doo part and felt the contact in my mind from an eager new fan.

Wyndam was only too happy to agree to my terms, which was no surprise. This was the easy part Id solved on my first attempt. I kicked for the surface before I ran out of air. It was only when I broke the surface that I realised how close to passing out I was. My head spun and nausea overwhelmed me as I inhaled oxygen and exhaled puke.

The others were splashing about, calling out my name like perhaps Id mistakenly taken a left at Albuquerque. I was too busy gasping for breath to answer, but my sudden barking like a vomiting seal achieved the same results. They swam towards me, all firing questions at the same time.

Calm down, I managed to shout over the top of them. Were about to have company, dont freak out. Hes friendly.

They clammed up, confused and paddling away from the barf-slick floating towards them. All as expected. What I hadnt expected was Wyndams entourage.

The familiar carapace appeared under us and lifted us out of the water. I started to explain what was happening and what would be required of us in return, but was interrupted when more bodies surfaced around us.

You brought friends I thought, hoping thats what they were.

They heard your song and came. How could they not? he replied.

I had attracted rather more attention than intended. My new fan club came in all shapes and sizes. Some were ever larger than Wyndam. Tentacles rose and fell, water spouted and there were wailing calls back and forth.

Whatever Wyndam has offered you, I will double it, said a new voice.

All the kelp you can eat, offered another.

A barrage of counter offers assaulted my mind, along with a sense of rising tension. The last thing I needed was for them to start fighting among themselves. Not only would it waste a lot of time, it would probably also get us all killed, and returning to Yuqi for another game of Operation was not high on my to-do list.

Wheres all those voices cummin from? said Flossie looking around.

I indicated for my party to wait with a raised hand They nervously looked at the churning waters around us but kept their panic in check, for the time being.

Wyndam, can you choose the five fastest of your friends? Thats all we can manage right now.

Wyndam managed to broker a deal between the sea monsters, resulting in the majority sinking back to the watery deep in, thankfully, non-violent disappointment.

Were going to have to split up, I said.

The five of them, bedraggled and clinging to each other for warmth, stared at me. Nobody moved.

Look, Ill explain whats going on when we get to dry land. Which will happen a lot quicker if you do what I tell you.

You havent actually told us anything yet, said Jenny, shivering.

She was right. Knowing everything made it hard to remember what other people needed to know and when. Giving them a full rundown in one go would overwhelm them. Too little would be even worse.

I quickly explained how the psychic connection worked and the deal Id made with Wyndam and apparently with his coterie. We teach them songs, they give us a ride. This, at least, was easy for everyone to grasp.

When I got to the part where everyone died the mood turned more sombre. For about three seconds.

Yo died saving me, said Flossie.

Dudley blushed. Ah, you know, its what anyone would have done.

Flossie sighed and rested her head on his chest. Dudley sat there, beaming. I felt like putting up a sign:

Welcome to Dweeb Beach.

Beware of Unexploded Buffoons.

Was this what I looked like, too? I shoved the girl sitting on my stomach off me.

You dont understand. This isnt romantic. Its a cautionary tale. We fucked up and next time we might not be so lucky.

But we cant die, said Flossie. Yo said so.

Youre not listening. The weretic pulled off Dudleys head with the spine still attached okay, that didnt happen, but I was trying to paint a picture and ate it. He ate his head. You cant regrow limbs.

A head isnt a limb, said Maurice.

You cant regrow heads either. What is wrong with you people? Stop being so relaxed. Horrible things are going to happen to you.

But you can go back and fix things, said Claire, which was technically true.

No. I cant. I could, but admitting it would only encourage their poor attitude. If Yuqi gets hold of me again, or if the masters find me and put a stop to my jumping around, youll all be dead for good. We have to get things right this time. No do-overs.

Yeah, but youd find a way to get us back, right? said Maurice, pushing his glasses up his nose. How the fuck had he held onto them when falling into the ocean?

You dont want to rely on me, I said with great passion. If Im your best hope, youre all fucked. I felt Id made a compelling argument. It fell on deaf ears.

We can only do our best, said Claire. And we will. I just need ten minutes to prepare myself. She stood up and held out her hand.

Maurice looked at it for a second, and then jumped up and grabbed it. They walked off towards a dune.

Oh, ah. Us too. Flossie practically dragged Dudley off in the opposite direction.

This is no time to go off for a shag! I yelled after them. I fell onto my back. What kind of speedrun was this?

It kind of is, said Jenny, climbing back onto me. We might all be killed and have our heads eaten.

None of you are taking this seriously, I complained, the one proper raider surrounded by five Leeroy Jenkins.

So, this Yuqi, said Jenny, her voice all slippery, shes a girl, is she? And shes waiting for you to wake her up like Sleeping Beauty? With a kiss?

Something like that, I said. Why? Is that a problem?

No, no. And she thinks youre her man, now?

Not her man. More like her agent. Her operative.

But she thinks she owns you.

It was warm on the beach. The breeze off the sea was moist and humid. But there was a chill in the air.

Nobody owns me, Jenny, I said.

She wasnt listening to me. She sat there, straddling me like a horse, eyes staring into the middle distance. Id like to meet this girl. Id like to meet her very much.

She looked down at me like shed just remembered I was there, and she smiled.

I shivered. Definitely a chill in the air.