Chapter 213: The Easy Way Out

Chapter 213: The Easy Way Out

Having Biadet in the meeting with us helped in a number of ways. She knew the plan was to wait for the dragon to come pick us up and the bright lights would tell her where. To be fair, a big flash of light would have attracted her and Gullens men anyway, so letting her know that wasnt revealing anything vital, but this way she knew exactly what to look for.

Which was good.

It meant she wouldnt bother looking anywhere else.

The idea of sending Flossie off on her own, even with Keezy to watch out for her, didnt fill me with enthusiasm. Not that she wasnt capable of doing the job, it was just that she was also capable of making a giant cock up of it. And if you wanted to weigh up the odds to see which one was more likely, a fifty-fifty split wasnt a success rate Id be happy with.

Even if she did manage to get to the dragon, get back here, spot the signal and make it down to collect us, by that time the Dargot army would be aware of our location and a dragon is a nice big target for arrows.

Fortunately, there were other ways out of Dargot. The way we got in, for a start. The tunnel Keezy had guided us through led straight back to where Nyx and Vikchutni were. All we needed to do was get back to the hole in the alley near The Pickled Gherkin, and our escape was as good as done. Not a very spectacular planno climbing the outside of buildings or sliding down a ziplinebut one well within my skillset. My skillset consisting mainly of hiding and running away.

Can you lead us back to the tunnel? I asked Keezy.

Yes, but it wont be so easy now they know were here. Theyll be watching for us and its a fair way away. There is another tunnel, closer.

Whatever my group had that makes them express twice the usual amount of the moron gene must have been contagious. You didnt think to mention this before? I chided the eight foot monster. Fortunately, after being so easily defeated by Biadet he wasnt in a fighting mood so he didnt kill me on the spot.

Its not the most ideally situated. Its in the barracks.

Ah, I said. Keezy and his men had been posing as soldiers so it made sense for them to have an easy to get to escape hatch nearby. Not really that easy to get to once theyd been exposed.

Okay, Pickled Gherkin exit it is.

Obviously we couldnt just stroll across town and jump down the hole like a magic chute to freedom. There were soldiers out there and they had a description of what I looked like. But that did mean if things got dicey, the others could get away while the soldiers chased after me.

Very heroic, you might think. Sacrificing myself to enable the rest of them to escape. Because, as you know, I would do anything to save my friends. Which raises the obvious question, are you high?

There was no way I was going to run around to Benny Hill music, not even if the Dargot army entirely consisted of big bosomed women running at double speed. They had a description of me. They knew what I looked like. Who did I know who could do a passable impression of me?

If I was being hyper-critical (I know, so unlike me) Id say Keezys version overdid the slouching a bit, and the face was a bit too grey and lifeless. I might not smile a lot, or express emotions on the regular, but that does leave me with silky smooth skin. All that stretching from smiling and grinning is a breeding ground for lines and wrinkles. Thats why beautiful women become so humourless as they grow older. That, and the realisation no one will put up with their shit once their looks are gone.

Keezy would make an excellent decoy. Assuming I could convince him to do it.

How are you feeling? I asked Maurice.

Pretty good. He was in his underwear (his boner had gone down, finally) and kicked his legs about. Id have thought Id be a little stiff at least.

Thats because shes been pumping you full of magic, I said.

Claire smiled, probably expecting some thanks or a kiss. She got neither.

Why did you do that? Maurice looked irritated. If you overdo it, youll start ageing.

What difference does that make? Claire answered with equal irritation. I did it for you.

Well, next time dont.

Ill do what I want.

Five seconds back and they were all ready at each others throats, arguing over who had the right to sacrifice themselves for the other. I love you more. No, I love you more.

The sentry didnt look very dangerous, a young man, slight of build, carrying a spear and a sword at his side. We could take him out if we could get to him, but the area was well lit. Hed easily see us coming and there was a bell next to him.

Its Billman, said Keezy. Hes just a private, but that bell can summon men in an instant. Although there may not be anyone to summon. It looks very quiet.

The bell hung from a post that was part of the entry gate. It was within easy reach, just a tug on the cord and game over.

Can you change into who you were when you were a soldier?

Yes, said Keezy. But he will recognise me.

Good, I said. Do it.

We ran towards the sentry, just me and Keezy. He had me held by the shoulder, driving me ahead of him, and I had my arms behind my back like they were tied.

Billman! Billman! called out Keezy in a lowered voice.

Billman reached for the bell.

No, dont make any sound. The enemy will find us.

He stopped, his hand held out just shy of the bell. Captain what are you doing here?

Ive captured the Visitor. I have to get him to the Administrator but his colleagues are looking for him. He smacked me on the back of my head, nearly knocking me over. Method actors.

But I thought they said you were a traitor.

That damn Administrator tricked us, I said, overacting horribly. If you cant beat them... Made us think he was one of us, so we trusted him. I spat at Keezy. They do that a lot in movies. In real life, its hard to spit that far. I felt something dribble down my chin.

Billmans eyes expanded as he grasped the situation. And then closed as Keezy punched him in the face. The others came running as soon as they saw the sentry go down. No one came out of the barracks. The place looked deserted.

The tunnel is this way.

We followed keezy around the back of one of the buildings to a patch of grass no different to the rest. He began digging.

We emerged in the woods, surrounded by darkness and scratchy shrubs. It had taken us about an hour to traverse the tunnel, keeping silent in case the dogs heard us. One by one we crawled out of the hole at the other end and gathered in a group, unsure which way to go but full of adrenalin and relief. Our smoothest escape, ever.

Can you feel which way the dragon is? I said to Flossie.

No. It dont work like that. Oh, wait. She put her fingers in her mouth and let out a piercing whistle. Every dog in a five mile radius probably heard her.

There was a loud trumpeting sound to my left, followed by a strong stink on the breeze. It was definitely the dragon, but the noise hadnt come from its mouth.

That way, said Flossie, inordinately pleased with herself. Had she trained the dragon to fart on command? It didnt bear thinking about. Its quite hard to shout at someone for being an idiot when their idiocy actually pays off.

We headed in the dragons general direction, hands over mouths. I had a ball of light set quite dim, enough to show the way without attracting attention from the city, hopefully. I could have lit a flame to get rid of the smell, but with that much methane in the air, it would have probably destroyed the forest in a giant mushroom cloud.

We stumbled through the trees until we reached a clearing. The dragon was sitting with its tail curled around its body. Nyx was throwing up in a corner. And Gullen Santan was sitting on a stick (thats what it looked like) with a handkerchief held over his mouth and nose.

Ah, there you are, said the Administrator for Road Planning and Maintenance. Lovely pet you have. Does he have a name? I love animals.

Six huge dogs sat up around him, their eyes glowing faintly red, their metal teeth glinting.