Chapter 218: The Pursuit of Happiness

Chapter 218: The Pursuit of Happiness

People dont remain the same. You cant. Even those who are obsessed by a certain time in their life, the music, the clothes, the hairstylein the end they become a parody of themselves. All those middle-aged guys rocking out at AC/DC concerts arent reliving their youth, theyre trying to avoid their present. And theres no way to do that for more than a couple of hours.

You change. Its better to embrace it and treat it like an upgrade. Level up. Of course, just because you learn things and come to new conclusions, doesnt mean youre a better persondifferent doesnt always equal improvementbut learning new things is often a route to personal growth.

Take me, for example. I used to be terrified of big monsters. Lets be frank, I used to be terrified of small monsters. I used to lose my shit hunting rabbits. Now I was in a clearing full of ogres and assorted other beasties, and running away and hiding was no longer at the top of my list. Sure, it was still in the top three, but softly, softly catchee monkey.

I returned Flossies pleading look for help with a serious nod. She had got herself into an awkward situation in order to rescue her beloved Dudley, and even if it was a rash thing to do without consulting the rest of us, that didnt mean I was going to abandon her.

Yes, the Ogre Magi was a fearsome creature, and the magi part of the name suggested some magical ability to boot, but I strode across the clearing without any concern for my own safety, straight over to where Claire was standing.

Claire, go talk to that giant furball and find out what the challenge is.nove(l)bi(n.)com

You see? I had already gained enough maturity to know it wasnt all about me. I was more than willing to share the spotlight.

Me? said Claire, in cowardly fashion. Why me?

You know what Im like around women. Horribly misunderstood. Even my own girlfriend thinks Im a dick. I paused for her to disagree. She did not. You have the whole sisters vibe going on. I just dont have that kind of rapport with the opposite sex. And you have the other obvious advantage. You can see what shes thinking.

Claire rolled her tongue around inside her mouth. She was obviously trying to think of a way to decline the offer.

Maurice, support your woman.

Huh? said Maurice, like any loving boyfriend would. They both looked over at the enormous ogre, gulped, and then returned their attention to me. Maurice adjusted his glasses. Shouldnt we have a plan or something?

Thats why you need to go talk to her. Guys, come on. Have we learned nothing? How many times have we assumed monsters are going to try and kill us, only to find out theyre more scared of us than we are of them?

Twice, said Maurice with great certainty.

Yes, exactly. And this could be number three. Theyre just like us, when you get past the superficial stuff.

Claire and Maurice looked at the Ogre Magi again, a giant hulk made to look even bigger by the small, desperate figure of Flossie cowering beneath it.

Sometimes a monster is a monster, said Claire.

They laugh, they cry, they eat rabbits and shit out bunnicorns. Same as us. Well, similar. Approach with respect, as equalsno better, no worseand see what she wants. And how best to trick her into letting us go without a fight. Go on.

It was very hard to not push in on her. To be with a girl you wanted more than anyone, who was telling you she had feelings for you, and not to act was difficult, but she was also saying she distrusted those feelings, considered them to be no more than an artificially produced state of mind.

My history with her, intimate as it was, didnt allow me to dismiss her concerns. Not because she had a right to refuse those desires, but because Im an insecure idiot. What if these were her true feelings? What if everything up to now had been a mistake? If I could brainwash her brainwashing, would that reveal her true self?

As is probably obvious, I wasnt thinking very clearly. I am not a great pickup artist. I dont chase women. If Jenny hadnt made all the moves, I probably wouldnt have ended up with her. We can grow and change, but our flaws remain embedded, ready to drag us back when the struggle becomes too much.

I want you to do something for me, said Jenny, her mouth not very far from mine. My heart was thumping hard.

What?

I want you to let me kiss you. Dont kiss me back, dont push it any further. I just want to see what it does to me. Okay?

I nodded. What was I going to say? No?

Her mouth moved towards mine. I closed my eyes. There was a gentle pressure against my lips. And then a horrific amount of pain as her knee introduced itself to my groin. I slumped to the ground, eyes tightly shut, the sound of her footsteps quickly receding into the woods.

The natural order of things is for the man to pursue the woman. He tries to woo her with charm and gifts and lies, and if she falls for it, they bang. Or get married, or whatever. Biology doesnt require people to be soulmates or to have a love beyond space and time, it just needs a window of somewhere between seven and fifteen minutes. Everything else is just set dressing.

After that, you can spend your lives together if you want, raise a family, grow bored of each other, start looking at other people as possible alternativesa range of options usually grouped under the umbrella of happily ever after.

But that initial pursuit is the spark that brings you together.

I have never pursued anyone. If I liked someone, the best I could do for them was to leave them alone, I felt. And if they gave me an indication I had a chance, I refused to believe it. And then came Jenny.

She didnt make me chase her. She came after me, and I did my best to ignore her, but I couldnt. And I was grateful for her persistence.

Two things brought me relief as I lay, betrayed, in a foetal position on the forest floor. One, I had my healing magic. Two, when you kick a guy in the nuts, his hands instinctively go to his balls. Even through the pain, I was able to lay healing hands on my nads.

I got to my feet, very pissed off. I had let my guard down and paid the price. She wasnt Jenny, but she was the only way to get Jenny back. And whatever rights she had as a human being to choose her own destiny were irrelevant. My right to be rejected by the real Jenny superseded hers. If Jenny came back and told me she didnt want to know, fine. But this proxy had no right to cut me loose on Jennys behalf.

I ran after her. There were some sounds up ahead, breaking twigs, possibly dirt being kicked. I ducked and weaved, no sight of her but I ran on, convinced I was headed in the right direction.

A bugle sounded, clear and sharp. It caught me by surprise, distracting me. I stumbled and crashed through some shrubs, branches scratching at my face. I fell, rolled, got back onto my feet to find Jenny standing in front of me. Behind her stood at least a hundred men, swords drawn and pointing at me.

They say it is better to have loved and lost, but rejection can be so very painful.