Chapter 284: Fear of Flailing

Chapter 284: Fear of Flailing

The rush to get into the temple was like an irresistible tsunami. The men on the doors stood no chance, and their cries of protestation went unheard. The people had been waiting all morning and were in no mood to be reasonable or orderly.

Had the temple officials bothered to come out and explain what was going on, maybe offered people complimentary refreshments and a free pope-on-a-rope for their kids to play with, perhaps things would have gone differently.

There were only two men operating the door, and they were shoved aside when the doors flew open with an echoing boom as they slammed against the temple walls.

We were in the middle of the throng, doing our best not to fall and get trampled to death. You dont get scenes like this down your local C of E church, not unless they run an Alpha Course.

I had a small red shoulder bag with a cartoon version of the Shriners symbol with two thumbs up. No one was going to suspect me of being anything other than a very sad nob-end. I would blend right in.

I had given similar objects of tat to Dudley and Maurice. The smock Dudley had over his top said I ? Golden God with the heart painted gold. Tacky eyesore? Yes. And yet, the perfect camouflage. Maurice had a peaked cap that said Five Star Man (Pending).

No one paid us any attention as we entered the temple surrounded by people. We were the people.

The hall we were in had high-vaulted walls that slanted to give it a triangular vibe. We were inside the mouth of the skull the temple was shaped as. It stretched ahead of us like a throat into its belly.

Murals covered the walls in colourful depictions of landscapes bathed in golden light. I recognised a few landmarksthe spires of Fengarad, the flat-topped mountain in Monsterland. It was very nice. Like the Sistine Chapel without the arrogance.

There was a lot of noise from the crowd we were with, mainly generated by the confusion of not knowing where they were supposed to go. Shriners rushed towards us to guide us back out. They werent carrying weapons, so they hadnt figured out this was more than a simple misunderstanding. We just had to use the chaos to our advantage.

Both Dudley and I had been here before, in a non-physical capacity, so we knew which way to go. The problem was that the Shriners were between us and our most direct route.

Im sorry, please, everyone, theres been a mistake, shouted one of the Shriners. We arent open for worship yet.

What about the gift shop? someone shouted.

The gift shop is only open during worshipping hours, in accordance with city licensing rules. Please make your way back to the exit.

What about those soldiers? Where were they going? called out someone else.

They werent soldiers, they were missionaries, going out to spread word of the Golden God. Please dont touch that, sir. Its a priceless artefact.

The Shriners were busy shouting apologies and instructions and requests for not fingering the artwork, so we were able to duck into a smaller side passage that was roped off. As proper Englishmen, that would normally have been enough to deter us from trespassing, but sometimes you have to take extreme measures.

More corridors split off from the one we were in and we hurried down them, doing our best to head in roughly the right direction.

The passages were lit by torches and there were more murals, although these ones were less picturesque. The pretty meadows and blue skies gave way to dark, foreboding mountains running red with lava. Most probably lava.

With fewer people in evidence, it would make it harder to explain our own presence here. We pressed on, ignoring the oppressive tension that came with the feeling there was no way we would not get caught. And then what? Fight our way out?

With all those soldiers gone, said Maurice, trying to put a positive spin on things, we have a pretty good chance of not bumping into anyone. He sounded like he was trying to convince himself not to panic.

Do you, ah, think, they were the walking dead? asked Dudley. I mean, the running walking dead?

It had been hard to tell, they were pretty quick and had their faces covered. They had seemed quite fit and muscular, which you dont often see in a zombie apocalypse movie. Which is odd considering how much protein they eat.

I said, Would the Pope send out a battalion of the undead in broad daylight?

They arent vampires, said Maurice in that dismissive way only nerds can when they dont know what theyre talking about.

How do you know? I asked him. They both went a bit quiet, probably imagining their girls having their necks sucked.

We were out of sight and had come this far undetected, but there was a very morbid feel to this place. The paintings of skeletons embracing werent helping to lighten the mood. Most probably embracing.

We pressed on, determined to complete our mission. Save the girls, become heroes, not shit ourselves. Hopefully, in that order.

To be honest, it wasnt heroism that was driving me to pursue this rather ill-advised operation. It was the rather more prosaic emotion of being bitterly annoyed. Id had enough needlessly burnt toast in my life.

Ask down that end, said the guard gripping his spear with greater emphasis.

Yes, of course, sorry. Maurice smiled gormlessly, produced a knife from I dont know where, and stabbed the guard under the chinstrap of his helmet.

Dudley came in with a figurine of the Pope I didnt even know he had, and aimed at the other guard like it was a club. He smashed his head in.

Fear for their girlfriends had turned them into vicious killers who gave no warning, so obsessive infatuation did have its upside.

Unfortunately, the guards didnt seem very impressed.There was no blood. No cries of pain. They both faltered when they were first attacked, but now they straightened up.

The guards lowered their spears. Maurice and Dudley backed off. They looked to me for some kind of intervention. Of course, now that theyd driven the car off the cliff, it was my turn to take the wheel.

And what did fear for my girlfriends well-being enable me to do? What inhuman strength would I dredge up from the depths to save her from the danger shed put herself in? The same danger shed dragged me into without consulting me first.

How do you deal with that kind of person who has no consideration for someone elses choices? She must have known Id come after her. Even if she tried to put me off the scent, she must have known. Not to rescue her. Not to carry her out in my arms like An Officer and Gentleman, not unless she lost a few kilos. I had to find her down here because how else would I be able to tell her how much she was pissing me off?

Thats all I wanted. To find her, tell her how big a fucking pain it was to care about her, and then leave the bitch down here. Thatd show her.

It took me a moment to realise no one was moving. The guards were frozen in place, each with a single vine growing out the top of his head.

Maurice and Dudley were practically stitched together, they were so closely bound together with slimy green limbs.

I was floating just outside my body.

If Id known it didnt have to be nice thoughts about Jenny to get me out of myself, Id have mastered this stupid ability in five minutes.

My first move was to check out the vines attached to the guards. They were fairly substantial-looking. I tried to pull them out, but nothing much happened. I could have used the wooden sword right about now, but it hadnt been in the inn so I assumed Jenny took it with her. Also incredibly inconsiderate. Typical.

There was some give in the rubbery skin when I dug my nails into it. I decided to go all in and bit into the tentacle. A career in gay hentai loomed large in my future.

The taste was not pleasant. Very salty. But it ripped open and the longer end shrivelled away. The part sticking out of the guards head was still there.

I repeated the process with the other guard. His was no less salty. I grabbed the two appendages, one in each hand.

The other ends had already vanished. The stubs in my hand were writhing around and I could feel them growing less substantial. I jumped back into my body.

The guards dropped their spears with a clatter. All voluntary motion ceased as they stood trapped in helpless immobility.

There was nothing in my hands, yet I could feel the weight of each mans throbbing protuberance in my grip. Lets not go into unnecessary details. An utter sense of control flooded through me.

Maurice tentatively approached and took off one of their helmets. The guards face was grey and wrinkled like hed left it in the bath for too long. His eyes were totally black.

Dead men, said Maurice.

I know. Ive got their puppet strings here. I shook my hands like I was holding reins and both men jumped. Is there a way down to the lower floor through that doorway? I asked them.

Yes, they said together in flat voices.

Whats down there?

The Golden God.

I looked over at Maurice and Dudley. They had a steely look to them I hadnt seen before. Mind you, I hadnt really been paying attention.

Lead the way.

The guards haltingly turned and walked through the opening. I felt a tug and I was dragged after them like I had two dogs on a lead. Two big, dead dogs.