Chapter 296: Be Nice to People on the Way Up

Chapter 296: Be Nice to People on the Way Up

I didnt think being dead would keep me so busy. I had the old gods waiting for me to come back and rescue them, I had god of solo play out here, acting very suspicious, I had my party keeping all sorts of secrets from each other for the greater good, and then I had Peter up to no good whatsoever.

To be fair, I did now have a fairly OP ability. If I ever figured out how to use it properly, Id be unstoppable. By which I mean Id be running in the opposite direction and nobody would be able to stop me. Now thats what I call OPness.

My only real advantage at this point, though, was being able to move around in this place while everyone else was stuck in pleb-mode. Or nearly everyone.

Once I was through the portal, Joshaya was aware of me. I had managed to avoid letting the realisation that we were dead get to him, but that didnt mean he wouldnt figure it out.

It was a difficult thing to grasp, that ephemeral concepts like realisation, understanding and awareness could be manipulated through physical connections that I could see and touch. Emotions I could sort of get my head aroundthey were just chemicals in the brain, after all. You block them or turn them off, the feelings go away.

Ive seen that in action, first-hand. No matter how strongly you think you feel about something, the right cocktail of antipsychotics will convince you to no longer give a shit.

But the more nebulous thought processes were much harder for me to get a handle on. How was I supposed to exploit something without understanding how it worked?

Then again, thats never stopped the great religious leaders of the world. Perhaps I needed to take a leaf from their book (although taking a leaf out of their book would probably be considered sacrilegious and get me stoned to death).

What I had learned so far was that I was able to prevent connections being made. If I kept moving and didnt get too close to people, Id be okay. Story of my life.

Joshaya was winding up to say something. So far, no tendrils had sprouted from my body, but that didnt mean they wouldnt. I decided to leave Joshaya and follow the massive vine growing out of his head.

Once I got going, Joshaya wasnt able to keep up, although he did attempt to follow me. I was floating along, using the vine as my guide, trying to keep my thoughts in the here and now. The vine led back to the interior of the temple.

It had seemed odd that if the Pope was in control of all these dead people that he would only have the one vine growing out of him. Id have expected one for each minion under his necromantic power.

There could be all sorts of reasons for this. Maybe he wasnt the one in control. Maybe there was another person involved. Maybe another god. Or possibly some other annoying twat.

Whoever or whatever it was, this vine would reveal the truth. That in itself was a useful ability. I might not have been able to use my power properly, but I got to see what I could have used it for if Id been competent. It was a bit like on a gameshow when they show you the prize you would have won if you hadnt bottled it at the end.

Thats why I would never go on a gameshow, no matter how big the prize. Theres just no way I wouldnt choke when that final question came up. That and also it would be embarrassing to have no one to put down as my phone a friend.

In my new, completely unattached state, the world had a different look to it. It appeared similarlots of vines and tentacles wriggling and pulsing in the usual disgusting fashionbut everything was in much higher definition. And if youve ever taken a good look at a stupidly high hi-def picture, youll know that seeing things more clearly isnt always the most attractive option. A little grease on the lens can do wonders for your self-delusions.

The vines now looked very different to each other. It was subtle, a shift in colour, a slight change in texture, even the way some of them moved. It would be much more revealing to study them now, if looking at them didnt turn my stomach so much.

There are some people who just love creepy crawlies and weird looking creatures that look like the aliens already landed, they were just a lot smaller than we expected. They let them crawl over their hands and say enthusiastic things about them, like, It wont bite. Fuck those people. Smug bastards. Have the common decency to be grossed out like the rest of us.

Not that its very likely a tentacled monstrosity is going to slide into your bed and lay eggs in your ear (or other damp crevices), but holy fuck, why take the chance?

The main thing Id noticed was that the vine growing out of Joshaya, while different to the ones growing out of everyone else (Id passed a few of them as I rose from the bowels of the temple), did not seem to be any more powerful.

The output from it was very similar to the rest. The colour was a different tone, but that was about it.

What did that mean? It would be useful to be able to talk to Maurice about it, only every conversation with him now came with the risk of unravelling his power and getting us all killed.

As I continued down the passage that led back to the main hall of the temple, I kept looking back over my shoulder. I had no doubt Joshaya would be in slow-motion pursuit, but there was no sign of him.

There was a door at the back. I could have tried sinking through the floor, but just the thought of it made me feel claustrophobic. I tried going through the door, which was a tickly but manageable, and found some stairs leading down. I made a light. Almost there.

The steps went down and back on themselves. It was damp and smelled musty. At the bottom was another door. Actually, more of an iron gate, padlocked. To keep people out, or to keep something in?

I slid through the bars, another perk of being an insubstantial person.

It was a crypt. I knew it was a crypt, rather than a wine cellar because of the huge stone coffin in the middle of the room. The vine came in through the ceiling and straight down into the sarcophagus lid.

What good things might be in a sarcophagus? Anyone?

Whos there? said a thin, reedy voice.

I stopped. It had sounded normal. Well, it would be hard for anything to be normal in this situation, but it sounded at the right speed. Someone was able to operate in this world as well as me. The hairs on my arm and neck rose. Which was odd, because this wasnt even a proper body. Yes, yes, the same could also be said about my real one.

Hello? I said, like a nervous idiot.

D-dont come any closer. It sounded like it was coming from inside the sarcophagus. Of course. Where else?

My names Colin, I said in a cracked voice. Give me a break, Ive never been good at small talk.

The lid moved. I jumped back. Kind of. Floated back rapidly, to be accurate. Dust escaped from the opening with a gasp.

What do you want? The voice sounded wheezy now.

Nothing. I was just passing and the door was open. It didnt sound convincing even as I was saying it. Actually, Im trying to find a way to bring myself back to life. Im kind of dead.

Best way to make friends, try to find something in common. Im sure I read that in a book somewhere.

Ha! More dust blew out of the coffin. Join the club.

Are you a necromancer? I asked.

Hardly. Quite the opposite. I used to be a vivimancer. I could prolong life. Shared my gifts with my friends and what do you think they did?

Turned their backs and betrayed you first chance they got? I asked hopefully. If the answer was yes, this was my kind of people.

Thats right. He sounded astonished. Easy crowd. How did you know?

One of these friends wasnt called Peter, by any chance, was he?

There was a chilled silence, which suited the tomb quite well. Yes. Hes still around is he?

The bitterness in his voice was like music to my ears. You cant trust peoples goodwill, but their grievances are always genuine.

Yes, hes still around. Want to help me destroy him?

Best way to make friends, find something in common.