Chapter 298: Never Prosper

Chapter 298: Never Prosper

If Arthur was hooked up to everyone back in the temple, and could regulate the flow of unnatural longevity, he would be a powerful ally. And, like all allies, a potential enemy. But that was something to worry about in the future. I put it on my to-do list.

No one would get hurt, I said, and it would only be a temporary measure. You could wake them up once I get my friends out of there. Deal?

My plan was brilliant. It combined the humanity of not hurting anyone, with the sanctity of not needing me to do anything.

I dont know said Arthur, choosing to ignore my genius like so many before him. Maybe it would be better not to get involved.

It was hard not to stare at his desiccated remains when he spoke, looking for some twitching around the jaw like trying to catch out a ventriloquist.

He hadnt moved, although he had somehow managed to shift the lid to his coffin. I peered into the darkness under the rest of the lid. Perhaps there was someone else in there with him.

All I really want is to avoid Joshaya. I grabbed the edge of the coffin. It was cold and grimy and made me want to wash my hands. Particles of dust rose as my hand slid along the edge, the decayed corpses of a thousand spiders, probably. I lowered my head to see better, holding my breath. Nobody needs

A skeletal hand jumped out of the coffin and grabbed my wrist. I would have screamed, but as soon as I opened my mouth, myriad floaty spider-remains were sucked in and I began wheezing.

Ill do it, said Arthur, very amenably. If he hadnt used the Carrie death-grab to emphasise his consent, it would have been a welcome response.

The hand gripping my wrist was thin and bony, as skeletal hands tend to be, but it no longer showed any signs of life (or unlife). It looked like a Halloween decoration hanging off me. Which it shouldnt have been able to do.

The dust, the coffin, none of it should have been able to interact with me in my current state.

How did you do that? I asked once Id got my breathing under control. You moved your hand.

Yes, I can move. Sometimes. I think. Its been a long time since I had any reason to.

I carefully prised the fingers open, doing my best not to snap them off. He might make me pay for breakages.

He was dead and alive at the same time, connected to people who only lived because he was hanging on. He had to be immensely powerfulpowerful enough to interact with me here, just as Joshaya and the other gods could, just as the Elf could. And yet, he had ended up like this.

It was his attitude that had let him down. He was the epitome of the guy in the white hat, refusing to sink to his opponents despicable level. He was better than them, morally, and thats why he was trapped in here.

Why did you let Peter win? It was a dumb question, but I asked it anyway.

I didnt let him. I just trusted him to be reasonable. Arthurs voice took on a melancholic air. He always seemed to be a fair and honest person... until he didnt.

It was no surprise to me that someone like Peter would play it completely straight while he waited for the right opportunity to come along and give him the best value for his betrayal. Being proved right about my low opinion of people didnt give me any self-righteous pleasure. Id quite like to be proven wrong once in a while.

So, youll do it? Youll put everyone to sleep?

Ill try. I cant guarantee its effectivenessits not something Ive attempted before.

It would have to do. If I bumped into Joshaya and Arthurs powers failed to deliver, Id be severely fucked. Even if he did deliver, Joshaya was a god with powers of his own, and hed had plenty of time to come up with a contingency plan. Although, he had the whole ego and One True God thing going on, so he might just assume I had no chance of beating him. Thats gods for you, always believing their own press.

I dont need long, just enough time to get there and back. Once were all here, we might even be able to revive you.

Oh, are they gifted like you, your friends?

An awkward silence descended. How would I classify them in relation to me? Not like me. They have their own strengths.

You dont sound very confident of them, said Arthur. Apparently he was a mind reader, too.

What I didnt want to do was give Arthur the impression that failure was inevitable. It wasnt very likely, but dwelling on that would do no good to anyone. But my reluctance to act positive just for the sake of it was so ingrained, it was hard to shake off.

The crazy thing was that it was trueacting positive did actually make things more likely to turn out how you hoped. It was what made it so fucking annoying. Why couldnt results be independent of mood? What had believing in yourself got to do with it?

Its not that Im not confident, I said, even though I wasnt, its more that every time I tell them what to do, we seem to get into an even deeper mess.

That sounded plausible enough, right? The public love a sob story.

Ah, the burden of leadership. You dont want to make them promises you may not be able to keep. I understand. I had the same problem.

You were the leader of your group?

My eyes opened and I was back where Id started (story of my life).

What happened? said Claire.

Maurice and Dudley collapsed. Which is when I remembered theyd also be affected by Arthurs sleep-inducing ability. We had to get across the city with two dead-weights. On the plus side, at least Arthur had come through.

Claire and Flossie made squeaking noises and rushed to their prostrate partners.

Dont get your knickers in a twist, I said, calming them down not at all. Theyre just asleep. With any luck, so is everyone in the temple, including Joshaya, wherever hes got to.

Arent you going to free the gods? asked Jenny.

It occurred to me that Joshaya might have used the time I was away to replace one of the party. It wouldnt be too hard for him. Stick on of them in a closet, take their form, no ones the wiser.

Jenny would be the obvious choice, but the flat, empty look she gave me was too cruel to be anything other than the real thing.

Not right now. We need to get to the other side of the city with these two first.

How are we going to do that? asked Flossie. She was sitting on the floor with Dudleys head on her lap. The other two girls were also looking at me like they fully expected me to have no idea what to do next. It was like a welcome home party.

No ones going to stop us. We just need to find something to put them on. A cart or something.

And where do you think youll find one of those in here? said Claire, stroking the side of Maurices face like that would do anything.

The druids are still outside. They should be able to help. Jenny, go ask them.

She paused a moment, then went running off.

Right, between the three of us we should be able to There was no way we could shift both Maurice and Dudley, not without a winch and some pulley.

Its okay, Ah got him. Flossie stood up and heaved Dudley to his feet. She was half his size, but propped him up against the wall like it was no effort at all.

Howd she do that?

Shes a lot stronger, now, said Claire, like that explained it.

Flossie turned and backed into Dudley, pushing her bum into him. He flopped over and fell onto her back. She began walking, hunched over, draped with Dudley. Sherpa Flossie.

Claire and I managed to get Maurice up between us and hobbled after her.

We passed numerous unconscious people on our way to the temple entrance. I spotted the gift shop on the way out and was tempted to grab some mementoes. Helps to differentiate one nightmarish experience from another if you have a nick-nack as a visual aid.

Remember the time a bunch of mad gods turned us into the walking dead? Heres a skull in wine bottle we got that day. Look, it still glows in the dark.

I decided against it. Those places are such a rip-off.

We got to the main doors which were open. The archway was filled with druids, looking around like a group of boys allowed in the ladies toilets for the first time. Everything was new and exotic.

Jenny was standing in front of them, decidedly unexcited to see me. I was starting to find it slightly irksome.

Did you find a cart? I asked.

The druids spread out and two came through from behind, pushing wheelbarrows. Will these do?

They would have to. Luckily, we had the manpower to avoid me having to do the pushing. We fitted Maurice and Dudley into the wheelbarrows and prepared to go.

Right, I said. We need to get back to your church. Theres someone waiting for us there.

This seemed to be good enough for them. Clear, concise orders were what people responded to best.

Whos waiting for us? asked Claire.

It was a good question. As a rule of thumb, you should suspect everyone of being dishonest and untrustworthy. Arthur was no different. Joshaya hadnt been around since Id left here. Who was to say he hadnt taken the form of Arthur in the crypt to toy with me again?

Maybe I was being unnecessarily paranoid and he was the real thing, but I needed to be prepared for the worst. Forewarned is forearmed, as long as you can do something about it. Otherwise, youre just pre-fucked.