Chapter 329: Meat Is Murder

Chapter 329: Meat Is Murder

It is, of course, a nasty way to dehumanise people. Refer to them as cannibals, savages, pagans. Even native has a ring of condescension to it. Primitive. Lesser.

Having said that, some people are animals. It was probably some twisted idea of progressive liberalism that made me pleased these particular savages werent black, in grass skirts and bones through their noses. We all have our hang-ups with race. Did it really matter what people looked like? Wasnt it their actions as individuals that defined them?New novel chapters are published on

Well, what these savages looked like was very beautifully tanned Eurotrash, who had a home in the South of France, and a skiing chalet in the Swiss Alps. Bronzed the year around. Which I felt was much more fitting. Not to generalise (unless I find it amusing), if anyone was going to turn on their own, it would be those arseholes.

It may seem a bit unfair to give the late Captain Edman such a grisly fate. I didnt know him, had no proof he was a bad person. Because its okay to do horrible things to someone as long as theyre the bad guy, right?

I didnt give a fuck. He was being an asshat, and when you behave like that in public, you take the risk an even bigger asshat will put you straight. I was more concerned about how well Id lined up my trajectory. Next time, Id have to pay more attention to wind resistance.

Okay, I said. Golden God, one, hostage taker, zero. Anyone else want to try their luck?

You might think I was being a bit too cocky, but overconfidence isnt about having so much confidence you become drunk and giddy on it. Its about having more confidence than you have a right to, even if only by a tiny amount. I wasnt showing off (well, not a lot), I was making sure the rest of Edmans crew understood my position. I might not have been all that when it came to a showdown, but I was prepared to throw you a hundred metres into a cannibal feeding frenzy. What were you prepared to do?

He had a wife, children said Royn shakily. What about his family.

I just halved their expenses and doubled their chances of not growing up to be as big a knob as him, I said. The whole idea someone should be given special dispensation because they have people relying on them has always struck me as utter crap.

Everyone has family. Its only the entitled fuckers who think they should get a pass for it. You want to do right by your dependents? Try not being a slimy bag of shit.

Now shut up. I struck Royn on the head with my sword. Quite hard, but not enough to do any permanent damage. Maybe a couple of splinters.

Why provoke him? Actually, Id hoped the sword would turn out to have some lethal property I wasnt aware of. Either way, Royn couldnt be allowed to carry on unchecked.

He cried out and held the side of his head. He had been responsible for Edmans appearance out here, so he deserved to be treated like the enemy.

His men bristled, but Somyas crew stepped forward, ready to fight by my side. At least thats what they probably thought. Id be backing up to give them room.

Edmans crew were still in shock after seeing their old boss take the sky road, and their eyes were on the beach. From this distance it was hard to make out the blood and viscera, but the carcass was visible. What was left of it. Would they be more inclined to ignore us if they were full?

I exited my body and settled into the darkness in my head. I had no desire to do anything to anyone at the moment, I just wanted to hit the pause button. Which, when you think about it, is OP as fuck. The ship was on fire and probably going to sink, but not until I said so. I just needed to take a time-out and think things through.

Theres a small cove around the other side of the island, said Wesley. It has high cliffs all around it. Hard to get to by land. Theres a cave that leads under the island. If you can get there, you should be able to avoid being seen.

The islanders dont know about it? I asked.

I dont know, but it would be easier to defend than the beach.

A single cave entrance would force the islanders into a bottleneck. Even if we were outnumbered, we might be able to hold them off. It did mean some kind of ridiculous battle, though. Not my favourite way to resolve a conflict.

Thanks, I said. Thats useful to know.

I thought Id tell you now in case one of us doesnt make it.

The only reason to tell me was if she didnt make it. But that seemed the least likely outcome. If I didnt make it, she could take over my body and do whatever she wanted. Go find a different body, probably.

Both the sword and shield seemed to be made for someone with my ability. Im not an idiot (rhetorical). I know I got hold of them far too easily. And the way they fitted my powers was beyond coincidence.

The most obvious thing to do about it was nothing. Bank error in your favour, collect 200. But its never that simple. Someone was trying to reel me in. If they had more toys like these, maybe I should let them. Or maybe they had something truly horrible in store for me further down the road.

The only thing worse than not getting what you want, is getting it.

I cancelled my pruning plans and returned to the real world, for want of a better word. The crew were still looking at me with blank faces.

Were going to a small cove the islanders cant get to. Its on the other side of the island. If you dont want to go with me, youre free to swim for it.

None of them moved. To leave or to attack. Then they nodded. Then someone said, Yes, sir.

I suddenly felt very tired. I wasnt sure if it was all the phasing between worlds, or healing, or magic swords. Nobody told me winning would be this exhausting. And I had no experience to draw from. I would have to be careful not to burn myself out.

Anyone got anything to eat? Im starving.

Yes, said Damicar, nervously stepping forward. Actually, I recently made a batch of these seaweed cakes. He held out a bag of green biscuits.

I took one. They tasted really good. These are great.

Damicar blushed. Its the coral. Makes them crunchy.

He had a way of taking odd ingredients and making them into something unique and special. If I got marooned on a desert island with him, at least wed have haute cuisine along with our awkward conversations. And no, we wouldnt end up having sex. This was a world with mermaids. If I got desperate, Id find a way to drag one ashore and fuck it.

Calm down, dont jump to conclusions. I mean through the power of seduction, obviously. Im not some creepy weirdo. I would only ever have consensual fish sex.

I looked down at Royns decapitated body, and an idea came to me.

Now, I know this isnt the traditional way the good guys win against the odds, but you have to try new things if you want to avoid turning into a stereotypical OP hero with luck on his side.

Hear me out.

Hypothetically, what if I didnt approach the islanders as sick, depraved savages? What if I accepted their culture as simply a different lifestyle choice? Cant be easy eating long-pig day in and day out. What if I showed them a few new recipes?

Get Damicar to try a few ideas out on Royn. Something sweet, something savoury. Then go over and offer the islanders a taste.

Hello, were your new neighbours. We brought you a present.

I mean, sure, most people take a basket of muffins, but theres no rulebook for this sort of thing. You can take over a hotpot, if you want. The point is, once its dead, meat is meat. Soylent Green might be people, but at these prices, how can you say no?

The bigger ship had gone under, and ours was slowly sinking. Spears had stopped hurtling towards us, and now seemed the best time to get out of here.

We got into the rowboats, the men who couldnt fit hanging off the back and kicking. It was like a motorboat, slicing through the waves. Royn was up front with me. It was an impressive view, the island with its tall cliffs and green jungle. Not that Royn could see much. His head was in the back with Damicar.

I had told Damicar what I wanted him to do, and he had taken it very well. He was writing up a list of ingredients hed need.