Chapter 350: Mother Knows Best

Chapter 350: Mother Knows Best

I will need something from the person you wish to make the doll of, said Mrs Somya. Hair, semen, saliva, semen

You said semen twice, I said.

Whatevers easiest for you, she said.

I think you have the wrong idea about me. She had the wrong idea about a lot of things, so at least she was consistent.

As you please. She had a whittling knife in her hands, quickly and efficiently reducing a piece of driftwood to wood chips as she spoke. It would have been impressive even if she wasnt blind.

Once she had a rough clothes peg figure carved out, her fat calloused hands expertly covered it with bits of dried grass and various other natural fibres that happened to be lying around. Winding, weaving, tucking it was like watching RuPauls Drag Race in miniature.

How she was able to make something look so eerily similar in appearance to the person being turned into an effigy was bewildering. She only required a few words of description and she was able to produce a mini-marvel.

Blind people are known for having heightened senses to compensate for the lack of sight, its like a fucking superpower, apparently. But just as genius autistic people and schizophrenics with wonderfully diverse and interesting personalities, the reality isnt quite what the movies would have you believe.

There used to be a blind woman with a black labrador who went past my house on the way to and from the bus stop. She would routinely be led straight up the drive into my front garden and get trapped there until I went out and led her out. The last time I saw her, she went past looking a mess with the dog drenched and the fur on one side missing. Never saw her after that.

People are people. Most arent very good at what theyre doing. Sure, there are always going to be exceptional individuals who achieve more than anyone thought possible, but most will fit in the middle, their results mediocre at best. And beneath them, the ones who dont do well with disadvantages and are too resentful to try.

As a fully paid up member of that group, Id like to state that adversity does not transform you into a noble soul.

Youd think a fantasy world was where a square peg could fit into a round hole, thanks to the power of magic. Mrs Somya was something else. More than a savant, she was a square peg in a square hole such a thing was possible in a land where normal rules didnt apply. It all works out for some people, they find their purpose and it makes them happy despite the drawbacks they might face.

Hahaha, she cackled. Hes a pompous one, isnt he?

I hadnt described Captain Noles personality to her, but she had him down cold, in every respect. The doll looked just like him. Now I just needed a sample from him, preferably not a fluid.

Thats excellent. Thank you. Mrs Somya. If being British had taught me anything, it was how to suck up to old people.

Dont mention it, she said. I still expect the world to end and for you to be responsible. At least try to stay a moving target. It was good advice, backed up with a practical example. She threw the whittling knife at me.

Had I been prepared, I might have dodged. As is was, it hit me in the chest and it fucking hurt.

Ow. She stabbed me.

Captain Somya showed no reaction. Just Mum being Mum, as far as he was concerned.

Stop whining and heal yourself, said Mrs Somya, no sympathy for the recently impaled. I did as I was told. Some women are good at that sort of thing; common sense, I suppose youd call it. Most dont preface it with a knife in the chest. Unless youre from Dagenham.

She held out her hand for me to return the knife, and held it out in completely the wrong direction. She could hit a gnat at fifty paces, but couldnt shake hands if you were standing next to her. Maybe her true special ability was that she wasnt blind at all and a supremely accomplished bullshitter.

The ship looks in pretty good shape, I said to Captain Somya. He was looking out to sea with a serene look on his face. The recently risen Eternal Infinite bobbed about on the waves.

Fine, he said. I wasnt sure what that referred to. The thread my life was hanging by?

Why dont you take the men, yours and the ones from the other ship, back on board and prepare to depart?

He turned towards me, a mild look of curiosity forming across his undead features. They have allowed us to leave?

Not as such. Were still in negotiations. We may be forced to continue to negotiate while sailing away as fast as we can.

He nodded. We will be ready.

I liked him. He wasnt chatty. He wasnt trustworthy or friendly or alive, but he didnt flap his lips unnecessarily, which is a big plus in my book.

Im going to go to the shrine, and then Ill meet you on the ship when I finish. Might take a while, so dont go anywhere without me.

You have no cause for concern, we will stay unless you are killed. Mother will know.

Would she? How could she tell if I popped my clogs in a pocket universe in a shrine under the island? Why was I even bothering to ask? That was probably one of the least amazing things she could do.

I am going into a situation where Im outnumbered, outpowered, and where everyone seems to know more about whats going on than I do. I dont particularly fancy my chances to tell you the truth.Updated from novelbIn.(c)om

Captain Somya stared stoically out to sea and said nothing. What a man.

It wasnt like he had much choice in the matter but still, he handled it with style. Probably helped being numb from the brain down. Only a fool or a madman would willingly follow me into the maelstrom I was slowly descending into.

You keep your eyes off my boy, said Mrs Somya.

Madam, you are confused, I said, which was probably the gayest way I could have denied her insinuation.

Ready to go, Damicar?

Ready to go, Damicar? Mrs Somya echoed, bursting into a cacophony of laughter. She sighed, wiping a tear from her eye. Were all going to die, she added poignantly.

Never heard of it, said Biadet. She set off ahead of us. I followed.

The crunchy path led us to the archway in the middle of a vast cavern, the same as last time. We paused.

You can all stay here, I said. Wont be long.

You should really consider me for the team, said Richina. I can be very useful.

I would not disagree, I said, and then I stabbed her.

The wooden sword was not a great stabbing weapon, but with a little infused energy, it slid into Richinas chest. There was no blood, of course, just some hissing steam. If I cut her open would I find normal human organs?

She was surprised, her eyes locking with mine for a moment, the enigmatic smile present as always, but the only sound from her lips was a small gasp before collapsing.

Was that on purpose? asked Damicar.

Yes. I did consider saying it with heavy sarcasm, but then I remembered that he was the last person to kill her, and not of his own volition. Dont worry, shell be back in a bit.

I dont advocate violence against women, but then I dont advocate violence against anyone. Sometimes it happens, though, and then it should be independent of gender, because feminism. Its not who you kill, its what you gain from the experience that counts (Gary Gygax, 2009).

We waited. The shrine was where Richina had appeared from last time shed been killed, and there didnt appear to be anywhere else for her to come from.

I didnt really see what use Richina could be to me with her currently known abilities. Reusable human shield isnt how most people would choose to employ their infinite number of lives, I would guess.

A few seconds later, she walked through the archway, looking exactly the same.

That wasnt very nice. I saved your life.

I wouldnt brag about it, I said. I save my life all the time, and no one ever shows any appreciation. Probably think itll only encourage me. I took another look at the arch. Your real body is in there, is it?

This is my real body, she said.

I dont know if youre lying or just stupid.

How many guesses do I get? asked Biadet.

Youre both being very rude. Richina pouted. I have a lot to offer. There are difficult times ahead.

And Ill need an immortal bag of flesh?

I can do other things.

Like what?

Im not allowed to say.

Then youre not allowed to go.

She pouted again. Ill have to ask my father. Then she pulled a funny face and collapsed.

Biadet was standing there, hands behind her back, face completely guilt-free.

Did you do that?

Biadet shrugged and elegantly swiped her foot to the side, sliding both bodies off the walkway we were on.

Dont worry, said Biadet, no one will notice two more down there.

It was too dark to see what was down there, and I wasnt going to make a light big enough to find out.

If you go in now, Biadet continued, you might catch her on the way out.

I wasnt really sure what I was looking for in regard to Richina, but Biadets idea was as good as any. If I could find her real body it might tell me something.

Okay, if she comes out before I do, send her back in. We had now all killed Richina once. Your turn, I said to Damicar. He seemed like he was about to object, but then relented and took out his meat cleaver. Good old Chewie.

Time to return to the void to deal with Arthur. Or at least attempt to grasp what he was after.

The thing about managing several factions at once was that as soon as you got a grip on one, the others took the chance to get the upper hand. You constantly had to play whac-a-mole.

Arthur had solved this issue in Gorgoth by creating a self-correcting system where each of the parties kept the others in check. The Council had used the exact same system to keep the four cities in check. Coincidence?

It could be that one party had seen what the other was up to and copied it. Or it could be the same person behind both. Hard to say. But both systems relied on keeping any interfering forces off the field of play.

What I did know, though, was that a system in balance is easily shifted off its axis. One Jenga brick can be enough to send the whole thing toppling. And if anyone knew how to play the brick around here, it was me.