Chapter 418: The Popular Vote

Chapter 418: The Popular Vote

Sometimes, you get to a point where theres no going forward and no going back, and you face the situation with no plan immediately to hand, having gambled that your choices would not narrow so far, and having been found to be wrong.

Everyone had fallen to the ground but me. It would be nice to think this was some kind of metaphor, elevating me to the position of the better man with the higher intellect, but I think we all know that wasnt the case. I was immune to Jennys backlash, which was what made me so attractive to her. I could withstand a psychic beating like no other man in this world every girls dream partner, second only to a pony (or if shes a city girl, a corner of the washing machine to call her own).

The flying ships were sinking vertically through the air, their insectile wings raised like an Imperial shuttle (Tydirium class). There wasnt really anywhere for them to land, other than on top of the citizens of Fengarad.

The people had an excellent view of the descending hulls, lying on their backs as they were. The effects of Jennys emotional outburst were still being felt, and no one could get back onto their feet to get out of the way of being squashed like bugs. A few of them tried to roll to the side, but there were too many of them and they just got in each others way.

Fortunately for them, the ships were not intending to touch down. They got to about rooftop height and stopped, levitating through some magical means, I would have to guess. Either that or they had discovered some form of anti-gravity device, which I highly doubted. If they had, theyd all be gliding around on hoverboards, obviously.

As everyones focus was on the ships, and the ships didnt have glass bottoms to be able to keep an eye on us from directly above, I saw this as the perfect time for me to slip away using my patented technique, the nobody gives a shit about me shimmy. Enables you to move in any of eight directions without anyone noticing (because they dont give a shit about you).

Usually, this method worked very well. Stellar results my whole life. Today, however, people kept grabbing onto my feet as I tried to step in between them.

Dont leave.

Save us.

Youre our only hope.

They were dazed and confused, which might explain why they were turning to me for help. Never had I been so in demand. I was like that one gift everyone had to have at Christmas, so much they would do whatever it took to get hold of one. The Tickle Me Elmo, the Furby, the Holy Grail theres always one worth fighting over.

Even in their Jenny-induced stupor, they were desperate and scared with no one to turn to who actually cared about them, the common people. They saw me as one of their own, a nobody who hated the cruel oppressors above him. I had to step on a few fingers to get them to leave me the fuck alone. They were right, up to a point, but I also hated the cruel oppressors below me. And I wasnt too keen on the ones to the side, either.

You might think Id be pleased to be so popular. Thats what unpopular people want, after all, to be accepted, to be part of the elite so they can finally know what it feels like to reject and exclude others. Oh, to be a looker-down rather than a looked-down-on. The dream!

The hovering ships lowered rope ladders. A lot of ladders, which suggested we were about to be invaded. By what, I wasnt sure. More fairy-controlled bodies? Some other form of re-animated corpse? Tribbles? I was hoping for tribbles.

One person began to climb down. All the other ladders remained empty, swaying gently, exactly in time with each other. I mean, exactly.

Anyone whos played a video game made by lazy developers (so, any video game) will recognise the copy-and-paste computer model. Why recreate from scratch when you already have a perfectly good NPC that can be duplicated ad infinitum? Who cares about immersion when you can do a shitty job for a fraction of the effort?

Now that I looked closer, the ships were all very similar, too. I recalled that back when Flossies dragons had run off with their very long tails between their legs, it had been because one of these ships had turned into an even bigger dragon. I had thought at the time someone must have the ability to create illusions. Not a particularly bold conjecture. Not a particularly useful ability once people know youre a fake, they can pretty much assume youre full of shit the whole time, and be right. And since I already thought that about everyone, I was well ahead of the game.

But in this case, it worked well as a way to intimidate a large number of people. Having a numerical advantage is about the only way the poor downtrodden ever get to have a say. Which is why its imperative the rich down-treading find a way to pinch that kind of thinking in the bud.

I kept moving through the prone multitudes. If I could get to a spire and launch myself out of here, perhaps I could avoid my destiny. I wasnt sure what my destiny was, but I was guessing it was worth avoiding.

A hand grabbed my ankle, much more firmly than any of the others. This one was not so hard to brush off.

Stay, said Laney, who had hold of me. Stay.

Upgraded body, he said, and tapped his head, which was helmeted and showed no part of his face. It made a hollow wooden sound.

What do you want? I asked, wanting to get this over with.

We want you to join us. A seat on the Council is yours.

If?

Ah, you think were just going to use you for your body.

I do now.

Everyone wanted me for my body. It was getting so I was feeling completely objectified, and I hadnt done anything to encourage it. I mean, I was walking around completely naked, but why should that matter, right girls?

It will be better for everyone if you dont prolong this any longer than necessary, said Cowdrey.

Clearly, he didnt realise who he was talking to. Unnecessary prolongments were my speciality.

There was a sudden whoosh of air behind me, a scream of, Yoo hoo! and I was lifted into the air by stubby talons digging into my shoulder. A long neck with a dragons head snaked out ahead of me.

We flew back across the square at a very low height and then managed to swoop up before we smashed into the buildings on the opposite side of the square.

Sorry we took so long, shouted Flossie. Where to?

Gorgoth, I shouted.

Is that where your body is? said a voice next to me.

I turned to find the dragon had picked up another passenger as it passed through the city square. Jenny was suspended alongside on the dragons other side.

Maybe.

Where in Gorgoth?

Why?

After we get your body back, we need to talk. Seriously.

Seemed a bit suspicious that she would want to know the location of my body first and foremost. Could it be her interest in me was a ruse to get hold of my body and use it to open the locked gateway for her own diabolic purposes? Everyone else was after it for that reason, so why not her? The whole wanting to be with me might have been a way to get what she really wanted.

I sure hoped so, because the alternative was that she really was going to sit me down and have the talk with me. About our future, about what we meant to each other, about where we see each other in five years time. Quite frankly, Id be happier with global annihilation.