CH 16

Not Ready For Your Debut In The Park?

[ A/N – We’ll be back to the heartwarming times next time. ]

On Saturday, as I was off work, Saki-chan and I decided to go to the park, and I bought a shovel and a small bucket to play in the sandpit.

When I talked to Chinatsu, I realized that our little angel had never asked to go to a park, even when she saw images of them on TV or in videos.

When I realized that, I was thinking about… No, I was thinking about… and I suddenly thought.

(Huh? Come to think of it, will this body always belong to me? If Mika comes back, what will happen then?)

As I filled a small bucket with plastic fishes, a toy shovel and toy pans, I thought about many things, but came up with no answers.

But if there was a non-zero chance that Mika would come back, wouldn’t it be strange for her to be not talking to me? No, but if she did, I wouldn’t be alive then, would I?

“Hah, I don’t know.”

Was I me, or was I not me, what am I supposed to do?! Somebody tell me!

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.”

“What is it?”

“No, it’s nothing.”

I was in a state of overwhelm and used an incomprehensible Kansai dialect.

And now, was I, I? Oh God, it’s too much trouble now, so I’ll just consider her and I one.

“Oh my God!”

“Do you like it?”

“Which one?”

“That’s what I wanted to hear… Oh well. Saki, shall we go to the park?”

“Like this?”

“Yes. Let’s play in the sandpit. I bought you some toys.”

“Yes!”

Saki-chan’s eyes lit up when I showed her the toy set for playing in the sandpit.

(Thank God. Apparently it’s okay to go to the park. Well, as long as we don’t get on the seesaw or the swinging thing.)

Saki-chan often watched me cook, so she was happy to be able to imitate me when we played make-believe games.

We changed into clothes that we didn’t mind getting dirty, and head to the nearby park together.

I was wearing my usual black sweatshirt, and Saki-chan was wearing a white longsuit with little light blue and yellow flowers scattered on it.

“You look great in that dress.”

“I love it.”

The shoes that Saki-chan was wearing were the same light blue as her playwear, with a pink ribbon around them.

Probably, that was her favourite outfit.

“We’re here.”

“We are.”

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

“I’m going to cook in the sandbox.”

“Cooking in the sandpit?”

“Yeah!”

The park had a seesaw, a slide, a swing, and some kind of camel or something. Saki-chan didn’t pay any attention to them.

“Here’s your meal.”

“What’s this?”

“Hotchkiss!”

“Huh? 1Leave me alone? Oh, pancakes, Hmm… Oh, delicious.”

“And there’s also a fish.”

The pancakes and baked fish were quite unusual, but it was my fault for choosing to take them out, so Saki-chan was not to blame.

“It’s delicious.”

“Yes, I like to cook.”

“I think you’re going to be a chef.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you’re good at painting, too.”

“There it is!”

We were playing together for a while, but then Saki-chan stood up with a shovel in her right hand and started to stare at the swing.

“What’s wrong?”

“……..”

“Do you want to go on the swings?”

“Don’t want to…”

“Don’t you like it? You keep staring at the swings, don’t you want to go on them?”

“I’m going to go! I want to go on the swings!”

(You mean you don’t want to go on the swing set by yourself?)

“Kya!”

She cried, and I held Saki-chan, who came closer to me.

I patted her gently on the back and waited until she stopped crying and I could hear her sighing in her sleep.

Apparently, she was so tired from crying that she fell asleep.

Oh, I see… Saki-chan had a memory of her real mother protecting her during the accident.

Come to think of it, she didn’t even say a word when we took a taxi together.

Maybe that was why she had been holding back for so long, because she thought Mika (me) might have been angry with her.

Saki felt safe in the presence of an adult who could protect her when she got into a car or other vehicles, but at the same time she was worried that she might lose someone, and she understood that instinctively.

She had been at home all this time, so I thought that coming to the park would be a good way to get to know other kids her age. I was naïve to think so.

“I made you cry…”

Maybe Saki-chan was not ready to make her debut at the park after all the trauma she had been through.

[ A/N – Protagonist: “Saki-chan, I heard you got 1,000 bookmarks.”

Saki-chan: “Bukuma?”

Protagonist: “Yes, they gave you a lot of recognition”.

Saki-chan: “Recoginiton?”

Protagonist: “Yes, yes. Let’s say thank you! Thank you very much.”

Saki-chan: “Arigato!” ]

Both hiragana are similar – 1. ほっちょけき (what Saki-chan said) 2. ほっとけ (what Mika understood.)