CH 7

”Are you crazy? I just happened to see it, and it almost killed me.”

“….”

“Hyung. Are you even listening to me?”

Heo-sang let out an explosion of emotions he’d been holding in, and all the while, I was busy observing him. His face contorted, his eyes filled with despair, and his lips twitching with anxiety. I felt sorry for each and every one of them.

But if I told you that looking at you like this, I felt that I was really loved.

If I told you that I was relieved to know that even if I died, someone would cry for me, …what would you say?

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to die.”

“How can I not worry!”

You’ll probably be as angry as you are now. And I’ll take it all in without blinking an eye.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“…I’m sorry.”

“I told you, I can’t hate you no matter what you do, and how could I hate someone who didn’t give up and came to me when I kept pushing him away?”

A tear fell from my long lashes and landed on my lips. I wonder if it’s the salt water in my mouth that makes it taste so bitter. Or maybe it’s the wreckage of emotion I’ve scraped away.

Looking at his distorted face, I had the urge to pull him into a hug and comfort him.

“Don’t leave your brother behind.”

“…Sang-yi.”

“Don’t leave me.”

As I slowly reached out, he gripped my hand tightly and muttered to himself. It’s a prayer. I told him it, because he didn’t believe in God.

Even at Mass in the church, he never prayed, which I put down to the fact that he didn’t believe in God. But now he was praying to a God he didn’t even know existed. …He was just begging God not to let me die.

The sight of him convinced me.

How could I not be moved by the sight of a child who never wore his emotions on his sleeve, crying and praying for someone who couldn’t possibly die?

“I’m sorry.”

I reached up with my other hand and wiped my tears away, mulling over my mum’s last words.

She used to say that if you really love someone, please don’t love them, and I can fully understand the contradiction in that statement now. This is how my mum must have felt when she saw me begging her not to go. A feeling of indescribable bitterness and regret.

“And don’t worry.”

And that day. On an unusually starry night, I decided.

“Your hyung isn’t going anywhere.”

I have to leave before I really like you.

I never thought about wanting to live long. Well, you never know how you might change your mind later when you only have a month to live… but for now, that’s it. I don’t have a grand bucket list. I don’t have the courage to fight for others until the day I die, like my parents did. I just want to live a normal life and leave quietly.

But I do wish for one thing. I wish someone would remember that I was in this world. Why, isn’t there a saying? A man is not truly dead when he stops breathing, but when no one remembers him. I wish I had one to keep me company.

And I hoped it was Heo-sang.

It was the only desire of my life that I gave up everything for.

It’s been almost a year since I met him. A lot has changed in that short time. The one thing that changed the most was Heo-sang, himself.

“Pass this way!”

I don’t see him reading old textbooks alone in front of a bookshelf. He plays football with his friends until I get here, and when I’m not around, he picks up other kids and eats with them. I’m no longer the sole conduit between him and the world.

He’s also more articulate than before.

“Hyung. I can’t eat spicy food.”

“This is not spicy at all. It’s real.”

“……I don’t believe you anymore.”

“Well, that’s too bad.”

He used to get stumped like a child faced with a difficult math problem when asked about his food preferences, but now he has clear likes and dislikes in all areas, not just food. He doesn’t hesitate to say he like something. It’s a little embarrassing for me sometimes, but it’s been a great change.

So I’m not needed anymore.

“Sang-yi, I’ve heard it all.”

“What?”

“They said you were confessed.”

If it’s true, you’ll be on your way to a new relationship in no time.

“I’m not interested.”

“Why? She’s cute.”

“…Is that your type?”

“No, I like older people.”

“…Reminds me of….”

He’s handsome and has a good personality, so it shouldn’t be hard for him to find a good partner, girl or boy. But I’d like him to be someone who can mend the wounds of his parents, and as long as he lives a long and happy life and reminds me once in a while, ‘There was someone like that, too’, I’ll be happy.

“Me too….”

“Huh?”

”I’ve been told I’m a grown-up.”

You just have to get over yourself.

“Well, you’re growing up too fast, and you’re just as spontaneous as I was when I was a kid.”

“…That’s not what I meant.”

That’s how I can remain as the person I used to be.

“Hyung. You know what you’re doing, don’t you?”

“Know what?”

“…Forget it.”

I have to leave. I can’t be late.

But my feet don’t come off the ground easily. If I walk away, I’ll be no better than his parents. Scumbags who gave him what he wanted and then shirked their responsibilities. At least I wanted to be better than his parents.

Then I saw the news and thought of a way.

-Two days ago, there was a crash in the Mo Building in Sinchon. The reason was none other than ‘to become an awakener’. Recently, more and more people are doing stunts to achieve awakening conditions…

Anyone can use otherworldly abilities as long as they are awakened. However, certain conditions must be achieved in order to awaken the ability. Moreover, the conditions for awakening vary from person to person and are never known in advance.

For some, it’s as simple as turning 20, while for others, it’s a matter of falling from 70 metres. So some people just give up and go on with their lives, while others go on a self-destructive rampage to awaken.

My awakening condition was mundane-just stumbling over a boulder-but the power I gained that day was anything but mundane.

[You have achieved your awakening condition].

[Awakened Shin Hajae has acquired ‘Pioneer of the Unknown’ ()].

Abilities with blank ratings where they should have been written were actually useful.

[You can see the conditions for manifesting hidden abilities].

I could see the conditions for people’s awakening. As soon as Dad found out about my ability, he warned me sternly.

‘Ha-jae, you mustn’t awaken others. And don’t tell anyone about your ability. Do you understand?’

Of course, it would be great if more people became awakened and used my powers for good, but my dad, who had been a hunter for many years, knew better. That reality is never a collection of beautiful ideals.

What if the person who I awakened grew up to be a vicious slayer, and a war broke out? For him, it was more important that ten heroes not be born than one villain, so he was determined to protect me, even if it meant deceiving the society.

I’ve always dismissed my ability to understand my father’s feelings as something I don’t have, but I’ve finally found a use for it.

“Sang-yi, you said you wanted to be a hunter before. …Is that still the case?”

“Yes. Well, I don’t necessarily care if I’m not a hunter, as long as I can support myself, because I can’t be indebted to the nursery forever.”

I. No, only I can make his fantasy come true.

“Why?”

“No, I’m just curious.”

“Then what are your dreams?”

“Hmm. To live a long, happy life.”

Vashish laughed, then grumbled, his lips curling as if he didn’t find the idea funny.

“What’s that….”

“Maybe it’s too ordinary, but that’s what I’ve always wanted.”

Seriously, Sang-yi. Aren’t that what dreams are supposed to be, unfulfilled realities?

That night, he was delighted when I told him I was going to sleep over at the nursery. We ate dinner, played a game of chess, and had a long-overdue competition to see who could solve the cube the fastest, and before I knew it, it was dawn.

I followed him into his room, where two quilts were spread side by side. I felt like a kid on a school trip, so I jumped straight into the cosy blanket and let out a small laugh.

“But why did you suddenly say you were going to sleep over?”

“You said you’ve been having nightmares lately, and I’m worried.”

“Oh…”

I glanced over to see Heo-Sang lying in an upright position, staring at the ceiling. The moonlight streaming through the window was exceptionally bright because it was a clear night, and I could see his face, full of depths, clearly in the darkness of the room.

“Can you tell me what it is?”

I was nervous that this dream might be about his parents, but it turned out to be something else entirely.

“…I dreamt that hyung jumped off a cliff and never came back up.”

We both ended up looking like mice in water, and although I suffered hypothermia that would have landed me in the hospital, I was fine. But for Heo-Sang, the day was traumatic.