CH 30

”Oh…. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s not, I didn’t say anything.”

I shook my head as if to say, ‘Never mind’. Still, Raphael changed the subject, as if trying to salvage the momentarily somber mood.

“I’m sure your friends are worried, though.”

I’m sure he didn’t mean to poke fun at me again.

“It’s embarrassing, but I don’t really have any friends.”

“What? Uh, well, what about your… girlfriend?”

“Uh…….”

“No way, boyfriend…”

“Um…”

Raphael’s complexion grew paler and paler as his silence grew longer and longer. Seeing him frozen in place, clutching the nameless gemstone, made me feel sorry for him. He stared at me blankly, his eyes half-disembodied, and then he jumped to his feet and bowed his head.

“I’m sorry for asking the wrong thing….”

“No, it’s okay, you can ask.”

I laughed, trying to break the stiffened mood, but it didn’t do any good, so I grabbed Raphael’s arm, who was fidgeting while standing, and sat him back down on the bed. Raphael glanced over at me as if he were a student who had been called to the office.

Just when I thought his innocence was adorable, Raphael cautiously opened his mouth.

“I… I actually thought you had a special relationship with the guild leader.”

“What?”

Special? In the literal sense of the word, yes. But I think what Raphael was referring to a romantic relationship. There was a hint of expectation in his eyes, as if he wanted me to say yes.

I frowned and Raphael rolled his eyes uneasily, gauging my reaction.

“…Isn’t it?”

“Of course not, what did you see that gave you that misconception?”

“Uhm, that….”

Raphael pulled out his cell phone again and tapped the screen furiously.

“The guild leader only contacts me when it’s absolutely necessary, you know, time, place, and purpose. Like this.”

A moment later, on the screen Raphael showed me was a transcript of his conversation with Simeon.

No, I wonder if this can be considered a conversation.

[Nov. 13, 11 a.m., Gangnam N Building. 1 person shot in the waist]

[21:00 on the 28th. Changwon H Village. Abrasions on the right hand and excessive bleeding, 2 people]

[31st, 13:00. Incheon C Hotel. 1 brain hemorrhage]

Even though it’s a business matter, it’s too stiff, and there’s not even any private talk.

Is this the Simeon I know, the one who says things that don’t need to be said and scratches my nerves in a subtle way? The gap between the image and the person I knew was so big that I felt like I was seeing someone else.

“Even disaster texts aren’t this bad….”

“Haha, but this is the first time I’ve seen a sentence.”

Raphael scrolled down to the bottom and showed me the most recent texts.

[Raphael. Can you come over ASAP? I have a favor]

It’s certainly a lot softer than their previous contact, and it sounds like the Simeon I know now. But Raphael was so touched by the text that he clutched the phone in his arms and said with a reminiscent look.

“Isn’t it amazing, it’s a ‘favor’, and the guild leader is asking me to do a favor….”

Raphael shook his head in emotion, as if recalling an unforgettable memory. It was different than before, but his reaction was hard to understand, as he looked like he might burst into tears at any moment.

“Is that such a surprise? Work chats are supposed to be stiff.”

“It’s because hyung doesn’t know. How quiet the guild leader is usually.”

A man of few words, that rascal?

Tilting his head curiously, Raphael whispered in a low voice, as if sharing a secret.

”When you’ve been working together for a long time, you still talk about your family, your friends, maybe even your favorite food or a movie you saw recently.”

“Well… yeah.”

“But I’ve never talked to the guild leader about anything personal, so I don’t even know his family history, let alone his tastes. When I asked him if he had any problems, he just laughed and avoided answering.”

It’s as if I’m seeing a mirror image of the first time, I met him at the nursery school. It took me a month to get to the bottom of it and now he’s still not talking to a coworker he’s worked with for over a year. I can see why Raphael looks wistful.

“Do you know what he said to me when I first joined the guild?”

Raphael put on his best serious face.

“Simple. Ask for whatever you want. Lie if you want, but don’t let me find out.”

“…it’s scary.”

“Yeah, I know he’s a nice guy now, but he was really scary back then.”

When I met Simeon and realized that it was much scarier to be stomped on with a friendly face than to be just violent. When he nodded, saying, ‘I fully sympathize’, Raphael continued excitedly.

“Anyway, the person I rarely contacted except for work suddenly changed.”

“That thing from before?”

“Yes! I even got a call because I was late to check the text message because of something else. I thought there was something very serious going on, but he asked me to treat a regular person who was neither an apostle nor a hunter. It doesn’t matter what gemstones it is, and if you need anything, tell me everything. I’ll do anything to heal you perfectly.”

He was talking nonstop, like a student listening to his teacher tell him about his first love.

“Of course the guild leader has a special someone, don’t you think?”

Special someone. Is that what this unusual relationship looks like to others? The fact that Simeon, who is indifferent to everyone else, values me made me feel more depressed than happy.

“It’s not like that. He asked Raphael to heal me, it’s just something that happened.”

I don’t want to make the same mistake I made seven years ago. When my feelings for him are bitterness, guilt, and self-pity, I should run away. But there’s a shackle around my neck. My plan to figure out the conditions and break free has failed.

I must find another way out. Come on, think of a way out of this cozy cage.

It was then, as if cornered, that I heard a sighing voice.

“…That’s a shame.”

A shame? About what?

“I thought it was a relief that I finally had someone to rely on from the guild leader…”

…No. I’m not that nice.

“I just thought that if you were my hyung, maybe the guild leader would open up to me.”

I’m still thinking about running away from here.

“Even if it’s not me, Raphael is there and the rest of the guild members.”

I’d think he’d want to be comforted, but instead, Raphael’s face is grim.

“What are you talking about, hyung. The guild leader doesn’t trust us.”

“Of course not.”

“I’m serious. Trust in terms of competence, yes. But person-to-person… well, not quite.”

The smile that had been so breezy when they’d first exchanged pleasantries was now tinged with bitterness.

“In the first place, the Apostles is an organization set up by the guild master to make the collection of spirituals more efficient and while other guilds may be different, we’re not colleagues, we’re pieces on a chessboard that move as the guild master sees fit.”

I suddenly remembered what Simeon had said about sending only those who would be useful to the mission, without regard to their own opinions. If the leader is competent, the organization will run efficiently, but the members will inevitably feel that they are merely tools.

“Of course I and all the apostles signed up for that system, but sometimes it’s a shame that I have to draw the line with everyone else.”

“Oh…”

“But I was really impressed when he asked me to help out this time, and I think you deserve a lot of the credit. I think the guild is changing a little bit because of you.”

It shouldn’t be different. I don’t need to change. I am what I am, he is what he is, and so we part ways. I want to disappear like sand soaked by the tide, drying without a trace at low tide.

“Again, we don’t have a relationship and he’s the one who put me with this stuff because he didn’t trust me in the first place.”

I jerk my chin up and show him the leash, and Rafael’s eyes light up with concern.

“That’s… the <Crown of Atonement>, right?”

“Yes. He say that the moment I divulge any information about the Apostle to the outside world, it will be tightened until I die.”

Raphael grimaced, as if a leash had been placed around my neck. Then he quietly reached out and gently stroked the underside of my vine-covered neck. Unlike Simeon’s touch, his fingertips were tinged with regret.

“I don’t know how he felt when he put it, but now… Maybe he’s regretting it.”

“Regret?”

Regret. How he smiled with satisfaction every time he saw me wearing the collar.

I snorted that it couldn’t be, but Raphael spoke firmly, as if he knew what was on my mind.

“The guild master was so worried about you when you broke your leg, he even asked me to do something I didn’t want to do.”

“Is that… true?”

“But because of the spirit he put… If you think you could get your head cut off, wouldn’t it be many times more disturbing? If you really get hurt by it, he’ll feel guilty.”

I was dazed, as if I’d been punched in the back of the head.