Chapter 185: What You Must Shoulder

Chapter 185: What You Must Shoulder

Heneryes and Helgenas also known as the Lord God and the Demon God are sisters, goddesses who observe the world.

Of the two, Heneryes is the goddess of men. These humans include dwarves, elves, and suins, but they are generally referred to as such because of their different beliefs.

Helgenas, on the other hand, is a demonic deity worshiped by demons.

To summarize, these are the kind of gods you’d expect to see in other fantasy genres, with Heneryes being good and Helgenas being evil.

In a mysterious room filled with pure white light I had a tea party with a being I’ve never met before.

I sipped my tea nonchalantly, feeling like this wasn’t exactly the first time I’d done this.

I don’t know what kind of tea it was, but the warmth of it was enough to calm my nerves.

After a few sips, Heneryes set her teacup down and spoke.

“You have a lot of questions in your head, and for good reason, I suppose, but...”

She’s right, I have a lot of questions.

“...I know the time is passing quickly, but we have enough time for a quick question and answer session.”

Before I could ask the question I wanted, Heneryes read my thoughts and struck out.

“...You’re dead. It’s not normally possible for a human to meet and talk to a god unless that’s what happened, is it?”

“...I see.”

I wondered if I shouldn’t have asked that question.

She was a goddess, so she should be able to read thoughts, but it was a slightly unpleasant sensation, so she answered with a shaky voice.

“In that case, I will restrain myself a bit.”

“Ah...”

Heneryes smiled bitterly as she said it, as if she’d read that thought.

‘That bothers me.’

Her smile was false.

“...Why did you seek me out, Ms. Heneryes? Even if I were dead...I wonder why you sought me out, out of all the many, many humans who die every day.”

I blurted out a question with many implications.

“Many, many humans...”

Heneryes trails off at that question then her lips part once more.

“...Do you really think so?”

“What?”

“One of many, many humans, is that how you define yourself?”

“...”

“Don’t you realize that you’re far from normal?”

“I can’t deny that, of course, but don’t you realize, Lord Heneryes? That I am not of this world.”

“Alas, was that what you meant to ask, why I, a god of this world and not of Earth, appeared when an Earthling died......”

“I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that, but... When you called me earlier, didn’t you call me my child, because that seemed a little odd to me.”

“......”

A shadow fell over Heneryes’ face as I continued.

There’s something there, too.

She knew a secret I didn’t.

Heneryes fiddled with her teacup and then spoke.

“...Because you were once my child.”

“......”

I shook my head, unable to make sense of Heneryes’ words.

That means...

“The body is certainly of Earth, but the soul within it is not.”

“...So you’re saying that I was originally a human of this world?”

“Yes, you were, in a previous life... as you call it.”

“...”

I had a past life?

It didn’t make any more sense now, but it still didn’t sink in, perhaps because I had no memory of my previous life.

“The first was my apostle, a saint.”

“A saint...”

“You were a companion of a hero in a time far, far away from now. Grieving for his companion, who had been slain by a demon, the saint begged me to help him break these miserable shackles, and since I also wanted to break the shackles, I granted your request...and that was the beginning of your journey...”

Heneryes’ voice trails off, her eyes wistful and her voice weak.

“You’ve been a saint, you’ve been a king of a ruined world, you’ve been a demon who tried to burn everything to the ground, you’ve been a demon who tried to replace the demon king, but despite all your efforts, you couldn’t break the shackle. The shackle is, after all, the disease this world is suffering from.”

“Wait. I was also a demon...Demons are...”

“...Demons, those under the control of Helgenas. It was a mistake, but you didn’t reject it; in fact, you said you might be able to find a way to break the chains.”

“I never thought of that...”

Was I so desperate that I would give up being human?

“...In the process, you become exhausted and as a result you’ve experienced more deaths, more grief, than you ever have before. Maybe it was a limit...” for new novels

“......”

“At some point, you wanted to rest, and I had to listen, because it was also my desire.”

“And that rest was...”

“It was life on Earth. But then you came to me with some unexpected news, it turned out to be far from the rest you wanted. I suppose that’s what life is all about, but I couldn’t bear to leave the child I loved behind, and in the process...”

“...The game. That’s how you made contact with me.”

“Yes. Though it may not be obvious since you have no memory of it.”

“What did you do to me?”

“I gave you the memories of your previous life.”

“But...”

“This is what you wanted. You said you didn’t think you could do any good by carrying the memories of your past life, that you couldn’t move forward, so...”

That was a pretty bad judgment call but I would have done the same thing.

“In truth, I was given two choices: to remain at peace, erase your memories, and live on Earth, or to step into the path to break the shackles once more.”

“You’re quite cruel, Ms. Heneryes, setting me up for that... There is no way I would choose the former.”

“......”

Heneryes mouth tightens.

For me, games are a way to create an intimacy with the characters, the people I’ll meet, beforehand.

They make it impossible to give them up.

“In my defense, I didn’t make the game. He was the one who pitched the plan to me, and, well, as it turned out... I fell for his trick to make it look good.”

“Who was he?”

“The God of Earth.”

“Earth had a god too?”

“Not just on Earth, but on every world with intelligent beings, there is a god, sort of like a ‘manager’.”

“But I thought I heard that Earth was destroyed.”

I laughed.

So much would change that I can’t even begin to imagine the aftermath of this but Aizel didn’t die.

Defying that fate was enough to satisfy me.

“...I’m afraid we don’t have much time left.”

At the sound of Heneryes’ voice, I turned my head to follow her gaze.

“They...”

The dark hands I’d seen earlier were filling the white space.

“They are the power you imprinted on your body, the tears of the dead.”

“...They look tormented.”

“They wouldn’t have wanted to be there either.”

“If I’m resurrected, will they disappear?”

“The souls themselves will wear out, and they will return to nothingness.”

There was a reason for their anguish.

It’s sad to be forgotten without leaving anything behind.

“...Then why not just use a minimal amount of power, enough to allow for a resurrection?”

“But then you won’t be able to fully regenerate, are you sure you’re okay with that?”

Heneryes, whose gaze was on my left arm, tilted her head.

“It’s fine. One arm...”

“Then...”

I stopped Heneryes as she tried to use her hand.

There was a hint of panic in her eyes as her arm was grabbed.

As if reading my mind, she lowered her arm.

“I just thought it was something I should carry...”

“I understand.”

“...I’ll be back.”

With those words I take a step towards the hands that stretch out towards me.

***

I just thought it was something I should carry...”

“I understand.”

Heneryes understood his thoughts and she loved that about him.

“...I’ll be back.”

Her child walked away in silence as the dead closed in on him slowly.

Zetto was swallowed up by the darkness and his voice was muffled.

“...It must have been terribly painful, and I can’t begin to imagine how much it must have hurt.”

Zetto’s voice was hollow as the pain of the dead was reaching him.

“But I want to build a world where what you went through will never happen again, a world where this can never happen, so... I need you to help me.”

Zetto was trying to convince the dead.

“It’s very painful to be forgotten. It’s empty and lonely, so... I’ll remember, I’ll remember your names, I’ll remember them over and over again, I’ll carry them on my shoulders and move forward.”

His clear, straight voice was filled with gentleness and kindness.

The warmth was enough to ease the anger of the dead.

Suddenly, the hands that held him were illuminated as the darkness that enveloped him was transforming into a pure white light.

“...It’s all right. The others can rest easy now. Thank you so much for indulging my greed.”

Heneryes couldn’t hear what was being said between the dead man and Zetto, nor did she care to listen.

She didn’t want to interrupt his atonement.

Zetto continued to recite the names as many, many names echoed in the white space.

The meeting with Zetto was coming to an end and as she watched, Heneryes whispered a silent goodbye.

‘My child...’

The words she could never get out, weighed down by guilt.

‘I no longer desire your love. And yet I still love you...’

***

A vast, blue sky.

A breath of fresh air.

At the end of it, the man’s lips part as he ruffles his jet-black hair.

‘Nice view.’

‘......puhhhh.’

I heard a chuckle at my joke.

It was definitely his voice, but it didn’t sound like him.

Zetto was laughing so happily over there, why couldn’t I?

“....”

At that moment, I heard a foreign sound in my ears.

“...Yuri.”

The sound became even more distinct, and the memories before my eyes shattered.

In front of me was a mirror large enough to hold my entire body.

Black stood out beneath her tightly braided red hair and her jet-black dress was drab and formal.

I stared down at the ice crystal in my hand, the one that held the memory of Zetto.

“Yuri, are you ready...?”

I turned my head at the sound of another voice.

“......”

It was my father calling me.

Dressed in a black suit similar to mine, he walked over to me with a sad face and took me in his arms.

“...”

I wondered why he was stroking me.

I wondered why he was at the academy.

I wonder what kind of day it is.

I absentmindedly touch the thought.

It was Zetto’s funeral.

Zetto, smiling on the deck of the airship, was already dead.

Just a moment ago, it was a sweet fantasy, and now it was reality.

“...Ugh.”

Tears filled my eyes with pain.

As usual, illusions make reality even more painful.

Still, I couldn’t stop.

I wanted to see Zetto.