CH 17

The atmosphere was quite friendly. Except for me, of course. I was passing the time by just responding appropriately to their words because I was tired. 

I was trying to avoid any kind of confrontation because I would be targeted here in that case. But at that moment, someone’s question rang in my ear.

“Princess Rodenov. I have a question for you. Is Prince Physis Ortaire always that kind?”

The intention of asking such a question out of the blue must be because she thinks that Physis can’t be kind to a monster like me.

Well, I really don't know the reason for her asking that question, however, judging from the clear jealousy in her eyes, it seems that my prediction was correct.

Indeed, after looking at her face again, I remembered that she was one of the princesses who blushed when she told Physis earlier that he was handsome.

How should I answer? 

The trouble didn’t last long, because I was in a position to act. I wanted to break their illusions by answering the truth, but I didn’t want to tell them about Physis and me, and I didn’t want to break the alliance that Ortaire and Rodenov were trying to carry on with my petty anger. So It was impossible.

“Yes, he is always kind.”

Remembering his recent attitude, I replied.

Certainly, his attitude towards me has been very kind lately, probably due to pressure from his family.

“Wow, really? Can you be specific? I’m really curious about what happens between the two of you on a regular basis!”

What kind of answer does this woman want? I was very curious about her intentions, but I decided to live up to that expectation.

Yes. There is no need to break this innocent girl’s dream, whatever it is, it’s none of my business.

“I do not know. When I stopped by Enassa for this National Foundation Day, he moved one step ahead of me and escorted me… When I attended this ball, he even held my hand when I was trembling involuntarily.”

Of course, each time I had to suppress the anger that was rising.

“Also, when Physis smiles, his eyes fold slightly, and he doesn’t know how cool that is.”

After hearing my answer, the princess’s expression became like a girl in a dream. I’m not sure, but she’s probably drawing a rather romantic situation by assigning my anecdote to herself.

And that expression soon began to harden little by little, eventually, she will realize the reality. The one next to him is not her, but I am, a monster. Perhaps inside that woman, she is determined to save Physis from a monster like me.

Oops. If you knew his true identity, you would thank god for not being at my place. 

It would be better to leave the dream just a dream.

Wherever you are, try your best.

At that moment, Princess Lobelia spoke to all of us.

“Now, since we talked a lot with each other, shall we go back to the venue soon? The prom isn’t over yet. You can dance with the people you want, and you can dream of a romance with someone you like. With such expectations, let’s enjoy today.”

“Yes, Your Highness the princess.”

----------------

When I returned to the venue, the venue was somehow cluttered. 

Did something happen earlier when we were not here?

I saw my father, who seemed a little angry.

“Father?”

“Ah, Adilun, you are here.”

“Has anything happened? why this is all messed up and cluttered...”

At that moment, my father thought about something and told me.

“To you tell the truth... We ended up having a great duel.”

“Yes!?”

A Greate Duel, but why, I was confused so I asked in response.

“What the hell happened?”

“There were some people who dared to insult you. Those who used some extremely ugly words that I couldn’t even bear to say... Thinking about it again makes me angry. The battle between the clan and the great warrior to which they belonged to now going to happen.”

“Ahh.”

Yes. I could roughly guess the level of insult and ugly words they used for me by seeing my father's angry expression. There must have been using the words like a monster or something. 

I calmed down my expression and asked my father with a firm face.

“Which family is it?”

“Aiden.”

“Aiden. Are you talking about Aiden from the central nobles? Recently, it is said that they are increasing the tax by allying with the merchants...”

“Accurate.”

“Since it was me who was insulted, we must have the right to proceed with the great duel. And the winner takes all....”

“Yes. No matter how much I feel anger towards Aiden, there is nothing wrong with the people living in it. So I'm not taking any money as an apology or compensation.”

“Understood. Then, what are you planning to buy at great duel, father?”

“Everything.”

My father’s eyes were cold. Looking at the scene, I could guess that my father was very angry. How long has it been since I saw my father this angry?

“When is the schedule?”

“A month later. I plan to notify the Knights immediately after the National Foundation Day.”

“I see.”

“By the way, Adilun.”

“Yes.”

“Physis decided to participate in the duel.”

“... ...Yes?”

What the hell is this, what is he even thinking?

“What do you mean by that? Why is he in the duel...?”

“It was Physis who found those who insulted you in the first place. And then he pinned them to the ground right away. So, next month, if he passes my test, I plan to send him to the duel as well.”

Confusion overtook me in an instant. Directly punishing those who insulted me, and even going to a duel with great warriors? why?

The great duel was a life-threatening place. Taking the life of the loser in a duel is the right of the winner. Going to a place like that meant risking your life.

As far as I know, his strength was poor. It seems like he’s been training quite a bit lately, and his physique has grown quite a bit, but it doesn’t seem like he is right to duel directly with the knights...

Did he really act for me? Wasn’t it simply because of family pressure to be nice to me?

My head got complicated. Is he sincerely repenting for his mistakes? Or is he just pretending to sympathize, not wanting to hear that his fiancée is a monster?

I don’t know. Really, I don’t know. Why?

Involuntarily, I began to look around. Not far away, he was talking to his brother about something.

I move my steps and approach him, and he smiles at me with a slightly bitter but welcoming smile.

Why are you making this face?

Don't you hate me?

I don’t know if that expression was sincere or if it was because of his promise to do an act with me.

It would have been nice if there was at least some kind of magic that could understand people’s minds. If that were the case, I wouldn’t have to worry so much.

Then suddenly he tells me.

“Adilun? what happened? Do you need something?”

I grabbed his arm and whispered.

“Come, talk to me for a minute.”

He seemed flustered but was meekly drawn to me. 

Is there a place where the two of us can talk quietly? 

Terrace. Yes, the terrace would be nice.

There was no one on the terrace. Maybe it’s because it’s still too early for young nobles to have a tryst. The view through the open windows was too beautiful.

Contrary to the beautiful scenery, I felt like I was stuck in a gutter.

“Why did you do that?”

“Yes?”

He looked at me with a bewildered expression, but I repeated what I said.

“Why did you want to participate in the great duel? Did you have a reason for that?”

“Yes. Because I'm angry.”

I took care of my embarrassment and said to him with a calm expression.

“Why are you angry?”

“Because they insulted you.”

“Lie.”

“... ....”

When I say that it is a lie, his expression twists miserably. Why, why are you making that face? Isn’t that the expression I should rather have when I’m really miserable and rotten?

Anger surged through my head.

“I don’t know why you are doing this now. Rather, it was like that from the first time we met. Why are you confusing me so much? Are you angry that they insulted me? So, then, you insulted me too? Weren’t you mad at yourself too then?”

“... ...”

He hung his head and said nothing. I still shouted at him with anger.

“Answer me! If you hate me so much, why are you acting like this? Did your family pressure you?”

* * *

In front of my eyes, she was angry. In this situation, what should I do to get rid of her anger? How can my sincerity reach her?

As she said, I don’t know. However, there is only one thing I have to say now.

“I don’t hate you anymore. I have abandoned all of my hatred and contempt for you. I didn’t know why I'm changing, and I don’t know either. I just wanted to do that.”

A choking sound was heard.

“Lie...”

Is it my imagination that her pitiful trembling voice sounds overly sad?

“I’ve said it before, don’t forgive me, and that is still true. Don’t forgive me but you just need to be happy. I will never insult you in the future. I will not say anything or shamelessly ask for your trust.”

At that moment, her expression twisted sadly.

“Why, why come now? why! I lost my pride because of you, and I lost the me I loved because of you! But now, if you show that attitude, what are you going to do to me… I can’t think of myself as a person anymore. I’m just a monster. But since you, who made me like that, say those words, it’s disgusting, I hate you...”

There was a sense of misery and humiliation in her words, that’s what caused by me because I was the one who broke her self-esteem, which was higher than anyone else’s.

“I’m sorry…”

All I could do was make this pitiful apology. Anything else I say will only hurt her.

Hearing my apology, she suddenly raised her head and looked at me. As if revealing my sins intact, the golden eyes shone most brilliantly and illuminated me.

“Do you know what I hate the most?”

“I do not know.”

She nodded as if it were natural for me to shake my head.

“It must be so. So let me tell you. What I hate most is... ...My heart wants to believe that you have changed even when we are in such a situation.”

This time I was out of breath. Does she still have hope for me who insulted her so much?

“Even though I hate myself so much, I can’t let go of this pitiful hope… ….I won’t be able to endure it if I don’t even have the hope of living happily with a companion who will walk with me.”

At that moment, she brought out some of the words that she had been hiding in her heart.

That would have been her last hope. I couldn’t bear to throw it away in the rotting misery.

“... ...Yes.”

“Therefore… …Last, at last, I will not trust you in the future, and I do not intend to forgive you easily. But if you continue to honor me. And if that’s how you behave consistently... ...I will trust you.”

That’s how she looks at me with a ray of hope in her misery. An ultimatum fell to me.