CH 33

33 – Uneasiness.

[Adilun's POV]

Rodenov still greeted me with a cold, bitter wind.

After exiting the teleport gate, the appearance of Caltix Fortress came into full view; A place covered with freezing ice, yet still filled with the warmth of those who live in it.

It wasn’t flashy or lively like Enadeim, but just looking at this iron-clad fortress gave me some peace of mind.

No matter how splendid and mysterious the appearance of the capital was, it seemed that it did not evoke as much emotion as the place where I was born and raised.

'Home. Yes, it is my home.'

It was a peacefulness that I hadn't felt in a long time.

My father told the members of Caltix Castle about Aiden and the great duel. 

They were angry at Aiden for insulting me and prepared to condemn them.

My father also announced to the knights that Physis had been selected as the great warrior of Rodenov, but the knights showed considerable dissatisfaction.

But soon after when they heard that he had won the hunting competition and jousting match and that, he had condemned Alan Aiden for insulting me, that dissatisfaction subsided a little.

Instead, they nodded at my father’s words that father would have to test Physis' qualifications to become a great warrior, and asked my father how he would test him.

My father said that he would judge Physis’ qualifications by sparring with the knights of Rodenov.

Because of that, the knights burned with even more passion and started training repeatedly to improve their skills. It was because they saw it as an opportunity to legally beat Physis, who they always wanted to beat, as well as they could get selected as a great warrior in the great duel.

Meanwhile, I locked myself in my room and rested.

But perhaps the servants were considerate of me when I returned, because they did not make a fuss and took care of me so that I could rest comfortably, and I really liked that consideration.

Because I needed time to organize my thoughts.

It was only a short few days, but the things that happened at the National Foundation Day festival, sowed shame and relief, and anxiety and fear in me at the same time.

He has changed. I just didn’t want to admit it, but he had definitely changed.

Just by the way his family treated him, it was evident how he had been for the three months since he had been kicked out of Rodenov.

The people of Ortaire, who had previously regarded him as something troublesome, now believed in him.

'Can one gain people’s trust in three months?'

And being able to win back such trust from those who have lost all trust in him, proved that he had worked very hard.

Also, his attitude towards me was much more different, to the point of believing that he was a completely different person.

Even when I pushed him in my confusion, he apologized to me with sincere apologies and swore in front of me that he would never do that again.

In fact, I didn't know how many times I tore off the covers that night out of embarrassment. To say such an embarrassing thing casually.

Since then he started worrying about me all the time.

He beat Alan Aiden who had insulted me and said he would directly fight for me, and even when monsters attacked the princesses during the hunting competition, he took care of me first.

On the day we watched the festival together after the jousting match when he looked at me wearing a mask, he put on a guilty expression.

He cared about me enough to even think of inviting me to the festival might have made me uncomfortable.

I was really happy to see that expression.

Because of that, I was able to trust him more… … All the while, I hoped he wouldn’t change again.

So I made a promise.

If he maintains a consistent attitude for the next nine months, let’s erase all the wrongs we’ve done to each other and go back to square one.

But in a corner of my heart, there was still a feeling of unease.

'Why did he change?'

Because the root cause was still unknown. 

Change always comes with a purpose. People change when they have a purpose.

But I couldn’t guess even the slightest reason why he had changed.

It had only been two days at that time since he went back with a disgusted face saying he didn’t want to see me right now. I couldn’t understand him changing his attitude again after only two days.

That fact made me uneasy. I felt like he could go back to his old attitude whenever he wanted.

The mind to trust him and the mind not to trust him collided.

'What if, after 9 months, he suddenly changed again? What if he looked at me with feeling of anger and disgust as before?'

'Will I be able to stand it?'

* * *

I can see the figure of Physis in front of my eyes.

He looks at me with the friendly smile that he had shown me so often lately. 

And I was pleased because he smiles like that for me now.

The negative emotions that had always stood on his face in the past had turned into positive emotions before I knew it, and were heading toward me.

We walked hand in hand. The stories that popped out were trivial, but that alone made us laugh happily.

'Happy...'

If the companion I will be with for the rest of my life is a person who cares for me, I will be happy.

I grabbed him and led him. What we saw in front of us was the bell tower of Caltix Fortress.

This was my favorite place, where I could see the vast Caltix Fortress at a glance. Someday, I always wanted to introduce it to someone who would be with me sincerely.

He seemed surprised by the appearance of the bell tower. He smiled and look at me. I also smiled and lead him by my hand.

After climbing quite a lot of stairs, we came up on my favorite scenery; The appearance of the imagistic Caltix Fortress and the people living in it was revealed.

I set with him on the ledge of the bell tower. He dissuaded me saying it was dangerous, but I told him not to worry and that I was fine.

The biting wind brushed through my scales. Even that was good. This cold wind that made me aware that I was alive was the foundation of my life.

I gently revealed that it was my favorite scenery.

He also smiled and said.

“Did you lead me here for this plain sight? It’s ridiculous.”

'Ridiculous.'

He said with an audible, harsh, hateful voice.

“What makes you laugh so well? Just looking at that disgusting face of yours makes me feel sick. Hey, you monster..”

'No. I’m not a monster.'

He muttered in dismay.

“Not a monster? Hahahaha. You are at least funny. Just look at yourself.”

He forcibly lifted my arm and put it in my field of vision.

“Does a woman have scales? Do humans have horns? No. No.”

With anger came sorrow.

“Don’t pretend to be a human, monster. Just looking at you is disgusting.”

'Scary.'

I was suddenly scared of the abrupt change of the person who had smiled at me just recently.

His denial of my existence made me so sad.

“Ah, uh…”

I started crying.

* * *

“…ah.”

Opening my eyes. I saw the familiar look of my bedroom.

“Dream. It was a dream.”

I mumble blankly and soon wiped the tears flowing from my eyes.

“Ah, uh.”

But the tears didn't stop.

'Why? It’s just a dream. Why won’t the tears stop?'

'Because I hate my own weakness? Because I don’t like the way I look?'

'Am I afraid of the way he might change someday?'

I didn't know. Anxiety continued to eat me from inside.

Rather, the kindness he had shown recently made me even more anxious. If he continued to show me a friendly side, I didn’t even know how would I react when he changes.

I wouldn’t be able to bear it if he showed me his old self again in that situation.

'If only I was beautiful. If I was more beautiful than anyone else from a human point of view...'

'Could I not have worried about this?'

Two large horns on my head. Blue-white scales covered my entire body.

Seeing a person who can’t be called a human at all, I ended up having a question.

I....

.....am a human, right?