CH 59

59 – Ortaire (1)

[Adilun's POV]

My mind was foggy and my head was pounding.

A terrible hangover had taken hold of me, and I couldn't help but wake up from my sleep.

“Ugh… …”

A suppressed moan escaped from me. As I opened my eyes and looked around, I realized I was in my own room.

Why was I in my room? I clearly must have gone to Physis's room after drinking.

I tried to roll my throbbing head and recalled the events of yesterday; Hugging him, confessing that I like him… …Hearing that he loves me, and even kissing him at the end. All the things started to fill my head again.

I was going to run wild with happiness right away, but I couldn’t. 

Because of what Physis said, I couldn’t tell whether everything that happened yesterday was real or just a dream.

‘Yes. It’s a dream. Physis in reality is a coward, so he can’t say such things.’

He clearly said so. Moreover, the fact that I was in my room right now made it hard for me to think that yesterday was anything but a dream.

However, I refused to lose hope. If what happened yesterday was real, his reaction today would be completely different.

If yesterday’s events were real, he would surely look at me with affectionate eyes today.

Besides, today was the last day of the social gathering. I had no choice but to take a carriage with Physis and avoid the people I didn't want to see. At that time, I could determine whether what happened yesterday was a dream or a reality.

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"I will definitely visit you next time, Princess Rodenov."

"Didn't we agree to call me Adilun instead of Princess Rodenov? Next time, please just call me by my name. Anyway, I'll be waiting for you to come Isla."

At my words, Isla smiled brightly and nodded her head.

“Yes!”

The long social gathering ended in vain, and I finally allowed myself a rare smile. Now we could stop the meaningless acting. 

Physis and I maintained a cold attitude as we got into the carriage.

"Finally, it's over. I never want to do that kind of acting again."

As soon as I got on the carriage, I said to Physis. 

How would he react to me? Would he put affection in those eyes, or Would he put only the usual kindness?

“I see. Oh, by the way, Adilun.”

His gaze turned towards me. However, what was contained in it was not any kind of love... Just the kindness that he always showed me. Slightly disappointed by his reaction, I lowered my eyes and replied.

"Yes?"

"Are you feeling better?"

"....Yes? Ah yes... But why do you ask all of a sudden?"

Could it be... it wasn't a dream? My heart swelled with anticipation as a disappointment turned into hope.

"Yesterday, you collapsed in front of my room, so I secretly moved you to your room. It was almost a big deal. If someone with ill intentions or someone else had found you, the play we had worked on would have been useless."

"Is that so... Did something happen that time?"

"No. You just knocked on my door a few times and then collapsed. You don't know how surprised I was. Please Adilun takes care of yourself a little more."

Physis' somewhat stern attitude extinguished my anticipation. 

'Ah, it was just a dream after all.'

“… …Yes. I'll be careful.”

"I was lucky to find you... anyway, I moved you to your bedroom. Please be moderate with alcohol next time. You understand, right?"

“Yes… …”

I answered sullenly.

He was looking at me with a slightly bitter expression, probably angry at my sloppy attitude… …I couldn’t help but feel sad about that.

I hoped it wasn’t a dream, but… …It was nothing more than a dream after all. Perhaps that dream would gradually fade from my memory. Dreams were always something that leaves behind regret and disappears.

“I’m sorry, Physis. I just drank because I was frustrated, I didn't think it would turn out like this..”

"Since you seem to have reflected enough, I will leave it at that."

I apologized to him again, but he still seemed to be a little angry with me and maintained a cold attitude.

I knew he was saying those things because he was worried about me. However, I couldn't hide my sadness toward him.

A slightly overwhelming emotion welled up inside me. Was it because I had heard the words 'I love you' in my dream and exchanged an affectionate kiss with him? It was just a dream, and one that would be forgotten in a moment... but its aftermath was too great, and I slightly reddened my eyes.

“Uh.”

“Ah, Adilun?”

Unknowingly, tears flowed from my eyes. Just because I was sad, because the moment we had confirmed each other's feelings was simply a dream... I couldn't hold back my tears.

As I suddenly burst into tears, Physis looked at me with a bewildered expression.

I couldn't help but feel ashamed and pitiful about myself.

"Ugh...sob."

"Uh, Adilun. Why are you suddenly crying? Did I make you angry?"

"No, no. It's not that... ...It's just that I had a dream today, and it was so sad that it wasn't real. So suddenly, I started crying..."

Physis was flustered, not knowing what to do, as he watched me continue to shed tears. Even after seeing it, I couldn’t stop crying.

As if a dam had collapsed in my heart, I felt a certain emotion inside me that I had not recognized before rushing like a wave.

Affection... Or love. I didn’t just like him, I wanted him to be my lifelong companion who would stand by my side.

* * *

[Physis's POV]

I couldn’t help but be very upset.

It was because I didn’t know that she would be this sad that yesterday’s event was simply a dream. Like a child facing an unresolved problem for the first time, I just stared at Adilun, not knowing what to do.

'What should I do?'

She cried miserably in a way that I had never seen before. But even so, I couldn't tell her the truth. I was afraid. In my eyes wasn't qualified or ready yet.

Because I didn’t dare to tell her that I loved her. I still remember the deadline that we had promised each other. Until that deadline, I had to keep my promise to her no matter what.

Even though I knew that she had feelings for me, I had no other choice. I swore that I would do my best to atone for my sins until that deadline.

If I was easily swayed by this circumstance and broke my oath, I would do even more harm to her. She said it clearly before. She said she wanted to stand on equal ground with me without any sense of debt.

I also thought the same way. If I confessed my feelings to her now, she might be happy.

However, I would end up treating her with a sense of debt and that would become the starting point of another problem.

That's why... I had to be sure about it.

So I did not dare to speak the truth. Instead...

I stretched out my arms toward the woman who was sitting in front of me.

“… …!”

I could feel her surprised reaction. But I didn't care and hugged her tightly until she calms down. 

After a while, she seemed to have regained some stability in my arms.

“I don’t know what kind of dream it was, but Adilun.”

“… …Yes.”

But the tears that still lingered seemed to show me the kind of sadness she felt.

“If you miss that dream that much… … Surely that dream will come true. Definitely.”

“… ...Will it?”

"Yes, I guarantee it. So don't cry anymore. And... I'm sorry for getting angry just now. I was worried about you..."

“I know that. Thanks for your concern, Physis.”

I listened to her answer and tried to relax my arms.

“Physis.”

“Yes?”

“Can we stay like this for a little longer?”

At Adilun's words that followed, I squeezed her tightly in my arms again. 

'I'm sorry I couldn't answer you, Adilun.'

'But just give me some time. I will definitely confess to you on the day when I will be sure that I have atoned for my sins to you.'

So please wait until then.

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The carriage arrived in Rodenov in no time, and we returned to Caltix Castle. When the Duke asked me if there were any problems at the gathering, I said there were none, but that Adilun had made a new friend.

"A friend?"

“Yes. Isla Isvanthe… …She said that Adilun had saved her before and wanted to get to know her.”

"She was actually a good person?"

“A friend. Hahaha. Good... That's good. Ah, Physis by the way.”

"Yes, Your Excellency."

"Your family was looking for you. It's nothing serious, just to ask about your well-being. So, contact them later using the magic crystal ball."

“Ah. Alright.”

'They were looking for me from Ortaire?'

I went straight to my room and activated the crystal ball.

[Physis?]

“Yes, Father. I just returned to Rodenov after the social gathering.”

[Is that so?]

"Yes, but why did you contact me?"

[It’s not a big deal… … Your mother wanted to know about how you are.]

“Mother?”

[She just wanted to see you after a long time. Besides, Ortaire is in the midst of harvest, and the view of the fields is quite beautiful. It would be a good sightseeing opportunity for Princess Rodenov, so stop by Ortaire.]

"Uh... I'll ask Adilun first, and if she agrees, I'll come with her soon. But right now, I just finished the gathering, and I feel like I need to rest a bit."

[Let her know that for now.]

“Yes, Father.”

Certainly, the fertile land of Ortaire shines its brightest just before the harvest. The golden waves of the wheat fields evoke a certain scent in one's heart just by looking at it.

Considering that even for me, who lived recklessly without being aware of my previous life, the scenery was deeply ingrained, it could be said that it was an amazing level of beauty. Adilun would surely love it too.

Moreover, I had always wanted to show her Ortaire someday, so it was a good opportunity.

Thinking that I would definitely tell her next time... ...I threw myself onto the bed. There wasn't much physical fatigue, but due to the various things that happened at the gathering, I felt mentally exhausted, so I fell asleep quickly.

--- End OF The Chapter ---