CH 18

As the days passed, Jun Huailang’s nightmares didn’t improve. Even the insensitive Xue Yunhuan noticed. 

Xue Yunhuan immediately blabbed to the empress about Jun Huailang’s low spirits, who became quite worried. On a day of rest, she summoned Jun Huailang to her palace early in the morning, and asked her personal maid with medical skills to treat him. Jun Huailang felt that the recurring nightmares had nothing to do with his constitution, but the Empress was worried about him, and he didn’t want to disregard her good intentions. So he went to the Empress’s palace at the break of dawn.

Early in the morning, when Xue Yan came back from practicing martial arts in the rear courtyard, he saw a small figure standing by his barren doorway. It was Jun Huailang’s younger sister.

Xue Yan was only wearing a thin set of martial clothes. Although it was bitterly cold, a thin layer of sweat covered his forehead and his whole body exuded the vigorous vitality of a young man after exercising.

Xue Yan stopped three steps away from the little girl.

Jun Linghuan lingered at his door, hesitating with her hands tucked in her sleeves. Hearing the sound of footsteps approaching, she quickly looked up and saw Xue Yan.

A look of surprise appeared on the little girl’s face.

“Fifth Prince-gege!” She called out and smiled. Her eyes curved and she looked very sweet.

Jun Huailang’s appearance suddenly appeared before Xue Yan’s eyes. These two siblings really look alike, Xue Yan thought to himself. Their smiles are equally sweet. 

“I was just wondering if I would disturb your sleep. I didn’t expect you to be awake already!” Jun Linghuan said to him with a smile.

Xue Yan hummed and saw that the little girl was standing at a windy spot and her cheeks were red from the cold. Without a word, he shifted a step and blocked the wind entirely for her. “What’s the matter?” He asked indifferently.

Jun Linghuan didn’t notice his indifference at all. At his question, she pulled out a sachet from her sleeve mysteriously, and showed it to Xue Yan as if presenting a treasure.

“This is the calming incense I found in my aunt’s storeroom!” Jun Linghuan said. “Gumu said she asked for it from Baoguo Temple before. You only need to light it for fifteen minutes to sleep well! I want to personally light it for my brother but I don’t know how to do it. Fifth Prince-gege, can you teach me how to light incense?”

She muttered, “The geges and jiejies[1] in my house won’t risk letting me do it. I’m already six years old, why can’t I use fire?”

She didn’t notice, but Xue Yan froze. Then she heard Xue Yan ask, “Your brother can’t sleep?”

Jun Linghuan shook her head. “He can sleep, but he has nightmares all night.”

His calm voice reached her ears again. “When did this start?” 

Jun Linghuan counted on her fingers for a while. “Uh…… from the day it snowed!” She finally remembered and said happily. “He caught a chill that day. Since then he’s been sleeping badly and having nightmares.”

Xue Yan’s light colored eyes stilled. From within emerged a hint of self-deprecation. The day it snowed had been the day Xue Yan arrived, and also the day Jun Huailang visited his room and abruptly fell ill. “Do you know why your brother has nightmares?” Xue Yan asked after a moment of silence.

It was because of this person in front of you, Xue Yan thought in his heart. Because this person is Polis[2] descended, a lonely and doomed star.[3] Your brother was too stupid to be afraid and actually dared come close. That’s why he has nightmares every day, because he was hurt by this evil star.

Xue Yan had known this long ago. This was the fate he had been born with, a fate that would harm anyone who got close to him. To be feared and loathed by the world was a good thing.

But Jun Linghuan didn’t know what he was thinking. At his question, she immediately responded, “Fifth Prince-gege, why does he have nightmares?”

Xue Yan lowered his head and met Jun Linghuan’s clear, shining eyes. He found himself unable to say those words out loud. He said faintly, “It’s nothing. Give me the calming incense, I know what to do.”

Jun Linghuan did not doubt him and immediately offered the sachet.

The incense made by Baoguo Temple exuded a deep and distant sandalwood scent, like Buddhas high in the clouds gazing down compassionately on all living things. This deep and rich fragrance, like a thin but strong silk thread, curled around Xue Yan’s neck in layers and made it difficult for him to breathe.

He was an evil demon born in an abyss. Nothing good ever had anything to do with him. In fact, just the slightest touch from him would lead to a backlash. 

Xue Yan’s eyes drooped indifferently. He raised his hand and took the sachet out of Jun Linghuan’s hands. From beginning to end, he did not touch her.

Jun Huailang returned from the empress’s palace near noon.

The female doctor had used the four methods of diagnosis[4] and applied acupuncture. She only said that he had been overly agitated recently and needed more consolation but there was nothing wrong with his health. After learning that the doctor had no diagnosis, Jun Huailang was not in a rush. He thanked the empress with a smile, gracefully declined an invitation for dinner, and returned to Mingluan Palace.

He was really tired after a morning of examination and wanted to sleep.

As soon as Jun Huailang arrived at the door to his side hall, he smelled the scent of sandalwood, like that of incense offered in a Buddhist temple. He was a little puzzled, then thought that maybe Consort Shu found out that he couldn’t sleep well and had people burn incense for him.

Jun Huailang smiled and shook his head helplessly. He stepped past the wafting incense smoke. Inside, there were no maids or eunuchs present, only a tall and lanky figure, back turned and adding incense to a Boshan censer.[5]

This figure was tall and straight, with broad shoulders and a narrow waist full of feral strength.

“Fifth Highness?” Jun Huailang asked, taken aback.

Xue Yan glanced at him. It was a bitterly cold winter, but Xue Yan was only wearing thin martial clothes, with the sleeves tightly tucked into leather wristguards and exposing the slightly protruding meridians on the backs of his hands.

Jun Huailang met those amber eyes and felt that they were somehow darker than usual. There was some inexplicable bleakness and death in those eyes, which made Jun Huailang feel uneasy.

“……Why are you lighting incense?” Jun Huailang asked.

He watched as Xue Yan turned and continued lighting the last bit of incense. Curls of incense smoke rose from the censer and filled the quiet room.

“I heard that you haven’t been able to sleep peacefully since the day I came here,” Xue Yan said in a low and apathetic voice. He kept his back to Jun Huailang, placed the lid back on the Boshan censer, and extinguished the flame.

Jun Huailang paused. He instinctively retorted, “It’s not……”

Xue Yan turned and took in Jun Huailang’s pale complexion and the dark circles under his eyes. The indifferent glance he cast seemed as if he hadn’t heard Jun Huailang’s retort. “Why haven’t you told other people?” He asked assertively.

Jun Huailang was exhausted after a morning at the empress’s palace and hadn’t slept well last night. At that moment, he felt a little dizzy and could not grasp Xue Yan’s meaning. “What did you say?” Jun Huailang said.

Xue Yan was silent.

Jun Huailang stared at him blankly for a moment, then he heard Xue Yan calmly say, “I will move out as soon as possible.”

Xue Yan turned around to leave. 

Jun Huailang rushed forward, grabbed his arm, and asked, “What are you moving out for? You are already my aunt’s child, what reason is there to move elsewhere?”

Xue Yan stopped and neatly pulled his arm out of Jun Huailang’s grasp. The move caught Jun Huailang off guard and made him stumble.

“You……”

“Lord Heir, it’s time you learned this lesson.”

Jun Huailang was steadying himself with a hand against a pillar when he heard Xue Yan’s cold voice. He looked up and saw Xue Yan standing there, body slightly turned away, looking down at him. That look suddenly reminded Jun Huailang of his previous life. Xue Yan’s eyes during that passing glance in Yonghe Palace had also been like this.

“Could it be that no one ever told you I was born under the Polis star, that I would overthrow my parents and harm my kin, that anyone who approaches me will die?”

Xue Yan’s voice was calm and gentle, as if he were stating an indisputable fact. Jun Huailang had heard this before, of course. It wasn’t just a lot of people, he had heard everyone say the same thing. But he had never heard these words come from Xue Yan’s mouth. It was spoken as lightly as if Xue Yan was talking about the weather.

“Even if no one told you, you have suffered enough,” he heard Xue Yan continue. “Even if Lord Heir doesn’t mind, I don’t want your death on my hands. It would only increase my infamy.”

Xue Yan finished speaking, but he didn’t leave. He only stood there looking coldly at Jun Huailang out of the corner of his eye. Perhaps Xue Yan was not aware of it himself. He had said his piece bluntly enough to smash a jar, but he was still vaguely waiting for a response.

Any kind of response.

And Jun Huailang understood.

Xue Yan was convinced that Jun Huailang’s nightmare was related to him, was caused by him, so he wanted to leave Mingluan Palace. His expression was indifferent, his eyes were cold, and his words were extremely unpleasant, but they tugged at Jun Huailang’s heart. It was unbearable.

How much pain did a person have to bear before they believed they were a star of misfortune doomed to loneliness, and become accustomed to it?

Since his rebirth, Jun Huailang had known that this was all complete nonsense. It was all false. Looking at Xue Yan’s aloof and indifferent appearance again, Jun Huailang could clearly see it was just a set of icy armor, used to hide the scarred body underneath.

Jun Huailang braced himself against the pillar to stand up straight, then went towards Xue Yan.

“Who said my nightmares were related to you?” He stopped in front of Xue Yan, and raised his head to meet Xue Yan eye to eye. “And who said your Polis fate meant you would bring misfortune to your family?”

Xue Yan thought in his heart, the whole world knows this, do you really need someone to say it? 

But then Jun Huailang’s clear voice rang in his ears.

“You haven’t brought misfortune to anyone,” Jun Huailang said firmly. “They’re just talking nonsense.”

Notes: