CH 59

Lin Han’s place wasn’t high, and it only took a few minutes for someone to come up. After He YunTing nodded his consent, he disappeared from the light, and walked upstairs step by step.

Lin Han was still in a trance, not even hanging the communicator up. The other’s shadow in the night was burned in his retina, and for a full minute his mind couldn’t move.

What would he say when He YunTing came up? What would he do? How should he respond, or would he simply not want anything, everything was moving with him? Grr slipped out of its little blanket, and looked at Lin Han who was frozen in place with some confusion. He first tugged at Lin Han’s pant leg, saw that he didn’t respond and then climbed up, then climbed all the way up and finally stopped at the side of Lin Han’s neck, rubbing him stickily.

Lin Han then came back to his senses and tenderly cupped Grr from his shoulder to his palm, but didn’t say anything. Lin Han felt like he needed to do something else to distract himself from his current situation. He was obviously just waiting for He YunTing to come up, but he felt lost and confused for a few minutes, his breath and heartbeat were grabbed by an invisible hand.

Lin Han’s nervousness also had some effect on Grr, who seemed to sense his master’s distraction and didn’t know how to comfort him, and finally could only try to stretch out his short tail and tickle him on his palm. Lin Han only came back to his senses after closing the window, taking a step to the door and undoing the lock.

At the same time, the man appeared in front of him.

He YunTing walked a bit hurriedly, his breath wasn’t as steady as usual, his chest rose and fell slightly, while his eyes remained silent and unmoving.

The two hadn’t seen each other for only a few days, but those days in the border area and Oddbound seemed like a long time ago, and each scene seemed like a lifetime ago when recalled.

Lin Han just tilted his head to look at him.

He YunTing really lost weight, his eyebrows were deeper and more severe than when we first met, the corners of his lips were still flat and cold, as if he was really as emotionless as he looked, and nothing could shake him in the slightest.

Grr didn’t expect him to come, but didn’t react as violently as Lin Han thought, only gave an angry “squeak” and then slowly retreated, knowing his strength.

In the uncomfortable silence, He YunTing finally tried to take a step closer, and then closed the door with his hand.

“Mr. Lin.” He YunTing didn’t care why Lin Han had just called him by his full name, but he still called him politely.

The estrangement between the two remained.

Lin Han, however, somehow felt an unbearable sadness in his heart just by looking at him with open eyes. He had a sudden urge, just looking at the man in front of him, he wanted to recklessly jump up and hug him, hugging him as tightly as possible, preferably with their bones and blood mingling together, inseparable.

He wanted He YunTing to call him by his name instead of courteously reciting the title that anyone could say. He wanted He YunTing to see only himself in his eyes and call only his name.

Lin Han remembered the somewhat rough gun calluses on the other man’s fingers, his hug and the not-so-smooth heartbeat that used to be like his own. Just thinking about it, Lin Han suddenly felt so sad that he wanted to cry.

He YunTing, however, didn’t know why his eyes turned red as soon as he came up to Lin Han, but he became overwhelmed with fear that his actions would frighten Lin Han, and he didn’t even dare to press his fingers to the corners of his eyes.

“Mr. Lin.” He called out to Lin Han again.

The man didn’t respond.

He YunTing actually didn’t know himself what he came to do. So much had happened in the past few days that even he was almost unable to cope with it himself. But he still wanted to see him, yet he didn’t know how to tell Lin Han everything that had happened over the past few days.

The Empire changed in a flash, from before the exercise started, or even earlier, someone had laid all this out, just waiting for them to jump into the pit step by step. He didn’t know who it was, but they started to try to leave no stone unturned to try to deal with He YunTing, no matter what the method was.

From the time of the extermination of the Star Pirates, it was simply impossible for the Star Pirates to use that reckless method of trying to rush up and die with He YunTing, so much so that he ended up cutting off half of his mecha arm and injuring his right shoulder.

And later the celebration and the ball, knowing that such an assassination was unlikely to succeed, despite that, such an Omega wasted will be wasted, why not give it a try? There was a one-in-a-thousand chance of them killing He YunTing.

Qi JiaZe was considered a successful experiment, well mixed with the warship, but unfortunately at the last minute he still didn’t succeed, and was forced back by his brother.

Not to mention the accident that occurred in the exercise, the innocent sacrifice of Ji Meng, and the Zerg waiting in ambush. The public opinion and the pressure from the Crown Prince were secondary, their goal was to make the Empire chaotic and keep He YunTing’s spirits tight at all times — because there was no telling when a new accident would occur.

The reason why Xu Zhiheng came to meet him that day was also because during the time when He YunTing hadn’t returned yet, Luo Qi began to take advantage of the chaos to pull together forces, and Xu Zhiheng learned from Jiang Lian that the research hadn’t been banned, but rather restarted.

Fearing more serious consequences, he finally decided to come to He YunTing for help.

Too much had happened in the meantime, and no one could guarantee that the Zerg would not invade again and the situation in the Empire would change. And even so, He YunTing would still take a little time out of his day to just leave the base and wait in front of this one building for a long time.

That alone would give him peace again.

But that was about it.

He YunTing was calm and self-possessed in the face of everything, but lost his composure and confidence in the face of Lin Han.

The tulips of the estate were about to bloom, but he didn’t even have the courage to speak up, so he could only stand downstairs and look at the window, watching it light up and go out, before he returned to the base and faced the messy situation.

He didn’t dare to go up to Lin Han because he couldn’t give a definite promise.

He was still the sharp edge of the Empire, yet he had trouble even firmly saying he liked an Omega he had marked. What if something went wrong? Even if he could do his best to protect Lin Han from harm, he couldn’t guarantee his own safety. He YunTing was never afraid of death, he was only afraid that if he couldn’t do what he said he would do, Mr. Lin would be upset.

How dare he make a promise so easily?

And how dare he make him sad?

All the hesitation in He YunTing’s life seemed to be consumed here.

This emotion became more intense when he saw Lin Han. And the more intense it became, the more timid he became.

I love you, I want to kiss you.

But he worried that the promise given would turn sour, that an accident would separate them, that they would exchange our bones and blood and still not be consummated.

He YunTing’s eyes dimmed.

The youth in front of him was flushed, breathing heavily, and his eyes were dense with a little mist that he couldn’t read, and he only felt sad.

“…You have a fever.” He YunTing began to disgust himself after every word he uttered, but he couldn’t find a better way that could come in handy at a time like this.

Lin Han seemed to get sadder when he heard this. He didn’t answer He YunTing’s words directly, but just bit his lip and looked at him.

“Mr. Lin, I’ll take you to the hospital.” He YunTing said in a low voice, but his eyes skipped away after saying this sentence. He didn’t want to see Lin Han sad, but couldn’t give a better way to make him happier.

“He YunTing, look at me.” Lin Han’s voice began to shake, and his brain, which had become somewhat dizzy due to the fever, had almost no other thoughts. All his emotional thoughts were put on the person in front of him, and he only wanted to ask for an answer that would give him peace of mind.

But Lin Han really couldn’t throw away the last bit of dignity, there was no way he could say it directly.

The ridiculous sentiment dragged him, making him stuck with that pretentious pride, afraid of being politely rejected, afraid of being discarded from the heart that belongs to him. His heart became anxious and even a little uneasy as to why his mind-reading skills disappeared and why he couldn’t hear He YunTing’s inner words. Wouldn’t it be different if he could hear what was going on in the other person’s thoughts?

Something smothered and depressed in his chest, stupidly trying to surge upward, but was forcibly swallowed, finally stopping, neither moving up nor down, blocking his throat. Lin Han was burning all over, so uncomfortable that he couldn’t breathe.

He wanted to say so many words, but he couldn’t.

Are you willing to love me? Are you willing to kiss me? Would you like to embrace me in the midst of despair? Would you like to look at me with affectionate eyes? Would you like to carve my name in your heart with love, so that we will never be separated again?

Lin Han thought that all his self-righteous strength was just a self-deceiving illusion. He thought that with his mother’s love he could hold on for a long time, but he didn’t expect to cry when he met someone who didn’t even give him the hug he imagined.

He wanted to be loved.

Loved by his mother, loved by Grr, loved by He YunTing.

He needed love, much, much more, just for himself.

“I’m not going to the hospital,” Lin Han tugged helplessly at He YunTing’s sleeve, knowing he was being capricious, but not wanting to take it back, instead saying petulantly, “Just stay with me. Please.”

Lin Han’s voice grew smaller and smaller, perhaps defeated by the searing virus, or perhaps letting himself lie in He YunTing’s embrace, and eventually his lips gently opened and closed as he fell asleep. He YunTing carried Lin Han back to bed in a bit of a hurry, did some basic cooling measures and then sat back down on the edge of his bed.

If I get too close I might catch his cold, he thought. But He YunTing couldn’t resist, took off his jacket, and then took the young man with a sickly red face back into his arms.

Lin Han’s breath was so hot that it almost tried to eat away his sanity bit by bit. In a haze, He YunTing heard Lin Han whispering in his sleep. He seemed to be crying in his dream, with a little tear spilling out of the corner of his eye.

He YunTing even wanted to lean over and taste Lin Han’s tears, but his sobbing voice made the tips of his heart sore and soft.

He didn’t know if he was talking to himself, chagrined that he couldn’t even say a logical and complete sentence, or if he was whispering accusations to He YunTing in the dream. His voice was soft and hazy, with an aggrieved nasal sound, “You’re such a… coward.”