CH 139

Didn’t this sound familiar? The difference would be that my hand remained intact, and I had no master. In my case, it would be more fitting to say I was placed under a curse called solitude, trapped with several noxious things made to eat one another.

Honestly speaking, I didn’t care. The point was that the unresentful ghost of the child embraced all the vengeful spirits of the mansion yet felt unsatisfied and reached for other things. This was the issue. Fixation—it was self-evident that I couldn’t dream of revenge. Loneliness—because I wanted to be loved by another human, I couldn’t even form the heart to resent anyone.

A ghost with only obsession left was the most fearsome. They knew no bounds. They endlessly desired more, ever unsatisfied. No matter how much they poured into themselves, they felt an emptiness that couldn’t be filled. Could a monster like that be saved? It would be difficult. Moreover, as a dead person, it was something that could never be fulfilled.

On that point, “he” was like a god to me. Throughout the long time that I endured alone while desperate for affection, nobody treated me with kindness other than the child. He was also the first one to offer to help me instead of clinging to me while asking me to save and help him.

How could I, to someone like him…?

He was the first to teach me joy and happiness in my lifetime.

They were emotions that I didn’t know even when I was alive.

Before we switched, I left a lot of things for the boy when I got out of the mansion. I was a wicked spirit bound to the mansion. Therefore, it was difficult for me to stray far from that place. Following that, I had to sing to those who stood at the boundary between life and death to lure them. The curious child wanted to learn more, so I taught him how to cross over to the unconscious of those invited to the mansion. I taught him so he could entertain himself by people-watching when he was bored.

I taught him several things that were only possible for the dead to do. I left behind many more things so that the mansion couldn’t harm the child—so the child could escape by himself if something were to happen.

I was just like someone concerned for their friend who was home alone in the dead of the cold, bitter winter, leaving him things like a box of clementine, an electric blanket, thick comforters, heat packs, goose-down jackets, scarf, earmuffs, ramen, a stove, electric pot, and gloves. The child wrapped himself with the scarf, earmuffs, blanket, and heat packs that I gave him and bid me farewell.

Thanks to that, my consciousness practically went broke and I ended up captured by Haeseo’s brain.

However, that was still not enough. The child said that singing was enough, but to me, the child was a miracle, and I felt that it wasn’t enough to give him everything I had. The child laughed and said that he only wished that I could laugh like him.

I was envious of the child who could laugh so openly. I was jealous, yet I shed tears of guilt and sorrow. I also wished that I too could laugh like that child.

But in a twist of fate, despite my wishes, he became similar to me, who lived in a different body for a short time. It was the same, down to “him” being the only one to love me all along. Even if my life didn’t end in the mansion, I was certain that I would have spent my time similarly to him. I sneered at myself.

Oh, if only I had wished for my murderers to die, we wouldn’t have come this far. I didn’t realize that love was trickier than hate because I was young. Moreover, this didn’t apply only to me. It was the same for “him.” If only he had resented me for ruining his life.