CH 42

[Miina's POV]

Singing and dancing, my body is eager to regain the feeling of those days. It's as if they are trying to fool their parched hearts.

I'm used to coming back here. Kanako says, "Think of it as another home." But I can't think like that, however it makes me very happy.

When I got off the elevator, I felt the clean air that is not found on the ground. No, it's not that. It's just that I feel that way, but it's not beautiful at all. But it tastes a little different.

Standing in front of the room, I press the intercom for the second time. She handed me a duplicate key, but I said no to that, saying it was a quirky thing to do. I told her I would accept it when I got big, and Kanako smiled happily at me.

"Welcome back."

"Yes. Thank you for your hard work."

She greets me and seems to be in a better mood than usual. Perhaps it's because she's had a lot of opportunities to interact with various people over the past few days, but I'm relieved to see that she seems to have calmed down.

Without squat down, I takes off my shoes with my feet while looking ahead. To begin with, I don't dress so fashionably on the day of the lesson. I don't even wear makeup.

In the first place, I had no intention of staying long today. I came here because I wanted to give a brief report and ask about her plans for the future. I thought it would be okay to send a message, but I couldn't cover up the feeling of wanting to talk to someone.

When I entered the living room, I saw a familiar sight. Nothing surprising, but there was one thing that felt strange.

"Was someone here?"

"Yes. Sort of."

There were two glasses on the table. One was half full, the other completely untouched.

I kind of miss this scene. When I was in elementary school, a teacher came to my house for a home visit. I wondered at them as they left, because it completely untouched, even though my mother offered them coffee and sweets.

"......Can I have some tea too?"

"Sure."

I've been spending more time in the office, so I bring my own glass from home. A pretty peach-colored cup. I rarely used them at home, so it was just as well.

I walk into the kitchen and stand in front of the refrigerator. There's an exhaust fan in the back and a stove. Miya always smokes her electronic cigarettes here.

But today - a faint aroma escapes my nose. A memory that runs through my body and evokes. Reminiscence. A tingling in my chest.

I open the refrigerator and bathe my body in the cool air. I take in the full force of the air to cool my emotions. Take out a case of barley tea in my hand.

The refrigerator door closes with a distinctive "kushan" sound. I turn around and look at the exhaust fan. There is nothing. I look down. There is only the remains of an e-cigarette in the ashtray. Nothing has changed.

I pour a glass of barley tea and put it back in the refrigerator. When I leave the kitchen, Kanako is sitting with her back to me. On the other side was a full cup of tea. I see. It seems there was a someone sitting there.

"Shall I clean up?"

"No, thanks. I'm going to drink anyway."

"Oh, okay."

It would have been a shame to throw it away. Even I might have done that. I just didn't feel comfortable sitting in that seat, so I sat down so that I was facing Kanako at an angle.

She was sipping her tea with her cheekbones propped up. I wonder what this person is thinking right now. If I asked her, it was obvious that she would just mislead me. I sipped the barley tea I had poured myself. Even though it is cold, I am thirsty after a hard day's work.

"The lesson seems to be going well."

"Yes, they are. Thanks to you."

In fact, the lessons with the trainer Kanako introduced me to are more on the same wavelength than those from my Sakura Romance days. The quality is high and I can see my own skills growing.

"It looks like I'll be able to get some serious work in soon. Although, I'll be mainly shooting for a while."

When it comes to work, it's a lot of different things. I've had a career so far, but I'm just starting out. We're going to work together as a tripod.

I need money to release a song. I don't know if it will be a hit if I just go out and release a song, so I have to make myself known first. If I just play it safe, I probably won't catch up.

In that sense, it was the right decision to use the poster. I am shaken. Waves of emotion grow louder and louder, playing with my heart again. It's as if it's shaking up the feelings I've locked away.

"Um, did you change your cigarette?"

Kanako stopped holding her hand on the glass. Because I asked her that. At this point, our eyes finally met.

"Why?"

"Ah ...... no ......."

All I could say was that it smelled different than usual. But there was no evidence of that. The cigarette butts are the same as usual, and I may just be mistaken.

I didn't want anyone to get in the way of that, so I didn't say anything. I kept my eyes down, as if by a defensive instinct to protect my own mind.

"What is it?　Is there something on your mind?"

"......Oh, nothing. It's just a misunderstanding."

"Hmm."

Kanako always didn't go into depth at times like this. I don't know if she was being considerate of my feelings, but I was sure she was grateful.

I gulp down the barley tea in one gulp and get up from my seat. I took the glass to the kitchen and let the water flow through it. It cools well. It's my fingertips.

(............Stupid)

Polish the glass with foaming detergent. It's an itchy spot. It's funny to think that I wish I could reach my own heart.

I rinse the glass with water and wipe it dry, cleaner than before. Moisture is being taken away. I can only stare at the peach-colored, completely dry glass.

It's not like someone gave it to me, nor does it have any connection to me. But looking at it, I felt a little sad.

Ah, yes. I realized that it was just a reflection of my feelings, so I put it back on the shelf.

"I guess I'm going home today."

"Yeah. Good night."

I leave the living room and walk down the hallway to the front door. It's a short straight line, only a few meters long. It's not shiny like a red carpet.

A fantasy. I wonder what my future will look like. Will I be active on the big stage? I put on my slightly dirty sneakers, thinking, "I hope so."

"Miina-chan."

Kanako stopped me. I turned around, wondering if she had come to see me off. In her hand was a paper bag.

"Oh........."

"Here, it's for you."

Remembrance. Snow is falling. That day in the city, shivering, hazy, just swimming through the waves of people with empty emotions.

The coat that was left in that store because I ran out of the cafe/sweet shop. It was carefully packed, and the emotions revived all at once. And - her expression.

"Why.....?"

"Why do you think?"

The way she said it - it was nothing but an affirmation. After all, that smell is his. The smell of his cigarettes, which I love. The sensation of numbness that passes through my nose is unlike any other cigarette I've ever smoked.

So my intuition was right. But what I want is not this paper bag or anything else - I just want to see him. That's all I want.

"Araki-san......"

I don't know if he really delivered it or not. But when I smelled that scent, it was more than enough proof for me to believe.

Oh, my chest hurts. It hurts, but it's gentle. For some reason, it makes me feel really warm. It's so warm that I feel as if I could float away. The tears that spill down are not sadness.

I just felt like he was there with me.

"...............You're so mean!"

Why not just give it to me in person? Why would he do such a roundabout thing? Of course, he was thinking of me. I know. He is my fan and thinks about me more than anyone else.

That makes me want to say something sarcastic even more.

"Miina-chan."

It's no wonder Kanako suspects me of all sorts of things. I've been deceiving myself for the past week, and now I'm paying the price for it.

I can't lie about my feelings. I can't fool myself. I try desperately to stop my body from shaking, but I can't do it either. In any case, if I stay here, I'm going to cause trouble for him as well.

"......It's okay."

With a soggy face, I forced myself to look as strong as I could. I wasn't fooling around, but Kanako didn't come after me.

Ah, I miss the smell of cigarettes.

Then, how about you?