CH 44

The air is colder than before. The sun is showing itself, but the wind has picked up. I'm sure that's the reason.

I wonder if that woman is cold. If she don't put on this outerwear, won't winter swallow her up with her weak and shivering heart?

Thinking of this, I walk along the road to the station. The distance between me with her is a few minutes. I figured she wouldn't be that far away, so I decided there was no need to run.

I would have to walk a little from Miya-san's house to the station. If she got on the train, there was nothing I could do, but I could manage as much as I wanted before I got there.

In fact, I was right. A residential area. Not many people walking around. So if I saw someone, my eyes would immediately go there.

Since the last time I saw her, she was dressed very simply. Jeans and a long brown coat. And I recognize the peach-colored sneakers. Her long black hair was tied up in a bun, and if you only looked at the back of her head, you would think she was a different person.

But it was Miina Yamamoto. I know it. My intuition tells me so. She must have been walking very slowly because I found her right after she left Miya-san's house.

In fact, she probably didn't even want to walk alone.

"You forgot something."

I ran up to her on a short run and called out to her from a little distance away. Keeping a distance that I could fool her if it was a mistake. Maybe it's my own weakness that I can't stop her here.

My voice cut through the air and reached her.

The color of the world, which had been parched and dry, is now blotched with color. A peachy color that has not changed since those days. It permeates the air that surrounds Miina Yamamoto.

"Coward."

For the second time. No, in truth, I felt like I was being told more. It doesn't hurt my heart any more than it did before. In fact, it even felt a little warmer.

"Idiot."

"Yeah."

"Stupid."

"Yeah."

".........So stupid."

I guess it's my job to accept the feelings she's having right now. I don't deny, I don't affirm. I just accept her thoughts and feelings as they are spun as her wish. If that's how her forgive me, I'll stay here as long as I can.

I can't believe how painful it is not to be able to hold her trembling little shoulders. I feel like looking away from the back of her head.

But if I do that, nothing will change. It was enough to feel like that just a few minutes ago.

Clouds hide the sun. The darkened space. It's as if it's a reflection of her heart.

I remember this happening before.

Ah, yes. That rainy day. That night when she and I became friends. I even remember laughing at how easily her heart can be expressed in the weather.

"Yamamoto-san."

"......"

"Look at me."

I wanted to see you.

These words are just my selfishness, because I just wanted to look at you squarely in the heart.

Otherwise, I felt that our words wouldn't reach each other. So, look at me.

".........I don't want it."

To that extent, I wonder if she is angry. If so, I should apologize more. But that is something you can only tell someone when you face them. I want her to understand that, but I think it will be difficult.

"Why?"

I ask and there is a short pause. Eventually it is drowned out by her voice.

".......I don't wearing any makeup."

And again, a short pause. Eventually it is drowned out by my overflowing smile.

"Haha."

From her point of view, it might be a matter of life and death. But for me, it's not such a big deal. Unless she's angry or something. Because--

"Don't laugh!"

I finally locked eyes with her, who looked back at me reflectively. Even without makeup, nothing has changed in the air that envelops her. Rather, she is the best now.

She notices this and quickly turns away again. No cars are passing, no one is there. In such a quiet space, a peach-colored flower is blooming.

"--Isn't it beautiful?"

Because she is beautiful. No matter if she is not wearing any makeup or not. I've seen her for a long time, and I know she is beautiful even without makeup.

She even blushed up to her ears. Is that a response to my words? If so, there is nothing more beautiful.

Cloudy sky. It was gray, as if drops were about to fall, but I got the impression that it was holding up.

I wonder if it is the same for your heart. Even if she cry again, but now she is not alone. There is someone here who can accept any emotion.

But I'm embarrassed to say such a thing.

"............Hey."

Profile. She has a beautiful shape. It's like she's slowly turning her attention to me.

I was going to be careful with her and try not to look at her face as much as possible. But I couldn't. I couldn't look away from her.

"Have you been there ...... all this time?"

"Yes."

"Did you hear me?"

"Yes."

"......So mean."

Totally. I think so myself. Whatever a man who wasn't prepared to meet her face to face there could say would never reach her heart.

I know that. I wanted to do the same. But I'm doing this because I'm thinking of her.

No, then why is she crying? Why does she look so sad?

I thought I was nothing but a detriment to her return to show business. But what if that is not the case? I wonder if I can still stay close to her.

".........Sorry."

"What......?"

"I'm sorry I said that. I'm really sorry."

She didn't face me properly, but the words leaked out of my mouth unconsciously. I dropped my gaze and my emotions went to the ground. But I knew that would be pointless, so I lifted my gaze and tried to see her face.

"--Idiot."

Then I did, and she was looking at me. At me. Her face. My heart. She has such a beautiful face, so beautiful that I don't understand why I had to turn my face away from her.

I looked so dumb because I was so lost in admiration for you. But I couldn't bring myself to make that excuse.

"Araki-san is always like that."

"Eh......"

"He always puts off what he wants to say first."

Rainy night. I think back. I made some strange excuse that day and put off my apology. I don't know if she still holds that in her heart. But I feel terribly sorry, thinking that this is my habit.

"But--"

The paradox came out of my mouth when I was about to apologize again. So I swallowed as quickly as I could.

"I'll know somehow."

"......Yes."

"No."

She covered my words to counteract my denial. I wonder if she sensed that I had my own problems. Besides, the act itself wasn't something I did voluntarily.

It was all done at the instigation of Kanako Miya. I didn't come here of my own volition. Even if I really wanted to do it, I would always think about social appearances. That is the kind of man I am.

And yet, she is...

"Still, I'm very, very happy."

Oh, how to suppress this racing heart. How much easier it would be if I just let out this painful, stings, difficult to even breathe emotion.

She laughed. She gave me a full smile. She flushed and showed me her white teeth.

I could tell. I can feel my face turning red. I can feel my body temperature rising, like the blood boiling in my body. I can feel it so well that it hurts.

"......Hey, Araki-san."

"W-What?"

"I want to wear that outerwear."

"Oh, yeah."

Since she suddenly said such a thing, I offered her the paper bag I was carrying. Yamamoto took off the long brown coat she was wearing and took the outerwear out of the paper bag.

"Can you hold it for me for a minute?"

"Oh, okay."

The coat she's been wearing until now. When I take it, I feel it's warmth. That alone is enough to disturb my thoughts. Of course, I wasn't thinking anything strange. I waited for her to finish putting it on, conscious of keeping my nose in it.

Seeing her in her outerwear reminded me of that day. When she popping out. But now, she didn't look as sad as she did then.

"I can smell you."

How could you say such words so easily?

She try to bury her face in that outerwear to hide her flushed face. I had not expected her to get that close to me, so it is only natural that she can smell me.

"Ugh, I'm sorry if I smelled."

"Fufu. That's not true."

The distance between our hearts is unexpected. I never thought it would be so difficult to embrace my heart. But just for this moment - I can only see Miina Yamamoto.

It is as if I have entered her heart.

"It's so warm."

She smiled at me with tears streaming down her face, more beautiful, more vulnerable, more precious than anyone else in the world. The sunlight shining through the clouds.

The sky was clear. Blue sky. It came back. Her heart.

That's why I won't make you cry anymore.