CH 37

“…Clyde.”

At the sound of my voice, Clyde turned around.

“Ruby.”

He flashed a gentle smile and walked towards me.

“Come in. It’s cold.”

Clyde helped me take off my cloak and led me closer to the fireplace. He covered me with a blanket on my lap.

His unusually gentle and caring demeanor made me secretly flustered.

“I’m sorry for not waking you up yesterday. Did you make it back in time?”

“…Yeah. But what happened? When I woke up, you weren’t here…”

“I just went out for a moment. It wasn’t a big deal.”

Clyde spoke lightly, as if it really was nothing. So it became even harder for me to pry.

We watched the logs burning in the fireplace in strange silence.

“Clyde.”

“Yeah?”

“Did you… see it yesterday?”

“See what?”

After hesitating for a moment, I took a deep breath and tightly closed my eyes.

“…When I woke up yesterday morning, the transformation spell had worn off. Did you, by any chance… see it?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“…You didn’t see it?”

“Yeah. Even until I left, you were still sleeping in your current form.”

“…….”

“It must have worn off after I left. What a shame. It was a chance for me to see your real face.”

Clyde said in a flat tone.

‘…he’s lying.’ 

There were times when Clyde had questioned me several times, expressing his curiosity about my true appearance.

If he truly hadn’t seen it, he wouldn’t have reacted so calmly.

“…Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Really, can you swear to it?”

“…….”

I grabbed Clyde’s hand that was resting on the armrest of the chair.

“Look into my eyes and say it. Did you really not see it?”

Clyde didn’t look me in the eye, his gaze fixed on our clasped hands.

“Clyde. Are you listening to me?”

As I pressed further, Clyde’s lips slowly parted.

“…What if I did see it?”

“What?”

“If I did see it, what would change?”

“…….”

“There’s nothing good that comes from me knowing your true identity; you’ve said that before, right? Wouldn’t it be better for me not to know?”

I felt a chill run down my spine at the sound of his voice.

“Are you upset with me because I lied to you?”

“No, of course not. It’s too late to get angry about that now.”

Clyde chuckled with a tinge of melancholy. I bit my lip nervously.

“There was a reason why I had no choice but to lie. It was also for your sake, Clyde.”

“Fine. So let’s just say I didn’t see it. That’ll work, right?”

“…….”

I clenched my fists involuntarily.

I felt like I was about to burst into tears.

“Do you not even care about what the reason might be?”

“…….”

“Do you not want to hear my story anymore? Have you completely lost interest in me? Is that why you’re doing this?”

Clyde remained silent.

He simply lowered his gaze, expressionless.

I stood up abruptly.

The blanket fell from my lap to the floor.

I whispered a small incantation, and the magic that had been keeping me in my thirteen-year-old form was lifted.

“Look at me, Clyde.”

“…….”

“I said, look at me!”

Clyde slowly raised his head and looked at me.

His crimson eyes glowed with a mixture of unidentifiable emotion and a strange heat.

“I had to find a way to keep you away from my father. It was obvious what would happen if the two of you met again. But how could I admit that I was Eila Rojasis? You never wanted to leave my side, and my father never wanted to let me go. Do you know how much I struggled every day in Trachen? Do you know how many nights I agonized over it? Have you ever considered why I brought you all the way here to Andela?!”

“…….”

“Do you think it was easy for me to lie to you? How could I tell you that I was his daughter, knowing what my father had done to you? How could I make promises to meet you again, knowing that you would be in danger by my side? I didn’t want it either. I didn’t want to lie to you!”

“…….”

Clyde’s expression slightly twisted as I poured out my words without taking a breath.

He stood up and reached out his hand towards my face. I quickly turned my head to the side.

Clyde hesitated for a moment, then slowly moved his hand again. His fingers wiped away the tears that had gathered at the corner of my eyes.

“…I’m sorry.”

“…….”

“I’m sorry, Ruby.”

His voice was so small and gentle, almost like a whisper.

“…Don’t call me that.”

“Why?”

“That’s also a name I used to lie to you.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s the name you gave me.”

Clyde said softly.

“Calling you Ruby is something that only I can do in this world. Even if I don’t know Eila Rojasis… at least Ruby belongs entirely to me.”

“…….”

The gaze in Clyde’s eyes as he looked at me was filled with deep tenderness. It felt even more intense than his touch.

Feeling a strange flutter in my chest, I unintentionally avoided Clyde’s gaze.

“…Then why did you do it?”

“What?”

“Why did you say you didn’t see it? If you have seen it, you have no reason to lie.”

“…….”

Clyde’s eyes flickered slightly.

“That’s….”

“That?”

“That’s because you’re too beautiful.”

“…….”

I was at a loss for words at his unexpected answer.

“Because you’re too beautiful. When I look at you, I want to hold you, touch you… I couldn’t bear it, and I was afraid I would hurt you again. That’s why I pretended not to know.”

“…….”

“…I’m sorry.”

Clyde slowly backed away from me and sat back in front of the fireplace.

I stared blankly at Clyde’s profile. The reflection of the fireplace flames danced in his pupils.

I thought it was just an attachment.

We met when we were young, and ever since we reunited, I had always treated Clyde as my thirteen-year-old self.

So I never thought he would see me as a woman.

But then….

My face felt hot.

My heart was racing so fast that even my breathing became shallow.

‘No, Eila. Snap out of it. Have you forgotten why you came all the way to Andela?’ 

Clyde and I could never be together. Our relationship was impossible and shouldn’t happen.

I had to push him away.

I had to cut him off.

Until the archaeological investigation was over and we returned to Trachen.

I made a promise and recited an incantation.

Then my eye level lowered, and I returned to my thirteen-year-old self.

I quietly sat down next to Clyde.

“But it can’t happen, Clyde.”

“I know.”

“It’s not because I’m afraid you’ll hurt me. It’s because I don’t want you to see me in that way.”

“…….”

“I’ll be careful so that my transformation doesn’t unravel again. So please, don’t say those things anymore.”

“What things?”

“…You know what I mean.”

“That you’re beautiful?”

“…….”

“That I want to hold you, touch you?”

“…Clyde.”

“Do you dislike that I have those thoughts? Does it upset you?”

Clyde asked in a trembling voice. He looked like an abandoned child.

I bit my lip and averted my gaze from him.

“Yes, I dislike it. So please don’t do it.”

“Why? Why do you dislike it?”

“Why… because we’re friends. Let’s stop talking about this now.”

“If we’re friends, why can’t I have those thoughts? Why?”

I closed my eyes tightly at the desperate string of questions and declared.

“Clyde, please. If you keep bringing up this topic, I won’t come here anymore.”

“…….”

The expression drained from Clyde’s face, and he lowered his head.

It felt as if someone had stabbed my heart. Overwhelmed by an unbearable feeling, I impulsively stood up from my seat.

“…I’m leaving now. I have to wake up early tomorrow.”

I put on the cloak I had placed nearby and spoke.

“I might not be able to come here often for a while. My workplace is far away from the city, so I’ll be staying there. But I’ll come back to Bellum on my days off.”

Clyde didn’t say anything in response. I stared at him silently before turning away.

Then, a voice came from behind.

“Are you sure you’re coming back?”

“…….”

“You’ll definitely come back, right?”

“…Yeah.”

I struggled to say those words, and after uttering them, I left the place.