CH 49

Up to this moment, I had thought of Mayer as the strongest man in the world… A dungeon-closing machine. Then, suddenly, he seemed much more human. Who would’ve imagined Mayer to be a bad drunk? In my mind, he had always been a weapon made flesh, possessing a strong mind and body since birth. However, seeing him like this made me realize that he, too, was but a man and, for some reason, pity welled up from a corner of my heart. Who wouldn’t feel this way when the strongest of mankind was showing his weak side, and only to you?

From another perspective, this situation was hilarious. Who was I to be sympathizing with a man who could send me off to the afterlife with a single twist of my neck? It was like a rat showing consideration for a tiger and the absurdity of the mental image made me chortle. “Don’t mind it too much,” I murmured.

“How can I not?” he shot back, staring at me expressionlessly and his feverish golden eyes glinted as if asking me for an answer. I circled the rim of my glass with a fingertip and pursed my lips, pensive. Was I imagining things?

The fragrance of the red wine was sweet, yet it reminded me of the countless pools of blood I had stepped through in the past. “Honestly, dungeons are too harsh for ordinary people to endure, no? I don’t know what Wipera was like in the beginning, but it doesn’t surprise me that he went insane,” I commented.

Of the corps members that failed to cope with the continuous venturing in and out of dungeons, many changed just like Wipera did. It was easy to end up devaluing life since even with the low mortality rate, they had to constantly dance on the thin line between life and death. Friends and comrades dying unintentionally in dungeons was something I took a long time to get used to as well.

Perhaps by reminding myself that I was in a game world, I had been barely hanging in there, using self-delusion as a defense mechanism. Treating people, entering dungeons, killing both monsters and humans, all with the sense of playing a game… And thinking about it, wasn’t I a risk factor as well? I had to be careful; the most important thing was to not cross the line. The devil’s whisper would always reach the ears of humans, but not everyone would listen.

“Of course, I meant that it’s strange, not that it’s right,” I continued speaking with a firmer tone. “You said it yourself, Captain: what Wipera did was unforgivable, and I agree with you. Not everyone chooses the easy way of sacrificing others. To have made such a choice…” I paused. Although my mind was still clear, the wine was getting to me, stiffening my tongue. “…He made such a choice because he was a weak man with no conviction. In the end, he ended up how he did because he wasn’t strong enough.”

I had no idea how Wipera’s life had ended in the first playthrough, but I highly doubted he had a happy ending. Power gained in the manner he did was bound to betray its owner in a crucial moment.

I stared at Mayer’s large, calloused, and scarred fists placed on the table. Those tightly clenched hands of his were trying to hold onto too many things, and perhaps that was what moved my heart. I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to pat those scarred hands that were far bigger than mine and comfort him. “Your Excellency doesn’t need to mind the circumstances of those who fail to be strong. Forget it.” Once everything was over, when the Demon Lord was slain and Mayer became emperor, he would need to care for his people and therefore know how to look after the weak, but that time was far off. For the moment, he had neither the time nor the energy to spare for that as he had to focus on growing stronger, more than anybody else.

Mayer wordlessly stared at my hand covering his for some time until he suddenly broke the silence. “If.”

He used his other hand to cover mine and the rush of warmth I felt from his strong grip was bewildering. However, something else shook me even more: I glimpsed, for the first time ever, the anxiety hidden deep within Mayer Knox. “If I am not the strong man you believe me to be…” he suddenly muttered. “If I am not the man who can live up to your expectations… What would you do?”

“…What?”

“Surely you would be disappointed.” Mayer bowed his head, chuckling. His golden eyes flared for an instant, like a beast sniffing out the weakness of its prey. “You chose me for being strong. Perhaps the disappointment will make you return to Fabian’s side.”